The Burn List

by Julia Devlin

  Lukas’ eyes had been on her too, and every insecurity Abby had came rushing back as if the last six weeks hadn’t happened. She found herself wondering if Lukas regretted getting stuck with the ugly sister.

  And she hated herself for the thought.

  No matter how much her brain told her she was being crazy, her heart wouldn’t agree. Logically she knew Lukas wasn’t that superficial, but with every flirtatious glance and remark Eden tossed Lukas’ way, logic mattered less and less. Fear clutched in Abby’s chest as she worried what would happen when Eden got Lukas alone and hit on him. And she would. There was no question about that.

  Abby’s one serious boyfriend she’d brought home from college hadn’t been able to resist her, so would Lukas be any different? She wanted to believe, but her heart wouldn’t be convinced.

  Connie Simmons smiled at Lukas. “So you and Abby are neighbors?”

  “Yes.” Lukas cleared his throat. “I moved in about a year ago.”

  Eden gave him a slow once-over then smirked at Abby. “If I’d known that, I would have visited my baby sister more often, but then Abby likes to keep things to herself.”

  Abby cringed. Lukas’ fingers tightened on her neck as an uncomfortable silence descended.

  “Eden,” Connie said. “That’s enough.”

  “What?” Eden took another sip of her cocktail. She was already on her forth drink.

  “You’ve had enough, young lady.” Bob scowled at his oldest daughter, and Abby felt her heart twist at the deep sadness in his faded green eyes.

  They’d tried to get Eden into rehab a couple of times, but she’d insisted she didn’t have a problem. And until she wanted help, there wasn’t much they could do. Her parents were good, kind-hearted people and they didn’t have it in them to cut their oldest daughter off. So the enabling and the problem continued.

  Eden waved a hand through the air. “It’s brunch, you’re supposed to drink mimosas.”

  Lukas leaned over and Abby flinched as his breath fell across the shell of her ear. “I’m going to say something.”

  Abby shook her head. “Please don’t.”

  He cupped her jaw and turned her chin to stare into her eyes, he assessed her for a long, silent moment before nodding. “One more word against you and nothing you say will stop me. Understood?”

  The love she’d accepted last night grew exponentially, and her chest lightened. The whole thing terrified her. Caught between hope and fear, her emotions tossed her about like the most violent of storms. This meal, and all the insecurities it brought up, wasn’t helping. “Yes.”

  “We’ll talk about this when we get home.” His words soothed all her ragged edges.

  Home. He’d taken to doing that. Treating their houses like a mutual dwelling. It made her ache for a real future with him, one she was too chicken to reach out and grab. She took a deep breath, blinking his gorgeous face and warm, concerned eyes into focus.

  What was she thinking? If she’d learned anything over the last weeks, she’d learned he didn’t lie. He wouldn’t be swept away by Eden’s pretty face. Regardless of their future.

  Another deep breath. She could do this. All she needed was a moment to compose herself. To find that confidence and power she’d been working on for the last month and a half in order to make it through the rest of this horrid experience.

  She nodded, turning back to the table. “Please excuse me.”

  Minutes later, Abby stood over the restroom sink washing her hands under cold water, letting the icy liquid flow over her fingers and jolt her out of her pity party.

  This stopped now. She would not allow the past and the strained relationship with her sister color her perception of reality. She knew who Lukas was and he wouldn’t abandon her because Eden was hot.

  She took a cleansing breath. When would she finally feel, at that deep-down soul level, that she wasn’t less of a person because she wasn’t as pretty as Eden? When would that magical day come where she recognized her own value?

  That had nothing to do with Lukas and everything to do with her.

  “You’re out of your league, you know.”

  Lost in thought, Abby hadn’t heard the door open, but Eden stood in all her glory behind her.

  Abby reminded herself that Eden was drunk and the best thing to do was get around her as fast as possible. She shrugged. “I’m not going to discuss Lukas with you.”

  Eden let the door close behind her. “Don’t fool yourself, girls like you don’t end up with guys like him.”

  The statement was a direct hit. Abby’s chest tightened and all her bravado faded. Eden always knew where to plunge the knife deepest for the most damage.

  Abby turned off the faucet. “Maybe not, but don’t fool yourself, he won’t end up with a girl like you either.”

  Eden smirked, running a hand over her perfect hips. “Keep telling yourself that, little sister.”

  Abby dried her hands and turned around, looking her sister square in the eye. She might not have complete control of her life yet, she might be uncertain about her future with Lukas and fighting a mess of insecurities—but she could stop taking crap from her sister right this second. She squared her shoulders. “I won’t deny it. You are a beautiful woman and there are plenty of men in this world who will fall for you in a heartbeat. You are clearly the perfect eye candy.” She took two steps forward and was pleased to see Eden’s smile waver. “But the thing is, that’s all you are. Which is a shame because you could be so much more.”

  Eden tossed her hair over her shoulder and looked down her nose in scorn like the cliché of an evil queen in a Disney movie. “I’m doing just fine. And what would you know? Unlike you, I understand men, and they don’t like prissy, perfect girls.”

  Abby smiled. “Yeah, well, the good ones—the guys like Lukas who will really love you—don’t like vapid, washed-up alcoholics. You’re thirty-two, don’t you think it’s time you did more with your life than spread your legs for the next guy to offer you a Grey Goose Martini?”

  Eden gasped, her model-high cheekbones splashing with pink. Before she could say anything, Abby stepped around her and walked out, head held high for the first time since she’d walked into the restaurant.

  And ran right into Lukas.

  He grinned at her, that wicked, sexy grin that made her heart beat double time. “I was coming to rescue you, but I see you’re doing just fine on your own.”

  She looked at the man she’d lost her heart to and knew the time had come to make some decisions. She raised her chin. “I’d like to go home.”

  * * * * *

  Lukas glanced nervously at Abby, who sat practically motionless in the passenger seat next to him. She’d been silent for the fifteen minutes they’d been driving, staring out the window. At first he’d wanted to give her space to shake off the ugly scene in the restaurant, but now she just plain ol’ made him nervous.

  God, her sister was a piece of work. He’d known women like her and always stayed far away. He might have liked party girls, but he stayed away from mean ones.

  And Eden Simmons was a mean one.

  Lukas kept waiting for Abby’s parents to put the viper in her place, but the time had never come. Since they’d refused to stick up for Abby, he’d been about to step in, but she’d managed it all on her own.

  Except something had changed, and now she’d become remote, and he didn’t know how to reach her. Not knowing what to do, he reached over and grabbed her hand. Her fingers were icy despite the warm weather, and she didn’t squeeze back the way she normally would have.

  Unable to stand the silence any longer, he said, “You know, your sister is jealous of you.”

  “I doubt that.” Her voice too soft.

  “That’s because you can’t see it as an outsider would.”

  “I know what outsiders see,” she said, still not looking away from the window.

  “You don’t though,” he insisted as the first threads of true panic weaved a tight knot i

n his gut.

  She turned away from the window and looked at him. “Don’t try and tell me she’s not beautiful.”

  He pulled into his driveway and turned off the ignition, shifting in the bucket seat to meet her eyes. He wouldn’t insult her by lying, even though every instinct told him the exact opposite. “Yes, she is. But inside she’s ugly and broken.”

  “I know.”

  He picked up her cool hand and pressed his lips to her fingertips. “You, however, are the whole package. Smart. Beautiful. And totally irresistible.”

  Those brown eyes didn’t thaw even the tiniest bit. “I don’t want to be compared to her anymore.”

  “Abby, that’s what you don’t understand. There is no comparison.”

  She pulled out of his grasp and turned back toward the window. “It’s you who doesn’t understand.”

  Real fear, the kind he’d only known a few times before when he’d been in particularly gruesome fires, rose in his throat. “Why don’t you explain it to me?”

  “My whole life—my parents, friends, teachers, anyone who’s ever met Eden—has offered me the same encouraging little speech. She’s jealous of you. You have all these things she doesn’t have, you’re so bright and smart, you have such a bright future. On and on and on…” She blew out a hard breath. “Don’t you understand? All that poor Abby, hand-patting and bright-eyed reassurances, all they do is reinforce the message that I’m somehow lacking.”

  Shit. Dread started a slow crawl up his spine as he realized his mistake. Honestly, he’d never thought of it like that. How the message would be perceived.

  And the thing that really sucked, that pissed him off more than anything, was he’d fallen victim. When her sister walked into that restaurant, looking as if she’d stepped out of the pages of a magazine, his first desire was to turn to Abby and reassure her. He hadn’t been a total idiot, of course he’d ignored the instinct. But it had been there, and she’d tensed under his hands as though she’d read his mind.

  Except something niggled at him. Something skirted the edges of his mind but wouldn’t take hold.

  She turned back to him. “I need to think.”

  The last words he wanted to hear. He contemplated not letting her go, but thought better of it. He nodded. “Do you still want to go to the club tonight?”

  She tilted her head, assessing him. “I don’t know. Why don’t you pick me up at eight and we’ll decide then.”

  At the moment, he felt defeated. Out of moves. He’d give her the time and space she needed, but then he’d fight for her. “All right, but, Abby, we will talk about this.”

  She opened the car door, moving to get out before glancing back at him over her shoulder. “Yes, we will.”

  Somehow he didn’t think that was a good sign.

  Chapter Eleven

  Abby had made her decision.

  Sitting here in her new, skimpy electric-blue dress and mile-high silver strappy sandals, waiting for Lukas to take her to the sex club—one of the last items on her list—she was completely calm. Resolute.

  She’d been brave for six weeks and she’d be brave now.

  She had no idea what the night would hold or how it would end, but the time had come to take charge of her life. Like the fateful night she’d propositioned Lukas, she was going for it.

  Although this time she didn’t have tequila to fuel her bravado.

  She straightened. This time she’d face her future with a clear head.

  Right on time, the doorbell rang and Lukas opened up the front door. He’d stopped waiting for her to answer weeks ago. His gorgeous head cautiously peeked through the door like a turtle coming out its shell. “Abby?”

  “I’m in here,” she called, amazed at her steady nerves. She’d been a wreck all afternoon, alternating between anger, fear and tears, but as soon as she’d made her decision, an eerie calm had descended over her.

  He walked into the living room, looking dark and dangerous in all black. Brown hair tousled, his hands tucked into pockets as he leaned against the wall, gaze wary. He gave her a long, slow once-over, and a muscle in his jaw ticked.

  “You look gorgeous.” The words were matter-of-fact.

  She tensed, the denial sat perched on her lips but she bit it back, squaring her shoulders. “Thank you.”

  He glanced to the couch. “Can I sit?”

  “Of course,” she said, nodding.

  He perched on the edge of the sofa as though ready to take off in a sprint at any moment. “Are you ready to talk about today?”

  She nodded, her throat closing. This was it. Her heart raced, breaking through the hazy peace that had enveloped her for the last couple of hours. “I can’t do this anymore.”

  Disbelief, quickly followed by anger, filled his expression before his eyes went flat. “What can’t you do?”

  “This. Us. It’s not enough.” Nausea rolled through her stomach and rose thick in her throat so that she wanted to choke on it.

  He ran his hands through his hair and expelled a long, hard breath. “I promised myself I’d stay calm, but fuck, Abby.” He jerked up from the couch and started to pace. Stalking around the room like a caged jungle cat. “I don’t understand. I thought everything was going great between us, and one crappy afternoon you’re ready to throw it all the away?”

  “I’m sorry.” She bit her lip in an attempt to squash her threatening tears. “Today forced me to realize I can’t be casual. I need more. I deserve more. I can’t be second best all my life, Lukas.”

  He stopped in his tracks and slowly looked at her, the ice in his eyes chilling her to the bone. “Don’t put that on me, babe, you do that all on your own.”

  She wanted him gone so she could curl up on the couch and bawl until there was nothing left. “I’m not saying I don’t have some things to work through, but it doesn’t change the facts.”

  He stormed over, grabbed her shoulders and hauled her off the chair. “You know what you’re problem is, you’re so caught in the facts you’ve missed the big picture.”

  His vehemence shocked her, kept her frozen in her spot instead of pulling away as she should. “I see everything clear.”

  “Bull. Shit.” He shook her. “I thought about this, and I was going to be nice and gentle and take my time to prove it to you, but fuck that. You need a good smack on the ass and don’t think you won’t be getting plenty of those later.”

  “Let me go.” She couldn’t think when he was this close. Couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t he bow out gracefully? Once he thought about it, he’d see this was for the best.

  He released her and she teetered on her high heels before he steadied her. He took a step toward her and she stepped back. “Yeah, you’d better run, because when I catch you, I’m taking all this aggression out on you.”

  She gasped, retreated, but he kept coming. He pointed at her chest. “You want to know why people pat you on the hand and feel sorry for you, Abby? Because that’s how you feel about yourself. No one will ever stop feeling sorry for you until you do.”

  “I know, damn it,” she yelled. “That’s why I’m doing this. I want it all, and I’m not going to settle for less.”

  “And how the hell am I not giving you everything you want?” He raked a hand through his hair. “Fuck, Abby! I’m going to a stupid sex club I don’t want to go to because youwant it. I’m doing everything and anything I can think of to keep you happy and satisfied and it’s not enough.”

  The change of subject startled her and her next argument scattered. She frowned. “You don’t want to go?”

  “No I don’t want to go! Jesus, you think I want to watch a bunch of guys drool over you and try and arrange a threesome? Do you think I want someone to watch me fuck you and cheapen the whole experience?”

  “Why didn’t you say something?” She banged into the wall, eyes wide. He pressed his body against hers and she tried desperately not to melt against his length.

  “Because I wanted to make you happy.” He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and his expression softened. “Do you know I’ve stayed up nights thinking about ways to convince you how fantastic you are? How much I want you? How I can’t stop thinking about you? How important you are to me?”

  She blinked, licking her lips. “You do?”

  “Yes.” He trailed a finger over her jaw. “I love you, Abby.”

  Had she heard him right? This had to be a dream. “Wh-what?”

  “I’m in love with you, I have been for a while.”

  “Oh.” She couldn’t seem to formulate a coherent thought.

  He pressed his forehead to hers. “Tell me what I need to do to convince you? To make you believe me?”

  This was ten times scarier than sending her list. “I want a commitment. I’m not saying marriage, but a relationship.”

  “That’s funny,” he said, brushing a soft kiss over her lips. “I thought we were in a relationship.”

  “You did?”

  “Hell, Abby, I haven’t slept without you unless I was at work, I spend every second I have with you, I walk into your house as though it’s mine and I love you. That sounds a lot like a relationship to me.”

  Now why hadn’t she ever thought about it like that? Happiness bloomed in her chest. “I love you too.” She’d never said the words before. They felt strange but right on her tongue.

  He ran his hands up her bare arms. “I want to marry you.”

  “You do?” This was more than she’d ever dared to dream for.

  “You’ll be marrying my job too, though. It’s not easy, ask my mom when you meet her tomorrow. Most couples don’t make it. I’d wanted to give you time to get use to me and give you a chance to decide you could handle it, because once you agree to marry me, you no longer have a choice. I’m not letting you go.” He smiled at her. “This isn’t the way I envisioned things going, but I’ve come to find you’re a woman who likes risk, and I want you to know I’m in it for the long haul.”

  “ You’vebeen waiting for me?”

  He nodded again. “I want to get you a ring and properly propose, but in light of your worries, I think it’s more important for you to know how serious I am.”

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