Found in Bliss

by Lexi Blake

  Good thing he understood his job and his duty to his patients. A deep sense of joy lodged in his heart. Alexei might waltz away with the girl, but not until he’d been thoroughly examined. Thoroughly. After all, that was a doctor’s job.

  He felt a smile cross his face. He was pretty sure it wasn’t reassuring. He pulled on his latex gloves. “So, do you want to start with the blood work or the prostate exam?”

  Alexei went a little pale. “I am being sure I do not know what this prostate is. Well, I have suspicion.”

  Now Caleb grinned widely and held up a tube of lube. “Don’t worry about it, buddy. It’s all a part of the service. You need a prostate check every year.”

  “But I promise not to use prostate in making the love with Holly. I will keep her far away from prostate.” Alexei backed up, his eyes going to the lube.

  Nope. He wasn’t getting out of this so easily. “Sorry, buddy. It’s this or a full colonoscopy. Welcome to America. Now please bend over.”

  Chapter Four

  Holly pulled her car into the parking lot in front of Caleb’s office. It was located at the end of Main Street, close to Stella’s, but she’d only made it past the front door once, and that was when Caleb had been guarding her. In the year Caleb had been in town, she’d never been sick enough to come into the tiny clinic. The one cold she’d come down with had been dealt with in Caleb’s ruthlessly precise fashion. She’d sniffled at the café one morning and found herself at home in bed with a neti pot, chicken soup, and a ton of orange juice. She hadn’t even felt that bad.

  And yet it was a sweet memory.

  She got out and closed the door to her tiny piece-of-crap vehicle. She was lucky she’d been able to afford the sucker, but sometimes it made her depressed. The same way Caleb did.

  What was she doing? She was about to walk into Caleb’s office and take a blood test to prove she was a healthy sex partner to a twenty-eight-year-old god of a man.

  She opened the door to his small clinic. It didn’t even have a nameplate, just a simple red cross and stenciled black letters proclaiming it to be Bliss County Clinic.

  Caleb had done a lot for her. She hadn’t even thought to get him a nameplate. He wouldn’t think to buy one. He never thought about things like that, but he did think to make sure she was safe. Unfortunately, he didn’t want her the way she wanted him. Did that mean she didn’t owe him? He’d been a good, if odd, friend to her. She hadn’t been the same to him.

  Holly stood in the small, Spartan waiting room. She could hear Caleb talking.

  “I’ll have the blood tests back in a few weeks.”

  “Weeks?”

  Her whole body went on alert. Alexei’s voice sounded slightly strangled.

  “These things take time.”

  No, they didn’t. Caleb often drove into Alamosa and had results the same day.

  “I understanding. I, uhm, I do not, uhm, well, thanks to you.” Yep, Alexei sounded distressed. “Please to let me know when it is safe to be close to Holly. I care for her. I would not be harming her, not for anything.”

  There was a long pause. “Okay. Like I said, I’ll let you know.”

  The door to the exam room opened, and Alexei walked out. She stared, studying him for a moment before he realized he wasn’t alone. He looked older, more weary than he had the night before. Worry creased his brow and turned that sensual mouth down. His shoulders slumped as he shut the door behind him.

  And then it all changed when he saw her. A vibrant smile crossed his face. His body straightened to his impressive six and a half feet, and his entire air took on a sexy, sultry tone. “Holly. It is very good to see you. You look heated today.”

  Hot. She looked hot. She was starting to hope his English didn’t get better. He was adorable when he was screwing it up. “Thanks.”

  She stood there, not quite knowing what to do. She hadn’t dated in forever. Were they dating? Or merely waiting to have sex?

  “I have to go to talk to man about job, but would you like to have dinner tonight?”

  She actually felt her heart flutter. He was so gorgeous, and he was looking at her like he could eat her up. If they had been alone, she might have suggested that dinner started early and wouldn’t he like a piece of Holly pie? Damn it. He had her hormones turned up so high she could barely think when he was around.

  But then Caleb walked into the room, his green eyes solemn as he took in the scene in front of him. He stared for the briefest moment before his eyes found the floor. “Uhm, Holly, I’m ready whenever you are.”

  She nodded, and he backed into the exam room again.

  She needed to figure out a way to be right with Caleb. Her heart ached when she looked at him, but Alexei made her feel young and vital. And Alexei wanted her.

  “Caleb is stubborn man, dushka. If he did not save both lives, I seriously consider coming out of retirement to murder him.” Alexei frowned, staring back at the door.

  “Oh, god, what did he do?”

  “All I know is Russian doctors are not so thorough. A man’s backside is sacred in Russia. I tell you, if he tries in bedroom, I will deal with him.”

  “Huh?” Yeah, maybe she should rethink how adorable his English was.

  He reached out and took her hand. “Nothing. Nothing to worry about. I am patient man. Very patient. And tolerant. And no longer violent. So, dinner?”

  At least she understood that. “Yes. I would love to have dinner with you. I get off at six. We could have dinner at Stella’s if you like.”

  He shook his head. “No. Not where you work. Let’s go to Trio and have nice drink and dance. After I get job, I take you to someplace very nice.”

  She loved how his hand squeezed hers. “I’m fine going anywhere. There aren’t a lot of choices in Bliss.”

  “When I get job and make the monies, I take you wherever you like to go. But, for tonight, it must be Trio.” He brought her hand to his lips, the sensation making her tingle all over. “Now, I must find this place called Roger’s Garage. How long will it take me to get there?”

  “Long-Haired Roger’s place? He’s about two miles north of the Feed Store Church, right next to Polly’s Cut and Curl. You can’t miss it. Polly has a huge pink neon sign with kissing lips on it. It’ll take you ten minutes or so by car.”

  “Car is one of things I must get.”

  She reached for her keys. “Take mine. I’m going to work straight after this. I don’t need it again until I get off. Do what you need to do and then drop it off at Stella’s. I have to warn you, it’s kind of small.”

  His smile brightened everything around him. He took the keys and leaned over, kissing her lips. “So many thanks to you, dushka. It makes up for the doctor. Be careful. His hand is much bigger than it look. If I could spare you, I would.” He brought her fingers to his lips again. “Tonight.”

  The word held such promise. She was pretty sure the room lost some temperature as Alexei walked out the door.

  And now she had to find a way to deal with Caleb.

  She decided on a friendly but no-nonsense approach. He was behaving like a protective older brother. She marched right into his exam room. “Why is it going to take weeks to get the blood work back? I happen to know that the hospital in Alamosa will process your samples in a few hours.”

  His gold and red head didn’t move from the chart he was studying. “They do that as a favor to me. I’m not going to call in a favor so Alexei can get some.”

  She gritted her teeth. “What do you have against Alexei?”

  “Well, he’s a mobster for one thing.” The words came out in a disgruntled huff. He marked the chart, his pen moving across the pages in tense lines.

  She thought that was part of the problem. Caleb didn’t deal well with violence. “Ex-mobster. And he was only in the mob because he was seeking revenge on the man who killed his brother. I’ve read all the stories about him. He didn’t kill anyone who was innocent. He only ever killed other mobsters. You don’t have a pr
oblem with Nate and Zane. They basically did the same thing when they were undercover with the DEA.”

  “Nate and Zane were in law enforcement. They had badges.” His tone had gone to a sullen, dark place. His green eyes had deepened as though he was talking about something sacred. “Alexei’s a violent man. He’s a brutal man, Holly.”

  “Was. People change.”

  Caleb leaned against the counter, assessing her as though trying to figure out the best way to give her bad news. “No, they don’t. They don’t change. When the chips are down, he’ll go right back to what he knows best because no one truly changes.”

  “Really? I know I did. I changed for the worse. At least Alexei changed for the better.”

  “What are you talking about?” It was the first time since she’d walked in the room that he hadn’t sounded sure of himself.

  She wished she hadn’t opened the line of conversation, but now that she had, she was going to move forward with it. She and Caleb were going to hash this out, and they would either be friends or nothing at all. “I changed after my divorce. Although when I think about it, I suppose it was sometime during the actual marriage that I changed. I couldn’t pinpoint the date. It wasn’t one specific incident, just a whole bunch of small cuts and bruises on my soul.”

  His eyes hooded, and he went very still. “Inflicted by your husband?”

  She laced her fingers together. Sometimes, even years and years later, the memories were fresh. “And his family. They didn’t want Scott to marry me. Scott and I met in college. I was there on a scholarship. He was there because his father had built a wing of the school. It was a ritzy private school. I was the girl from the wrong side of the tracks, and Scott was going through a rebellious stage. We met my sophomore year, his senior. We moved in together pretty quickly. Scott went on to law school, and I dropped out to go with him. I was a stupid girl. I thought I was helping him. Anyway, before he graduated, I got pregnant with Micky, and we got married over his family’s very vocal objections.”

  “What didn’t they like about you?” The question had a nasty edge to it, but she didn’t think it was pointed at her.

  She could still hear her ex-mother-in-law’s voice explaining all the things that were wrong with her. She was too fat. She was too stupid. She wasn’t well-bred. And Maureen Lang hadn’t merely told Holly that. Maureen liked to tell all of her friends, seeking sympathy for the horror of her oldest child’s marital disaster. “Pretty much everything. I wasn’t cultured enough. I wasn’t polished. I wasn’t a proper political wife. But Scott didn’t want to go into politics at the time. He wanted to open a quiet practice. He was so happy when Micky was born.”

  “He changed his tune. He’s a congressman, isn’t he?”

  Oh, he was also a rat-fink bastard, but he never let anyone forget that he was a congressman. “Yes. About a year after Micky was born, things started to change. Scott got tired of rebelling, and his father convinced him to move back into the family mansion and run for office. They never stopped putting me down, never let up for an instant. And I changed. I became the kind of woman who pretended her husband wasn’t cheating. I became the kind of woman who stopped dreaming. I hated myself. I became the kind of woman who lost her child.”

  She blinked back tears, but moved on. “Micky was my life. I withered without him, and I don’t think I’ve had a moment where I felt like that girl in college again. I want to. I want to feel like there’s something out in the world for me, Caleb. I thought that might be you, but you don’t want me that way. I don’t know if Alexei is the man who pulls me out of this lonely place I’ve been in for years, but I’m ready to find out. I’m ready to take a chance. I’m ready to change. So don’t tell me people can’t change. I need to believe they can.”

  Caleb was silent for a moment, for so long she worried she’d offended him in some way. She was about to apologize for opening up, for exposing so much of herself to him, when he finally sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair.

  “When I get the test results, I’ll call you.” He turned back to his file. “Don’t worry about it. I won’t bug him again. And you can go.”

  Now she was really worried she’d offended him. He’d dismissed her utterly, his walls coming up in an instant when she’d hoped they might come down. A burst of anger threatened to explode. She felt her fists clench.

  “Are you telling me you won’t do the exam now? You won’t even be my doctor?” She had to check the tears that threatened. She was sure her whole face had gone bright red. She’d never been able to control her emotions, one more flaw in Maureen’s book.

  His head came up, utter confusion sparking his face. “I didn’t say that. I don’t think you need it. Holly, I’ve run every test on your blood I could run. I did a workup on you when you had that cold a few months back.”

  “Yes, that seemed like overkill.” She’d had the sniffles, and he’d insisted on blood work.

  He took a deep breath and set the folder aside. “I’m thorough. I…I wanted to make sure you were okay. There’s this old saying in the medical profession. When you hear horses, don’t look for zebras. It’s basically a way of telling doctors to accept that a cold is more than likely only a cold. The cold is the horse. Something rarer, like Streptococcus pyogenes, would be a zebra. But sometimes zebras can bite you in the ass. I was making sure your cold wasn’t something more.”

  She felt her eyes go wide. “Wow, you’re as crazy as the rest of us, aren’t you?”

  A suspicious shade of red stole across his handsome features. “I’m surprised it took you so long to notice.”

  “So I suppose I’m clean?” She’d been sure of that. One had to have sex to get a sexually transmitted disease. It had been a long, long time for her. But it seemed unfair that Alexei was the only one who had to get checked out.

  “You’re perfect.” He swallowed again and turned back around.

  And that was her cue to leave. So why couldn’t she? What the hell was it about this man that called to her? And why did she keep trying? “Caleb, why are you so nice to me when you aren’t interested in me physically?”

  She needed to understand. She’d been out of the game so long—out of life so long, really—that she wanted to know how and why she’d misread him so terribly.

  His eyes came up, and they were harder than before. “You think I don’t want you? Not want you? How can you say I don’t want you?”

  Frustration threatened to boil over. And anger. She was getting angry, too. “Don’t play with me. We’ve done this dance for almost a solid year, and I’m tired of it.”

  “You’re tired of it?” The exam table was between them, and suddenly she was happy for it because Caleb looked predatory. “You’re tired of it? I haven’t had sex in a year because of you.”

  “Well, I certainly wasn’t stopping you.” Actually she’d sort of encouraged him.

  His head cocked slightly to one side. She’d been around him long enough to know that slight movement of his head was a sign he was getting angry. “Oh, yes, you did. I couldn’t think about sleeping with another woman because the fucking one I wanted was you. Is you.”

  “I don’t understand. I’ve practically thrown myself at you. I asked you if you wanted to sleep with me. You said no.” She’d asked him the first night he’d spent on her couch. Oh, she’d pretended it was about comfort, but she’d hoped that once he was in bed, he would turn to her. She’d wanted to hold him, to know him, to comfort him because he seemed to need it so desperately.

  Those sensual lips she loved turned slightly cruel. “I told you I didn’t want to sleep with you, and I meant it. I didn’t say I wouldn’t appreciate a fuck.”

  Well, that said it all. Tears blurring her eyes, she turned and started for the door. It was obvious he didn’t want a friendship. He didn’t want anything at all if he could talk to her like that. She wouldn’t be treated like a whore again. Not by anyone.

  A strong arm snaked around her waist, and she was hauled b
ack against a perfectly hard body. Caleb’s body. She could feel his breath against her neck.

  “Don’t go. Not like this.”

  The feel of his body against hers was bittersweet. She’d waited so long, and it was only when she was leaving that he thought to hold her. “Caleb, let me go. I’ll leave you alone. I promise. I never meant to bother you.”

  The words tumbled out of his mouth like a waterfall that had been dammed up and finally, finally set free. “And I never meant to hurt you, baby. God, I never meant to hurt you. It’s the last thing I want to do. I want you so badly, but I can’t get into a relationship. I’m not cut out for it. I would hurt you in the end. Can you understand that?”

  Not really, but she had to accept it. “Sure.”

  He groaned. “Holly, you’re the first woman I’ve wanted since my wife died.”

  “You expect me to believe you haven’t had sex in six years?”

  “No. I was like Alexei. Not hookers exactly, but women who didn’t expect emotion from me. I couldn’t do that to you. You’re not like that, so I’ve kept my hands to myself because I couldn’t offer you anything but sex.”

  But his hands weren’t to himself now. They were restless on her skin. The heat of his body was seeping into her own. “I can’t believe that of you. You’re not unfeeling.”

  “Maybe.” His head rested against her shoulder. He didn’t seem willing to let go now that he’d finally touched her. “But I’m unwilling to really try. I’m sorry. I wish I could be the man you need. I wish I could beg you not to go out with that Russian bastard, to pick me, but that would be unfair.”

  And she wasn’t sure she could do it. Now that Alexei was back, she was nervous about seeing him, but she was pretty sure she would regret it the rest of her life if she didn’t try with him. And yet the thought that this was the end with Caleb tore her heart up. How had she fallen for two men?

  Stupid question. She’d fallen for two men because she’d thought she might be able to have it all. Like Rachel and Callie and Laura. But no. She would have to choose, and either way she went, she would ache with it for the rest of her life. And, in the end, there was no real choice at all because Caleb wouldn’t try.