J.D. and the Great Barber Battle

by J. Dillard

  Xavier sat quietly, looking at the mirror like he was thinking.

  I knew what it felt like to want to be the best at something. And I bet Jessyka knew, too. They should just talk.

  Before I could suggest it or even finish Xavier’s cut, I heard someone pounding at the door. It sounded like Jordan. He’s big enough to knock that loudly. Plus, he always likes to be first.

  Boom! Boom! Boom!

  I peered out the door. The person outside was not Jordan. It was a man in a button-down short-sleeved shirt, church pants, and church shoes. He was carrying a clipboard.

  “Is this the house of Mr. and Mrs. Slayton Evans?”

  “Who wants to know?” I asked.

  “Well, I need to speak to an adult, young man,” he said. He handed me a business card that read:

  ROBERT VICTOR

  County Health Inspector

  Meridian Lauderdale County Health Department

  5224 Valley Street, Meridian, MS 39307

  Phone: 601-123-4567

  “I was told an unlicensed barbershop was operating out of this home,” he continued.

  “Well, my grandparents aren’t here,” I said. It was true. Granddad was visiting burial insurance clients and Saturday was a busy day for Grandma’s ceramics classes. That’s when most people could go. Mom had gone shopping with Vanessa. My family trusted me enough to leave me alone for an hour or two.

  Mr. Victor pushed past me, and I tried to block him. It didn’t work. He just barged right in!

  I was busted.

  “I’m going to need all you little fellas to get home to your parents right now,” Mr. Victor said to Xavier and Justin.

  I guess he thought Justin was another one of my clients.

  “Can you wait for J.D. to finish my edge up? I’ll look terrible if I walk out like this,” Xavier said.

  Mr. Victor let out a smug little laugh. His belly jiggled over his belt buckle.

  “No, son,” he replied. “You have to leave now. I suggest you get your hairline finished at the real barbershop in town, Hart and Son. They have a license.”

  That stung. I might not have a license, but my skills were way better than Henry Jr.’s.

  Mr. Victor explained that this was a warning. If he came by again and my business was open, he’d talk to my grandparents and I’d be in real trouble.

  When he was done with his lecture, he spun around on his shiny black shoes and marched out the door.

  Henry Jr. had gone through with his threat. I had to figure out how to get him back and stop him from destroying my life.

  CHAPTER 13

  The Little Barber Strikes Back

  After my mom got home with Vanessa, my entire family sat down in the kitchen for dinner like we always did on weekends. This time there was steak, rice, and collard greens that had been simmering all morning

  Normally, I would have been on my second helping, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about Mr. Victor and his threat. I used my fork to push the food around my plate.

  “Eat your greens, J.D.,” my mom said.

  “I want another piece of cornbread first,” I told her.

  “J.D., is something wrong?” she asked. “It’s not like you to talk back, and never have you ever been this silent around my food.”

  How did she always know when something was bothering me? I shoveled the rest of my greens into my mouth, pretending they tasted like the candy I had bought with all my barbershop money. I didn’t want her to ask any more questions.

  “J.D. has a new video game console in his bedroom,” Vanessa said.

  My mom looked at me, shocked.

  I had been able to keep my full-blown barbershop a secret from her because she had lots of exams to finish up her MBA. Kids’ track was in the morning on Saturdays, so Vanessa hadn’t entirely caught on to what I was doing, either.

  “Well, Mom, people have been paying me for their haircuts and I saved enough money to buy it myself,” I told her.

  “That explains all the kids that have been running in and out of this house all weekend,” Granddad said. “Your grandmother and I were just talking about that with your mother.”

  They all turned to look at one another. Granddad shook his head and smiled.

  “Wow, I guess I have a little Henry Jr. on my hands!” Mom said. “I will tell your uncle Hal to put a pair of clippers in the box next time he sends clothes.”

  I cringed inside when Mom mentioned Henry Jr.’s name. I also wasn’t too excited about getting a new set of hand-me-downs, but an extra set of clippers sounded cool.

  I was happy Mom wasn’t mad at my business. I didn’t need another person trying to shut me down. If it was up to Henry Jr., I’d be out of business before I barely got a start!

  * * *

  »»««

  After dinner, I couldn’t sleep. And for once, it wasn’t all the candy I ate.

  I hardly had any left in my candy jar, which was looking almost empty. How would I ever be able to afford more? Or the newest video games? And comic books? I would be back at Jordan’s house using all his toys and gadgets just like before. Mom always told me that we had everything we needed and it wasn’t polite to expect others to just give us stuff. But with my barbershop, I could work for all those extras I wanted. Plus it made me feel special. No one else at school could do what I did!

  Why would a grown man care so much about one kid cutting hair in his bedroom?

  And what could I do to stop him?

  I cut kids’ hair better and cheaper than him and that’s why he was mad.

  That was his fault!

  I had to figure out a way to keep Henry Jr. from trying to destroy me.

  Maybe I could sneak into his barbershop and put superglue in between his scissors.

  Maybe I could replace all his cleaning solution with the blue Gatorade we used at peewee football.

  Who was I kidding? All my ideas were terrible. I needed to team up with someone to think of something great. I knew just the person!

  CHAPTER 14

  The Plan

  “What could he want from a kid?” I asked Jordan. I told him about Henry Jr. snooping on me.

  We sat in a tent in his backyard. It was the best place for thinking. I grabbed a flashlight and each time it lit up, you could see the football paint I put under my eyes.

  “Man, whatever,” he said. “Forget that dude.”

  “I can’t forget him! He’s trying to shut down my barbershop! We have to come up with a plan to stop him. Do you want dope haircuts or not?”

  After years of playing Madden with Jordan, I knew he had good ideas in his head. I beat him most of the time, but not always.

  “What if we send him a letter and tell him it’s from the health department and he’s about to be shut down?”

  “Ain’t gonna work,” Jordan said. “He knows the rules.”

  “What if I sneak into his store and put dishwashing liquid in his shampoo and bubbles in his shaving cream can?” I tried next.

  “Nope, ain’t gonna work,” Jordan said. “You just going to end up in juvie.”

  “Well, are you going to think of something or just say ‘Ain’t gonna work’ to everything I say?!” I shouted.

  “Maybe if you think of something that WILL work, then I’ll say something different,” he replied. We both paused and stared at the flashlight. “Why don’t you just challenge him to some kind of game like we do in football every week?”

  I smiled. Jordan had come up with the beginning of a good idea.

  “Yeah, like a barber competition,” I said excitedly.

  “We’ll invite the whole town,” Jordan added. “If you win, you get to keep cutting hair in your bedroom and he has to leave you alone.”

  “Now that sounds like a plan,” I said.

 
I turned off the flashlight. On the walk home, I let the plan fully develop in my mind.

  CHAPTER 15

  The Challenge

  The next day at school, during computer class, I secretly typed up a note for Henry Jr., printed it, and grabbed the paper from the printer before the teacher could notice.

  I thought if Henry Jr. received a typed-up message, it would make me look serious, like I really meant business.

  One afternoon, right before I knew Hart and Son was about to close, I walked down to the shop and slid the note under the door.

  Henry Jr.:

  If you want me to stop cutting hair in my room, then you need to beat me in a competition.

  If I win, you will leave me alone.

  If you win, I will stop cutting hair.

  P.S. I make the rules. You agree to them.

  CHECK ☐ YES OR ☐ NO

  YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.

  * * *

  »»««

  The next week after our peewee football game, Eddie passed me a piece of paper.

  “Henry Jr. gave this to my dad. He said it’s for you,” Eddie said. “I don’t know what it’s about, but here.”

  Eddie, the only kid our age bigger than Jordan, had stopped going to Hart and Son, but his dad still went every week. Henry Jr. was trying to find a connection to me. I read the paper in my hands.

  Henry Jr. had checked the “Yes” box.

  CHAPTER 16

  The Rules

  To be honest, I didn’t expect Henry Jr. to agree to my terms without hearing more details. But he did, and now I had to come up with the rules of the barber competition.

  The first rule was easy: Make sure nothing took place during a football game of any kind—peewee, college, or NFL. I wanted the whole town to be there.

  “Good idea, J.D., you’ll blow up for sure after you beat him in front of everyone.”

  “Right,” I said. “More customers, more money.”

  “So who are you going to get to judge this?” Jordan asked.

  I hadn’t thought about that yet.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “The crowd?”

  “That ain’t gonna work,” Jordan replied. That must be his favorite thing to say!

  “What if he invites more people than you?”

  I hadn’t thought of that, either.

  “You’re right,” I said. “I’ll have to think about it some more.”

  * * *

  »»««

  The next time my whole family ate dinner together, I decided I had to tell them about the upcoming competition. If I wanted everyone to come, I had to give them enough notice.

  “I have something to tell you.”

  Everyone stopped mid-bite and looked up at me.

  “In two weeks, I’m having a barber competition at Hart and Son. Since I started cutting hair in my bedroom I’ve been getting real good at it. Now I want the whole town to know I’m the best barber in the city.”

  Granddad shuffled in his seat. Grandma’s eyes darted around the table as if she could not believe what she was hearing.

  Vanessa tried to stifle her laughter.

  “I’m serious, Vanessa, I cut hair and I make money.”

  Vanessa took a long, slow drink of water.

  “How are you really going to beat a grown man at cutting hair?” she asked. “And why would he want to challenge YOU anyway?”

  “It’s a long story,” I said. I didn’t really want to tell them about the health inspector and get in trouble. “It will be amazing, though. The whole town will be there. The only thing I need is a judge.”

  That’s when Grandma piped in.

  “Well, one of my ceramics students, Mrs. Holiday, owns the beauty school in town. Maybe she and her husband can do it.”

  “Really, Grandma?” I said excitedly. “That would be so cool!”

  “I’m sure she’d be happy to do it.” Grandma dabbed her mouth with a napkin and continued. She said she’s been giving art classes in Meridian for so long that by now everyone owed her a favor.

  I told them the rest of the rules I had thought of: I wanted to pull hairstyles out of a hat and have a best of three rounds with thirty minutes for each style. Mom said she was really impressed by my plan. Vanessa cleared her throat loudly, and Justin clapped. Granddad was busy eating, but I could tell he was proud, too.

  This was just the boost I needed!

  * * *

  »»««

  I delivered the rules to Henry Jr. first thing on a Saturday morning before the last regular college football game of the season.

  He read the rules silently.

  “All right, little man. Just let me know the time and day and I’ll be ready,” he said. “I’m going to teach you a lesson about trying to act grown.”

  I had no idea what he meant. But if anyone was going to be teaching lessons, it was me.

  CHAPTER 17

  Spreading the Hype

  My grandmother took me to see Mr. and Mrs. Holiday at The Meridian School of Beauty after school to ask them to judge my contest.

  “J.D. is going to be one of your ace students one day!” Grandma filled in Mr. and Mrs. Holiday on what we had talked about at dinner.

  “Yes, Mrs. Holiday,” I added, “I’m having a barber battle. Best two out of three wins.”

  “Well, that’s quite a mind you have there,” Mrs. Holiday said. “I like it!”

  I had my judges! And they already liked me and my grandma!

  “We’d have no problem judging the contest for you, young man, but we’re going to be fair. Don’t think just because I know your grandmother that I’m going to let you win!”

  I looked around the room suspiciously. Could they hear my thoughts?

  “I know I can win fair and square, Mrs. Holiday,” I said. “Just make sure you invite the whole beauty school!”

  * * *

  »»««

  Another suggestion Mr. and Mrs. Holiday had was that they should select the haircuts that me and Henry Jr. would pull out of a hat. That way, no one would be able to practice the day before. I wasn’t worried.

  With that figured out, I turned my focus to making sure we had an audience. My own head had worked to get kids to come to my house for haircuts. Now this barber competition would make me the most popular barber in all of Meridian!

  I put signs all over my elementary school. I just copied something I’d seen on one of my boxing video games.

  MERIDIAN’S FIRST BARBER COMPETITION!

  HENRY JR. OF HART AND SON VS.

  J. D. JONES OF 354 BLUE TOP ROAD

  WINNER-TAKE-ALL HAIRCUTTING COMPETITION

  FREE ADMISSION

  SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 6, NOON AT HART AND SON BARBERSHOP

  PRIZES AND SURPRISES!

  COME SEE WHO IS THE BEST BARBER IN THE CITY!

  I put signs up on the church bulletin board and made sure it was in the church weekly announcements. The church paid my mom to type up the announcements, so on Saturday night, I asked her to include exactly what I wanted. I asked my granddad to give fliers to all his funeral insurance customers and Grandma to put signs all over her ceramics studio. I even gave my sister fliers for her friends! My mom took fliers to her school. And just to be safe, I got on my bike and delivered fliers to the peewee football squad and my coach.

  Once I beat Henry Jr., I’d have every client in the whole city!

  CHAPTER 18

  The Night Before

  When this kind of thing happens in movies or books, you see that on the night before the competition, the competitors can’t sleep.

  Well, not in this story.

  I slept like a baby. I knew I had Henry Jr. right where I wanted him. I had done dozens of cuts. I knew what was in style. I knew I was fas
t—and good. And I knew that by the end of the day, all of Henry Jr.’s remaining clients would be mine.

  In the morning, things were different. Even with a good night’s sleep and the confidence of almost-certain victory, I was in a mood.

  Unlike with my football games, my entire family would be at the battle. My mom even gave everyone a ride to Hart and Son. When we got there, I found out that I had forgotten my backup clippers from Uncle Hal. Mom had to drive me the ten minutes back to our house to get them. What a messy start.

  On the way back to Hart and Son, I double-checked the supplies in my backpack. I had my clippers, backup clippers, a brush, and my set of art pencils.

  I suddenly started to worry. In fact, I started to sweat. Henry Jr. probably had better clippers than I did. He had a whole barbershop of tools! I didn’t remember to put what type of equipment we could use in my rules.

  My clippers were from JCPenney. My granddad had gotten them with his discount from when he was the head manager there. Henry Jr. got his stuff from special salespeople who came to his shop. I could only go to Sally Beauty Supply if I wanted something extra!

  I wished I had spent less of the money I earned on making the barbershop fun and cool.

  My mom looked at me as I nervously clutched my backpack.

  “Are you okay, J.D.?” she asked.

  “Well, Mom, I’m a little scared,” I said.

  “Do you still want to do this?” she asked.

  “I have to, Mom, the whole CITY is coming!”

  “Well, YOU were built for this moment. You’re my child, J.D. We Joneses don’t let nerves stop us!”

  She was right. Mom went back to school even though she was nervous. Choir made me nervous at first and now it’s just normal. I had even stopped lip-synching.