Wait for Me

by Shannon Alexander

  The truth was that night almost two years ago was the scariest night of my life. I thought I would get to go home to her for a few weeks before we shipped out.

  Then our Commander came in and told us that we were being sent out in two days.

  I couldn’t hear her voice. I couldn’t see her face. I knew that if I did, I would never be able to get on that ship. I would never be able to sail half way across the world and not hold her in my arms for 2 years.

  I just finally got her. She just became mine and now I was being forced to walk away. I regretted my decision to join the military in that moment. Seeing her, hearing her voice, would have made that so much worse.

  Instead I drank. I let her think that I would rather party than hurt her. I figured she would be okay. I thought she would understand and we would talk later.

  I didn’t think that would be the night I would lose her. I left my computer when she gave me the brush off “Good luck.”

  I don’t know what consequences she was dealing with from loving me. I wanted her to explain.

  Then Alex some guy in my unit jumped on the computer when I jumped up to get a drink.

  Later that night, our contact was shut down.

  For a whole year I only got to talk to Matt here and there. I thought that Alyssa hated me. I finally got onto my email a few months later and I had nothing from her. She stopped writing, she stopped waiting.

  I made Matt think I had moved on. I bragged about the girls I was fucking. The truth? The truth was that I said all that to try and get her attention.

  Every time I tried to be with someone else, I saw that beautiful face of hers. I couldn’t see the girl who was in front of me, I only saw the girl I wanted. That wasn’t fair to another girl, to be my stand in.

  The men around me took advantage of the locals. Women were never in short supply. I just didn’t want them. I wanted Alyssa. She was all I could think about.

  And then I met Jessica. A month before Alyssa’s graduation, she appeared near the base. A few of us guys were out at a bar and she was with friends. She was sweet. She was a bit forward and she’s the first girl that I’d even considered having sex with since Lyss, and that was only because I was drunk one night.

  She was broken. Her parents had disowned her, she was from France. She was here in the States visiting an Aunt who was sick. All she wanted was to stay in the States, and she knew it wasn’t possible. I had a weak moment and told her we could get married, to help her stay. It would help me forget Alyssa, who had moved on from what I heard from some high school friends, with Stephen Mayer no less. Jessica would get her green card and I could maybe move on from this never ending pain in my chest.

  I made it clear, I didn’t love her. I told her about Alyssa. She told me about her feelings for a guy in my unit, Josh. Our fake engagement became more of a “just for now” thing. If she faced being deported if her temporary visa ran out, I would be her back up plan. She had no family. She had few friends. And Josh wasn’t sure about what he was doing.

  My choice to bring her to Alyssa’s graduation wasn’t really mine. Josh wanted to come, so we all made the trip.

  Watching Alyssa on the stage scared the shit out of me. The moment I saw her, my heart dropped into my stomach. She was so beautiful in her white cap and gown. Her long light brown hair was in loose waves. She was fuller than I remembered. She looked hot as hell. Which made every part of me wake up after nearly 2 years of being sound asleep.

  I had to see her. I didn’t know how I would approach her. I told Jess to wait with Josh. I didn’t want to explain anything to Alyssa, she wouldn’t understand.

  I just had to see her, tell her I love her. I just needed to touch her.

  I waited by the side of the stage where students were walking off. When I saw her, I grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the rest of the crowd.

  She looked even more beautiful than before. She was radiant. She was proud. I was so fucking proud of her.

  I put my hands on her hips, told her how much I had missed her. She looked like she was about to tell me the same thing, when Jessica came over calling my name. I couldn’t see Josh.

  I saw Matt running to where we were. He knew about Jessica, our call had disconnected before I could tell him that we weren’t really a couple. He thought I was here to hurt his sister. I could tell by the murderous look he was throwing my way.

  And then I saw Stephen Mayer waiting on the sidelines, watching Alyssa with a hungry look in his eyes. Was she dating him? I heard they had gone to prom together. Eric, Stacy’s boyfriend sent me a picture of them dancing from last weekend . I thought they were just friends though. His face said he wanted to be anything but just her friend.

  When I left I pretty much stopped talking to anyone I knew from school, a few people would text here and there, like Eric, but I never responded. I couldn’t stand the idea of hearing that Alyssa might have moved on with someone else. I kept to myself, did all I could to keep news of her life out of my head while I was on the other side of the world. She was all I could think of most days, I knew I’d go crazy if I found out someone else was taking my place, touching her, kissing her, loving her the way I did.

  Matt tried to pull Alyssa away from me, but she was watching Jessica with sadness in her eyes. I wanted to explain. But all I could think about was fucking Mayer standing 2 feet away.

  She asked who Jessica was.

  And then I blurted out “This is Jessica, my fiancé.” Without any chance to explain.

  And I watched her heart stop. I could tell. She hated me in that moment. The happiness and joy on her face when she saw me 10 minutes before. The rapid breathing when my hands were on her hips. It was all gone. Now she was angry and sad.

  She could have told me to go fuck myself and jump off a bridge. If it meant I would never see her look that sad again, I would have listened.

  Instead she wished me luck and held her head high in true Alyssa form. She’s always been classy. I could tell if she was hurt, she didn’t want me to see it.

  And then she took off towards Stephen to go home, and I felt an ache in my chest. He must be the new Tyler replacement on all fronts. I am sure he’s taken over my spot in the family as well.

  I call her name. I need her to come back, I need to explain. Seeing her walk away. It scared me. I need her. I can’t go back to another year of war knowing that she hates me.

  I need her like I need my next breath.

  I open my mouth to call her again, but this time Matt is in my face.

  “You left her in the biggest mess possible, and you have the balls to come here with your whore, who the hell are you Tyler?”

  I look at Jessica, who has a smile on her face. Like this isn’t all unfolding around her.

  “I’m not really engaged to her. I mean I am, but it’s to help her get her green card, and it’s not going to happen. She’s with my friend Josh. I am just a backup until Josh gets divorced if she needs to get married to stay in the country. Matt, you know I would never hurt Alyssa, I love her. You know that.”

  I didn’t have a moment to react before my best friend hauled back and punched me in the face.

  “She fucking loves you and you left her alone. You don’t get to tell me you love her. You left her.”

  He doesn’t mean because I deployed, I know that. But I can’t figure out why he is so upset.

  And then he’s gone.

  And she’s gone.

  And just like that, I am thrust back to the feeling I had 2 years ago when I walked away from her to join the Navy to begin with

  Despair. Watching the only woman I could ever love, walk away with my heart in her hands.

  Chapter thirteen- Alyssa

  Sitting in the living room, Stacy is holding Evan crooning over how much “bigger” he is since she saw him 2 weeks ago.

  Stacy and Eric moved in together last year. Our final year of high school. I didn’t think it was a good idea, she was young, she didn’t really want to ch
ange her life so dramatically, but Eric talked her into it.

  Eric was nice enough to her, but I had noticed over the last few months that her light was dimming. Mom had commented on it a few times as well. She wasn’t as bright and bubbly as she once was.

  When the three of us would hang out, she always stayed quiet, which wasn’t her style. It was only in these moments, when the two of us were alone with Evan that she gave me a glimpse of my best friend, the girl I always knew.

  “He’s going to the graduation party tonight, you know that right?” she asks me, blowing a set of raspberries onto Evans tummy.

  “Be careful, I just fed him.” I remind her.

  “Change the subject much?” she retorts.

  “I heard you, but I don’t know if I am going.” I try to blow it off

  “You’re going. Your mom told me to tell you to pump a bottle for Evan, but she said… and I quote ‘tell my daughter to pick out something cute, because her ass is going to that party.”

  I giggle “My mom did not say ass!”

  “No, she didn’t use that word, I might be paraphrasing, but she said you are going and that if you refuse, she’ll lock you out until it’s over.”

  Mom didn’t let me wallow when we came home. She was angry, very angry with Tyler, but she told me that I had to get up, brush off the dirt and keep living. Show him what he is missing. Make something of my life, because if I laid down and let it eat me up, I wouldn’t get back up. I have a son watching me. She always reminds me. Evan is always watching, and he comes first.

  So I got up. I got dressed in the hottest outfit I could find and Stacy and I headed out to the party. Screw Tyler Pierce.

  I made Mom promise to call me if Evan needed anything. She gave me the same “I’ve done this before” speech and sent me out the door.

  Tonight Eric was staying home while Stacy went out with me. Apparently he hurt his arm in pitching practice and was already drunk off his ass.

  He’d been drinking a lot lately. I tried to bring it up to Stacy, but she always chalked it up to nerves, or stress, or excitement.

  The truth was, I was worried about him. I was worried about her more though.

  The graduation party was being held at Melissa Lane’s house. She wasn’t someone I ran with as far as friends go. In fact she probably had more shitty things to say about me having a baby at 17 than anyone else in the whole school.

  Enough so, that I punched her in the face one day, when I heard in the bathroom telling all her friends that she heard I had slept with Stacy’s boyfriend and one of Dad’s workers so I didn’t know who the baby daddy was.

  From that point on, I didn’t really give a shit about hiding out and pretending that people knew I had a son. I wasn’t ashamed to be a mother, I wasn’t ashamed that I could actually take care of my child and still go to school and people felt the need to make me feel badly about that for some reason.

  The whole school was going, so I wasn’t worried about one unhappy person ruining my life.

  To say that Stacy and I dressed up was an understatement.

  I was in a short white sundress, similar to the one I met the first night Tyler and I got together. Only, this time I had it paired with a cropped, sleeveless jean jacket and my dark brown cowgirl boots.

  I had been out in the sun a lot this summer, playing with the baby in the pool and writing. I knew I had a nice golden tan that made the white dress look even hotter.

  My makeup was minimal. I didn’t need to wear a lot, just a little mascara, lip gloss, and eye liner and that was it. I looked sexy and I knew that if Tyler was there he would think so too.

  But part of me was dreading the thought of him showing up. I didn’t want to see him with his new girlfriend… No fiancé.

  Since I was a little girl, I wanted to marry Tyler Pierce, and it hurt so much to know another girl was getting that honor.

  The party was already in full swing when Stacy and I climbed out of her car.

  Stacy was wearing a hot pink top and a jean skirt. Her light blonde hair was missing the honey highlights I had seen her on for the last 4 years, but she still looked beautiful.

  We walked into the house, the party was out back. I made a mental note not to scan the room looking for Tyler. I wanted to enjoy my night and try to forget him.

  When we reached the back yard, the pool was over crowded. People playing pass with a couple beach balls, singing to the DJ in the corner and drinking loads of alcohol. There was an entire bar set up in the pool house.

  I wasn’t drinking. I know that some moms pump and dump, but I wasn’t ready to risk it just yet.

  Stacy pulled me over to the bar anyway, so she could grab a drink “Eric is going to be so pissed if I drink, he told me not to but this is our last hoorah of our high school lives, we have to live it up.”

  She clanked cups with a few guys standing around the bar, and handed me a can of pepsi before she poured the contents of her blue cup back.

  I looked around to see who was here. A few people who graduated from my home room, some juniors celebrating finally being a part of the senior class. And Tyler. So much for trying to pretend he wasn’t there.

  He was standing near the DJ, a beer in his hands and Jessica was beside him. Another guy to his left. They were talking to a group of girls from the cheer squad.

  I elbowed Stacy “He’s here.”

  “Huh?” she looked around until she spotted him.

  “He hasn’t seen me yet.” I tell her.

  “Well, let’s change that.”

  She grabs my hands and pulls me over to an open area and we start to dance. She starts singing to the music really loudly and eventually I join in. In fact we are having so much fun, I finally forget, even if it’s just for a few fleeting moments, that Tyler is there at all. I forget that I have an entire life to get back to in the morning and I just let go.

  We dance and sing for what feels like hours. Stopping only to grab drinks and chat with classmates who have walked up to us to say hello.

  In the middle of a song, I notice that Stacy’s phone is ringing off the hook in her purse.

  “Stac, you going to get that?”

  She looks at me and frowns “Yeah, I better.”

  She steps into the house to find a quite spot to answer what I assume is Eric calling.

  I continue dancing with a few girls I know from school.

  Suddenly a pair of arms wraps around me.

  I know these arms.

  I turn and I am chest to chest with Tyler. He smells like beer and scotch. The same kind my dad likes after a hard days work.

  “Hey baby.” He drawls.

  God his accent, it sounds deeper with his deep voice.

  “Hey.” I answer back, trying not to look him in the eye.

  He pulls me by my hips closer to him, so our lower half’s are touching. His abdomen is rock hard. He’s hard everywhere, including his lower parts that are pushed right up to mine.

  “I need to touch you so fucking badly Alyssa. These past two years have hurt so much.”

  He leans in and rubs his nose along my neck and shoulder, moving it up against my ear where he nibbles and sucks. Pushing my hair out of his way giving him more access.

  “I need you to be mine again.” He whispers “I need you.”

  I look up. He looks worried. I look around us, for Stacy, someone, anyone who could interrupt us before I say something stupid. No one is there.

  “I need you too, Ty.” I say in a sultry voice.

  Suddenly my mind snaps back to reality, and I change my tone. “But obviously you made your choice, I hope I get a wedding invite!”

  My phone starts ringing and I push him off of me. Mom’s name pops up on the screen.

  “It’s Mom, I have to take this.”

  He grabs my hand and stares into my eyes “I’ll be right here when you are finished.”

  I see Stacy standing in the corner, she’s yelling at someone on the phone. I step into a side room and
call Mom back.

  “Hey sweetie.” Mom sounds tired “The bottle warmer fizzed out like something out of a horror movie and melted Evan’s bottle. He’s screaming for something to eat.”

  I tell her I’ll be home soon. I head to tell Stacy, we have to go, but she is waiting outside of the room for me.

  “I hate him, he treats me like I am his wife and we have 9 children at home waiting for me to care for them. Anyway, I have to go he is freaking out.”

  “That works.” I tell her “Mom called, some freak shit with the bottle warmer so Evan needs his human milk machine.”

  She laughs.

  “Um, so Tyler just told me he loves me and wants me back.” I add walking towards the back to say goodbye to everyone. “Pretty tall order when you have some other bimbo hanging off of you, and you’re supposed to marry her!”

  “He what!?” She yelps in excitement.

  “I know, he said he needs me. We didn’t really finish our conversation. I’m thinking about asking him to come to the house so we can talk. As much as he’s tried to avoid it, to pretend he doesn’t exist, he should atleast see his son.”

  We round the corner from where the bedrooms are, and pass the last room before hitting the back door. When I hear a slightly familiar voice.

  “Mom, I told you; Tyler and I are getting married in 2 weeks.” There’s a pause. I know it is Jessica right away.

  “Yes, but now that I am pregnant we thought there was really no reason to wait. I’ll call you when it’s done.”

  She’s pregnant? He just got done telling me that he needed me and he is getting married to his knocked up fiancé.

  I am such a fucking idiot.

  Part of me really thought that this was my big chance. That I would finally get him back, we’d have our family. That he would meet his son.

  I am such a fool.

  “Fuck this shit.” I yell. Probably too loudly, because several people turn their heads to look at me.

  I grab Stacy’s arm. Heading for the front door, instead of the back.

  We climb into Stacy’s car, she’s rubbing my arm and back, she’s telling me it’s going to be okay. It’s not.