by Megg Jensen
“Charles!” Mags squealed. “Be nice to the girl, now.”
“It’s okay,” I said, followed by a quick giggle. “He’s just a baby.”
Trevin cooed and spit up all over my leather vest. His name may have changed, but his gastric habits certainly hadn’t.
“I am so, so sorry.” Mags reached for a cloth, then dabbed my clothes.
I took the cloth from her with my free hand. “It’s okay. Really, it is. I don’t mind.” I didn’t. In fact, I loved it. Nothing said home to me like Trevin’s spittle. If I set him down on the floor, I wondered if he’d start crawling, or pulling up on the furniture. He’d already grown and changed so much.
“She says she’s my daughter.” I glanced up at my mother. She didn’t waste any time getting to the point.
Mags’ eyes widened. “Really? This is wonderful! Do you know me?” She glanced at Trevin on my lap. “Do you know Charles? Is that why he’s so comfortable with you? He won’t let anyone other than me hold him, but you walk in here and he’s so happy to see you.”
I kissed Trevin on the head. “I do. I know all three of you.”
“Did you recognize anyone else in the village?” my mother asked. She took a seat next to me at the table.
I shook my head. “I didn’t, sorry.”
“They don’t have much to do with us,” Mags said. “One morning, I woke up and I was in this cottage with Mary. Charles was sleeping in the crib with a note attached to the side of it.”
Mags scooted to the edge of the bed, pulled a small crate from under the bed, and opened it. Inside lay a few odds and ends, but she grabbed the note and handed it to me.
You are Anne. This is your son Charles. Welcome to your new home.
“I thought perhaps Mary had written it,” Mags continued. “But she said she’d woken up in a similar way days before. We’ve been trying to figure out who we are and where we came from, but no one here knows any more than we do.”
“You will tell us, won’t you?” my mother asked. Mags looked at me, her eyes silently pleading. Trevin squiggled on my lap, as if he had an opinion too. Though by his easy acceptance of me, I believed they had done nothing to him. Why would they? He was only a baby. No one remembered anything from that young.
So I told them. I sat for an indeterminable amount of time, explaining to Mags. To spare her pain, I left out the story of Trevin’s father. If I was right, it was the reason she’d asked to be severed in the first place. I had no intention of revisiting that pain with her now. I let her believe Trevin was the former king’s son. She gasped when she realized that meant she had been a queen. Her shoulders squared and she unconsciously reached up to smooth out her hair. The woman I’d known, the woman who was my best friend, was slowly coming back to me.
When I finished, she took Trevin from my lap, holding him close to her chest. Then she stretched out her arms, looking him square in the eyes. “You have two older brothers. Daniel and Michael. We will not forget them again, will we?”
Trevin’s answer was to spit up all over his shirt. “I think that means he agrees with me,” Mags said with a laugh. “I need to feed him now, so I’ll head over to the kitchen and get something soft for him. He doesn’t have many teeth yet, but I have a feeling they’re coming soon with the way he’s been sleeping. Do you want me to bring back anything for you, Mary?” My mother shook her head. Then Mags looked to me again. “I just realized, you haven’t told us your name yet.”
I hadn’t on purpose. “Not yet,” I said with a smile. Mags looked a little confused, but she shrugged her shoulders and left with Trevin.
The door closed softly behind her, leaving my mother and I alone. I glanced at her expressionless face. I tried not to shudder. Other than the day I’d stumbled upon the camp, the last time I’d seen her she had just killed Bryden. It was an accident, of course. She’d really been trying to kill me.
“I have a feeling we didn’t have the best relationship,” my mother said. Her voice chilled me, sending waves of ice through my veins.
I attempted to focus on the woman in front of me. Tried to remind myself that she wasn’t the same person who’d tried to kill me. All of that had been erased. She was starting over and I could afford her the courtesy of a second chance.
“We only met recently. You gave me up for adoption as a baby.” Where I’d been so willing to give Mags her life back, I wasn’t sure what to tell my mother. Even if she was the one who’s mind was clear, what was her role in it? I didn’t know what to do.
Panicked, I wished Chase had come in the cottage with me and stood invisible in the corner. My breath quickened as my heart pounded even harder. The magic inside me sparked to life, but I fought to keep it contained. There was no magic here and I couldn’t let her know about it.
“Your hair color is so unusual.” She reached out for my hair, wrapping one finger around a lock of it.
Out of instinct, I slapped her hand away. I didn’t want her to touch me. I stumbled up and out of the chair, knocking it over.
“I’m sorry,” I stammered.
“You act as if I killed someone you loved and you’re expecting me to do it to you.”
My jaw dropped. How could she know? How could she hit on the one thing that was true?
“I have to leave,” I said, making my way toward the door.
“Anne will miss you,” my mother said, her voice reminding me more of a snake trying to hypnotize me with its gaze than a caring mother. “Come back soon.”
With my hand shaking, I fumbled for the doorknob. It clicked and the door swung open. I was surprised to find Chase standing not far outside the door, pacing. He stopped abruptly and ran to me. I wanted to jump into his waiting arms, but I couldn’t. It would look even stranger to my mother, who peeked out the window next to the door, if I embraced the empty air.
“We’re out of here,” I whispered to him.
Chase nodded and put his hand on my back. I wanted to grab his hand and use it to calm the shaking in my hands, but I couldn’t. Not yet. Not until we were safely away from her.
We ran around the back of another building. Only when Chase was sure she couldn’t see us anymore did I open a portal directly into my chambers. Chase and I jumped through and I closed it behind me. I fell into his arms, breaking out in tears.
“What did she say to you?” Chase stroked my hair and rested his chin on top of my head. I snuggled deeper into his embrace, afraid if I let go for only a second I’d spiral out of control.
“Nothing.” I mumbled it into his chest.
Chase pulled away from me.
“Don’t,” I begged. I pushed toward him, but his strong arms held me back.
“I need to know what she said to you and I need to know it right now.” I looked up through my tears. His face was like stone, his eyes blazing with anger. “If she threatened you, I’m going back there right now to kill her.”
I looked away. “She didn’t threaten me.” My hands shook as I pushed my hair back from my face. “It was me. I was projecting things on her. Actions, emotions, words, it’s like I was expecting her to reveal that the severing hadn’t worked.”
“So you think she doesn’t remember?” Chase asked. He bowed his head, rubbing his cheeks with his hands.
He was as frustrated as I was. If I was him, I’d be mad at me right now. I’d spoiled a perfectly good opportunity to learn more from her. Instead, I choked and ran out.
“This is going to make my next visit even more difficult,” I said. My mother’s cautious face swam before my eyes, accompanied by a vivid recollection of her face the day she killed Bryden. I brushed the thoughts aside, and focused on how I would explain myself to her.
“Next visit?” Chase’s eyes remained fixed on mine. “There won’t be a next visit, Lianne. You’re done.”
I stalked over to him. Even though my head barely reached his shoulder, I was determined to dominate him. “You have no say in what I do or don’t do next.” I glared at him, my shoulders
squared and my feet firm on the ground. I wouldn’t back down.
Chase waved a hand at me. “Sorry. I shouldn’t talk to you that way. You’re not mine to control.”
“I never will be. I can control myself just fine.”
The air between us thickened. The magic in my stomach crackled. I held my hands behind my back, fearing the magic would escape and singe him. It was stronger when I was angry. While I’d learned to control it, I still didn’t fully trust myself.
Chase ran his fingers through his hair, the blond strands falling into place. It was like he was constant perfection.
“I know, I know. It was a reaction, Lianne, calm down.” He glanced at my arms. I shook them out, letting him see that my hands were free of any fire. “We’re putting Elessia to rest tonight. Will you be there?”
I nodded. “Of course I will.” My mood softened immediately. I was reminded of everything that drove me. There was a war coming, and I was the only one who could end it. If I could, I’d stop it before it started. I only had to unravel the mystery Eloh had given me. Once I knew what I was supposed to do, I could act on it.
Chase placed a hand on my shoulder. He leaned in closer, as if he was about to kiss me on the cheek. If he did, would that violate his promise of not kissing me until I asked him to? Did a peck on the cheek count the same as a kiss on the lips between lovers?
“I’ll have them send dinner to you in a few hours, then I’ll pick you up. We can go together.” He whispered it all in my ear. His lips so close, but they never touched me. He was true to his word, then.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.
Chapter Seventeen
I sat on the bed.
I stared at the wall.
A couple of hours until dinner would arrive.
I jumped up and put my boots back on. Waiting was for people of leisure. Time was my enemy and the longer I waited, the closer I was to losing everything.
I flicked my fingers and a portal appeared in front of me. It shimmered golden, with a hint of green in the middle. If I squinted my eyes, I could almost see the other side. The cottages, the forest in the distance, my mother standing outside, alone, waiting for me to return.
As I walked through, I felt a twinge of nausea, a common side effect for people who’d never been through a portal before. But I knew deep down it wasn’t the portal. It was my fear.
Regardless of how scared I was to face my mother again, I knew I needed to do it. I had no choice. Her mind was clear. She was the one I was seeking.
I thought I heard someone call my name, but I emerged on the other side and closed the portal behind me. If someone was there, they didn’t need to follow. This was my task. I could only do it alone. Knowing Chase was nearby earlier, gave me a reason to escape. This time I was alone and I’d face it with a strong conviction.
She was severed. I wouldn’t let the past scare me again.
It was chilly in the forest and I hadn’t thought to bring a cloak. I shivered, crossing my arms across my chest. I’d seen correctly. She was standing outside the cottage, wrapped in a cape and holding a second in her arms. My mother hadn’t seen me yet. She was facing the direction I’d left in earlier.
Standing still, I watched her for a few moments, hoping to unearth some clue about her, but nothing in her firm stance or unwavering gaze shared a secret. She was as mysterious to me as she’d been before, except without her magic she was completely harmless.
I cleared my throat. She turned toward me, her eyes even, not giving away a bit of surprise.
“I thought you’d be back. I brought this for you.” She held out the extra cape toward me. It was a motherly gesture. I felt strangely calmed and disturbed by it. Still, I took the cape and flung it over my shoulders. “Let’s walk along the perimeter. If you pull the hood up over your head, to cover that interesting hair of yours, no one will realize you’re not supposed to be here.”
I followed her quick pace toward the edge of the clearing. Chase hadn’t told me what, if anything, he’d discovered about the perimeter alarms.
“After you left, something happened,” she said. I braced myself. If a messenger had come and she or Mags told them about me, I knew I wouldn’t be here for long. They’d come for me. I’d been out of my chamber so much in the last few days that the guards no longer had the fear of Chase in them. They yelled at me if I went somewhere I wasn’t supposed to. If I was found here, I’d be in big trouble.
My mother glanced behind her, toward the cottages. A few people stirred outside, but none of them paid attention to us.
“I think I remembered some of my past.”
I took in a gasp. “It’s not possible.”
“Are you sure? When I saw you, it trigged something deep within me. We had a contentious relationship, didn’t we?”
I nodded, afraid of giving away too much. Contentious was putting it lightly. She’d killed the man I loved while trying to murder me. I stared into her eyes, not seeing one bit of the venom she’d always stored there. Her statement wasn’t a threat. It was simply a memory – maybe one she didn’t want to remember.
“What do you remember?”
She looked away from me, fiddling with the buttons on her cape. “Nothing specific, really. I just recall darkness and death.” She reached out and grabbed my hands. “Did I do something to hurt you?”
I fought back the tears, forcing them to keep hidden. “You killed the man I wanted to marry.” I took a deep breath. “He died saving me from you.”
Her arms encircled my body before I could protest. My adoptive mother had never hugged me, never once shown this kind of compassion. Maybe it was something that even bordered on love. If my mother’s personality had changed with severing, then maybe she could feel the instinctive love of parent for child.
My heart pounded. I wanted to hurt her, pay her back for all the grief and sadness I felt. I wanted her to know how it felt to be given up for adoption, raised by people who hated me, ridiculed by everyone in the town, never loved for who I was. If she knew what it felt like to sift through lies, to finally find love, then have it torn away before it was ever given a chance to blossom into something beautiful, then maybe she’d be qualified to offer me the comfort I needed.
Instead, her arms, the arms of my biological mother, was all I needed to rip the hurt from my body, tie it up, and throw it into the abyss. I melted into her embrace, allowing myself to be emotionally naked. Silent tears streamed down my face as I burrowed into her shoulder, soaking her cape.
“I’m so sorry, my sweet, sweet daughter. If that’s what I was like before, I’m glad I can’t remember. I don’t want to be that woman anymore.”
I’d never allowed myself to dream too much about my biological family. As a child I was told I was a spoil of war, a gift from my people to their victors. Even though it turned out it was all a lie, and I’d been placed there as a secret weapon for an eventual invasion by my people, I didn’t care much about my biological family. I figured if it was so easy for them to give me up, then I didn’t want anything to do with them anyway.
Yet deep down, locked away in a part of my heart I rarely accessed, I wanted exactly this. A mother who would hold me while I cried. A mother who cared about me. A few short months ago, she tried to steal my magic and kill me. Now she cradled me as if I were the baby she gave up all those years ago.
I was ashamed to admit I liked it. Craved it, even.
The past sixteen years stripped away, until I felt like a tiny baby, needing only its mother. My heart opened up, grew a thousand sizes. All of those walls I’d built crashed to the ground, leaving nothing but hope rising from the dust.
“I’m getting you wet,” I said between gasps.
“It’s okay, Lianne. I’m your mother, I don’t mind.” Then she kissed my forehead.
My stomach plummeted. How many people grew up with kisses from their mother? Not me. It was my first.
“Now why don’t you tell me more about what happened betwee
n us?” Her voice soothed me. My eyes stung with salty tears. I nodded. She pulled me down to a lush patch of grass. We sat facing each other, as I spilled the story of everything from my birth through Bryden’s death. I told her about her other daughter, my twin sister, Sebrina.
When I told her how she’d kidnapped me, the sadness in her eyes was palpable. Her hands shook as I described the transfer of my magic into her. When I choked out Bryden’s death, I wasn’t the only one with a tear-stained face any longer.
“I can understand now why they did that to me, that severing. I almost wish I was still living in ignorance.” She brushed her hair out of her face, tucking it back into the hood of the cape.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you everything in such detail.”
My mother grabbed my hands, cradling them in hers. “Yes, Lianne, you should have. I’m glad you did. Now I can be the best mother to you. I can make up for all of it. I don’t know how, but I can try.”
I glanced up at the sky, the sun had already dipped below the top of the trees. I scrambled to my feet. “I didn’t realize how late it was getting. I have somewhere else I need to be.” I couldn’t miss Elessia’s funeral. I had promised Chase I would be there and I refused to disappoint him. “Go back to Mags and Trevin. I’ll find a way to free the three of you from here.”
She put her hand on my arm. “Take me with you now.”
I shook my head. “No. I want to get all three of you at once, but I need to have a plan. I don’t think it will be as simple as just leaving. You’ll need a place to live and I don’t have that for you yet. I will arrange everything. Besides, you have everything you need here.”
“I don’t have you, my sweet daughter.” She squeezed my arm. My heart swelled again.
“I promise I’ll be back for you,” I said. “Just give me a day or two to figure it all out.”