“You were talking about how this voice in your head, this Liam, talked you into leaving us. That you think he’s bad, or evil? And then you just…checked out for a few minutes.”
Christine never thought what it might look like to others when she was in conversation with Liam in her head. When he touched her hair to move it, did her hair really move or did she imagine it? The very idea of either was almost too much for her brain to comprehend.
She remembered telling Zack those things about Liam, but oddly it wasn’t what she felt for the Liam in her now anymore. There was a lingering love and appreciation for his kind words to her a moment ago. Because of that, she couldn’t imagine sending him away now. He might be the only thing that kept her motivated and going in this new world. If it wasn’t for those things he said, she would never hear them and she might lose hope. Then what would she do?
“Never mind,” she said quickly as she stood up. “I don’t know what I was saying, really.”
“Christine,” he tried to stop her.
“I think I just need to mull this over by myself some more.”
“But—“he tried to grab ahold of her arm but she was already out of reach.
“I’m sorry if I worried you. Really, just forget about it.”
And she disappeared into the darkness beyond the glow of the camp fire.
XI
Before she got too far, Christine heard the sound of leaves rustling behind her. Months ago, before she trained herself up to aim true with her bow, her heart would have nearly jumped out of her chest at the sound. Now, she simply stopped walking and waited for whoever it was to come to her and reveal themselves. She could tell immediately from the quickness and evenness of the gait that it was the living following her into the dark trees, not the dead.
“You need to be alone right now, don’t you?” Liam’s voice spoke softly into her ear. “You should just keep walking. Don’t worry about who’s following you or why. Nothing they have to say can be more important than collecting your thoughts and getting your emotions in check.”
His words made sense. In fact, that was just the kind of advice she would routinely give her friend Allison when she was alive, whenever their boss Mr. Shale reamed her in front of everyone at the office for something out of her control, back in the good old days. She couldn’t count the times her friend stormed into her office, slammed the door, threw herself down in one of the leather chairs opposite where she sat at her desk and groaned her complaints. There was just something about Christine that made people want to open up to her, release their burdens on her, and confess all the terrible things they wanted to do to their overbearing boss, or at least there used to be something about her like that. Now, it seemed most of the group avoided talking to her, even looking at her some days.
She had finally had enough isolation, though. She didn’t want to separate herself from the group anymore. She didn’t want to leave the people who depended on her in the dark while she went chasing the inner peace she knew she would never find. She wanted to help the group, lead the group, and make sure that no one else died before they made it to Chicago. She would not let the real Liam die in vain. Isolated and alone was not the life he would want her to have, even if the Liam in her mind sang a different song.
“Shut up. You’re not Liam,” she growled into the darkness surrounding her.
There was a shift in the air and she felt truly and completely alone as she stood in the cool, dense forest. That is, until the person following her finally caught up.
“Wait up, Chris!” A woman’s voice called out.
For a moment, Christine’s heart sank in her chest. She’d hoped it was Zack chasing her down to bring her back to the fire and tell her everything was going to be all right, that he believed her and was going to help her get rid of the terrible voice in her head.
Instead, Gretchen came to a halt a few feet away and took several deep breaths. Christine waited patiently, turning around to face her sister, but not moving any closer to show she wanted to hear what she had to say. She didn’t care. There was nothing her sister could say now to repair their relationship, not after all the damage she caused by leaving Christine behind without so much as a goodbye. Because of her she was filled with doubt, self-consciousness, fear, abandonment, and a whole slew of messy emotions that came with no repair manual.
Finally, Gretchen collected herself. Without a word, she walked hurriedly to Christine and threw her arms around her tightly.
Christine Moore stood frozen, arms at her side, bow slung over her back, afraid to breathe because it may give her sister the impression that she was letting her in again. It was the moment she had been waiting for for a decade. She had imagined what she would say if her sister ever dared to apologize for what she’d done. Christine daydreamed about telling her off, shooting down any excuses she came up with, and leaving her just as broken as she had left Christine years ago. She prepared herself for the moment, for what she would say, and let her sister dive in head first.
“I’m so sorry, Chris,” Gretchen said. The water works started and she was almost unable to contain herself to carry on. “I should never have left you like I did. I can’t imagine how hurt and confused you were. That was so unfair of me to do to you. I was only thinking of myself. I was selfish. There’s no excuse for what I did. It was pure selfishness and I regret hurting you that way. I truly do.” Her sobs wracked her body and Christine’s as she refused to let go. “Please forgive me, please. I can never take back what I did, but I hope that you can find it in your heart to please, please forgive me.”
Christine let the apology sink in as her sister wept all over her shoulder. She wanted to argue, but what could she say? There was nothing to argue against. The apology felt as genuine as when Liam used to tell her he loved her. There were no excuses to counter, no justifications to reject, nothing. Her sister owned up to everything, something Christine never thought she would do. She truly felt regret for what she did. Christine could see it deep behind her tear-soaked eyes. What am I supposed to do now? Christine wondered.
Nothing came to mind. No words filled her head, good or bad. It was all too much to take in, accept, and reply to in the moment.
“Tell her off,” Liam whispered from behind. “You’ve waited for the moment to let her know just how badly she hurt you, so do it, sweetheart. You might never get another chance. Didn’t you say we should be honest? Well, here’s your chance.”
“It’s okay,” Christine said as she slowly placed one hand on her sister’s back and the other on her hair. “I mean, it’s not okay. It never was and you did hurt me beyond words, but don’t cry, please. It will be okay.” She could tell her words weren’t enough. Gretchen still poured her tears out as if Christine hadn’t said anything at all. Suddenly, she knew what she had to say to release the burden from her. There was only one thing that would give her that kind of freedom from the terrible pain she’d inflicted. Not only would the words release Gretchen’s pain and regret, but they would also free Christine; free her from all the anger and bitterness she’d let fester in her heart.
“I forgive you.”
The two sisters embraced each other deeply.
XII
The night was quiet with only the sounds of wildlife rustling in the trees beyond to wake the group. When dawn broke and the dark blue sky turned to brilliant golds, pinks, and oranges, Christine, Zack, and Gretchen were already awake and packing for their continued journey. As Christine shoved a small blanket back into her backpack she heaved in a great breath and held it in, turning her face toward the sky. She never realized how noisy the world really was until all of man’s inventions lost power and lie useless in the streets and abandoned homes. A thin fog coated the world in a haze that morning, making the scene before her look unearthly and surreal. Birds in the tree above chirped songs she’d never heard before.
“Do you really think it’s a good idea to keep going?” Gretchen whispered.
She looked around at the bodies of their friends curled up close to the smoldering flames of the previous night’s fire. They slept peacefully, somehow, as far as she could tell. No one was tossing or turning, whimpering in their sleep or screaming out from their nightmares. Olivia lay curled up on the ground, using Lee’s lap as a pillow as she did most nights. Imani slept with her back against her new friend’s, embracing the warmth of another body against hers, though never daring to show how much it comforted her. Luke found a spot close by, though it seemed no one wanted to camp too close to him as he scrunched his body close in and wrapped his arms around his knees, his jacket thrown across him. Carolyn and Rowan fell asleep with their backs rested against a log close to the fire, their heads supporting the other’s weight perfectly. A small dibble of drool hung from the corner of Carolyn’s pink lips. Dan lay opposite them across the fire pit, his arm thrown over his face to shield his eyes from the coming sun.
Gretchen’s lips tugged till they parted in a small smile. Despite her great loss, she had also been blessed with the return of her sister and the friendships of those before her. She could have been left to survive the plague-filled world alone, but she had others with her. Gratefulness washed over her as the warm rays of the sun cleared the tree-tops and settled on her freckled skin.
Christine and Zack glanced at each other quickly in agreement. “We have to try,” Christine said. “This journal could hold the key to saving everyone who’s still out there.”
“I just don’t want anyone else to die,” Gretchen said with downturned eyes. They filled with tears, though there didn’t seem to be enough to flow down her cheeks. She assumed her ducts were almost dried up from the immense amount of tears she spilled the night before.
“I’m afraid that’s just the world we live in now,” Zack said, oddly soft-spoken.
Christine looked to him from the corner of her eye and couldn’t help but grin. When the world was right and she was consumed in her own life, her own work, and her own friends, she never realized there was a caring, sympathetic side to Zack. Had it always been there, or was it a new development forced onto him from living in this new world? Or was it Gretchen who inspired it in him? She couldn’t be sure, but she liked it.
“Death does not have to be a part of your world,” a voice whispered in Christine’s ear, ruining the moment. “People die from mistakes made, and you get hurt all over again because you allow yourself to get close to them.”
Christine’s pale blue eyes narrowed as she waved a hand with irritation through the crisp air. “Shut up!” she growled.
Gretchen’s eyes rose to stare at her younger sister. She couldn’t hide her worry from showing in the lines of her face. But Zack was gifted with expressive eyes himself and he used them in that moment to signal to Gretchen that she should stay quiet and let him lead on this one. He looked to Christine and gave a quick, reassuring smile.
“Sorry,” she said, unable to meet his gaze. “Just…” She struggled to find the words, especially since she hadn’t confided in her sister yet about what was going on inside her head.
Zack shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. You’re doing the right thing. Keep it up.”
Christine forced her eyes to look into Zack’s, hoping they conveyed her gratitude for his encouragement. He didn’t know it, but those kind words meant the world to her and helped her to wake up and keep going with the group. They were the reason she was able to keep denying the Liam who resided in her head and think for herself instead.
“I’m proud of you,” he whispered with a smile as he bumped his shoulder into hers.
“Thanks, Zack. Really.”
Gretchen watched the two, wishing she could be in on their conversation, to know what was going on with her sister that made her talk to herself like she did. Desperately, she wanted to fix the problem and make it all better, but how could she do that if she didn’t even know what was going on?
By then, the others in the group started to wake up, rubbing the sleep from their eyes and greeting the day with what little enthusiasm they could muster up. Olivia jumped up as she did every morning and started in on her stretches. She coaxed Imani into joining her and the two bent down and touched their toes, feeling the muscles in their calves all the way up to their back elongate and rid themselves of their morning stiffness. Lee watched the girls from the ground where he sat, stretching his giant arms over his head and letting out a roaring yawn fitting of a lion. Carolyn, Rowan, and Dan stayed where they were, catching every moment of rest they could, unsure if they were ready and willing to start the day’s long journey yet or not. Eventually, they shook off their doubts, checked their weapons, and brushed themselves off. Luke stood around, looking unsure of himself. He sensed he didn’t belong with the group, that no one really liked him or trusted him, and it showed in how he separated himself while not straying too far from his daughter and her new friend.
“I have protein bars for breakfast,” Zack said as he rummaged through his backpack. One by one he tossed a small package to each person in the group. “We should really start heading out now, so eat them on the way.”
His voice was kind, but everyone knew this was not a question up for debate. It was dangerous to linger in one area for too long. Eventually, the dead sensed living bodies and came looking for the warm flesh and flowing blood to devour. Daylight was actually the worst time for this. In the night, the monsters seemed to wander aimlessly, as if sleep walking, unable to see their prey and unwilling to expend what little energy they had to listen for it. But during the day, their eyes could see, their ears were trained, and their hunger was at its highest.
There were no groans of discomfort or disagreement, just the rustling of backpacks and gear as everyone grabbed their items and headed out into the unknown.
PART THREE
“The trials on the road to world harmony are no greater than the courage of those who accept the challenge.”
—Carl Lewis
I
The group of travelers walked the road laid out before them, the road that led to an underground colony of survivors. Their hearts were heavy in their chests as the black hole of one missing person loomed around them. Their feet ached from the continual pounding on the hard pavement of a dismantled, forgotten toll road. Their muscles were wound tightly in their shoulders and back from carrying the weight of their weapons as well as the bags they carried. Their faces were drawn, their heads were down, their voices were silent, but they carried on.
Weaving in and out of the abandoned cars and trucks, everyone was on high alert for the slightest movement or sound. All it would take is one zombie hidden behind the wreckage to claim another’s life, ruin their day, and delay them further from safety and restoration. These thoughts continually ran through Zack’s mind as he remained at the head of the group, his eyes darting back and forth in search of danger. He could not let anything else happen to these people. They were good people. They did not deserve to die on some abandoned road because he wasn’t paying attention, wasn’t quick enough, wasn’t strong enough. He had to protect them.
“It shouldn’t be too much farther,” Luke said to no one in particular from the center of the group.
Silence fell upon them once again as everyone took in what he said, but chose not to respond. In the distance, to the east, a soft groaning met their ears. A zombie tried to move forward toward them, arms outstretched, but its way was blocked by a line of smashed cars. Instead of realizing the problem and walking around the vehicles, as any living person would have done, the brain-dead being pushed forward over and over again.
Christine watched the pitiful creature as she walked onward past it. She couldn’t help wondering what was going through its mind as it relentlessly pushed forward. Did these ‘people’ feel pain anymore? she wondered. Of course, it was obvious by now that the undead did not react to pain, did not cry out from being dismembered, did not shed a
tear over their rotting flesh, and did not drop dead of anything but a piercing through the brain. If the brain was still the central system of function for them as it was for living, breathing humans, why didn’t it give them the benefits of common sense, deduction, and speech? The very thought sent goosebumps down her arms. If they had those abilities, there was a good chance she and the others wouldn’t be alive right now. The zombies would be too smart to out run. Suddenly, she felt thankful for their brainlessness.
“How much further did you say?” Zack shouted back without turning his head. His eyes were turned upward to the clear sky, the rays of the sun soaking into the hairs of his beard to warm his face.
“I didn’t,” Luke responded. There was forced confidence in his voice, hiding the fear he felt in talking to someone who hated him. “But it’s just a little further up ahead,” he added for good measure.
“Yeah, I got that when you said it the last three times over the last two hours. Is there any truth to it this time?”
There was a small pang in Zack’s chest after he finished snapping back at Luke. He knew there was a mound of unforgiveness that had settled on his heart, quickly turning into bitterness and resentment for the man who caused so much trouble and chaos for his group. There were too many ‘if Luke hadn’t done this, then this wouldn’t have happened’ scenarios for Zack to keep straight in his head, so he simply blamed him for everything. He knew this wasn’t right, but he couldn’t seem to control the hatred and contempt he held onto for the man. He couldn’t let it go, even though he wanted to.
Dead Soil (Book 2): Dead Road Page 8