Without Scars
Page 31
In my periphery I saw her turn toward me. “Baby, you know I really do miss you, right? And it’s just finances keeping me here? I’ll request a transfer to the L.A. show in a few months.”
“You don’t want me to be your savior. I get it. I always have, baby. Place is so fucking empty without you, though. I still haven’t decorated since the last time you were out there. It’s gonna stay that way until you come for good.” I kissed the back of her hand. “You’re my home, anyhow.”
“Are you trying to make me pack my bags right now?”
“That is the plan, pretty girl.”
Nikki was renting my parents’ condo now, but I didn’t drive us there. I took us straight to the arts district as a surprise. After my eye-opening run-in with the law, my experience became inspiration in a way. I talked to Samira about doing a new project, a series-slash-artwork that teamed us up with Amanda. We started a website where people could submit their greatest fears and uncertainties, anonymously if they chose. Then Amanda invited random people to come into her gallery where they could either read their own fear or someone’s else out loud, while she photographed and filmed them. Amanda had spent the last almost two years painting the walls of the gallery for a permanent exhibit, turning all the words of those fears into the faces of the people who’d read them. I really liked the message behind it. It didn’t matter who read the fears because the feeling itself was universal. Samira and I turned it into a reality series, where we had different people face their fears by sharing and then conquering them.
“Are we supposed to be in here?” Nikki asked when I unlocked the gallery and flipped the light switch.
“Yes…” I smiled, and she spun around, as the place got brighter. The exhibit was debuting tomorrow, and this was a surprise sneak peek I’d arranged for us. I’d seen it yesterday, but it was still mind-blowing. Two hundred distinct faces completely composed of words. On every wall. From floor to ceiling. Enshrined forever.
“Oh my God. I didn’t think it would be so…” Nikki said. Tears rimmed her eyes. “It’s…it’s amazing…”
It was. So much heartbreak and anguish and, yet, it was mesmerizing, calming even. Art was how you made pain pretty. “I know. And tomorrow night they’ll turn on all the video monitors with people reading the fears out loud for the eight o’clock presentation. It’s going to be fantastic.”
“Oh, I can’t wait! Where are we on the wall?”
I took her to where Amanda had told me. For a second, neither of us spoke; instead, we read our own fears. I’m afraid that I’ll never be good enough for the thing I love most in the world. How do I ever escape that? I’m not sure. I’ll just have to work at learning to not doubt myself so much. My ten-year-old self didn’t doubt me. I have to do right by him. Those were the words shaping my head. I let out a deep breath.
Nikki squeezed my hand tighter and I saw a slight tremble in her lip, but I knew it wasn’t sadness. “It’s freeing…even though it’ll be here forever. It feels like I’ve left something behind. I don’t have to carry it anymore,” she said. An arm went around my waist. “This was the best idea ever.”
“You partly inspired it, with your willingness to be so open about who you are, even though it was probably scary. Thank you. You always inspire me. I’m honored to have you as my muse for the rest of my life.” I pulled out my cellphone and switched to the front facing camera. Then I spun us so that the wall was our background. “Remember on the day we met you took that picture of us? In case I was a serial killer?”
She squished herself against me. “Yeah…still not sure…but taking my chances…” she said, laughing.
“Shut up and smile.”
She held my face and leaned in. “Can we do one of those kissing pictures? So I can make it my lock screen or my Facebook profile pic? It’s what all the proper engaged girls do.”
“Are you fuckin’ serious?” I groaned.
She snorted. “Haha! Jesus, no!” She hugged me. “Take the picture, baby…”
“Wait…are you happy?”
“Is that a serious question? At an explosive level!”
“Me too. Obviously. So…I want to take a picture of us right now. While it feels like this. Because thirty years from now when you’re nagging me to death and won’t let me buy that sports car I want—”
“You mean when I think you need to stop pretending you don’t need Viagra—”
“Wow, low blow, dude.” She hugged me close and I snapped the picture before turning back to her. “On the day you took that picture, we had no idea we’d be here someday. And we have no idea what things will be like down the road. Neither of us is naïve enough to believe life is going to be unicorns and rainbows. But on those days when we stop remembering how happy and in love we are, and how much we mean to each other, I want the people we are right now to always be able to remind us.” I turned the front facing camera on us again but switched it to video. “What should we tell our future selves?”
She took the phone from me. “I won’t need to be reminded of any of this because I’ll just know, Charlie. I’ll always know. I’ve always known. Even when you annoy me now, I know. We’ve said it a million times, but good days and bad days. And even those bad days will still be okay because they’ll end with you.”
We would definitely be my best story ever.
The End
***
Hi, Thank you for choosing to read this book. Hope you enjoyed! -Ayla
aylajoneswrites.wordpress.com