Where I Belong

by Heather B. Moore

  “Jane?” Cameron said, coming through the front of the garage.

  Too late. She froze as he saw her on the porch. She gazed at him, trying to read his expression, trying to understand what had been going on.

  “Hi,” she said at last. “I was just checking on you since you never called.”

  Cameron looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah. It’s been a hell of a day.”

  Jane felt like she was shrinking. She bit her lip, wondering how she could gracefully move past Cameron and leave.

  His eyes were back on her. “I have sort of a long story to tell you.”

  Dread pooled in her stomach, and she felt like she was going to be sick.

  “Do you want to come in?” he asked.

  No, she wanted to say. “Okay.”

  Cameron continued up the steps and walked past her. He didn’t try to touch her or kiss her. He merely used his key to unlock the front door.

  The interior was dim, with the western light of the sky nearly gone. He walked into the kitchen, and Jane followed, feeling like a lonely dog following its master.

  “Do you want something to drink?” he asked.

  “No,” Jane croaked out. She wrapped her arms about her torso, unsure if she should stand or sit.

  Cameron opened a water bottle and guzzled down the whole thing. Then he crunched it and tossed it into the trash. He turned and braced his hands on the counter across from where Jane stood.

  His head dropped forward, and Jane wanted to leave—she didn’t want to hear Cameron say the words...

  “She’s not pregnant,” Cameron said in a quiet tone.

  A jolt shot through Jane. “W-what?”

  Cameron lifted his head, and in the dimness of the kitchen, she could see the tears in his eyes. What did this mean? Crystal had lied? She’d miscarried? Was Cameron heartbroken over it?

  “She’s what my mother said she was,” Cameron said, his voice stronger now. “She was trying to get back together with me. When I got to the doctor’s office, Crystal didn’t show. She texted me about a half hour after the appointment time and said she wasn’t feeling well, and she’d reschedule later. So I talked to the receptionist about rescheduling, and I was told there was never an appointment in the first place.”

  Jane stared at Cameron. His tone was full of bitterness, and that somehow comforted Jane. But the pain in his gaze was heart wrenching.

  “I went back to my car and called Crystal,” he continued. “She didn’t answer at first. I texted her, then waited and called her again. Finally, she answered, and she did sound sick... or so I thought. She told me the receptionist had been mistaken.”

  Jane moved to one of the barstools and slipped into it. Cameron remained standing.

  “I had an awful feeling that wouldn’t go away,” he said. “Just like I did when those men delivering furniture arrived here. I called my mom and told her what happened. She told me to go get a pregnancy test and make Crystal take it while I was at her house.”

  Jane’s eyes widened. “Did you?”

  He nodded, rubbing at his neck again. “I think I sat outside of the pharmacy for an hour before I went inside.”

  Jane would have helped him, had he called her. She waited for him to continue.

  “I knew it was kind of a crazy move, but I went for it.” He looked down at the counter and didn’t speak for a long time.

  “You don’t have to tell me everything,” Jane finally said.

  He lifted his head and wiped at his eyes. “She was home, and at first she tried to kick me out. I threatened to hire a lawyer to get an order that would force her to take the test.”

  “A lawyer can do that?” she asked.

  Cameron shrugged. “I don’t know. I was pretty desperate, so I bluffed my way through. She took the box from me and disappeared down the hall. I stayed by the door in case she became hysterical for whatever reason.”

  When he faded off again, Jane rose from her stool and walked around the counter. She placed a hand on his back. He didn’t seem to mind, so Jane took that as a good sign.

  “She came out about fifteen minutes later, crying.” He took a deep breath. “She hadn’t even opened the pregnancy test. Instead, she threw it at me and then started throwing other stuff.”

  Jane drew away from him, looking more closely at him. “Were you hurt?”

  “I’m pretty good at ducking,” he said in a dry voice. “But I refused to leave until she told me the truth. Finally, she screamed, ‘I’m not pregnant, now are you happy?’”

  “I don’t even know what to say,” Jane said.

  “I’ve got to be the most gullible man in the world.” His tone had sharpened with anger now.

  “I’m sure you’re not the first man to be lied to that way,” Jane said. “How are you to know, unless you do see the test or an ultrasound?”

  “Yeah, I know, I just feel like... like she could have continued to string me along, and when would I have found out?” Cameron straightened. “Plus, I let this mess affect my relationship with you.”

  When he reached for her, Jane had no problem melting into his arms. “It’s not your fault, Cameron. You’re a good man, and sometimes good men are taken advantage of.”

  “You sound like my mom.”

  Jane drew away enough to look up at him. “Is that a good thing?”

  The distress in his eyes had lessened, and he bent closer to her. “It’s a good thing. I’m really sorry for all of this.”

  “Don’t apologize for anything,” Jane said. “I’m just glad you’re finally free of Crystal.”

  He nodded. “Me too. Although I sort of feel like I lost a kid.”

  “Of course you do,” she said, moving her hands up his chest, then settling them on his shoulders. “You’d already accepted the pregnancy in your mind and were making plans for the future.”

  Cameron pulled her into a tight hug and buried his face against her neck. “Do you know you always smell good?”

  Jane chuckled. “So do you.” And he did. She was glad she’d come to his cabin too. Cameron was much better in person than Cameron any other way.

  “How soon is too soon?” Cameron asked his friend, Jeff Finch, while they had a late lunch together at the Main Street Café.

  “To ask a woman to marry you?” Jeff said, a lopsided smile on his face.

  Cameron glared at his friend, who thought he was some big real estate hot shot now and could give him a hard time. “No. How soon is too soon to know if what you have with a woman is the real thing? Something that will last forever?”

  “Ah,” Jeff said. “As if I’m some sort of love expert. Why don’t you Google it?”

  “Ha. Ha. Very funny.” Cameron sipped from his soda. “I mean, I’ve only been seeing Jane for a few weeks. But it’s as if my whole world has shifted.”

  “Maybe you’re on the rebound from Crystal,” Jeff said.

  “Yeah, I’ve considered that too,” Cameron admitted. “But my parents have told me she’s different from any of my former girlfriends, and that I’m different too. I feel that difference.”

  Jeff took another bite of the BLT he’d ordered. “Then you tell me, man. What’s different about how you feel about Jane versus how you felt about Crystal—whom you almost married?”

  It was a valid question, and Cameron leaned back in his chair, thinking about it. Their personalities and backgrounds were different, of course. Their moral compasses were complete opposites. With Crystal, Cameron felt like she was driving everything, practically forcing them through the steps toward engagement and marriage. Now that he was away from it, Cameron could see how stifled he’d been and how controlling Crystal had been too.

  With Jane, he felt like he couldn’t get enough time with her. He missed her almost as soon as he left her, and she was the first thing he thought about when he woke up in the morning.

  “I care more about her well-being than my own,” Cameron finally told Jeff. “I know it sounds cliché, but when we’r
e apart, I feel like something is missing. Like my heart.” He expected Jeff to laugh, but when he didn’t, Cameron added, “I’m whipped, huh?”

  “Um, yep,” Jeff said. “But I’m happy for you. I can see the difference in you too. You’re more happy, more relaxed, more focused.” Jeff grabbed his own soda and took a long swallow. “So I think you’re pretty much good to go.”

  “Good to go for what?” Cameron said.

  “To make the big confession,” Jeff said with a grin, then leaned forward. “Tell her how you feel. Declare your love!” He winked.

  Cameron chuckled, then looked down at his half-eaten sandwich, knowing there was no way he could finish it off. Not with his stomach tied in knots. “I want to tell her—but I’ve been holding back for some reason. She’s putting down a deposit on an apartment today and signing a one-year lease. I want to tell her not to do it, because I want her future to be with me, but am I just feeling this push because she’s about to sign a lease?”

  “Maybe. Or maybe it has to do with your relationship with Crystal,” Jeff said, straightening in his chair. “I’m no psychologist, but if you told Crystal you loved her, and she ended up being a major witch, then how do you go from that experience to loving a different woman? How can you trust your emotions?”

  “Now I know why you’re the best realtor in Pine Valley,” Cameron said. “You get people.”

  “So, I’m right?”

  Cameron nodded. “You’re right. And I’ve put this off for far too long. I want Jane to know... the truth about how I feel. I want her to know that she belongs with me.”

  “You should tell her sooner than later,” Jeff said. “And not because she’s signing a lease today. Jane’s a beautiful woman. Bringing her to that benefit caught a lot of men’s attention.”

  Disbelief shot through Cameron. “You wouldn’t dare—”

  “Not me,” Jeff said, raising his hands in innocence. “But I can’t speak for others.”

  Cameron exhaled. “You’re a jerk.”

  Jeff laughed. “Hey, don’t forget I bought lunch. Maybe next time it should be on you.”

  Cameron shook his head. “All right, I’m going to do this. Today. Somehow I’m going to do it before she meets with the leasing company.”

  “Good for you,” Jeff said. “I really mean it.”

  Cameron stood and picked up his plate of half-eaten food. “Thanks, man.”

  Jeff just smiled and nodded. “Let me know what she says, or doesn’t say...”

  “Ha. Ha.” Cameron carried his plate to the trash. Then with a final acknowledgment to Jeff, he left the café.

  He climbed into his car. He had two conference calls soon, and then he hoped to catch Jane before she went to the leasing office. He didn’t know if telling her how he truly felt about her would change things, but he didn’t want to think of her locked into a one-year contract. What if... what if they decided to get married? He didn’t want to wait a year.

  And yes, he knew contracts could be sold or paid out, but this was giving him incentive to cross that line from dating to exclusivity. Not that he thought Jane would date anyone else, especially with the way she kissed him. But he was being selfish, and he wanted her all to himself. Forever.

  Cameron started his car and drove back to his cabin. Was he really wanting to marry Jane? It might sound crazy, but he knew he did. He didn’t want to scare her off, though. So he’d take it slower than he wanted to.

  When he reached the cabin, he went inside and opened his laptop to take notes during the conference calls. Each of the calls lasted about an hour. Then he noticed he had a reply to a series of emails he’d sent the week before to an art college that was about an hour’s drive away. He’d started researching it without telling Jane.

  It turned out that the college was expensive, but students who didn’t get accepted on scholarship could continue applying each semester. There were also evening and weekend classes, so it could fit in with Jane’s work schedule.

  Cameron opened the email and read through the acceptance letter. They’d received the watercolor Cameron had mailed them—the watercolor Jane had done of the women in the assisted living center. He’d talked Jane into giving it to him to put in his cabin, and she’d reluctantly agreed. Cameron opened the attached PDF and followed the instructions for registering for part-time credits and paying tuition.

  He didn’t know if Jane would accept the opportunity, and he knew he could request a tuition refund, minus the application fee, but if everything was done, then maybe Jane would be more willing to try it. He sent the acceptance letter and class schedule to the printer, then stuck it all in a large envelope.

  It was after 5:00, so he sent Jane a text, knowing she should be almost finished for the day: Do you want to meet for dinner when you’re finished with work?

  She replied a few minutes later: I can later. The leasing office closes at 6:00, so I have to go there first.

  Can you go tomorrow? he wrote back.

  They’re only holding the place for me until closing today.

  Cameron exhaled. He had to reach her before she signed those papers. He powered down the laptop, then grabbed the oversized envelope. He headed out the door again to hopefully intercept Jane before she signed any leasing papers.

  There was no sign of her car when he pulled into the leasing office parking lot. So he sat and waited, answering various texts and emails on his phone. His pulse drummed as he waited, and he was about to call her when he saw her car approaching.

  Cameron climbed out of his car just as Jane climbed out of hers. She did a double take when she saw him. She was still wearing her cleaning uniform.

  Her smile gave him another bit of courage, and Cameron crossed the parking lot.

  “I didn’t know you were coming,” Jane said. “You must be really hungry.”

  “Mostly just impatient,” he said, setting the envelope he carried on top of her car. Then he grasped her hand and tugged her toward him.

  She raised her eyebrows but came easily in his arms. “What’s up with you?”

  He stared into her green eyes. Then his gaze dipped to her mouth. “I missed you.”

  Jane ran her fingers along his neck, then her thumb against his jaw. “You’re funny, you know that. I mean, we saw each other last night.”

  Cameron placed a light kiss on her lips. “That was last night.”

  “Do you want to come inside with me?” she asked, starting to draw away from his hold.

  “No,” he said.

  “Okay, I’ll probably be about twenty minutes. Then we can get something to eat.”

  “Jane,” he said, stopping her from pulling out of his arms. “I need to talk to you.”

  Jane’s eyes immediately filled with concern.

  “It’s not anything bad,” he said. “At least, I hope not.”

  When her brows pulled together, he knew he was making things worse.

  “Just tell me, Cameron. All of this preamble is killing me.”

  “Right.” He released her and grabbed the envelope from on top of the car. “I got you a small gift, but before you open it, I need to tell you something.” He handed over the plain envelope.

  “Okay,” Jane said, looking down at the envelope, then back at him.

  A car pulled into the parking lot, and Cameron glanced over. He waited until the man who climbed out of the car entered the leasing office. Cameron could feel Jane’s gaze on him.

  “Look,” he started, “I know when we met I was sort of going through a crazy time. And I probably wasn’t really myself. In fact, I don’t think I was myself the entire relationship with Crystal. And then... things ended with us. And I started to get to know you.”

  Jane nodded, her gaze curious. But she was gripping the envelope less tightly.

  “Of course I noticed you—I mean, who wouldn’t?” he said. “You’re beautiful, but most importantly, you listened to me, you helped me when you didn’t even know me. Which only showed me how huge your hear
t is.”

  Jane blinked a couple of times, and her cheeks took on a faint pink tinge.

  “So... I wanted to give you something that I’m hoping you’ll want,” he said. “You’ve told me more than once that we come from different backgrounds and walks of life, but I only think that makes us stronger. Your strengths help me, and hopefully, my strengths can help you.”

  Jane smiled. “Can I open it now?”

  “Soon,” he said, grasping her hand. He linked their fingers, and the physical connection helped him continue. “I was engaged to Crystal, and even though I had planned on marrying her, I didn’t know what love was. I didn’t understand the difference between the excitement of being caught up in planning a future together, and the definition of love when two people put each other’s needs before their own.”

  “Cameron...” Jane’s voice trailed off when he placed a finger to her lips.

  “I can’t wait another day without telling you that I’ve fallen in love with you, Jane,” he said.

  Her eyes widened, and her smile fell from her face.

  It wasn’t the reaction Cameron had hoped for. “I think I’ve loved you since our first dance at the hospital benefit, but I couldn’t fathom feeling that type of emotion after what I’d been through.”

  Jane looked down at their linked hands.

  “I know this might be too soon to say these things, and I’ve been trying not to move things forward too fast, but it’s killing me,” he said. She still wasn’t looking at him. “I’ll understand if I’ve freaked you out and you want to tell me to go take a hike.”

  Jane lifted her face, and she had tears in her eyes. She blinked them back, but the sight still tugged at his heart.

  Cameron had spoken too soon. He should have given their relationship more time.

  But instead of telling him that he couldn’t possibly feel this way, she placed her other hand on his cheek. “I don’t want you to disappear, Cameron. I’m okay with what you’re telling me, because I love you too.”

  He stared at her for a moment. Then he grabbed her and spun her around.

  Jane clung to his shoulders and laughed. “Put me down.”