Body Bags & Blarney

by Shaw, J. D.

  “We didn’t have any plans like that.” She pulled open a lower cabinet near her knees and snagged a dishwasher pod from a box that was shoved between several bottles of dish soap.

  “Well in that case, what did you want to do?” Kathy shoved the lower rack back into the dishwasher.

  “How about going to an old-fashioned tent revival?” Vivienne asked as she dropped the pod into the detergent holder and twisted the lid closed.

  “Are you serious?” Kathy leaned against the counter.

  “Yes.” Vivienne closed the door and started the dishwasher on a light wash setting. “I think it’s be quite interesting to see who shows up tonight.”

  “Couldn’t we do something more exciting like bingo at the VFW?” Kathy replied with a heavy dose of sarcasm.

  “Pastor Seamus Kilpatrick is going to be hosting it.” Vivienne twisted the excess water out of her dishrag and set it on the counter to dry. “I saw the sign the other day when I was driving.”

  “That guy is a lunatic.” Kathy put her hands up. “I don’t think so.”

  “Oh, come on.” Vivienne jabbed her in the side softly. “He’s going to be doing all sorts of supposed miracles and such.”

  “The first miracle would be having me sitting in the audience watching his performance.” Kathy shook her head.

  “But that’s just it.” Vivienne pleaded her case. “You see, I’m fairly certain that his little stunt the other night in the library was just publicity for this masterpiece. Did you know that he has a pacemaker?”

  “So he has a little heart trouble, big whoop.” Kathy rolled her eyes.

  “What if he uses that somehow to get sympathy during his stunts?” Vivienne asked. “I don’t know all the details of how that could be done, but if he could do something like that on command, can you imagine a more powerful performance to get people’s attention?”

  “So what does it matter to us?” Kathy asked.

  “Well, it doesn’t really.” Vivienne admitted. “But, I have a feeling that we might see that handsome stranger again too. Isn’t that worth going for?”

  Kathy put her hands on her hips “What makes you think that?”

  “It’s just a feeling I have.”

  “Well, I know that you have an uncanny knack for being right with those feelings.” Kathy admitted. “Even though it does sort of spook me a little.”

  “It does?”

  “A little.” Kathy gave a little shiver. “I mean, you just seem to have strange things happen around you an awful lot.”

  Vivienne shrugged. “I don’t know how to answer that.”

  “Oh, I didn’t mean anything by it.” Kathy quickly replied. “It’s just a friendly observation.”

  “That’s what tonight is going to be. Just a friendly observation to see what Pastor Kilpatrick is up to.” Vivienne looked at the wall clock in her kitchen. “It starts in a half hour.”

  “Well, I’m only doing this because of the day you had.” Kathy gave in. “But I’m not going to give that snake oil salesman a dime when the collection plate comes around.”

  “Of course not.” Vivienne smiled. “But if the tall handsome stranger should be around, you are going to slip him your number.”

  “Deal.” Kathy smiled. “Is Joshua coming along too?”

  Vivienne nodded. “I’m going to need your help to get him away from the television though.”

  Kathy walked over to her purse that was slung over the back of a kitchen chair and reached inside. “Hold on a second.”

  “What are you getting?”

  Kathy brandished her cell phone. “I’m going to call Pastor Kilpatrick and ask for the first miracle of the night on your behalf.”

  “You are twisted.” Vivienne laughed. “Now put that away and help me think of some reason to convince Joshua to go.”

  “Seriously?”

  Vivienne stared back at Kathy in bewilderment. “What, do I have a piece of chicken stuck between my teeth?”

  “You have the best reason already.”

  “Enlighten me, oh wise oracle of male behavior.” Vivienne spoke with fake reverence.

  “Three words.” Kathy smirked. “Tall mysterious stranger.”

  Vivienne’s jaw dropped. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of that.”

  “That’s because your mind is all over the place from what happened today.” Kathy rationalized. “You’re sure you want to go to a church event after this morning?”

  “It’s not the same church.” Vivienne replied.

  “They might be dunking people into a tank of water.” Kathy cautioned. “You’re not going to freak out and start speaking in tongues or something are you?”

  “I’m only going to freak out if they bring out snakes or something gross and slimy like that.”

  “Oh, that’s disgusting.” Kathy stuck out her tongue. “If that happens we are out of there.”

  “That’s a promise.” Vivienne agreed to the terms.

  “Well then, let’s get a move on.” Kathy gestured to the living room. “After you.”

  She marched into the living room. “Honey, about that mysterious stranger…”

  CHAPTER TEN

  Despite the thirty-two degree weather outside, Vivienne was pleasantly surprised to find the temperature inside the tent structure on the property of Shoreline Baptist to be quite warm and toasty. That was, thankfully, due to several of the outdoor heating units which were able to keep the chilly winter air outside the canvas walls. It had been quite easy convincing Joshua to join her and Kathy. He practically had jumped off the sofa when she mentioned her hunch about the mysterious stranger showing up.

  They had found seats in row twenty, near the center aisle, which is exactly where they wanted to sit. Not only was it the very back row, but it also happened to be the only seating left to choose from due to their last minute arrival before the start time.

  Several members of the Shoreline Baptist church were dressed up in their Sunday best suits and dresses, introducing themselves to visitors and making polite small talk. After a quick glance around the assembled hundred or so people, Vivienne had noticed quite a few unfamiliar faces in the crowd. She guessed they had come from neighboring churches in the towns around Cayuga Cove, which explained the convoy of full-sized vans parked haphazardly wherever they could fit in the designated lot.

  “Do you see your guy?” Joshua whispered as he surveyed the crowd.

  Vivienne shook her head. “I see lots of new faces, but his isn’t one of them at the moment.”

  Kathy scanned the paper program the ushers had given to each of them as they entered the tent. “Remind me how this is different from a regular church service again?”

  “It’s not as formal.” Vivienne replied. “It’s supposed to put the spirit into people.”

  Kathy folded her program up into a makeshift fan and waved it in front of her face. “Who’d have thought it be so warm inside this thing?”

  “I know.” Vivienne hoped that the ushers would turn the heat settings down a notch, as the nearly full crowd inside the tent was doing a good job of warming the air on its own.

  “I’m not against people celebrating their religious faith however they please.” Kathy fanned herself with a bit more vigor. “But, I personally prefer to get the spirit inside of me through fancy glass barware that has tropical fruit attached to the side.”

  Joshua wiped his brow, where a few beads of sweat had formed. He tugged at the collar of the black pull-over sweater Vivienne had convinced him to put on so he blended in more with the crowd. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear that this heat was turned up on purpose.”

  “Why?” Vivienne asked.

  “It sort of drives homes the point that Cayuga Cove is going to hell in a hand basket, doesn’t it?” Joshua gave her a little smile.

  Looking around inside the tent, Vivienne was actually quite impressed with how much detail was put into the event. The front area had a large stage erected, much like the
one used for the Independence Day celebration in town that held the Cayuga Cove Rag-Time Band. It was elevated about four feet off the ground and provided a good view from the folding chairs that were setup on area rug-sized mats that provided a more stable option over the semi-frozen brown grass underfoot.

  The first two rows were cordoned off with signs reminding everyone that the area was reserved for the mobility-impaired, infirm, and/or special needs patrons. A low-grade ramp had been installed on the right side of the stage to allow those who could not use stairs to gain access to the stage so Pastor Kilpatrick could perform his faith healing.

  High above the stage, Vivienne watch a quartet of workers, dressed all in black, working on the theatrical lighting rig. They adjusted spotlights, taking care to illuminate various details that would be used during the program. A large cross, looking to be made of acrylic, glowed softly from the center rear area. It changed color about every minute, gradually shifting from one spring-colored hue to another, thanks to a sophisticated lighting system. It was flanked on both sides by a set of three-step risers which she assumed would soon display a choir. The main altar area was decorated with all sorts of spring bulb flowers. Vivienne inhaled the intoxicating scent of white lilies, yellow daffodils, and lavender hyacinths, which did the trick of hiding the slightly mildew scent of the tent from being kept in storage in the church basement. Two large screens were fixed to poles at the extreme sides of the stage where Vivienne guessed video footage was going to be displayed.

  From behind their seats, she could hear a woman speaking to the tech crew members from her post at the main control board. Vivienne turned slightly to get a better look at her without drawing too much attention. She shifted slightly to the right, using Joshua’s upper body as cover. The woman was stick thin, dressed in the same monochrome black attire that the other crew were wearing. Her skin was pale, and if she wore any makeup at all it was so natural it wasn’t apparent. She wore a set of headphones over her dark-blond hair, which had been curled into tight ringlets that dangled from her head like snakes on Medusa. Every now and then, she would swing the small microphone that was attached to the right headphone, away from her mouth and take a drink of bottled water between barking orders. Quite a few times, she heard the woman use Seamus’ name, either talking directly to him or referring to him. Vivienne found it a bit odd that she didn’t address him by his title of Pastor. She wondered if this was due to nerves of running a live program, but this being her first tent revival, she had no frame of reference to call upon to compare.

  Vivienne wanted to tell both Joshua and Kathy the truth of why she was so insistent that they come to the tent revival this evening. Yet she knew all too well that if she confessed her plan to either, they would bombard her with questions and she would miss the window of opportunity before her. Tonight was going to be the perfect chance to get up close and personal with Pastor Seamus Kilpatrick. When he opened the part of the program up where faith healings were to begin, she was going to be in line to receive one. What better way to touch him and use her special power to sift through his memory? It wasn’t always reliable, but she seemed to have the best luck whenever strong emotions were involved. Given the fervor she imagined happened during a tent revival, she didn’t think it unreasonable to expect anything but stellar results with her magical talent.

  Would she discover that it was he who Mother Superior had briefly seen fleeing Our Lady of the Lake? If it was, how did she intend to go about proving it to everyone else? Although her power to see what had transpired through the eyes of others was convenient for her amateur sleuthing, it wasn’t nearly as easy to use as evidence to prove guilt or innocence. She had to rely on Joshua for that part, using his knowledge of police procedure to help her bring the culprit to justice.

  “Vivienne?” Kathy’s voice interrupted her train of thought.

  “Sorry?”

  Kathy glared at her. “I said, I don’t see the guy we’re looking for here tonight. Why don’t we just slip out now before the show starts?”

  “No.” Vivienne protested. “I mean, he could come in after it starts.”

  “I’m with Kathy on this one.” Joshua agreed. “It’s hot and I’m really not interested in having my soul saved tonight.”

  “Please.” Vivienne reached out and grabbed each of their hands with hers. “Just trust me on this.”

  “What do you know?” Joshua’s steel-blue eyes narrowed as he asked her the question.

  “Nothing you don’t.” Vivienne smiled back.

  “Have you started sleuthing on your own?” Kathy poked her a few times in the arm.

  Vivienne was about to speak when she was saved by the overhead lighting as it dimmed. A woman’s voice, she assumed it was the tech woman with the tight ringlets behind them, welcomed everyone and asked that no flash photography be allowed during the event. Vivienne put her index finger up to her mouth and shushed them both as the giant cross glowed a heavenly blue and a celestial chorus began to hum from the speakers hung above the audience’s heads.

  “Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to welcome you to witness the glory of His miracles and the power of faith.” Pastor Seamus’ voice was smooth as glass. An upbeat gospel song began to crescendo as a group of eighteen choir members clapped in tune with the rhythm and assembled on the risers. Several sets of arms and hands went into the air as the choir burst into song. The lighting pulsed with the beat as it picked up in tempo and then Pastor Seamus Kilpatrick strutted out from behind the giant cross and took his place at the center of the stage. “Please welcome the Faithful Heart Choir from Syracuse.” He looked so different from his normal conservative suit and tie. He was wearing a white suit that practically glowed in the spotlight that was thrust upon him. He had a wireless microphone in his left hand and a Bible in his right which he held at his side.

  There were shouts of “amen” and “halleluiah” as the choir swayed back and forth on the risers, bringing the song to its conclusion. The audience rewarded the theatrical-like opening with hearty applause which Pastor Kilpatrick encouraged.

  “It is so good to see everyone here tonight in Cayuga Cove.” He addressed the crowd from the stage. “Do you know what I see when I look out there tonight?” He paused for a moment and then pointed with his Bible. “I see faithful prayer warriors who have answered the call of spiritual warfare.”

  Joshua folded his arms across his chest. “Oh, please.” He mumbled.

  Vivienne gave him a poke as the people in front of them shifted uncomfortably in their seats at his snide comment. “Honey, please. We’re here to blend in.”

  Joshua nodded. “Sorry.”

  Seamus glanced at the first rows of the audience. “Normally, I like to open with some stories about how the Lord changed my life and saved me from a path of darkness and depravity.” He paused for a moment and then turned to his immediate right. He pointed with his Bible again. “Madam, I have heard of your struggles with rheumatoid arthritis this winter and I’m here to tell you that the Lord can cure that.” He smiled as he walked down the ramp toward the audience. “Do you believe in miracles?”

  “I do.” A weak voice shouted out.

  “I need you to say it like you believe it.” He replied. “Can I get a hearty ‘amen’ from the audience?”

  “Amen.” The crowd shouted back with fervor.

  “You’re right.” Kathy whispered to Vivienne. “This really is like live theater.”

  Vivienne looked up to the screens that had a video feed zooming in on the action taking place in the front row.

  Seamus was helping an older woman dressed in a threadbare winter coat that looked as if it would have trouble keeping out a light breeze. She held tight to her walker with gnarled hands, as he paraded her to the center aisle. “What is your name, ma’am?” He asked politely.

  “Margie.” She replied meekly as he thrust the microphone close to her face.

  Seamus towered over her in his white suit. “Margie, I had a vision this
morning during my prayers. I saw a set of hands very much like yours that had seen a lifetime of work and suffering, unable to clasp together to pray.”

  “Yes.” She stammered. “I haven’t been able to do that in a long time.”

  Seamus nodded sympathetically. “And I’ll bet that you have had doctors tell you that there is no hope. No cure for your ailment, haven’t you?”

  “Back when I could afford to go.” She replied. “I just can’t afford anything on my income these days.”

  Seamus dropped down to his knees. “Margie, the Lord spoke to me this morning and said that he would heal you using me as his vessel.” One of the tech crew, dressed all in black, scurried over and took the microphone from his hand. The crew person held it close enough to pick up the conversation as Seamus grabbed her hands in his. “We’re going to change that now with the power of the Lord.”

  “I would be so grateful.” Margie began to sob.

  “Pray with me, brothers and sisters. Faithful prayer warriors, I ask you all to pray with me.” He lowered his head and began to pray for her healing.

  Most of the audience followed suit, except for a few curious onlookers. Vivienne lowered her head, but kept an eye on the monitor to see exactly what was going on.

  “Do you think it’s going to work?” Kathy whispered as she lowered her head.

  “Keep a close eye on what he’s doing, like a magician.” Vivienne whispered back.

  “Right.” Kathy returned her gaze to the screen.

  “I can’t believe they’re all falling for this.” Joshua spoke softly.

  “Not everyone is as strong as you when it comes to handling life.” Vivienne whispered back. “Keep your eyes on him.”

  “Oh, I am.” Joshua replied as one of the people in front of them made a shushing sound.

  Pastor Kilpatrick finished his prayer. “I have felt his healing energy flow through me and into you, Margie. You are no longer burdened with this crippling pain.” He looked up at her. “Toss your walker aside and trust that the Lord’s arms will guide and protect you.”

  Margie released her grip and pushed the walker away and the audience erupted into sporadic applause. She stepped toward the choir with open arms. “I am healed.” She cried out joyfully. “The pain is gone, praise God.”