Weather the Storm: Episode 7 (Rising Storm)

by Lisa Mondello

  “So this is something your mother implemented.”

  Tara glanced at Bryce, trying to figure out where he was going with this. “My mother is part of the team overseeing Danny, along with Sara Jane and the guidance counselor. They feel like this is best. It’s worked for other autistic children. Even his doctor agrees. Bryce, what’s with you and my mother all of a sudden?”

  Bryce picked up the notebook and then put it down as if he were discarding it. “Danny’s doctor said he needs consistent direction in order for him to learn. Not objects that will make him stand out from the other kids.”

  Her eyes narrowed as she stared at her husband. “It’s just a notebook, Bryce. It’ll make things easier if everyone in Danny’s life is giving him the same message.”

  “Carol never had to have a book. She never had these problems.”

  Tara’s mouth dropped open. “Carol isn’t autistic. And where have you been that you think Carol isn’t struggling? Maybe if you paid more attention, you’d have a little insight into what’s been going on with your daughter.”

  “We’re talking about Danny, not Carol.” He waved a hand at the cutouts on the table.

  “Well, if you’d showed up for the meeting with Sara Jane, you’d know more about that too.”

  “Is that what this is all about? You’re upset because I missed the meeting? I told you I was with Ginny Moreno.”

  “I didn’t know it was Ginny Moreno you were scheduled to see. I know that Ginny probably needed you, Bryce. But where does that leave the rest of us?”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  She closed her eyes briefly and then opened them again, wondering if she should push him further. If not now, then when? Lately, there was never a good time.

  She pushed the notebook a few inches away from her and reached across the table to touch his hand. “You used to touch me, Bryce. There was a time you would look at me from across the room and I could feel your love. I don’t feel that anymore. I don’t see it. And I…wonder sometimes if you love me anymore.”

  “Of course I still love you.”

  She felt hot tears sting her eyes. “But you’re not in love with me. Not anymore.”

  His mouth dropped open and his eyebrows drew together. Squeezing her hand, he said, “What makes you think such a thing?”

  She shrugged, feeling bitterness right from her toes to her forehead. “When was the last time we made love? Do you remember? Because I don’t.”

  He sighed and released her hand. “I’m a man of God, Tara. The people of this community have gone through a huge tragedy that has shaken them to the core. They’re looking to me to provide guidance. They need me now.”

  Her soft chuckle held no humor. “You may be a man of God, Bryce. But you’re still a man.” With both palms on the dining room table, Tara pushed herself up. She started to leave the dining room, but then stopped at the doorway, turning around to face him. “And just for the record, your family needs you too.”

  She stalked to the kitchen feeling as empty as the glasses set up on the counter that needed to be washed. Filthy and empty. Although there was no reason she should feel shame. She'd borne a child who was autistic. There was no crime in that. The doctor had assured her that she’d done nothing wrong during her pregnancy and could have done nothing to prevent it. It happened. It was just something that made Danny who he was. And it didn’t change her love for her son one iota.

  But there was something that made her feel shame. Tara had been blessed with another child who was healthy and thriving but was suffering because her mother couldn’t figure out how to balance her love and attention between her marriage, her family, and each of her children. Tara needed to work on that. She owed that to Carol. She spent each Sunday in church praying that the next week she’d be a better mother and make both her children feel as loved and wanted as she’d always felt growing up.

  As she turned on the faucet and let the hot water fill one side of the double sink, tears filled her eyes, making it hard to see clearly. She wiped her eyes with her index finger quickly, then picked up the dish liquid and squirted more soap into the sink than needed. The suds bubbled up quickly. Then she grabbed the glasses on the counter one by one and dunked them into the sink, feeling the sting of the scalding water on her fingers as she did it. She didn’t bother to stop because of the pain, and she didn’t try to ease it with cold water from the tap. This pain was nothing compared to what she felt in her heart.

  Chapter Five

  Bryce stared at the empty doorway for a long time after Tara walked away. Then he glanced at the mess spread out on the dining room table. Once again he’d handled this badly.

  How could Tara think that he was no longer in love with her? After his love for God, she was his everything. His reason for living. But she was right. They’d drifted apart in recent years since Danny started acting out.

  What had happened to them? They used to be so close. He never argued with Tara. Not even when she wanted to spend a little too much money on the kids, more than they could afford on a minister’s salary. His life with Tara was certainly nothing like the fights between his parents that he and Kristin had endured listening to when they were kids.

  Not everyone in Storm knew about the dark past that he and Kristin shared. Abandoned by their father when they were very young, they’d been left with a mother who was mentally unstable and trying to make a home for two children who didn’t have a clue what was going on.

  He’d shared some of it with Tara. He’d shared all of it in prayer. And by doing that, Bryce had moved forward with his life, choosing to leave the darkness behind and live in the light. His life with Tara had been perfect for so long. He had a church in a community that was ripe for raising children in a stable environment, unlike the environment he and Kristin had survived.

  But it seemed that perfect world had been moving further and further away from him. He didn’t know how to get it back.

  Bryce walked into the kitchen and stared at Tara’s back as she scrubbed the dishes.

  “We have a dishwasher, you know. It’s that little modern convenience the plumber installed when we first moved into the parsonage,” he said, trying to joke. But when she didn’t answer, he knew that once again, his feeble attempt at amusement had fallen flat.

  Tara was right. They used to laugh with each other. They used to love each other. When had that stopped? How had it happened?

  Without looking at him, Tara said, “You know how much I hate the spots that the dishwasher leaves on the glasses.”

  “You’re washing everything.”

  “It’s easier.”

  “Are you sure you’re not trying to get out your frustrations that way?”

  She dropped the dish she’d been washing back into the sink and turned around quickly, letting suds and water spray to the floor.

  “Don’t analyze me, Bryce. I don’t need spiritual guidance from you. I need your time. Your love.”

  Panic stabbed at him as he looked up at the ceiling. The kids were asleep. “Keep your voice down.”

  She looked directly at him. “No. I think we’ve been silent too long about this. Bryce, Danny is autistic. It’s a struggle, yes. But it’s a bigger struggle for him. And for Carol.”

  “Carol needs to learn to control her outbursts just like Danny does.”

  “Carol needs our attention. She feels left behind. Do you know what she said?”

  “Tell me.”

  Tears filled Tara’s eyes. “She asked if she could go live with Miss Salt.”

  The words hit Bryce hard in the chest. He knew the feeling of wanting to escape a home well. Both he and Kristin would sit in the dark in the bedroom they shared because their mother couldn’t afford a home with a bedroom for each of them. They’d listen to their mother in the other room playing her music and sitting with a new man she’d met and they’d talk about how they would escape and live somewhere where the people were nice and their mother’s boyfriends would
n’t yell at them to get to bed.

  When they were younger, they didn’t know why. But Bryce knew the reason soon enough as he got older. And he feared for a long time Kristin would go the way their mother had gone, philandering around with men and never having someone stable in her life.

  But Kristin had built a solid life for herself here in Storm as a party planner. She had friends here. She had a life here. Nothing happened overnight. It didn’t happen that way for him and Kristin. It wouldn’t happen that way for Danny or Carol or even him and Tara.

  But Carol? She had a good home. She had two parents who loved her. They had introduced her to God and to their faith so she would grow up grounded in a way he and Kristin had never been. Why would Carol want to escape them? It stung more than Bryce could handle.

  “Bryce?”

  He glanced up at his wife, saw her red-rimmed eyes, and the weight of her pain settled on his shoulders. “Have you talked to Carol about this?” he asked.

  A heavy sigh escaped her lips. “Of course. She said Miss Salt is nice. She pays attention to her. The way Grandma does.”

  “And we don’t?”

  Tara’s chest swelled slowly and then retracted. Bryce wasn’t sure if it was in defeat or if she was fighting to hold back a sob.

  “I tried to explain to her that Miss Salt is there for all the children in the class. But she knows what she sees. And since Danny’s behavior has gotten more intense, Carol feels left out. Especially with all the visits to the doctor for the testing. And when I’m busy making dinner or putting a load of laundry on, I find myself asking Carol to watch Danny and then getting angry when she doesn’t want to.”

  “Danny is her brother. She should watch over him.”

  “To a point. Bryce, she’s just a little girl. Under the best of circumstances, watching a younger sibling is difficult. But with Danny’s erratic outbursts—”

  “He’s not erratic. Don’t make it more than it is.”

  He couldn’t hide from the shocked look on Tara’s face.

  “Danny has become more difficult, Bryce. His tantrums are more pronounced and becoming more frequent. It’s difficult for you and I to handle him sometimes. It’s too much to expect Carol to do that and grow up to be a normal child.”

  “Danny is normal. All this talk of autism…. The doctor said himself that some children are slower to develop and that they can’t know for sure if it’s really autism until he begins school. Danny is talking now. A year ago he wasn’t. He needs more time to catch up. He just needs more direction. We can give that to him.”

  “The doctor said we can’t know where on the spectrum he falls. Not that there was a chance he wasn’t autistic. And you make it sound like I don’t watch him at all. What do you think I do when you’re working at the church?”

  Bryce heaved a sigh of frustration. “He wanders. Carol can be responsible for watching him when you’re busy in the house. That’s part of being a family. I watched over Kristin when I was younger. I made sure she was safe. Surely Carol can find it in her heart to—”

  “Listen to yourself, Bryce. Carol is seven years old. Just seven!”

  “I wasn’t…I wasn’t much more than that and I was making Kristin dinner.”

  “Danny isn’t Kristin. It’s not the same thing. The circumstances of our lives are not the same. Bryce, you know this will only get worse when school starts and Danny is one of Miss Salt’s students. How is Carol going to feel then?”

  Bryce rubbed his face with his palm as if it would wipe away this new development with Carol. “I thought Sara Jane was only starting to work at the elementary school next year. How does Carol even know her? Sure, she sees her in church, but she sees everyone in the congregation.”

  “Sara Jane did her student teaching at Storm Elementary in Carol’s classroom. The elementary school practices inclusion. Children who have learning disabilities or other special needs aren’t ushered out into a separate classroom all day. They’re part of the main class and only go into a resource room for extra help. Sara Jane worked a good deal of the day in the regular first grade classroom. So Carol saw her every day until Sara Jane completed her student teaching. I guess she formed an attachment.”

  “And she told you that she wanted to live with Sara Jane?”

  “No.” Tara bit her bottom lip and then sighed. “She told my mother.”

  “When?”

  “The other day when my mother was watching her while I went to one of the Founders’ Day meetings.”

  “Why didn’t she tell us?” He fought another wave of frustration. He couldn’t explain the way all of this made him feel. Frightened. Out of control. As if everyone else had a handle on something he couldn’t quite grasp.

  “Because it’s easier with her grandmother.”

  “But we’re her parents. Not Zeke and not Alice. She’s making the situation bigger than it needs to be.”

  He wished he could take back his words when he saw the hurt flash across Tara’s face. There was a time when his wife’s laugh was all he needed to make the day wonderful. It had been a long time since he’d heard her laugh.

  He sighed as his head fell forward. “That was uncalled for.”

  “Yes, it was.”

  Squashing down his pride, something he knew would be his undoing if he let it get to him, he asked, “Did your mother have a suggestion?”

  “She wants to take Carol to San Antonio for the day. Just Carol. It’ll be a treat and give Carol one-on-one time with my mother and make her feel special.”

  “And what about Danny?”

  “He can do something special with me or maybe with my brother. Tucker has been wanting to take him riding on—”

  “Riding? Danny isn’t old enough to ride, Tara.”

  Tara chuckled low, covering her mouth with the tips of her fingers as if that would somehow hide the fact that she was laughing at him. “Bryce, I was riding younger than that. Danny has been on a horse at the ranch before. Tucker isn’t going to take chances with him.” She looked at him wearily. “You sound like you don’t want him to see my family.”

  “No,” he said quickly. “I just don’t want…”

  “What?”

  Bryce shook his head and turned. He just didn’t want her family to solve Danny’s problems. It should be him, only he felt so helpless.

  “Say what’s on your mind, Bryce.”

  “What if he gets distracted?” There was no way he was admitting the truth. That he felt impotent when it came to his own family.

  “Between Tucker and my dad, Danny will be fine. They’ll watch him. Danny is Tucker’s nephew. He’s my parents’ grandchild. They’re going to have to learn, just like we are, how to handle him when he acts out. We can’t keep him hidden from the world and all the people in it forever. Besides, pretty soon he won’t be able to go out to the ranch as much.”

  “Why not?”

  Tara drew in a deep breath. “Sara Jane suggested that Danny start school a little earlier. To give him time to get used to the atmosphere and for the teachers to get used to working with him before classes start up. My mother thinks—”

  “I don’t care what your mother thinks!”

  Bryce stared at his wife for a long time. It was so much easier to look at someone else’s troubles and have an answer, give some guidance. He had none for himself.

  “Bryce,” Tara said quietly.

  “I have to get back to my sermon.”

  Chapter Six

  Driving home to the family ranch was always a pleasure. Tara loved how the country roads leading out of town to the Johnson family spread were so quiet, yet full of life in their own way. Fields of grazing cattle lined one side of the road. Every so often a thick growth of scrub cut through the fence-lined pasture for a few hundred yards only to open up to a new pasture filled with bluebonnets and horses grazing in the Texas sun.

  There was something anchoring about coming home to the ranch. She hadn’t lived at the Johnson family homestead in a lo
ng time. It had been easier to come home for a visit before she had children. And even when Carol was born, a quick visit home for lunch to show off her beautiful daughter to the family and the hands she’d known since she was a child didn’t require as much energy as it did now. But she had two children, and with Carol in school and Danny just about to start school, it was harder to steal an hour or two in the afternoon to visit. In recent years, Tara mostly saw her family at church or during holidays and on the occasional Sunday dinner that her mother would host.

  Until lately. It had been nice to come home with the kids and not have to carry the burden of all her problems alone. Even if she didn’t confide in her brother or her parents about what was going on in her life, she found refuge here and it was comforting.

  Today’s visit was all the sweeter because both of her children were doing something special. Granted, the visit wasn’t exactly for Tara. It was for Carol and Danny. But it gave Tara the rare opportunity to do something for herself without having to run off to a committee meeting or do errands. She could just enjoy some laughter with Marisol or sit and think so she could figure out where she’d taken a wrong turn in her life.

  “Mom! Danny’s kicking the seat!” Carol said, clearly annoyed with the constant thumping of her brother’s foot against the back of the passenger’s seat. Tara had heard it, but had let it go. She didn’t want Danny in an angry state just as they arrived at her parents’ ranch.

  “We’re almost there, Carol. Danny, you know the rules.”

  “I’m hot,” Danny complained.

  “It’s hot outside. What do you expect? It’s cooler inside the covered riding arena. I’m sure Grandpa will let you ride in there.”

  The iron fence leading up to the front gate of the driveway came into view. Tara’s heart lifted with excitement. “We’re here!” she said. “See? There’s the gate with the horse on it.”

  In the rearview mirror, Tara could see Carol lift up in her seat and smile. Today was especially important for Carol. Tara’s hope was that when she picked her daughter up from her parents’ house later, she’d again be that exuberant child she once was.