Feet of Clay_An Urban Fantasy Novel

by J. A. Cipriano

  “The only ones I saw before were a lot smaller than this. Puppies?” I smirked. I hadn’t been sure if we were in a really large monster or we’d been shrunk. To be fair, neither would surprise me at this point.

  “You could say that. Diammals continue to grow throughout their rather substantial lifetimes.” She patted the diamond ridge we sat on. “Now, when the White first came here, they had to develop all sorts of protections to work here. The cold is a byproduct of the lack of entropy here as heat is caused by–”

  I nodded. “Yeah, excited atoms and shit like that.”

  “Basically.” Her smile grew, like a teacher proud her normally dull student was getting something right for once. “You know about the crystal storms as well, but this entire world has different physical laws as well. If an Earth native wasn’t protected by some enchantment or other force here, its natural body functions would shut down. Everything from the laws of thermodynamics to basic chemical reactions all operate in a completely different way here. Our bodies simply can’t handle that for long.”

  “But these guys grew up here, so they’re adapted and all that?” I could start to guess the rest, but Momma Butcher always said assuming makes an ass out of you and me. Besides, from the look of things, we had nothing but time.

  “Right again! There is a lot of complex biology involved here, but it boils down to the fact that the diammals’ bodily structure provides protection from many of the hazards of Structure. As they don’t consume organic matter like we do and chemical reactions are so sluggish here as it is, the stomach of larger diammals makes for a strangely ideal place to ride safely in. Add in a few enchantments to stabilize the physical laws and we’re all good.” Gabriela smiled at me as if to say, “See, makes perfect sense.”

  It was a fair bit to take in all at once, but considering I’d managed to keep it together through learning about the reality of magic and that fucking God exists (after a fashion, anyway), this wasn’t so bad. “I’m guessing Abner is driving this thing then?”

  “It’s a bit more a partnership than that, but yes, essentially.” The doc glanced in the big lug’s direction. “Those, uh, pots are direct lines to the diammal’s brain. It’s like a Vulcan mind meld, you could say. Really fascinating.”

  “So he can’t hear us or anything?” I smirked. Time to give him the wet Willy of all wet Willies.

  “No, his senses are subsumed by the diammal’s.” Gabriela turned back to me. “You can’t drive a car without seeing through the windshield, after all. Not that we should treat this beautiful creature like a machine.” She patted the goop I had been sleeping in with a tender touch, something that made it quiver in what I guess had to be joy. “As I said, we forged a partnership with them.”

  More info than I needed, but if PETA ever knocked down the White’s door, they had a solid defense. “Well, that’s great because we need to talk about Clayface over there and what we’re going to do when we get back to Earth.” I sighed. “If he can’t hear us do that, well, so much the better.”

  Gabriela nodded, the compassion in her eyes for the diammal draining into the harshness of a mother separated from her son. “I’ve already been thinking about that myself, and you’re absolutely correct.” She cast a sidelong look at the Big Red Machine. “I can’t say I trust Abner further than I can throw him, which is not at all.” Looking back at me, she continued, “We have to figure out how to ditch him without getting killed or captured in the process, and then we should head to–”

  I held up a hand. “Hold on now.” I put a hand on her shoulder and sighed. I really didn’t want to say what had to be said, but it had been blatantly obvious to me the second Rollie had cast threats at Mom. “I agree on the first part, but when we get back home, I won’t be going with you to wherever.”

  8

  Gabriela looked like she’d just gotten popped in the head. It took her a second to put together any words at all. “But … Frank … maybe I don’t understand but … what about Max?” I knew she was searching with those green eyes, trying to figure this shit out, but I couldn’t really stand that gaze right then. It made me feel like shit, even if I knew I was doing the right thing by me and mine.

  As I’ve said countless times (okay, you could probably go back and count them, if you wanted, but who’s got time for that?), Frank Butcher is all about family. On first glance, that made what I said seem bizarre, but if you take it a hair deeper …

  “Doc … Gabriela … you know I want to help you find Max,” I said. “Even if he wasn’t the lynchpin of all this bullshit or even if there wasn’t any stupid magic at all, I’d still want to help.” Getting those words out of my mouth helped solidify my resolve enough so I could hold my ground against Gabby’s gaze.

  “Uh, huh,” she said, and I nearly flinched from the tone of her voice. Damn …

  “The problem is I’ve got something to take care of first, one of the only things more important than Max.” I turned my head back to her and hoped I looked more “sincere-confession” than “selfish-asshole.” “I didn’t realize it myself until Lambert mouthed off back there.”

  That’s when it clicked in her brain. She gasped, putting one hand over her mouth while the other instinctively clamped on my shoulder. “Six Seals, I can’t believe I didn’t realize it myself. Your mother …”

  See, that’s why I liked Gabriela so much. I didn’t need to spell shit out in maddening detail for her. Mom always said to pick the smart ones, not that I often listened. “Yeah. With all the security mojo the White did to protect Mom … at my own request at that … she’s in a lot of trouble. Rollie said as much back there at the castle. He’s going to make good on those veiled threats for sure. I have to do something about that.”

  Gabriela squeezed my shoulder and I’d be a damned liar if I didn’t admit it almost made me smile despite the total shitsack of a situation we were in. “I understand. We have to do everything we can to protect our families.”

  I put a hand over hers. She knew exactly where I was coming from, and it soothed the guilt I had been building up. “Which means you know I’ve got to do this solo.” She was already about to cut back in when I pressed on. “And before you make some comment about how stupid that is, it isn’t for the reason you think. It’s not some macho man thing, though I wouldn’t blame you for that thought.” I put on my best “Honest Frank” face. It wasn’t too hard. I wasn’t lying or even exaggerating this time. “It’s because you need to work on finding Max. You’ve got to do what’s best by your kid, and I’ve got to do what’s best by Mom.”

  It would have been a great dramatic scene, the protagonists making hard decisions and sharing their feelings, save for the fact we were doing this in the stomach of a big diamond animal, sitting on the edge of its gall bladder. That sort of put a damper on it.

  Gabriela nodded somberly. “You don’t need to explain it to me. I know there’s more to you than meets the eye.” I know she hated the idea of turning away from someone in need, someone in danger, but we both understood that Max was more important than that. “I’m happy you understand, Frank. It speaks a lot about your character, you know.” She blessed me with a small, warm smile.

  I gave that smile right back. “I guess I’ve got more hidden depths than I realized.” As much as I wanted to go for some more potential flirting, I tried to get back on task. “Even if Max wasn’t your kid, the fact of the matter is that Max is more important. He’s the big deal, the thing that makes all this shit go. I’d never tell him this, but he might be one of the most important people in, well, ever.”

  That wasn’t simple pandering on my part. I can see the threads that connect people to that big old magical tapestry in the sky (and the earth and the trees) after all. Max Perez was the most tied-in person I’d ever seen, which I assumed meant he was the biggest MacGuffin out there. He was the key component the Enders needed to try to destroy all magic, after all, and I couldn’t think of too many bigger things to be essential for.

 
; Gabriela looked me hard in the eyes for a few moments before letting out a short, sad laugh. With utter sincerity, she said, “Frank, I’ve never met someone who can be so damned selfish and so damned selfless at the same time.”

  I quirked a smirk back at her, joining in with the laughter. “Hey, I’ve got to be me, ya know?” Shit was getting a bit dark, a bit too serious. I think we both realized that at the same time and we both needed a laugh, even if it was at our own expense. We shared those few moments of giggles and I have to say they didn’t last near long enough.

  It ended with the both of us taking a deep, sobering breath. Gabby gave my shoulder one last squeeze and pulled back, folding her hands in her lap. “Well, if we’re going to have any shot at this, we need to figure out how to get away from Abner.” Her brow furrowed. “While you were recovering, he reiterated that his foremost goal was to get us to his creator and nothing else mattered, at least to him. With both your mother and Max still in danger and considering we don’t know where Abner will take us or how long that will take, well, you can figure out the rest.”

  I massaged my temples and tried to focus. I was still mostly composed of aches and pains. I’d rather have taken a snooze in the diammal’s goop. "Well, okay, how much longer do we have until we get to the zip-a-dee-doo-dah thing that will take us to Earth? And speaking of that, what kind of trouble will we get in when we get there?”

  “I always find it hard to judge time when I’m riding in a diammal, but not too much longer, maybe a half an hour at most.” She seemed to guess my question before I could open my mouth. “It takes immense energy to keep an artificial hole between dimensions open for any period of time, so it simply made more sense for the White to use the natural portal that already existed. It’s in a natural fissure in the landscape that isn’t nearly large enough for the research facility Roland had in mind.”

  “Huh.” I rubbed my stubbly chin. “So that’s what that was. Why the hell would anyone want to do research in this crazy place?”

  “It’s both simple and complex at the same time.” The scholar in Doctor Perez stepped up to bat once again. “Structured’s physical laws, namely the inertness of the entire dimension, make it a unique place to perform scientific and magical experiments. Chemical reactions can be studied in literal slow motion, a magical incantation can be observed second by second, and so on, all kept in check by the reduced entropy in this realm of order.” Despite everything, Gabby had a strange smile on her face. “It’s incredibly fascinating!”

  “That’s great and all, but how the hell did the guns and the spells work then if everything is slow motion here?” I smirked. “I’m a dumbass sometimes, but I certainly know how guns work. Chemistry, baby.”

  “If I say magic, that’ll be sufficient, right?” She returned my smirk. She was getting good at that. “It’d take too long to describe every ritual and spell involved or to detail the full text and ramifications of Horizon’s Law of Lingering Enchantments … unless you want to take the rest of this trip to start an advanced sorcery education?”

  “No offense, Doc, but you know the answer to that already.” I rolled my eyes. The doc had me pegged, what can I say?

  “Which is why I asked the question.” She was getting too good at this. Oh well, it could be worse, ya know? “As for trouble, I don’t think we’ll run into any. The portal is too important to risk a fight around, so it’s not usually guarded. Even during the ‘war’ between the White and the Enders, portals were always considered neutral ground. While it’s a natural phenomenon, there are spells in place to help focus its exact, what would you call it, drop point? Those spells are very complex and fragile. Even a glancing hit on the focusing stones could change the end point on Earth by a mile or more.”

  Now that was an interesting little tidbit that could make a real difference. I filed it away as I moved on, “Okay, so what resources do we have to get away from the Inedible Lump there? As much of an asshole as he might be, I don’t want to kill him.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I wouldn't even know how to kill him.”

  The doc bit her lip. “The only positive about this list is it’s short so I won’t waste much breath on it.” She looked sidelong at me. “We have you and we have me. I have a few spells I managed to reweave, things I use all the time so I don’t need help to get the complexities right. Of course, that means it’s only a few core healing and protective spells. There’s nothing I have that would even make Abner sneeze.”

  “And I found out the hard way la Corazon is fucking useless on him too. He’s not magic. He’s a walking, talking person except for the whole, well, clay thing.” I shrugged. “We also know he’d shrug off anything we could throw at him physically, not that we have much to throw. I am sure as hell not winning a gentlemanly bout of pugilism with him, that’s for sure.”

  Gabriela shook her head as she ran her fingers through her hair and gave me a look of “what-the-bloody-fuck-are-we-going-to-do?”. “We could always try to make a run for it once we get through the portal. He might be strong, but he’s not particularly fast.”

  “That’s what we think, anyway. Who knows what super-secret golem powers he has? Or maybe God taught him the ‘Prayer of Hunting Down Our Asses.’ I wouldn’t doubt it at this point.”

  I had the urge to pace, but I didn’t feel like stooping, not with my chest and side aching like a bitch. Instead, I drummed my fingers on my lap. An idea was starting to brew in the old plan factory that was my brain, but I had no fucking clue if it would work. Knowing my track record, it was likely going to turn out to be totally fucking bonkers.

  As my eyes wandered, mulling over whether I should even throw my idea out, I could feel Gabby’s gaze on me. “You’re thinking something, Frank. You’ve got something brewing in that thick skull of yours, don’t you?”

  “Hey, that thick skull has saved my life a few times.” I looked over at her and the wry smile on her face. “But, because you’re asking so nicely, I do have an idea. I’m not sure it’s a good idea though.”

  “Considering the wonderful array of ideas we’ve already come up with,” she said with a roll of her eyes, “which is to say a grand total of zero, I’ll take a bad idea over that any day.”

  “Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I sucked in a quick breath and puffed it out. “So, you said that this portal focusing doodad is pretty fragile right.”

  “Destroying it won’t close the portal, in case that was your plan.” It wasn’t, well, not this particular plan. The thought had crossed my mind though.

  “No, but you did say that hitting it could change where it drops you off at right?” Like it had formed in my head, the plan was coming together in Gabby’s and a fair bit faster too. She’s a genius oncologist and wizard, after all. “How hard is it to refocus it if it gets fucked with?”

  “It’s actually very difficult, at least if you’re trying to pinpoint the exact previous departure stop. Think of it like a telescope that covers an arc of hundreds of miles. If you slap the side of it without knowing the exact angle it was set at–”

  “It’d take hours to try to get the thing straight again, assuming you could even manage it.” I snapped my fingers and pointed at Gabby. “I think we’ve got a plan.”

  “Assuming it works and assuming he doesn’t catch on,” she added. “Oh, and this is technically only the end steps of a plan. I hope you’ve got more in mind?”

  “Well, to be totally honest, considering our situation, I was going to, uh, wing it.” I smiled because what else could I do.

  Gabriela let out a deep sigh and palmed her face. “I should have expected that, shouldn’t I?”

  “Aww, don’t be that way! When have our plans ever gone wrong before?” I asked, trying my best to look hurt.

  She rolled her eyes. “Do I really have to answer that?”

  9

  I’d say the weirdest part about the trip to the portal, at least in hindsight, was the end. Have you ever been barfed up by a giant diamond thing?
It’s another one of those once-in-a-million things I had the strange honor of experiencing. I honestly can’t tell you if it was a good experience or a bad one.

  Not that it was a gross thing or the like. It was surprisingly clean, all things considered. When the faint sense of continual motion finally ceased, Abner’s utterly still form started to move. Pulling his hands free from the two little pots of diammal goo (were those holes to the brain? I never asked, and I don’t really want to know), the big lug lumbered onto his hands and knees (the best he could do in the confines of the beast’s stomach) and turned to us, still perched on the lip of the creature’s gall bladder.

  For a moment, I worried that maybe, despite what Gabby had said about him being too preoccupied by controlling the diammal to pay attention us, Abner had heard our little conspiracy session. He stared at us for a long moment as I tried to look casual and ignore the images of a rampaging golem in my head.

  “We have arrived at the portal house. My creator waits on the other side. It will not be long now.” His words were a welcome rumbling to my ears.

  I got to my feet, stooping a bit. The extra half-hour of sitting on my ass had done my pained side more good than I’d thought it would. Maybe there was something to the whole lounging around thing. When this was all said and done, I’d have to get back to it. “That’s really peachy, Abbie, but I don’t see the exit door or orifice or … hey, this thing isn’t going to shit us out, is it?”

  As Gabriela got to her feet behind me, she piped up. “Not only is that a childish way to put it, it’s also incorrect. After all, we haven’t been digested. That said, our way out is a bit, uh, unorthodox.”

  Abner grunted as he crawled toward what I guessed was the “front” of the stomach. “It would be best, Frank Butcher, to follow my lead and relax. It will make the process simpler and far less dangerous.”

  I turned my gaze from Abner to Gabriela and back again. “What process? What exactly do you mean by ‘unorthodox?’ You don’t mean–” Seeing the doc take a similar position as Abner, low to the ground and relaxed, I realized I might have a lot less time to get ready for what was about to happen.