“Yes. You’re safe.”
Safe? She’d tried to think of every angle in advance, but she hadn’t known until now how much she’d relied on millions of tons of bendar, or laser cannons, or thousands of sensors that could warn of attack. She hadn’t understood that without sensors to “see” the world she’d feel so vulnerable. She was mortal. With only flesh and blood and bone between her and … everything else.
Dora shuddered, twitched. Told herself that being human was what she’d always wanted. The process had worked. She had a body. Now she had to deal with living. She would deal with the changes. One day at a time—minute by minute if required.
TWO HOURS LATER Dora had discovered that being human required effort, more than she’d anticipated. Although she had muscles that were hardwired to move, her brain had to make thousands of new connections so she could move her hand and walk and talk. Thankfully, she already knew how to use her psi to operate her suit. She might be overcompensating, using her psi and suit to force her muscles to do what she wished, but her progress was quick, her speech clear.
Resting against a wall, Dora placed a hand over her stomach. “How about a rest. My stomach … aches.”
“Are you ill?” Tessa fussed over her like a mother red jilly, one of the colorful new species of birds that had been discovered on Mystique. Despite Tessa’s busy days, her trading empire, she hadn’t taken one call, never mind left Dora’s side.
“I think … I’m hungry.” Dora grinned and her mouth twitched. She hoped the uncontrollable muscle contractions would soon end. As she’d practiced walking, her spasming arm had almost toppled her balance. Frustrated that a baby could smile better than she could, she wondered how to make her expressions match her emotions when the muscles seemed to have a mind of their own.
Tessa nodded approvingly and used her psi. A table unfolded from the wall. Food bins with materials for a food processor that materialized a cooked meal were there for convenience, but Tessa didn’t approach the raw ingredients, her expression excited as if she had a secret. “Are you ready to eat lunch?”
“Yes.”
“Miri wanted your first food to be home cooked.” Tessa pulled out a basket loaded with interesting aromas and held it up with a flourish. “She’s made us a feast to celebrate your birthday.”
“With coffee?” Dora didn’t understand Tessa’s compulsion for the Terran hot drink, but she was eager to try it. In fact, she couldn’t wait to taste food period. She only hoped that she didn’t bite her tongue and didn’t have difficulty chewing and swallowing. But most of all, she awaited trying out her new sense of taste with anticipation.
Tessa reached into the basket and took out breads—orangewheat, white, seeded, and ryedough. Next came small colorful clay pots filled with a variety of toppings—rich honey butter, thick barnberry jam, tempting garva jelly, janilla bean spread, and a medley of fruit preserves.
Tessa didn’t look up from her task. “Dora, why don’t you put on some clothes?”
“Why?” Dora looked down at her nudity. “Don’t you find my new body attractive?” Spinning, she felt centered, then her thigh muscle twitched, upsetting her balance, and she flung out an arm as a counterweight. Not only was her movement awkward, her head spun, the walls closed in again.
Stars. She had to remember to move slower. Damn it—the walls were stationary. She stared them back into place with a scowl.
Either Tessa politely pretended not to notice her awkwardness or she was too busy with the food to notice. “Your body is gorgeous, but it’s both Terran and Rystani custom to clothe ourselves during social occasions.”
“Will looking at me spoil your appetite?” Dora fisted her hands on her hips, a gesture she’d seen Tessa use when in a combative mode. She’d waited so long for this moment that she didn’t see a reason to cover her skin. After all, Tessa had been watching her grow her body for months.
“If Kahn joins us, I would be uncomfortable,” Tessa admitted as she smoothly unpacked a variety of meats—grilled, roasted, smoked, steamed, boiled, and fried.
“But why? He’s already seen all of me.”
Dora had never agreed with Tessa’s concept of modesty. She’d often wondered if her opinions would change after she’d taken human form, but Tessa’s preference still perplexed her. However, after everything her friend had done for her, she didn’t wish to make her uncomfortable. With a psi thought Dora altered her suit to encase her body in a deep violet-colored gown that would emphasize her alexandrite eyes.
Immediately, she felt more feminine and added a simple threaded design to her outfit. She didn’t understand why color and clothing made her feel differently about her body, but the reaction was likely very human, and that pleased her.
“Shoes?” Tessa prodded. “If you want other humans to accept you as one of us, especially Rystani men, you have to not only look the part but act like one of us, too.” Setting action to match her words, Tessa changed her clothing from her black pantsuit to an emerald gown that snuggled up against her skin.
Human behavior could be very complex. Thankfully, Dora had studied and interacted with them for years. But not until she and Tessa had become friends had anyone bothered to explain the subtleties and nuances that confused her. Although Tessa hadn’t answered her question about why Dora’s nudity would bother her if Kahn were around, she knew jealousy was not a factor. Tessa didn’t think that way. Besides, Tessa knew Zical was the man who fascinated Dora. However, dressing up was kind of fun, and she concentrated on the shoes.
“Compliance.” Dora took a step forward. Her knee buckled and she compensated by stiffening her suit. “Tell me what to taste first.”
Tessa had reached out to steady her, saw that her effort wasn’t required, but frowned. “Maybe we should have a medical doctor check you over.”
Dora’s stomach rumbled, the sensation odd but not necessarily unpleasant. “Perhaps my muscles are just reacting to my excitement. I’d like to eat first. Please?”
“Okay. Are you feeling claustrophobic anymore?”
“Tessa, I’ve been waiting three hundred years to taste food. Please. I’m fine. Just hungry. The walls are finally staying right where they are supposed to be.”
Tessa laughed, her first real laugh since Dora’s transfer. Her entire face lit up, and her concern disappeared. Dora was lucky to have a friend to worry over her, but the enticing aroma of hot bread made thinking difficult. She’d never fully comprehended why humans let their stomachs rule so much of their lives. They planned their day around meals. Celebrations, weddings, deaths—all were accompanied by eating. Now she could take part.
She had yet to put a morsel into her mouth, but the smell of the bread, the dark crusts with steam rising—ah—the cravings made her mouth water. She had to restrain herself from snatching the bread, stuffing it into her mouth, and gobbling as if she were starving.
Stars. She’d never guessed she would be this eager to do such an ordinary task as filling her mouth. If she had urges as strong around men … oh my … what had she done? With the human drive to mate almost as strong as the need to eat, she would have to refrain from attacking Zical the moment she saw him.
Tessa sliced the bread, slathered it with honey butter, and handed it to Dora. “What has you thinking so hard?”
“I’m trying not to drool.” Dora carefully placed the slice of bread between her parted lips, allowed her teeth to sink into the crust. “Oh … my.” The sweet taste of the honey butter drizzled over her tongue. “This is … heaven.”
Tessa took one look at what must have been Dora’s blissful expression and grinned. “It’s a good thing you gave yourself a fast metabolism so you could pig out, even if it isn’t as efficient.”
“Efficiency isn’t everything. I’m human now.”
“Yes, you are. More?”
She tried a bit of fried yicken, a tasty meat. “Remind me to thank Miri.”
Tessa busily laid out the rest of the repast. “Not all food tastes as good as Miri’s. Tr
y a little of everything and don’t eat too much or your tummy will ache later.”
Easy for her to say. She’d been eating all her life. Dora hadn’t comprehended that aroma and texture were so much a part of taste. She discovered she loved crunchy sour pickles but didn’t find the soft sweet ones pleasing. Crisp vegetables, cheese potatoes, and rye bread were her favorites. However, she tasted everything, even Tessa’s coffee, which she spat back into the cup with what she hoped was a scowl. “This must have gone bad, although the smell is wonderful.”
“The coffee’s perfect.” Tessa sipped happily from her over-sized cup. “The jolt of caffeine is just what I needed.”
“But it’s so bitter.”
“An acquired taste.”
Sharing hot drinks, alcohol, and food was so much a part of the family ritual that Dora vowed to acquire a taste for coffee. She envisioned many shared meals with Tessa, the two of them lingering over steaming cups while they had interesting discussions, shared news of their day, and traded gossip with the other women. Dora loved gossip, wanted to love coffee. However, she didn’t have to learn to like coffee today, and she pushed aside the cup.
Tessa’s eyes sparkled, and she spoke in a rush of anticipation. “Are you ready for the pièce de résistance?”
Although familiar with Tessa’s Terran slang, Dora still wasn’t certain what she was talking about. “Pizza?”
“For dinner, maybe.”
“Dessert?”
“Chocolate fudge.” Tessa cut a tiny square, placed the candy on a plate, and offered the sweet like ambrosia to the gods. “Smell first.”
“Yum.” Dora sniffed and the aromatic fragrance would have had her placing the entire piece into her mouth at once until she remembered how good coffee smelled and how bitter it tasted.
“Go on. Try.”
Dora bit into the chocolate. As the sugary confection melted over her tongue, she squealed in delight. “Chocolate alone is almost worth giving up my immortality.”
“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.”
“I didn’t expect food to be this wonderful. I can hardly wait to make love.”
In mid-lick of sucking fudge from her fingertip, Tessa stopped and sighed. “Whoa. First of all, humans usually ease into subjects like making love.”
“Sorry.” Dora tended to forget that human sexuality was such a sensitive subject and wondered if she’d ever understand why even Tessa was so touchy about discussing it.
But then in her typical straight-ahead fashion, Tessa plunged into the subject anyway. “Eating and making love are two very different kinds of sensual experiences.”
“Exactly. That’s why, as soon as possible, I want to be with a man.”
“Making love is emotional. If you want the experience to be good, and I know you do, you need to slow down.”
“Not everyone agrees that waiting is better.”
Tessa’s cheeks flushed with color. “I’m not talking about technique.” When Tessa had first met Kahn, he’d needed to teach her to use her psi by inducing high levels of frustration. Kahn had used the sexual kind. The two of them had battled and wed and eventually fallen in love. Dora thought their tale romantic. Although she hadn’t been privy to their lovemaking, she’d seen how sexual intercourse had brought them closer together. Tessa might be uncomfortable with the subject, but she could also be blunt. “I’m saying you’ve only been human a few hours. Give yourself time to establish a friendship first—”
“You and I are friends. We’ve been friends for years.”
Tessa sighed over her coffee cup. “Friendship between women is different than between a woman and a man.”
“Zical likes me.” Dora had few secrets from Tessa and appreciated her take on men, even if she often didn’t agree with her conclusions.
“Zical isn’t accustomed to thinking of you as human.”
“But once he sees me—”
“It still may take him a while to change. Rystani men are stubborn.”
Dora’s goal had always been to attract Zical’s interest, and she understood the need for long-term planning and that convincing him to notice her the way she wanted might take time. But her impatience mounted. She couldn’t wait for him to see her.
“You believe he’ll reject this body?” Dora stood and with a psi thought made her gown transparent. She loved looking at her body and had kept her flesh covered long enough.
Tessa rolled her eyes at the ceiling. “Dora, when you created yourself, you forgot to include modesty.”
“Fine.” Dora re-clothed herself and fought down her resentment. Just because Tessa was uptight about nudity didn’t mean she had to be. She was an individual. Yet, she also needed to remember to have patience and consideration, traits that seemed more difficult now that she was in her body. “I’m sorry. I’ve waited so long to be human. I want to try everything. Do everything. Do you think Zical will mind if I kiss him when we meet?”
While she’d been eating, Dora had noted how incredibly sensitive her lips were. Lips were a known erotic zone. To press them against Zical’s … oh, that would be a fine sensation.
“Why don’t you at least plan to have a conversation first, then you can ask him if it’s okay before you kiss him,” Tessa suggested.
“If I ask, he may say no. As for the conversation … I don’t know. Can’t I just kiss him hello?”
“That is not Rystani custom. A hug would be more appropriate and you know it.”
“Are you going to turn into my mother?” Dora asked with a twitch of her lip that she hadn’t intended.
“Of course not.” Tessa took her hand. “But I’ve been human all my life. I don’t want to see you hurt. Or Zical hurt. Human relationships are trickier than they appear.”
Dora could see that Tessa was fairly bursting to give her advice. “And?”
“If I were your mother,” Tessa laughed, but her eyes were serious, “I’d tell you to start a conversation with Zical by asking about his work.”
“I’ve been there with him every moment. There’s nothing he can tell me about the lack of progress on Mount Shachauri that I don’t already know.”
“Except his feelings.”
“He’s obviously frustrated. Won’t sex relax him?”
Tessa threw her hands into the air, clearly unhappy. But Dora’s question was logical, wasn’t it? She’d spent years studying humans, and yet she trusted Tessa’s judgment. As a computer, Dora made decisions based on her ethical program, her data stream, and her personality. Now that she was in a human body, she didn’t have the same massive amount of input, but the process to make a decision should have been the same.
Yet it wasn’t.
Zical was the unknown factor, and for her to consider all her possible actions to create the reaction she wanted from him seemed impossible. If she’d wanted only an orgasm, not emotional connection, she could masturbate, but the idea of experiencing her first sexual pleasure with Zical was her first choice—but she had yet to figure out how to win his cooperation. Her eye twitched and her knee gave way. She stumbled and caught herself. She glanced at Tessa to see if she’d noticed her mistake.
She had. When she caught Dora glancing at her, she wiped the frown from her lips. “You’ve done too much. You should rest.”
“Let’s not start lying to one another.” Dora locked gazes with her best friend. “Okay?”
“Okay.” Tessa didn’t mince words. “You shouldn’t be stumbling around. At least, I don’t think so. Why don’t we have a medical doctor—?”
“Good idea.” Dora tried not to let her lower lips quiver. She’d known there would be problems. She would deal with them. Her eyes burned and water trickled down her cheek before her suit wiped away the moisture. Her nose became stuffy and her chest tightened. Even as she noted the uncomfortable physical reactions to her worry, she was realizing that becoming human was more difficult than she’d anticipated.
She’d wanted a perfect body so she could entice Zical. Bu
t her beautiful body wasn’t in perfect working order. Her facial muscles twitched and spasmed, her joints gave out without warning.
Miserable at what she perceived as her failure to adjust properly, she didn’t bother to wipe away her tears. “I don’t want Zical to see me like this.”
Tessa embraced her. “Human babies crawl before they walk. You’re trying to do everything at once and you’re doing marvelously well.”
“Thanks.” Dora sniffed, hating the clogged nostrils that made breathing through her mouth a necessity. “I’m being a big baby.”
“No, you’re being human.” Tessa hugged her hard, then stepped back. “You’ve done the impossible, Dora. You’ve gotten what you wanted.”
Dora hoped Tessa was correct. Her lack of medical knowledge bothered her. Since she’d had no intention of becoming a doctor, she’d limited her medical wisdom to first aid. Once she could have consulted every medical text written about her uncontrollable spasms. She would have known which procedures were the likeliest ones to cure her, which doctor had the best rate of success, which hospital on which planet specialized in … Stars … she didn’t even have a name for whatever was wrong with her.
She’d always known humans had to cope with illness and injuries, and she’d admired the way so many people faced their infirmities with courage. Dora wished to do the same. She would not succumb to the fear that the doctors couldn’t fix her before she’d even been diagnosed. When willing her trembling to cease failed, she used a psi thought to stop her quivers.
Taking back a measure of control gave her strength. “My lack of knowledge bothers me as much as, if not more than, the muscle spasms.”
Tessa spoke firmly. “Dora, you need to do what we do when we don’t know something.”
“What?”
Tessa’s eyes brightened with amusement and a chuckle escaped. “Ask the computer.”
Chapter Five
ZICAL SUSPECTED TESSA knew that he’d been avoiding a private conversation with her about Dora for several weeks. Luckily, she couldn’t possibly know about his Dora fantasies, which he continued to blame on the golden light. Somehow, Dora’s telling him about her decision to transfer into a body just before the golden light had struck him had flooded his mind with erotic images of Dora that seemed to have taken a permanent residence in his brain. Unwilling to allow his fantasies about Dora to again merge with his visit to Xentos, he’d avoided both of them.
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