Ocean's Fire

by Stacey Tucker

  “For good? No. That seems extreme. Why would you do that?”

  He stopped packing and looked at her. The pain in his eyes gripped her heart. It told her he had come back to Massachusetts to find her. All this time, he had planned this. He had waited and bet on the chance he would see her again. Her eyes widened with astonishment. She had crushed him. “Oh Argan,” she whispered. “I—”

  “Don’t,” he said. “I’ll figure it out. I saw the way you looked at him. I was so stupid.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I was convinced we had the real thing,” he said.

  “We do have the real thing,” she said, knowing how empty the words sounded now.

  “Shut it, Skylar!” he said angrily. “If we did, you never would have looked his way.”

  She couldn’t disagree. She could only take responsibility. “I’m a terrible person,” she said. “I’m sorry I ruined us.” She stared at her hands.

  “Me too,” he said.

  She looked up at him. “But if you leave, we can never fix this.”

  “Some things aren’t worth fixing,” he said, meeting her eyes with a cold stare.

  “You don’t mean that!” she said, recoiling from his anger. “What about our history?”

  “Conveniently in the past,” he said as he threw more clothes in the suitcase.

  “And what about willing us to be together? Moving the stars of the universe so everything aligned to bring us back together?” she pleaded, tears in her eyes.

  He stopped packing and leaned over his suitcase. “All true. But you had to want it too. Be mature enough to admit that I’m not what you want,” he said. “You’re just too young, Sky.” He walked to the door and opened it, her cue to leave.

  “We’re the same age,” she said defensively.

  “Maybe in years,” he said.

  She walked to the door. “I am sorry Argan. And I do love you.” She looked into his eyes.

  “Don’t you dare,” he said, practically spitting the words out. “Please go.”

  She stared at his beautiful face, but he didn’t say another word. Finally, she closed the door behind her and leaned against it in the hallway. She was so sorry to have hurt him this way. Her heart broke for him. But she also felt something unexpected: relief. Relief that it was all in the open. He didn’t deserve her deceit. Maybe he was right—maybe she was too young for love. Or maybe she was just incapable of opening her heart as fully as she had done when she was eleven.

  Kyle was right; things at the barn had turned dismal. Milicent’s dictatorship had everyone strained. She’d brought in a half dozen consultants in suits to follow her around and make suggestions for the new facility, although most days, it seemed that their job was to agree with her ideas. On top of their usual duties, Kyle, Suki, and Skylar now had to meet with Milicent on a daily basis to go over progress on the new facility and listen to her lectures about the new classes that were to be offered in the spring. The expectations of Skylar’s internship had grown exponentially, but she kept telling herself she had only a few months to go before she got her degree. And even though she blamed Milicent for Ronnie’s departure, she was grateful for the busy schedule. If nothing else, it kept her mind off of Argan.

  With no sign of cooler temperatures in sight, a white Christmas seemed unlikely. Milicent had asked the whole team to stay on campus during this “pivotal time in the process.” They all got the sense that there was no saying no. Kyle speculated that she was a witch and had cast a spell over the weather to facilitate her building construction. No one could argue against it.

  Skylar had tried to reach Ronnie a few times, but for two weeks all her calls went right to voicemail. Finally, one balmy Friday, Ocean’s flip phone rang, and Ronnie’s voice was on the other end of the line.

  “Oh Ronnie, I’m so happy to hear from you,” Skylar said. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine,” Ronnie said. “I see you’ve been trying to reach me. Sorry, I’ve been busy. Six-year-olds are high maintenance at Christmastime.”

  “Oh, I’m sure,” Skylar said. “I miss you, Ronnie.” Her voice cracked. “The barn has been turned on its ear. In no time at all, it’s nothing like it was.”

  “Milicent never wastes time. How’s she treating you?”

  “Pretty well, actually. But nothing like you. I’m actually terrified of her.”

  Ronnie chuckled. “Yeah, she has that effect on people.”

  “What are your plans?” Skylar asked.

  “I’m going to enjoy the holidays, for once,” Ronnie said. “Then in the new year, I’ll regroup. The barn wasn’t a long-term thing for me anyway, so this just sped up my process.”

  “I haven’t heard from Ocean, and I can’t find her anywhere,” Skylar said. “How can I get my book back?”

  Ronnie went quiet for a moment. “I didn’t realize she still had your book. She disappears from time to time with no warning. I’ll track her down and give you a call.”

  “Thank you, Ronnie. I hope to see you soon,” Skylar said and hung up the phone.

  Everyone from the barn was going to Art Bar the last night of fall term. Skylar had moved past her anger with Kyle; she’d decided to chalk his behavior up to “Young Man’s Disease.” He wasn’t a bad guy; he just needed to mature a bit. Suki was still insisting that she wasn’t interested in him, but she was an inexperienced liar.

  “This is Rider’s last show here,” Kyle said, lounging back on the lime-green sofa. He had the uncanny ability to be comfortable in any environment. “How about I get us some drinks before he starts?” He sprang up and left without their order.

  “I’m glad Joshua’s leaving,” Skylar said, trying to convince herself that she meant it. “I need to focus on something else.”

  “It’s odd that Milicent is staying here,” Suki said. “It seems like she should be on Devlin’s campaign trail.” This was the closest thing to criticism she’d ever uttered against her idol.

  “I get the sense she doesn’t care too much about the election,” Skylar said. “She’s more wrapped up in her precious building.”

  Kyle returned with drinks just as lights were dimming for Joshua’s performance: a bottle of Stella for Suki, a Toasted Almond for Skylar. Skylar gave him an approving look.

  Seeing Joshua on stage, Skylar felt the familiar butterflies return. She wanted to hate him for how he’d acted that day at the barn, but she couldn’t. The songs he was writing these days only intensified her desire for him. They were powerful and dark and spoke to the places in her soul she tried to hide from. He seemed to be keenly aware of her presence in the audience; he looked straight at her when he sang a song called “Lilith’s Lullaby.” His intoxicating voice was a haunting reminder of that night at Garage.

  The lights went up an hour later, and Joshua disappeared behind the curtain. It appeared that his days of posing for photos had come to an end when he signed an exclusive contract with the Grayers. Skylar was relieved she wouldn’t see him but disappointed at the same time. She couldn’t make peace with the part of herself that craved his attention.

  After another drink, Skylar was about to head out when Joshua appeared.

  “Hey, man,” he said to Kyle. “Miss you on drums, but I’ve got to work with these guys now.” He motioned toward the band dismantling the equipment on stage.

  “Yeah, great set. Good luck on tour, man,” Kyle said, giving him a man hug.

  “Skylar, did you enjoy the show?” Joshua asked, ignoring Suki completely.

  “You were great,” Skylar said calmly. “And I saw the whole thing for once.” She took a deep breath and stared into his eyes. Knowing he was leaving gave her a slight boost of confidence.

  “Walk with me while I pack up?” he asked her.

  She nodded and he led her to his guitar, propped up on a black stool near the microphone.

  “I’d offer you a ride home, but I’m tired of hearing no,” he said. He knelt on the floor to put his guitar in his gig bag.
>
  For the first time in all of their interactions, she felt in control. “I’m not saying no this time,” she said with a rush.

  His head snapped up. “Really?” he said in a low voice. His eyes looked hungry. She heard him swallow.

  “I’ll be back in a minute,” she said. She had to tell her friends she would be leaving with him.

  “What the hell are you doing?” Suki said.

  Kyle nodded his agreement. “It’s not a good idea. He’s a shark.”

  “I’ve ruined things with Argan—what do I have to lose?” Skylar asked.

  “Your dignity,” Suki said coldly. “You’re an asshole if you leave with him. I won’t let you.”

  Skylar appreciated her friends’ concern, though she had no intention of listening to them. “I’ll be okay,” she said. “He’s leaving on tour. This is probably the last time I’ll ever see him.”

  She felt their eyes on her as she walked out the door with Joshua’s arm draped around her shoulder.

  Riding in Joshua’s late-model Jaguar down dark streets, Skylar couldn’t tell if she was following through on a fantasy or shredding what was left of her self-respect. All she knew was that she didn’t deserve Argan after being unfaithful. She deserved Joshua.

  “Would you be up for a detour?” he asked as he sped down the empty road.

  “What did you have in mind?” Skylar was surprised. She thought he would be racing home to get her into bed, and now he was talking about a detour.

  “I thought I’d buy you a drink,” he said, glancing at her.

  “We were just at a bar,” she said. She stared at his arm as he gripped the wheel. His bicep was bulging out of his T-shirt. He was massive, but the visual didn’t have the same effect on her as Argan in his pickup. All of Joshua’s power over her came from the neck up. His eyes, his voice, the things he said to her captivated her completely.

  “I was thinking more like coffee or a soda? There’s a diner nearby, and I never ate before my set.”

  “Oh, sure, of course. Food is good, or a drink.” She was back to being an idiot around him, barely able to speak in coherent sentences when they weren’t well rehearsed.

  A block later, Joshua pulled into a parking lot and ushered her through a pair of swinging doors. It was just before midnight, and the diner was bustling.

  “What can I get for you, Mr. Rider?” the waitress asked, obviously recognizing him from his local celebrity status. She was mesmerized.

  “I’ll take a tomato omelet, no potatoes, and a side of sausage,” he said. “Skylar?”

  “I’ll have a Diet Coke, please,” she said. She felt completely irrelevant sitting in the blue booth.

  “That’s it?” he asked.

  “I don’t need to eat at this hour. Thank you, though.”

  “Well now I feel bad, keeping you out after hours like this.” He looked at her intently, and she finally admitted to herself that she liked the way he looked at her. And the way he talked to her. He was crude and sometimes even bordered on vulgar, but it made her feel sought after. Ocean was right. It made her feel the pulse of desire course through her veins.

  “I don’t mind at all,” she said, staring back at him.

  The waitress was back in a flash with their order, and as she set their order down, Skylar thought for a moment what a normal, harmless act this was. Everyone eats.

  “I’ll eat quick,” Joshua said. “I need something to do with my mouth right now.” A spark flashed in his eyes as he took a larger-than-appropriate bite of his omelet.

  Damn it, she thought. He even makes eating eggs a turn-on. “Why?” she asked. “Afraid of what you might say?”

  “My mouth wants to do other things,” he said.

  “Like?” she asked.

  “I was under the impression that you didn’t want to know.”

  “I already feel like I’m going to hell here.”

  “You are a long way from hell, my darling. We are just having a meal.”

  “You are having a meal. I’m sitting here in awkward silence.” She was feeling exceptionally bold.

  “We aren’t silent,” he said.

  “No, but we are saying everything but what we came here to say.”

  “That makes it sound like I planned this little outing here.” He was already almost done with his plate of food. The waitress came over to check on them, and he waved her away without a word.

  “Didn’t you?” Skylar asked.

  “How could I? I didn’t know you were coming to the show tonight. Not that I’m complaining. I’m very pleased, actually. What are you leaving unsaid?”

  “You first.” She sipped her untouched soda.

  “I thought I would take you back to my place after this and we’ll fuck.” He took his last bite of food.

  Skylar was appalled by and attracted to his bluntness all at once. She didn’t know anyone who could say something like that and get away with it. But she didn’t back down from his eyes. She had surrendered to this charade; she was done trying to fight it. She would rather direct her energy toward inventing witty comebacks and her own one-liners for shock value.

  “Does that line usually work?” Skylar asked, disgusted with herself for remaining in her seat.

  “I don’t usually make my desires known so easily,” he said. “I usually wait for them to come to me. They always come.”

  Skylar rolled her eyes at the double entendre. “So then, why the rush with me?”

  “Rush? You’ve got to be kidding. We met months ago. I would hardly call that rushing. I’m done waiting, Skylar. I knew it the first time I saw you. You glowed with light among all of the shadows in the crowd. You are pure. I can hear your undefiled blood humming its sweet music in my ears. You are my muse. I know you feel the pulse between us.” His eyes widened, and she could swear they darkened. They had to get out of the diner or she feared he would take her right there on the table.

  “So is it fucking or making love? You can’t have it both ways.” Skylar blushed at the ease of the words rolling off her tongue as they sat in an ordinary diner eating an ordinary meal.

  “Oh, I think I can,” he said as he threw a twenty on the table. “Let’s get out of here.”

  They both stood up and Joshua leaned close to Skylar. He put his hand on her hip. She could feel the heat rolling off him in waves, and she closed her eyes to take in the scent of his skin. “Don’t be so quick to judge what you believe to be profane,” he whispered in her ear. “It can be just as sacred.”

  A jingle at the front pulled Skylar’s attention—just in time to see Argan walking through the door of the diner. Skylar looked up and met his eyes, and her insides twisted. He saw her immediately, as if he’d found what he was searching for. Yet he showed no emotion when his eyes landed on her. He simply looked away and headed for the counter.

  Joshua looked over his shoulder to see what had Skylar distracted. “Oh, it’s the good guy. Don’t worry, I’ll handle this.” He started toward Argan.

  Skylar grabbed his arm. “There’s nothing to handle. He came in for food. Leave it alone.”

  Joshua’s face warped momentarily. His irises turned black, his eyes bulged slightly, and he threw her hand off his arm. “Heel!” he yelled in her face.

  Skylar was shocked into silence.

  In an instant, Argan was at their side. “Problem in paradise?” he asked with complete composure.

  “So good of you to save me the trip over,” Joshua said. His body seemed to grow in size as he stood there.

  Argan wasn’t intimidated. “Why don’t you let her go? It’s me you want.”

  Skylar had always thought Joshua was much bigger than Argan, but seeing them side by side, she realized that wasn’t true.

  “Want is a generous word,” Joshua said. “I don’t want you. Nope, she’s the one.”

  Skylar turned to Argan. “What are you talking about?” She looked at Argan. “I thought you left town?”

  “He’s talking trash,” Joshua
said, pulling Skylar to his side. “He wants you for himself and will say anything to get you away from me.” Joshua’s eyes remained glossy and distant.

  “Skylar made her decision.” Argan said casually. He signaled to the waitress that he wanted a blueberry muffin from the case.

  “Argan, did you change your mind about leaving town?” Skylar asked.

  “I left the barn, Sky,” he said. “I never said anything about leaving town.”

  “Where have you been staying?” she asked.

  He ignored her question. “I’ll leave you two to whatever it was you were doing.” He handed the waitress a few bucks and grabbed his paper-bagged blueberry muffin.

  Skylar grabbed his arm. “Argan, wait, please.”

  “No, Skylar, this is where you are right now. I get it.” He reached out as if to touch her cheek with his fingertips, but he stopped short of her face. He turned and left without another word, leaving Joshua and Skylar standing in the vestibule of the diner.

  “I don’t know what you ever saw in him,” Joshua said, guiding her out the door with his hand on her back. She looked down the street; Argan’s taillights were already fading down the road.

  Skylar stared out the car window the entire ride to Joshua’s brownstone. Argan wasn’t gone for good. She still had a chance to fix things. She looked at Joshua. Maybe not. Her current situation was as far from fixing things as she could get. She had decimated her relationship with Argan.

  “Tell me something to make me forget him,” she said as they walked through the front door.

  “No telling, only showing.” Joshua kicked the door closed with his boot and came at her with a superhuman force that knocked her off her feet. In one fluid motion, he had her in his arms and was carrying her up the stairs. She didn’t even have a chance to look around.

  He came at her hard. His mouth was on hers in a split second. Through short breaks in his momentum, Skylar tried to get a glimpse of the dimly lit bedroom. It was washed in grey shadows and was very sparse, only a large bed with wrinkled white sheets that looked like it hadn’t been made in weeks.

  She couldn’t focus on the moment. Joshua was usually so commanding of her attention, but she was stuck on seeing Argan at the diner.