Only Us: A Fool’s Gold Holiday

by Mallery, Susan

“You’re cutting us out of your life? You said you wouldn’t do that. I thought you cared about us.”

  “You’re wrong. I didn’t care. I don’t care. I love you both.” She stared into his eyes. “That’s a whole lot more than caring.”

  “Then stay.”

  “No. You don’t get to have it both ways. I’ve spent a year waiting for you to realize I was the one. That’s enough time wasted.”

  With that she turned and left. Her heart pounded hard in her chest and she wasn’t sure how long she could keep from crying. The sense of emptiness and loss nearly brought her to her knees. But behind the pain and fear and need to turn back and say, “Yes, fine, half a life is good enough for me,” was the belief that she’d made the right decision.

  It hurt now. It more than hurt. But with time and a little determination, she would recover. And, she thought, a little help from Fool’s Gold wouldn’t hurt either.

  Chapter Four

  Jo’s Bar was a gathering place for the women of Fool’s Gold. While the men had a room in back with a pool table and sports playing on TVs, the main portion of the bar was dedicated to women. The walls were painted a skin-flattering mauve, the large-screen TVs featured shopping channels and female-friendly reality shows and the menu included plenty of calorie-light options. During the day, one corner was turned into a play area for toddlers. While Friday and Saturday night brought in the couples crowd, the rest of the time, Jo’s Bar was a place for women to feel comfortable. Or have a good cry.

  “You did the right thing,” Jesse said soothingly. “I know you did.”

  Rina clutched the tissue in her hand and did her best to stop the steady stream of tears. At the rate she was going, she’d be dehydrated and require emergency medical care within the hour.

  “It doesn’t f-feel right,” she said, her voice cracking on a sob. “It feels horrible. Everything hurts. I can’t do this. I can’t go on without him.”

  Jesse raised her eyebrows, which made Rina laugh. Well, it was more like a hiccup, but still it was an improvement over the crying.

  “That made me sound like a stalker,” she admitted. “Of course I can live without Cameron.” Her humor faded. “I wish I didn’t love him. Or that he loved me back. This sucks.”“Yes, it does. It hurts and you feel awful.”

  Rina looked at her friend and sniffed. “Are you trying to make me feel better? Because it’s not really working.”

  Jesse touched her arm. “Dealing with this will get easier. Once the holidays are over, you can find a place to move your business to and start to cut ties.”

  Rina nodded and wiped away tears. “You’re right. I’m not going to give up seeing Kaitlyn, though. I want to talk to Cameron about working out a schedule. Maybe I can take her a couple of afternoons a week.”

  “See, you have a plan.”

  Or at least part of one, Rina thought glumly.

  The sound of several women laughing caused her to look to the bar side of the room. At least thirty women were setting up for what looked to be a bridal shower. Rina remembered all three of the Hendrix triplets were getting married over the holidays. Not that she begrudged them their happiness, but ouch.

  “This hurts,” she admitted. “What a stupid time of year to put it all on the line. I love Christmas. It was always a big thing in my house and I know my grandparents are looking forward to it.”

  “So you’ll be with them and that will be nice.”

  “I know, it’s just…” She swallowed and fought more tears. “We’re supposed to go Friday to pick out the tree. That will be hard.”

  Jesse leaned toward her. “I know it will.”

  “You’re not going to try and talk me out of it?”

  “No. If you think you can stand it, you should stick with what’s planned. For Kaitlyn. She adores you and getting a Christmas tree is a big deal for an eight-year-old.” Jesse studied her. “You’ve seen him?”

  “Since I made my pronouncement yesterday? Briefly. When he came home from work and again this morning when I went to get her ready for school. He hasn’t said anything.”

  This morning he’d simply handed her a cup of coffee and said he would see her at the office. Kaitlyn had been the one to remind her about their date to pick out a tree.

  “I’m avoiding him at work,” Kaitlyn said. “It’s a month, right? I can stand this for a month.”

  Jesse shifted in her seat. “He came to talk to me this morning.”

  Rina stared at her. “And? What did he say?”

  “That he wasn’t online anymore. Looking.”

  Looking, as in… “Oh. You mean he’s not trying to find someone.”

  “Right.”

  Rina picked up her glass of wine, then put it down. She was sure it was wonderful, but she’d yet to take a sip. The thought of it made her stomach flip, and not in a good way.

  “I wasn’t sure if I should tell you,” Jesse admitted.

  “Don’t worry. I’m not going to get my hopes up. Cameron isn’t a bad guy. He’s stupid, but not evil. I made it pretty clear that rejecting me and going in search of an online girlfriend in the same day was awful and I’m guessing he believed me.”

  “He did.”

  “So we’ll fake our way through this. After the first of the year, I won’t have to deal with him anymore.”

  The thought should have relieved her but instead she felt sad and empty. Because dealing with Cameron and his daughter had become the best part of her world.

  “It’s snowing!” Kaitlyn stared up at the sky, her eyes wide, her lips curving into a huge grin.

  Tiny, wispy flakes drifted to the ground. Rina knew they wouldn’t stick and that in a matter of minutes the snow would stop, but for as long as it lasted, it was beautiful. An unexpected gift designed to remind her life did indeed keep moving on.

  She and Kaitlyn walked through the Christmas-tree lot. Holiday music blasted out of battered speakers and plastic reindeer and Santas blinked on and off. The two college-age guys helping customers wore sweatshirts with snowmen on the front.

  Kaitlyn clapped her mitten-covered hands together. “They’re all so beautiful. How will we decide? Daddy said the ceilings are twelve feet tall, so we can’t get anything taller than that.”

  “We could if we put the tree at an angle.”

  Kaitlyn laughed. “It would look funny and all the decorations would fall off.”

  “If you’re going to be picky.”

  The girl wrapped her arms around Rina’s waist and squeezed. Rina hugged her back, holding onto the moment, knowing that even if she saw Cameron’s daughter a couple of days a week, their relationship would never be the same.

  “Daddy!”

  Kaitlyn released her and raced to her father. Rina gave herself a second to brace herself, then turned to look at Cameron.

  Tiny snowflakes dotted his hair and landed on his leather jacket. His green eyes were more guarded than usual, as if he was unsure of how things were going to be between them. Determined to take the emotional high road, Rina gave him a smile.

  “We were discussing tree size,” she said cheerfully. “Apparently twelve feet is the limit.”

  “I’d say ten,” he told her. “There’s an angel to put on top.”

  Kaitlyn nodded. “She’s beautiful and has wings. I’d forgotten about that.”

  “Ten feet is still a pretty big tree.” Rina held out her hand to Kaitlyn. “Let’s walk around and we’ll figure out which ones we like.”

  The girl grabbed her father’s hand, then Rina’s, walking between them. They’d done this dozens of times before. Rina had always enjoyed the connection, but this time there was also a whisper of pain curling the edges of the moment, a reminder that in a few weeks, she would be moving on, no longer a part of the McKenzie family. Not that she’d ever been a member, but she’d foolishly allowed herself to pretend.

  The college guys loaded the chosen tree into the back of Cameron’s truck. Rina hovered awkwardly, not sure exactly when she was supposed
to leave. Cameron was paying for the tree and Kaitlyn had run into a couple of her friends from school. The three girls were huddled together, laughing about something.

  Part of her wanted simply to disappear into the happy crowds on the street, but ducking out without saying good-bye seemed rude. Cameron was doing his best to act normal. She should do the same. Technically, she’d been the one to change the rules by telling him how she felt. Not that she regretted being honest, but it seemed the least she could do was play along.

  He pocketed the receipt, then joined her. “She’s going to be a while,” he said, nodding at his daughter.

  “She has a lot of friends.”

  “I’m glad. When we first moved here, I worried that she wouldn’t fit in.”

  “Fool’s Gold is very welcoming. My maternal grandparents lived here all their lives. My mom grew up here. With my dad in the army, we moved around a lot, but we settled here just before I started high school.” Now she couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.

  Cameron studied her. “You must miss your folks.”

  She nodded. “It’s been six years since they died, but yeah, I do. Especially now. Christmas was always a big deal in my house.” She smiled, remembering. “We always got holiday pajamas on Christmas Eve. My mom tried to find ones that were exactly alike. Then we wore them on Christmas morning and made breakfast together. It was wonderful.”

  “That’s what I want Kaitlyn to have. Memories. You’ve really helped with that. Thanks for being here today.”

  “You know I care about her. Of course I’m here. And I’m still helping with the holiday pageant.” She smiled again, but this time it took a little effort. “You’re not getting rid of me completely.”

  “I don’t want to.” He stared into her eyes. “Rina, I…”

  She was pretty sure he was going to tell her he was sorry or suggest they could go back to what they’d been doing before. Neither of which she wanted to hear.

  “What are you favorite Christmas memories?” she asked.

  He hesitated as if not sure he was willing to go with the obvious change in subject, then he shrugged. “Things were good when I was younger, but after my mom remarried, they went downhill. My stepdad wasn’t a bad man, but he was strict and we didn’t get along. I spent one Christmas in juvenile detention.”

  “No way.”

  He held up a hand, as if offering an oath. “I did. I’d been messing around with some guys and we set a shed on fire. It was stupid. The whole neighborhood could have gone up in flames. Instead of sending me away, the judge sentenced me to a hundred hours of community service. I was fifteen and it seemed like a lifetime of punishment.”

  Rina had never heard about his early past. “I can’t believe you were that kind of kid.”

  He smiled. “I turned out okay in the end. That community service changed my life. I got assigned to the local animal shelter. I worked ten hours a week, for ten weeks and by the time I was done, I knew I wanted to be a veterinarian. My stepfather had convinced my mother to send me to boarding school. Rather than fight it, I asked them to pick one specializing in science and math so I could get into a good college. I graduated with honors, got a scholarship and the rest, as they say, is history.”

  “I’m impressed.”

  “Don’t be. There are a lot of kids who suffered a whole lot more than I did. I acted like an idiot and I was punished. What I’m pleased with is that I learned from my mistake and turned things around.”

  “Your mom must be proud.”

  “She is and so’s my stepdad. We get along now.”

  “They live in Florida, right?”

  He nodded. “We’re going to visit them over spring break. You should come with us.” He stiffened. “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

  She ignored the sudden ache in her chest. “No problem. I’m sure you two will have a great time. You can go to Disney World.”

  “Kaitlyn has already started planning what rides we’ll go on first.” He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets and looked at her. “Rina, I can’t go there.”

  She knew he didn’t mean Florida. “You’ve explained that.”

  “No, I haven’t. I want you to understand. My wife left. There was no warning. Kaitlyn was two weeks old when she packed her bags and said she was leaving. Said she didn’t want to be a mother or married to me. I didn’t see it coming.” He drew in a breath. “I won’t go through that again.”

  “Someone leaving?”

  “Yes. I don’t want the uncertainty. Friends are different. You can depend on a friend.”

  “Meaning you won’t trust another woman? If you care about someone, she could leave?”

  He shifted uncomfortably. “It’s more complicated than that.”

  She wondered if that was true. Was Cameron’s entire problem that he was unwilling to take a chance on being hurt again? She was torn between knocking some sense into him and reacting with compassion. She decided that the latter would speak more highly of her character.

  “You need to take a chance. If not on me, then on someone. You can’t let one selfish, uncaring person scar you for the rest of your life.” She stepped closer. “There’s more on the line than your heart. Kaitlyn is going to learn about romantic love from what she sees you doing. If you’re afraid to trust, that’s what you’re teaching her.”

  “She has other role models. Movies. Books. You.”

  Rina wasn’t sure falling for a guy who was unwilling to trust again was something she wanted to pass on to an eight-year-old girl she cared about.

  “You’re her father. You are the most important person in her world. She’ll do what you do.”

  Chapter Five

  Cameron was starting to feel like the antihero in a bad TV show. He would swear his entire staff was glaring at him behind his back. As he’d yet to catch anyone actually glaring, he knew he was in danger of becoming paranoid. Which would not be his best trait.

  It was Rina’s fault, he grumbled to himself as he carefully checked the sleeping dog on the operating table. The six-month-old lab-border collie mix belonged to Max Thurman, the guy who owned K9Rx Therapy Dogs. The dog had been spayed right on time and would later continue her training to be a therapy dog. As he touched her shoulder, she stirred slightly, coming out of the anesthesia.

  Jesse noted her vital signs. “She seems to be doing well,” she said. “I’ll stay with her until she’s ready to be moved.”

  Cameron glanced at the woman, checking for hidden meaning behind her words. He knew Jesse and Rina were friends. Rina was friends with everyone around her, and that made him the bad guy in what was happening, which brought him right back to the paranoia that everyone was glaring at him.

  The downside to small-town life, he thought as he gave the dog one last pat.

  “Let me know if there are any problems,” he said. “I’ll be in my office.” Where he would update the dog’s file and scan the list of appointments he had for the afternoon.

  As he walked down the hallway, he instinctively paused outside the grooming area. Rina was wielding clippers with the skill of an artist, trimming a small poodle’s feet. She carried on a conversation with the animal as she worked, her voice low and soothing. He was familiar with that voice. He’d heard it when he’d had the flu and Rina had practically moved in to take care of both him and Kaitlyn.

  He shook off the memory and continued toward his office. On the main hallway wall were hundreds of pictures of pets, donated by their happy owners. Rina had been the one to suggest the picture wall and it had grown. More than one family brought in a new picture every visit to add to the collection.

  The bulletin board in the waiting area had a flyer for the adoption event coming up next weekend. Something else Rina was involved with. In his office, he skirted around a planter full of “kitty grass” Rina insisted they keep for their overnight feline guests.

  She was everywhere, and he’d never noticed that before. When he’d first arrived in Fool’s Gold, she�
�d been the one who had given him the list of where to shop and how to avoid trouble with the Gionni sisters by making sure he and Kaitlyn alternated between their hair salons. Rina had chided him into joining the Chamber of Commerce and signed him up to speak on taking care of pets at the local elementary schools. She’d taught his daughter to skate, had baked her a birthday cake and carefully curled her hair for the first day of school.

  When Rina disappeared from his life, he would lose far more than simply a babysitter or even a friend. A part of him wanted to be angry at her for changing the rules, but another part of him understood why she wanted more than she had.

  Which made him wonder, when she walked away, what would she lose?

  She said she loved him and he believed her. But, thinking about all she’d done for him and how little he’d done for her, he couldn’t help but wonder why. He’d never consciously gone out of his way to be kind. She was someone he liked and enjoyed spending time with. When she’d needed a new-to-her car, he’d helped her pick out the one that suited her needs best and then had given her advice on negotiating. He’d fixed a few things in her apartment. She had a crazy phobia about the dentist, so he literally held her hand during her twice-yearly cleaning. But that’s what friends did for each other. It wasn’t love.

  He crossed to the window. While he paid her to take care of his daughter, he didn’t pay her to care. That she had given freely.

  The holiday pageant was a celebration of cultures and traditions. The translation of that statement was that it challenged the parents of grade-school-aged children with costume design and construction worthy of Broadway.

  Rina had spent nearly a month on Kaitlyn’s Christmas princess costume, wanting the girl to be thrilled with the results. The hours of sewing had produced a fairy-tale confection in deep red with ruffles and lace and a few beads thrown in for good measure.

  Now Rina carefully removed the hot rollers from Kaitlyn’s dark hair and finger-combed the ringlets. The girl stayed completely still, as if willing the transformation.