President of the Whole Fifth Grade

by Sherri Winston

  “Huh?”

  Mr. Tan’s bushy brows bounced up and down. Questioning caterpillars.

  “Hey, I’m just here because you told me to let you know what I was doing for the presidential interview.”

  Every kid knows that when you’re busted, always find a way to blame the grown-up. I was there because he told me to be, right?

  Before he could say anything else, I told him about the bakery, then raced down the hall, away from his office.

  As soon as I got to the bicycle racks, I saw that Lauren and Sara had waited for me. I tried not to let them see me groan. I was in a hurry and didn’t feel like arguing today.

  As in-your-face as ever, Lauren stepped right into my path and started in on me. She said, “Becks had to go home, but she really wants to talk to you. It wasn’t her fault.”

  Then Sara said, “She didn’t even know Jasmine had taken the note from her memory book.”

  Then Lauren, again, saying: “Jasmine says it was all a misunderstanding.”

  That should be her new name. Jasmine “Miss Understanding” Moon!

  Before I could open my mouth, Pansy and Willow ran over. I gulped. Pansy and Willow were two of the four most popular girls at our school. We called them the Flowers. Pansy. Willow. Violet. Zinnia.

  And since the Flowers hardly ever ran, I knew something big must be going down!

  “Everybody! The police have taken someone out of the woods. Maybe a deranged killer or something scary.” I remembered what I’d overheard outside Mr. Tan’s office. I knew it wasn’t a deranged killer or anything like that.

  Then a shiny black car pulled to the curb, and the driver and passenger got out. Weasel and a lady. Probably his mom.

  “Greetings, fair lady,” said Weasel.

  Now Sara and Lauren turned back to me. Sara’s face looked shocked and maybe even hurt. “Bree, c’mon. Okay I didn’t want to spoil it, but Becks… and Jasmine Moon wanted to surprise you.”

  You know my eyes got like ten feet around.

  Sara said, “Listen, we had a long, long talk with Jasmine Moon. We think she’s really nice.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Sara, you think everyone’s really nice.”

  Then Lauren added, “Her mom has rented minivans for Saturday’s Pistons game. Her dad’s giving us tickets. She was trying to invite you. The note you ripped up in class. Look, I know I was riding the girl harder than anybody. You know you’re my girl, Bree. But… I don’t know. Maybe we really did jump to conclusions. We all hung at her house yesterday and I think…”

  I looked at them, bug-eyed.

  “You hung out with her? With her?”

  Mrs. Weasel… um, I mean, Mrs. Wetzel leaned down and said, “You are the little girl my Raymond can’t stop talking about! I spoke with your mom today.”

  “You did?” I was shocked.

  “Sure. I told her how my Raymond has taken to you. Shy boy. He doesn’t make many friends.”

  “Oh, Mother,” said Weasel. He didn’t really look embarrassed. He looked like he was trying to fake looking embarrassed. Just so you know, if my mom ever showed up anywhere and said something like that to my friends, I wouldn’t have to fake.

  “Now, shush, Raymond. Anyway, dear, I’m heading to my bakery and thought it might be good to bring you down and discuss your cupcake business. And Weasel tells me you’re going to be on local and school cable TV and you’ll want to film at the kitchen.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Well, come along with us and let’s go talk about some things.”

  I turned back toward the others. Up the sidewalk I could hear Willow and Pansy. They were yelling to a bunch of other kids, “We’re going to find out the real deal with the freakazoid in the Forbidden Woods.”

  I started toward the car, trying to block out the Flowers, the Forbidden Woods, and my friends.

  Sara said, “You can’t leave, Brianna. That stuff can wait. This is more important.”

  Weasel was holding open the passenger door for me. “M’lady,” he said. And bowed.

  I looked from one to the other.

  President Harry S. Truman once said, “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!” Well, I needed to know if I could stand the heat in Mrs. Wetzel’s kitchen.

  “Guys, we can talk about this later. I’ve gotta jet.”

  21

  Lewis and Clark: Expedition into the Forbidden Woods!

  Before I got in the car, I used the phone to call my mom and dad—you know, just to make sure. After we arrived, Mrs. Wetzel showed me around and introduced me to a few people who worked for her.

  The kitchen was super delish! (Rachael Ray, another one of my cooking channel heroes, says “super delish” a lot!)

  Mrs. Wetzel made me get out a piece of paper and take out my pencil box. I had to make a plan for how much money I was willing to invest into my business and how much I would charge for my cupcakes.

  Thanks to Sara’s mom, the banker, we’d all been getting good money advice since kindergarten. So far, Sara had saved the most, mostly because she got paid to help her dad give horse-riding lessons.

  Sara..........$580

  Lauren......$545

  Brianna.....$540

  Becks........$475

  “What if I invest forty dollars to start out?” I said. I really didn’t want my balance to get below 500 dollars. Mom and Dad had already made it clear that I had to use my own savings to “launch” my empire. I was going to need every penny!

  “Okay. For now, to save yourself time and headache, you might be better off buying premade cake mixes, then adding other ingredients you need to make your special recipes.”

  I decided to make one of my favorite recipes first. I’d need:

  yellow cake mix

  eggs

  butter

  water

  a few apples (my secret ingredient)

  cream cheese

  vanilla extract

  I showed Mrs. Wetzel my list. She told me that for now she wouldn’t charge me a percentage for “stocking” my merchandise in the bakeshop. She said that her business specialized in homemade breads, muffins, and cookies, so my cupcakes were a natural fit and wouldn’t be in competition with any of her baked goods. We talked a little longer, she showed me around, then she took me back to school. I needed to get my bike.

  “I’ll be okay riding home,” I said.

  As we pulled to the curb, I could see something was up.

  “I hadn’t expected so many kids to still be around,” she said.

  I climbed out of the car and said good-bye. I hadn’t expected to see so many kids still hanging around either.

  Through the trees, I could see the small playground where the younger kids had recess. Then I saw someone pointing my way.

  “Look! She’s here. It’s Brianna.”

  One minute I was getting ready to head home, minding my own business.

  The next thing I knew, I was heading deep inside the darkest, dankest, creepiest place ever:

  Welcome to the FORBIDDEN WOODS!

  David Love, Gretchen Whitfield, Jimmy Hall, Darrick Palmer, and Jasmine Moon—all candidates for president—were arguing about a bet.

  “Justice, you in? The bet is anyone not brave enough to go into the woods doesn’t deserve to be president!” David said.

  David was a big kid with a thick neck.

  There were several other kids, too. And they’d all come up with this plan:

  If any of the kids running for president didn’t go deep into the woods to the old shed—everybody knew about the shed—word would get around that they were chicken.

  And in David’s words, “Who wants a big chicken for president?”

  When Gretchen pointed out, “Not all the candidates are here,” thick-necked David had something to say again.

  “If they’re not here, they don’t matter.”

  But here’s the part that was pure yumminess:

  Jasmine Moon was scared out of h
er crinkly-haired little mind.

  “This is dumb. I don’t think anybody should be going in there. The police were here earlier.”

  “That’s right,” said Darrick. “So they should have taken all the crazy, maniac killers out.”

  “Yeah, they should have,” said Todd. “Maybe they did. Maybe they didn’t.”

  Bright pink dots of fear blossomed onto Gretchen’s cheeks. “I don’t want to go in there. It’s getting dark.”

  David looked at me. “Are you chicken, too? Maybe none of the girls is tough enough to take a dare.”

  I looked at the others. Besides Jasmine, the other candidates—Gretchen, Jimmy, and Darrick—all looked afraid, too. They thought there was a chance some terrible danger lay beyond the tall trees. But I knew the truth.

  Wouldn’t it be the right thing to do to just tell everybody there wasn’t anything to be afraid of and be done with it?

  Then Jasmine Moon opened her big, fat mouth. “Brianna, I know you’re scared, right? Why don’t we ride our bikes home? I’ll tell you what the girls and I are wearing to the Pistons game this weekend.”

  The girls and I. Really? Steal my friends and then act like we’re just one big band of friends?

  “Just because you shoot hoops like a dude, that don’t make you tough, Bro-Anna.” Todd laughed his merry little toad laugh.

  That did it.

  “I’m not scared. I can handle whatever. And I can handle it better than any ‘dude.’ ”

  Jasmine Moon rolled her dark eyes.

  Josh, one of Todd’s toadies, looked bug-eyed with fear. “I heard the cops took one man away and went looking for weapons. Maybe there are more bad guys in there.” Then he started making wooo-oooo-ooo sounds like a ghost.

  We edged closer, looking over our shoulders to make sure no teachers had come out of the school. Acorns crunched with each step.

  “All right, here’s the deal. Everybody stay together. You all have to go as far as the shed. Anybody turn around and come out before the others, you’re disqualified.” Josh was standing on a tree stump. Yellow and red leaves shifted into piles as slow, lazy breezes pushed between the skinny tree trunks. Then the breezes blew harder. A tiny tornado of red and yellow leaves created an orange blur.

  A cloud skidded into the sun’s path. The woods were growing darker.

  Josh swallowed hard. With a shaky voice, he said, “On your mark… get ready… get set… GO!”

  We took off—me, David, Jasmine, and Darrick. Gretchen and Jimmy were the first to chicken out.

  “It stinks back here,” said Jasmine. She sniffed. She was a slow runner. We were racing deeper into the darkening woods.

  “That’s the smell of nature,” said Darrick.

  “That’s the smell of a crazy killer living in the woods,” said David. I glanced at him. He glanced at me. His eyes twinkled like he knew a secret.

  Right then, the sound of a branch snapping made us all stop and gasp. We looked toward the sound, but with so many trees and shadows, we couldn’t see a thing.

  “It’s nothing. Let’s go!” David started running again and I ran to catch up. Jasmine hesitated.

  “How do you know it’s nothing?” she said. She looked so scared. I felt guilty. Maybe I should just tell her what I’d overheard outside Mr. Tan’s office.

  Darrick started to run, but not fast. He said, “It’s probably nothing,” sounding as though he wanted to convince himself.

  We were running harder now. David was fast. But I was faster. I loved running. I wasn’t thinking about crazy killers or homeless people. I was thinking how great it felt to have crisp, cool air rushing into my face. And how exciting it was to race with the others with the tingle of adventure making my skin prickle.

  Then:

  CAW! CAW! CAW!

  Light slanted through the branches above as a gaggle of blackbirds swooped into the gray sky. It was as if I’d fallen into the pages of an adventure story. I was caught up in it.

  So I said, “Maybe that was the killer?” Then I screamed. It wasn’t a scream-scream. You know, not an I’m-scared-out-of-my-mind scream. It was an I’m-so-psyched-I-could-scream scream.

  Not for Jasmine. She shrieked. A real I-think-I’m-going-to-die shriek. Darrick made an awful sound that was part gasp, part gurgle.

  Jasmine’s face looked ghostly pale behind a freckled curtain of leaf shadows. She said, “This is so dumb. I’m getting out of here!”

  Darrick paused, looking at her. David and I looked at each other and shrugged. “I’m going to the shed,” I said.

  David looked at the others and said, “Later.”

  The shed was really close. We kept running. My heart was pounding faster now. I’d scared myself. What if the homeless guy hadn’t been the only one in the woods? What if someone else was really out here?

  I ran harder. David breathed hard beside me.

  “There it is!” he said.

  We both ran as hard as we could. Then we slapped the side of the shed with our hands.

  “We did it!” he said. And we gave each other high fives.

  Running out of the woods, we went a little slower than we had coming in. Then David said, “I’ll race you!”

  We broke into an all-out sprint. We were running and giggling and talking trash. Stuff like, “You can’t hang with me… I’m going to smoke you… I could beat you with one leg tied behind my back.”

  By the time we got to the edge of the Forbidden Woods, we were laughing with our mouths open, running as hard as we could.

  Running so hard that we ran right into Principal Beelie.

  All the other kids were gone. It was just me and David. And the principal.

  22

  President John Quincy Adams Caught Swimming Naked

  (Still, it’s not as embarrassing as getting caught racing through Forbidden Woods.)

  Good morning, students of Orchard Park Elementary. Today, stunning developments in the race for president of the fifth grade.

  Your reporter, Annie Darling, has learned that several candidates representing several classes were caught racing in the area to the south of the school, otherwise known as the Forbidden Woods. Now, although Dr. Beelie has asked that the names not be released on TV-One, we all know that at two p.m. yesterday there was an announcement made on this very channel asking all students to avoid that area because our principal had made it off-limits.

  How these events will affect the election… we will just have to wait and see. I’m Annie Darling and that’s the morning announcements!

  I slumped even further down in my seat. We’d learned earlier how President John Quincy Adams used to swim naked in the Potomac back in the 1800s when he was president. And a lady reporter came to interview him and refused to give him his clothes back till she got her interview.

  Gross, right?

  Well, I had a feeling how President John Quincy Adams felt. He had to be totally and completely embarrassed when the reporter chick showed up out of nowhere and hid his clothes. I wasn’t naked, but getting caught by Principal Beelie had been extra embarrassing.

  First, let me just say that now, no one was talking to me. At least, none of my friends. Sara and Lauren gave me big attitude when I got to school today, saying I blew them off for Weasel. It wasn’t even like that.

  They were the ones who were dead wrong. Not me. Thinking I would ever go to a Pistons game with tickets from pure e-villllll. Who could enjoy the game sitting next to Jasmine Moon?

  After Annie Darling’s scandalizing news report on the school TV channel, whispers buzzed like angry bees.

  At lunch, before I could slip out of the cafeteria and into the media center, I saw Sara and Lauren eating with Becks. A stabbing pain jabbed at my chest. It hurt to see them together—without me.

  I had never felt so… alone. I was running for president. Baking cupcakes for sale. Following my plan and working on my goal.

  And I had never felt so miserable.

  It was clear that the only o
ne waving me over for lunch was Weasel. At first, that thought made me want to droop my shoulders and drag my feet. Instead, I held my head high and marched toward Weasel like I didn’t even care.

  Anyway, I was trying not to sink into utter despair, until…

  “So, Brianna. We heard about what happened,” said Pansy.

  “We think it’s cool how you were the only girl brave enough to race into the woods with David Love,” said Willow.

  After that, the Flowers asked me and Weasel to come sit with them. And the jocks. And the dance team. You know, THE MOST POPULAR KIDS at Orchard Park. Everyone called them the It Squad.

  And as soon as we sat down, they all started talking about the election, telling me how much they wanted me to win.

  Even other candidates like David and Darrick chimed in. They said they didn’t even really care about the election one way or the other, they just ran because “everybody expected we would.”

  I didn’t get it. If they didn’t really want to be president, why’d they let themselves get nominated? What if one of them really won? What kind of president would they be if they didn’t even want to be there?

  Pansy twirled the ends of her hair and looked as if she knew what I was thinking. She said, “Hey, sometimes you just do the stuff people expect. Like David and Darrick are the most popular kids in their classes, so of course everybody was going to vote for them. Didn’t mean they wanted the job.”

  Then they all started talking at once, saying everybody at school figured I’d win. That I was the only person running who “made sense.”

  “You know when you win, you’ve totally got to pick the best kids to take with you to D.C.,” said Pansy.

  And it went on and on. Everybody wanted to pitch in, give me the four-one-one on other people’s campaigns. Help with signs. Help with fashion advice for my big TV appearance. Tell me how to spend the fifth-grade class money that could be used for any school activity.

  “I think it would be totally cool to have a winter beach party!” Zinnia said. She went on and on about it. How she’d seen it in some movie and we could have inflatable pools and sand brought in from the hardware store. And play beach music and do all this crazy cool stuff. By the time she finished, I felt like I’d be crazy NOT to have a winter beach party in the cafeteria.