by Cassy Roop
“Ashley, please tell me what is going on with you.” Desperate, grave, sobs wreaked havoc on my body and I had to fight to maintain my breath. I didn’t have the opportunity to answer her because Rownan arrived at the apartment.
“I’m back, Ash. I got the test. Well, several in fact. Did you know they made digital ones now that say pregnant or not pregnant?”
Kelly broke our hug and her gasp nearly scared me to death.
“Oh my God, Ashley! Are you pregnant?”
I stood there, staring at the direction in which Russell and his crew walked out of my club as if they would turn around any moment and tell me that that file was some sick fucking joke. How the hell could they have found a file of “evidence” when there was no fucking evidence to be found? Russell must have put it there. He must have. There was no other explanation. Only Knox and I had access to the files in my office. Victoria could get into the office at any time, but she didn’t have access to the important files or the ones containing the information on the members. Knox and I figured that the least amount of hands that handled it, the better.
Toby and Knox were yelling and cussing at a mile a minute. Toby was on the phone with some of our defense team while Knox worked to try and get my attention. I was in a daze, a real fucking dumbfounded stupor. How could my life be falling apart before me like this? No one has been in the club since it was closed, and the files haven’t been accessed for weeks.
I froze.
An ice-cold chill flooded my body, holding me motionless. I could feel everything go numb as the realization hit.
Ashley.
She was here at the club last night. Was the reason I didn’t see her when I first came in because she was in the office? I didn’t go there immediately, instead deciding to check out the Rapture Room first.
“Fuck!” I roared, gripping my hair so hard, I thought it would come out in my hands. My body went from ice cold to boiling hot in an instant. Engorged with a pressure cooker of emotions, I took my beer bottle off of the table and slung it toward the stage so hard I could have dislocated my shoulder from the force. The beer bottle spun through the air in slow motion, mimicking my life on a collision course for disaster. Ashley was the wall at the back of the stage and I was the beer bottle that traveled directly toward her, not expecting the impact once I reached her.
“What the fuck is going on?” Knox yelled. He looked defeated as he pounded his fist on the table next to him. “This shit is like the fucking twilight zone! I know I didn’t put that file there, and you didn’t so who the fuck did?” he asked.
“Ashley,” I replied standing with my back to him.
“How do you know that for sure?” Toby asked joining the conversation after just getting off the phone.
“Think about it, man. She broke into the club last night. She wouldn’t tell me what she was doing here, not even after she fucking safe worded on me. That had to be the reason she was here. She planted the fucking evidence!”
All was quiet as the two men stood in front of me dumbfounded. I was on the verge of losing it. Ashley had finally done it, she drove the final spike into my heart and it had completely obliterated it. Each beat, a forced movement to push me to keep surviving now. I was done, tired of fighting against my feelings and my thoughts.
I give up.
Great. Just fucking great. The last thing I needed was for Kelly to become even more involved in the situation.
“You’re pregnant aren’t you? I can see it written all over your face, Ashley.”
She glanced behind her to where Rownan stood with the little brown bag in his hands that held the answer to that statement as well as held the answer to the direction of the rest of my life.
“Is it his?” she asked with a small amount of accusation in her voice. These last few weeks, I have been with Rownan more than anyone, and I could see why she would ask that question. He had gone to the hearing with me, as well as been seen on TV with me when the paparazzi decided to follow me everywhere I went. He frequented my art classes, often sitting in and working on a project with us. I helped him in his gallery and he paid me to assist customers or to set up meetings with artists for exhibits and other events.
“No, I-I haven’t been with anyone since Dominic,” I said looking her square in the eyes. “I know what it looks like, but Rownan and I are just friends. He has been there for me when...when I needed him,” I said as I trailed off. She was my best friend and since what I did affected her, we haven’t been as close as we were. I missed her—I missed us as friends.
“I don’t know what I am going to do if I am pregnant, Kell. I just don’t know what I am going to do,” I cried in a whisper as fresh tears crept into my eyes. I folder my arms around my legs and began to rock myself back and forth, trying to find comfort.
“Ashley, love, you should take the test to find out. You need proper care from a physician if you are with child,” Rownan urged as he extended the brown paper bag towards me.
“So you don’t know for sure if you are pregnant then? Just-please tell me. Is Dominic the father if you are?” Kelly asked.
“Yes. He would be the father, Kelly. I promise. You know me. I wouldn’t lie about something as serious as that. You know how long I have wanted a child.”
“I do, Ashley, but you aren’t exactly a person to be trusted right now. You lied and sent Nic and Knox to jail. The police were at the club when I left there doing their search.”
“What?” I had forgotten all about that happening with the thoughts of being pregnant, and then the stress of Victoria’s visit enveloping me. I perked up from Kelly’s announcement. Then of course, Victoria probably timed the whole thing to happen just the way it played out. I felt sick to my stomach again at the thought. What would Dominic think when the police discovered that file? It wouldn’t take long for him to put two and two together and realize it was me who put the file in the office.
“Yeah. Nic, Toby, and Knox were all at the club. I wondered where Victoria had left to, until I found her here when I came to see if you were ok. Dominic told us the whole story of what happened last night- how you safe worded. I was concerned. That is a big deal, Ashley.”
“What? He made you safe word? I’ll fucking kill that bloody bastard. Why didn’t you tell me that this morning, Ashley? Shit,” Rownan said as he threw the paper bag onto the couch in frustration.
“Did he hurt you? What the fuck happened that he made you use a safe word? That is only to be used when the sub has reached or exceeded his or her limit. I swear to God, Ashley if he fucking hurt you…”
I rose up from off of the floor and made my way over to him. His concern and protection over me made me happy and thankful once again that I had him in my life. Through all of my faults, through all of the pain that I had caused to other people, he has been with me offering comfort and support despite it all.
I joined him over at the kitchen table where he had his palms flat against the wood planes with his head bowed in exasperation.
“Ro, he didn’t hurt me, not physically anyway. I just couldn’t...I couldn’t do it anymore, not after what has happened between him and me.”
“Dammit, Ashley you didn’t deserve to be taken to that level, hell if he only knew the real…”
My eyes grew wide as I realized what he was about to say. Kelly couldn’t know what was going on and I hadn’t had the chance to tell Rownan yet that Victoria was the fucking mastermind behind the whole situation to begin with. I shook my head, signaling him not to continue with his statement. I even went as far as to place my finger to his lips to shush him.
“It’s ok, Ro. He was just letting out his frustrations. I was injured emotionally at first, but I am ok now, I promise. No harm was done.”
He took my hands into both of his and held them to his chest. Kelly stood in the background witnessing our interaction. I knew it didn’t help my cause for he and I to look so intimate with each other, but I needed him to know that I was truly ok, bruised, but ok.
“Ashley, if you are pregnant. Let me be the one to take care of you. I will help you. Take you to the doctor; be there for you for when you are sick. I will help you raise the baby and I would love it just as much as my own. Michaels doesn’t know what a fucking treasure he is letting slip through his hands if he lets you go. Please...just think about it.”
I didn’t know what to say. I was both paralyzed and humbled by his admission. This man was willing to take me in, never having been intimate with one another or have a relationship beyond our friendship, minus the kiss this morning. He was willing to be a father to a baby that he knew wasn’t his.
“Rownan...I…”
“It’s ok, love. Just think about it. But first, I need you to go take a test. Please.”
I nodded my head and leaned into him, snaking my arms around him. Leaning my ear against his chest, I picked up the rapid beat of his heart. He wrapped his solid arms around me and closed me in his embrace. He really was such an incredible man. So kind and thoughtful. The pain that he had to endure when he lost his wife and child is something I would never wish upon anybody. The fact that he was willing to jump into the deep end of a pool to save me when I felt like I was drowning warmed my heart immensely.
Kelly picked up the paper bag off of the couch, stuffing the pregnancy tests back in and walked over to join us. Rownan released me from his embrace and I turned around to face Kelly. She handed me the bag and I drew in a long breath before letting it go in a rush before reaching for the bag.
“It’s now or never,” I said jokingly even though anxiety threatened to overtake me as my chest tightened and I found it difficult to consume air. My ribs crushed against my lungs as I held the brown paper sack in my trembling hands. Rownan placed his hands on mine to still them and I looked up at him to find his gaze sincere, yet comforting at the same time.
“I’ll wait out here for you, love. No matter what those results say, I am here for you,” Rownan said as he put a comforting arm around my shoulder and gave me a side hug.
“Thank you, Ro.”
Kelly and I left Rownan sitting on the couch as we made our way down the hallway towards the bathroom. Shutting the door, I went and sat down on the toilet and stared at the bag in my hands. On one hand, if I were pregnant, I would be over the moon. On the other hand, I would also be nervous and fearful of what the outcome would be.
I pulled out the box that said “digital” on the front wanting to not have to guess if I saw one line or two, a smiley face or a frown, or a pink or blue line. Tentatively, I peeled back the lid on the box to expose the foil wrapped plastic test. I held it in my hands as if it would burst open on me at any moment. Not weighing more than a few ounces, it felt like heavy lead in my hands as I tried to prepare myself for the results that I could get from this one tiny object.
“The directions say you can pee in a cup and dip it in, or you can hold the tip in the stream of your urine as you pee. Which option would you like to do?” Kelly asked as she held the page of directions in her hands and read from them.
I pulled one of the plastic disposable cups from the little dispenser that Kelly and I kept in the bathroom to use when we brushed our teeth; it was as good as anything.
“I’ll use the cup I guess,” I said as I stood to lift up my sundress and pushed the lid up on the toilet. Kelly handed me the cup and I emptied my bladder, trying to miss peeing on my fingers. When finished, I flushed the toilet and stood to wash my hands at the sink. Kelly opened the package and pulled the plastic cap off of the stick to dip the tip into the cup. When finished she placed the cap back on the stick before emptying the cup of pee into the toilet and disposing the cup into the trash.
We both watched the hourglass flash across the tiny window of the test like a blinking yellow light at a four-way stop.
“How long does it take?” I asked not taking my gaze off of the test, afraid that if I did, it would jump up and run away from me. I nervously picked at my nails, a bad habit I had when I was nervous, as I watched the hourglass keep flashing...and flashing...and flashing.
“The directions said three minutes,” Kelly said as she stared at the test along with me. I was so distracted by the tiny symbol on the window of the test that I barely registered the doorbell ringing.
“Ro? Can you get that for us? We are almost done!” I yelled through the closed door of the bathroom.
“Yeah,” his muffled reply came a few seconds later. My eyes were burning as I stared at the pregnancy test on my bathroom sink afraid that if I blinked, I would miss the results.
A commotion coming from the living room interrupted my stare down with the rotating hourglass. Kelly flung the door open and ran down the hall and I was right on her heels when I heard yelling and the sound of stuff crashing. What I expected to see when I got there, I had no clue. What I didn’t expect to see was Rownan and Dominic going at each other on my living room floor.
Rage, fury, hatred were all feelings that festered inside of me as I drove the Aston Martin at breakneck speed trying to get to Kelly and Ashley’s apartment. I was going to determine once and for all what the fuck was going on and why she was trying to destroy my heart and my life. A hole sat in my chest where my heart once laid. I didn’t think I could even feel it beating anymore as numbness now set in. I let the rage and the anger take over, replacing the pain that I felt. If I concealed the hurt long enough, then maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to have to deal with.
Shifting gears with a determined fervor, I dodged through the cars lining the streets of Chicago on a mission to stop the fucking madness. I would give her whatever she wanted. I was ready to wave my white flag of surrender if it would get her to stop the accusations and planting evidence. If I didn’t convince her to tell the truth, then Knox and I would be going to jail after the trial because we had no proof that the file Russell found was fake.
Approaching the street where Kelly and Ashley lived I noticed Kelly’s, Ashley's, and that fucking prick Rownan’s car all parked behind one another. More anger, more resentment, began to load on top of the other angry emotions I was feeling when I spotted Rownan’s car.
I came to a screeching halt before throwing open the door of the Aston Martin as I parked behind all the other cars. Knox and Toby were quick on my tail, arriving just a few moments after I had. I stood on the concrete sidewalk staring at the entrance to her apartment building so long Knox and Toby had joined me.
“Nic, as your lawyer, I am advising you not to go in there. It will just cause you more trouble in the long run. As your friend, I understand your need for closure, but I need you to think with your head right now and not your emotions. Yes, what she has done is awful, but we don’t need for her to have any other reason to come after you again,” Toby said out of breath like he had just ran a race.
“I agree, man. Please, just think before you act,” Knox reiterated. Their pleas went past deaf ears. How the hell could I get a hold of my emotions, when they overpowered me? I was numb. Novocain ran through my veins and I was deadened of all power and sensation except anger and pure jealousy. It was a feeling that I was not accustomed to. Having to watch Ashley be with Rownan for weeks now had finally taken its toll on me and I was ready to snap. I wanted to break every finger on both of his hands that had the pleasure to touch her body when I felt it belonged to me.
Why the hell did I have to feel like that? So fucking pissed off at her for what she done, but still felt possessive over her in the same thought?
I ignored my two friends and broke through the wall they tried to put up between me as I pushed past both of them to make my way to Ashley’s apartment. There was no way in heaven or hell that was going to stop me from this.
I bound up the steps and threw open the front door to the building with enough force to send the glass shaking in the panes of which they sat. I heard Knox and Toby’s repeated attempts to stop me, ignoring their pleas. I jammed my finger into the doorbell of Ashley and Kelly’s place impatiently, sending a rhyt
hm of ringing tones into the apartment. Several silent seconds went by before the door opened and I pushed my way in and came face to face with fucking Rownan Kleinfield.
“Where the fuck is Ashley?” I asked as I looked around the apartment. “Her car is out front, so I know she is here.”
“She is busy. Who the fuck do you think you are barging your way in here? I suggest you leave, mate, before I help you out.”
I laughed a full on belly laugh at Kleinfield’s attempt to scare me, before getting in his face, one on one, man to man.
“Listen, I am in no mood for your shit right now or for you to rub your and Ashley’s relationship in my face right now. By the way, did she tell you how I fucked her just last night? Did she tell you how I had her bound to my table, practically salivating from the mouth and pussy for me to fill her?”
I heard it before I felt it, the sound of skin on skin as Rownan reared back and his fist collided with my nose. The crunching sound of bone and cartilage was felt before the realization of what happened set in. I stumbled back slightly as blood began to pour from my nose. I was still numb from everything and felt nothing but anger. Not even the pain from his punch could be felt as I approached him once more, sizing him up and down.
“Is that all you got?” I spat in his face once more and watched as droplets of my blood splattered upon his face.
“You don’t fucking deserve her, you asshole,” Rownan said in practiced calm.
“Oh, and you think that you do? Let me tell you, that woman is a fucking man-eater. She will steal your heart from you and bust it wide open, only she leaves splinters behind. Pieces of her that make it damn near impossible to forget. I won’t forget. You see that body of hers? It belongs to me. I own it. I own every piece of her and if you think that she is going to magically fall in love with you and run off to live some fucking fairy tale, you are dead wrong Kleinfield.”