by Mike Shade
He knew it was a crazy notion, but then, so was having an affair with a ghost to start with, so this was hardly any great leap in his mind.
Who knew, maybe he was as mad as Janice had been, only keeping it together just a little bit better.
His biggest regret was, and always would be, whether or not he was given a second chance, that he had hurt Joshua. He would never forget that look of devastation on the boy's face. God, he was slime.
He shouldn't have tried to convince Josh to stay, he should have hurried him out and away as quickly as possible.
Only that wouldn't have lasted. Josh was as connected to Violet House as he was, more even, and would always be called back to it, no matter where or why he went.
The ironic thing was that this hurt worse than Samuel's leaving ever had.
***
He walked up the hill, shivering in the cold wind, heading toward Violet House.
He and Jason hadn't even seen each other, hadn't spoken in ten days, and his misery hadn't faded. He hadn't written a single, solitary, fucking word, either.
Finally he'd decided to walk down and find himself a job -- something mindless and easy and boring. Something that wouldn't remind him about his lover and his book and his borrowed bed.
He'd gone and gotten his hair cut off, bought a nice pairs of slacks and a button-down shirt and, after a two applications, a typing test, and flirting with a little HR girl, he'd found temporary work as a type-setter for a signage company.
Go him.
At least now he wasn't bumming off Jason. He could pay some rent, for some food -- not that he'd been in the kitchen much. Josh had brought a 12-pack of sodas, a jar of chunky peanut butter and a loaf of white bread upstairs. It wasn't great, but it didn't suck.
Not much anyway.
He opened the gate and walked around the back of the house so he wouldn't disturb Jason if he was working.
He slipped into the kitchen door, bending over to pull off his soaked shoes, stomach rumbling at the scent of cinnamon and sugar in the air.
The kitchen was empty, but there were cinnamon rolls everywhere. All over the counters and piled two high on the table in the breakfast nook.
He giggled, he couldn't help himself -- they smelled so good and were such a surprise and were so Jason.
"God, I miss you, Jason. So much."
"Joshua?" Jason was just coming through the door from the dining room. "You're home. I mean back. I mean... hi."
"Hey." He ran his hand through the stubble that had been his hair, the nervous gesture silly now. "You don't have clients this morning?"
Jason's eyes widened at his hair, gasping softly.
"No... I'm free for the rest of the week. It'll be slow until the new year."
"Yeah? Are the cinnamon rolls for something special?" He wanted a kiss, a hug, so bad.
Jason's cheeks went red. "No, not really -- please have as many as you want. I suppose I should package the rest up and bring them to Gladys -- she'll know of someplace they'll be wanted."
"They smell good." He shrugged off his coat and grabbed his dress shoes off the floor. "Are you going to have any?"
Jason gave him a wry grin. "I've been stuffing my face. The taste of cinnamon... reminds me of you."
Oh.
His heart clenched and he wanted, so much. So bad.
"I miss you."
Jason gazed at him, longing and loneliness in the blue eyes. "I miss you, too, Joshua."
"Jason..." He took a step forward, almost tripping over his coat, dropping his shoes.
Jason moved forward, hand coming to his elbow to steady him. "Joshua."
He looked up with a gasp, a shiver rocking him. "Oh, God."
"Joshua... Oh, please... I need to touch you." Jason moved slowly, like it was a dream, hands sliding up his arms and around his shoulders, pulling him close for a warm hug.
"Jason... Oh, please." He leaned forward, resting his forehead on Jason's shoulder, arms wrapping around his lover's waist.
A soft kiss dropped on his head and a warm waft of air as Jason sighed. "I'm so sorry, Joshua. I never wanted to hurt you."
"I love you." He just soaked up the comfort, needing it so badly. Needing Jason.
A shudder went through Jason's body. "I love you, too, Joshua. So very much." The arms around him pulled him closer, Jason beginning to rock just a little.
Slowly but surely, Josh just relaxed, body melting into Jason's, resting and holding tight.
"You feel good," murmured Jason, hands sliding over his back, not trying to arouse, just touching.
"Yeah. This is... this is home, Jason." His cheeks heated and he didn't look up, just lived with the fact that it was the truth.
Jason's arms tightened. "Yes." Another kiss dropped onto his head, this one warm, lingering.
"I had to cut it. I went to get a job." He waited for Jason's response, wanting to get all the arguing over before they started loving again.
Because they would be loving again.
"A job? What do you need a job for?"
"I... I can't write and I can't just mooch off you and I was almost out of money." He shrugged. "I figured I needed to start helping out -- food, rent, stuff."
Jason continued to stroke his back. "You don't have to you know. Technically I'm the one mooching, anyway."
"How? I'm in your house, eating your food..." He stopped, sighed. "I'm not Samuel, Jason. I'm me."
"I know that, Joshua, but you own the house. I had it signed over to you about a week after you moved in. I didn't tell you because I figured you'd freak out on me. You belong here and I wanted to make sure you could stay if anything happened to me."
"You what? Why?" He was shaking now, completely shocked. "Jason... This is your house."
"And yours."
"Our house?" He took a step backwards, reaching for a chair and missing, landing hard on his butt. His head was spinning, swaying between joy and panic. "Ours, Jason? Really?"
Jason nodded. "The paperwork lists you as the owner, but I'm a permanent, you can't get rid of me tenant."
Joshua leaned forward, trying to catch his breath. The air felt cold, heavy, laced with spice. "I... I want to move back into the Tower Room. I want... I want us there."
Jason nodded, crouching next to him, hand on his shoulder. "It's where we belong -- it's ours."
He nodded, crumpling into a ball, sobbing quietly into his hands, so overwhelmed, so tired.
"Joshua!" Jason sat down next to him and pulled him into a warm, familiar lap, arms solid and right around him.
He curled in close, his tears slowing as Jason held him, touched him, loved him. "Sorry. I just... It's been hard."
"I know, Josh, I know. I'm so sorry -- I would do anything to take back the hurt."
"Just..." He lifted his face, blinking away more tears. "I want a kiss. Please."
Jason's hands came up to cup his cheeks, thumbs sliding along the tracks of his tears, wiping them away. "Yes, Joshua. Anything."
Soft lips slid against his, the kiss soft and gentle, but not in the least chaste.
He opened, gasping softly at the taste of Jason, the sweet scent of love between them. He reached up, wrapped his arms around Jason's neck and held on tight. Jason was moaning into his mouth, soft keening noises that repeated over and over again. Josh answered with a cry, tongue sliding in to taste his lover. He shifted to straddle Jason's waist, melding their bodies together.
Jason's hands went around his waist and slid down to cup his ass, pulling him in tight.
He wrapped his legs around Jason, muttering and moaning into that sweet, hot mouth. "Oh, God. Love you. Love you, Jason."
A shudder moved through Jason and he whimpered. "I love you, too, Joshua. More than anything, more than anyone."
"Promise?"
Jason's hands were back on his cheeks, tilting his face up so he could look into blue eyes. "I promise, Joshua -- you are the only one in my heart and in my soul. I love you."
He mo
aned, reaching up to stroke his lover's face. "Love you so much. Want to be your lover forever."
He nodded. "That's what I want too, Josh." Jason smiled suddenly. "We could have a wedding in the ballroom -- bring Violet to life with the event of the season, while I show the world how much I love you."
"A wedding? A real life 'gee, we're married' thing? Won't you... I don't know, lose business getting married to a 20 year-old dork who works as a temp at a sign company?"
Jason laughed. "Do you think I care if I lose business because of something like that? If they don't like my sweet, beautiful young husband, they don't deserve to hire me."
"Oh." Jason's husband. Oh. Oh, God. "Yes. Yes." He pushed against Jason's belly, shivering, hungry. So hard.
Jason moaned and sealed his lips with a hard, deep kiss, hands returning to his hips, pulling him against Jason's body. "If we don't get up and go to a bedroom now I'm going to take you right here in the middle of all the cinnamon buns."
"Yeah. Oh, God, Jason. Want you so bad." He bit Jason's bottom lip, groaning. "Need to feel you."
Jason made a noise, like a growl and suddenly he was on his back, clothes being torn from him. "Yes, Joshua. Now."
"Yes." He pulled off his shirt, cuff buttons flying and then reached for Jason's sweater, yanking it off. "Now."
Jason undid his own pants, pulling them open enough to release his cock, and then tore off Joshua's, two fingers pushing roughly into him.
He arched and ground down onto the penetration, soft cries pushed from him, body shuddering. "You now. Your cock. Now Jason. Please, love. I ache."
"Don't want to hurt you," Jason muttered, but the fingers were taken away and the incredible heat of Jason's cock was pushed against him, into him, filling him in a single stroke.
"Oh!" Oh, fuck, it burned. Made him hot, made the worry and pain of the last days dissolve.
He reached up, grabbed Jason's shoulders, legs spreading wide. "Love you. Love you, Jason."
Jason bent over him, kissed him hard and then began to move, short, quick thrusts that pushed the long cock into him over and over again.
"Love you, Joshua. Love you so much. Need you."
"Yes." Josh leaned up and took a kiss. "Couldn't sleep, couldn't write. Just needed. Needed this."
Jason nodded and kept moving, strokes coming harder, faster. "I'm sorry, Joshua. So sorry. Gonna make it up to you. Gonna spend forever loving you."
Soft gasps interrupted Jason's breathless words.
"Yes. Want to be yours forever. Wanted for so long. So long, my lovely Jason." He gasped, reaching down to pump his cock. "I believe in you, Jason."
"Oh, God... Oh, Joshua, yes. Yes, I believe in you, too. Always have." Jason leaned down and kissed him again, stealing what little breath he had left.
He came with a sob, jerking frantically on Jason's cock, world spinning. Jason shuddered and came inside him, filling him with heat. Josh held Jason close, body shuddering with aftershocks, with passion.
“Jason..." He reached up, stroked the thick hair. Jason nuzzled into his touches, hands finding his skin and sliding over it, ribs and nipples and arms and neck and cheeks loved with gentle fingertips.
"Love you." He stretched, body tightening around Jason's cock. A shudder moved through Jason, whether from his words or his actions, he didn't know.
"Love you, Joshua."
"Good. You really free all week?"
Jason nodded, still buried inside him and making no move to slide out. "I've got to sit in on a teleconference call with Mother and the board of something or other on Friday at eleven, but other than that my calendar is clear." Jason licked his lips. "Why? You got something to keep me occupied?"
"Well..." He tightened around Jason's cock again, lips parting. "I'm supposed to start working at 8 tomorrow morning..."
Jason gasped, look of disappointment giving way to pleasure. "You could always quit..."
"I could." He rocked again, fucking himself on Jason's cock. "I do have a book to finish, a lover to please, a greenhouse to care for."
"A w..wedding to plan for." Jason whimpered, back arching.
"Yeah... cinnamon rolls to eat, hours and hours and hours of fucking..."
"And hours and hours and hours of fucking," Jason added, hands bracing on either side of his face as Jason started to move with him.
"I'll call later." He wrapped his legs around Jason's waist, crying out as the angle changed and sparks shot up his spine.
"Much later," suggested Jason, pushing in hard, hitting his gland again.
"Oh, God! If they close, I'll leave a message. Do that again!" He bit his lip, arching.
Jason didn't say anything, just drove into him, again and again and again. He couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, just keened and jerked.
Jason filled his sight, his world.
"Love you," said Jason, words gasped, breathless. "Oh, God. Joshua."
"Love!" He screamed as he came, passion filling him like flame.
Jason whimpered, pushing weakly into him, coming and collapsing.
He held on tight. "Never going to let you go. Never."
"Good." Jason was heavy, solid and warm on top of him, hot breath gasping against his ear.
He nodded, eyes closing. "We gonna stay here? Nap?"
"I don't think I can move." Jason chuckled softly and kissed his neck. "'sides, I like the way it smells."
"Mmm... cinnamon rolls." He stretched and sighed. "And you."
One of Jason's hand slid along his cheek, pushing back hair that was no longer there.
"You like it?"
"It's a bit short."
"Yeah. I hate it, too. I'm thinking there ought to be curls by spring."
"Mmm.. curls and spring violets -- what else could a man ask for?"
"Love, hot sex and help cleaning out the greenhouse." He grinned, nuzzling Jason's cheek.
"I'll hire you a gardener, but the love and hot sex are coming from nobody but me."
"'s a deal, lover. You're who I need."
"Good." Jason pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "Love you, Joshua. Forever."
"Yes. Home. Forever." He nodded, smiling and settled in his bones. "Forever."
***
Jason's mother was on the phone.
Again.
"My only baby is getting married, I have to help!" There had been tears and plans and interference and he'd threatened to throw himself out of the Tower Room window a dozen times.
He'd been patient about the caterers, the flowers, the tuxes, the music.
The reception.
The invitations.
Everything up to the comment, "You two will look into adopting, won't you?"
At that point, Josh had locked himself upstairs and flat out refused to come out.
He was not talking about babies with that woman.
Not.
Joshua ran his hands through his hair and curled up in the window seat.
The knock on the door made him jump. "Josh? Let me in, Cinnamon."
He grinned, the expression automatic. He'd never had a nickname before. Never. "Coming, love."
He moved through the room, unlocking the door and letting his heart and soul in.
Of course, he locked the door behind Jason, just in case.
Jason's hand collided with his. "Oh, you beat me to it. You never know, she might try to break in."
Warm arms came around him and Jason dropped a kiss on the top of his head, a long sigh disturbing his curls. "Do you think it's too late to elope?"
"Did you hear her? She wanted to know if we were going to adopt a baby!" He snuggled in to Jason's warmth. "I mean, we never even discussed anything like that and she just... arrrgh!"
Jason chuckled. "I've been hearing the grandchild song ever since I was sixteen. You'd either better get used to it or never ever see her or talk to her again."
"That's not a bad..." He grinned and hugged, resting his cheek on Jason's chest. "Okay. I wouldn't do that to you, but... are you int
erested in a family?"
"I'm willing to discuss the idea if you want kids, Josh, but I if I really wanted a family, I could have adopted one by now and -- you might have noticed -- no kids."
"Yeah." He shrugged. "I never thought about it. I mean, I want you, all the time now. Maybe if that eases, but... you now... I like being able to make love whenever we want." Josh grinned up at Jason. "Maybe in a few years we can try a goldfish."
Jason laughed, the strain in his face easing up some. "All the time?"
He blushed and nodded. "Yeah. All the time. I dream about you. It's silly, but..." Josh shrugged. "I love you."
"Silly? Cinnamon -- next week I'm taking vows that our country doesn't even recognize with you, I'm throwing the wedding my mother always wanted, the social event of the season, all because I love you. Now that is silly. Wanting me because you love me? That sounds sane." With that Jason bent and brought their lips together, taking his mouth in a long, slow kiss.
Oh. Yeah.
He melted, reaching up and holding on, melding their bodies together.
Jason's hands slid down his back to cup his ass, pulling him up and close against the long, warm body. He could feel Jason's need, cock hard against his belly, even though their clothes.
He moaned, hips rocking, cock sliding against his Jason. His lover. His husband.
"Oh, God. Love you, Jason." He smiled and licked at Jason's lips, too happy to be believed.
"Yeah? Well I love you, Joshua."
Jason walked him backward, kept him moving until the backs of his knees hit the bed and he was tumbled back onto it, Jason's hands stripping him quickly, easily.
Seconds that felt like hours later, Jason was just as naked, long body pressing him down into the bed.
"Hey, love." He giggled as he licked at hot, swollen lips. "You want something?"
"Who me?" Jason undulated against him, rubbing their erections together. "Whatever gives you that idea?" There was laughter and love in Jason's eyes, edging out the stress and tiredness.
"Mmm...perhaps this." He wormed his hands between them, stroking Jason's shaft with sure fingers. "You're so hot, lover. So hot."