Redemption Song

by Melodie Murray

  “Oh, Alaina . . . I can think of several things you could do for me.” Cam gave a furtive laugh. “But I doubt your friend here would approve of any of them.”

  Ethan’s temper flared and he involuntarily took a step toward Cam. Alaina placed her hand, ever so lightly across his stomach, and he stopped. She was calm. She was in perfect control. How was it that he was getting so worked up about this guy and she seemed perfectly fine? The problem wasn’t that Ethan hated the idea of Alaina having ever been involved with this idiot—although he definitely was bothered by that mental picture. Ethan was more disturbed by the fact that one of the things he loved the most about Ali was her innocence. It didn’t seem right for some loser to be talking to her like that. It just felt wrong.

  “C’mon, Brandon,” Alaina said, attempting to keep her voice calm. “Let’s get out of here.”

  Alaina grabbed Ethan’s hand and began to turn away from Cam. Ethan’s eyes met Cam’s and they locked in an intense glare. Ethan was about to turn when Cam decided to speak directly to him.

  “So I guess Alaina has found some extra time in her busy schedule to fit you in, huh? I gotta say, I admire you, man. She’s hot and all, but that’s a lot of baggage to deal with just for a little one-on-one time, if you know what I mean.”

  That was it. Ethan spun back around and took that step toward Cam. “No, actually, I don’t know what you mean.”

  This time even Alaina jumped in. “Cam, why don’t you shut your big fat mouth!”

  “And why would I do that, Alaina?” Cam said bitterly. “You’ve been turning me down for months because you were too busy dealing with . . .”

  “Shut up, Cam!”

  “What, Alaina? You don’t want me talking about your drama in front of your new boyfriend?”

  “I said SHUT UP, Cam!” Alaina was beginning to lose control in her voice.

  Cam paused, a wave of understanding washing through his eyes, and then started to laugh. “Oh, I get it! He doesn’t know, does he?”

  “Know what?” Ethan asked.

  “Cam, please,” Alaina pleaded, her voice a mere whimper now.

  “Wow, I don’t feel so bad after all!” Cam sneered at her. “I mean, at least you cared about me enough to not ask me to put up with it! Why are you with this guy anyway, Alaina? You know he’s not going to stick around once he finds out.”

  “Finds out what?” Ethan asked again, clearly annoyed.

  “Why not just get it over with now,” Cam continued, speaking directly to Alaina. His voice lowered a bit. “Whenever you’re feeling a little lonely, baby, you can come find me. No attachments. It’s the perfect arrangement.”

  Ethan looked down at Alaina. Her eyes welled in tears. She turned away from both of them and knelt down at the water’s edge. Ethan had seen all he needed. Ethan turned back to Cam, steadied his feet, and squared his shoulders.

  “I think it’s time for you to leave, man.” Ethan said. His voice remained calm and steady, but by his body language, it was perfectly clear that he meant business.

  Cam ignored Ethan’s warning and lunged forward, dropping his bottle to the sand. His friends stayed behind, laughing.

  “You better watch who you’re talking to,” Cam sneered through gritted teeth. His fists were already clenched.

  To Ethan’s utter amazement, he still remained calm. “Dude, you’re drunk. I think it’d be best if you just go back to your party and sleep it off. Forget you ever ran into us.”

  Alaina remained knelt down by the water with her head in her hands, holding back silent sobs. She wasn’t able to see the look on Ethan’s face as he glared at Cam. The two boys stood, bowed up chest to chest, but Ethan never faltered. He remained strong, sending Cam a message that he was not backing down.

  Cam had the beach body going for him. Solid muscle structure, Ethan noticed. But Ethan was a performer. He trained everyday in the gym to keep in good enough shape to get through daily performances of vigorous dance routines. When it came to whom was the more built of the two, Ethan won by a landslide. Plus, Ethan knew the self-defense classes Bruce insisted he attend couldn’t hurt either.

  Ethan and Cam remained in their stare down. Ethan waited with intense focus to see what Cam would do next. Would he try to sneak in a punch? If he did, Ethan was ready for him. Would one of his buddies jump into the fight? If they did, Ethan would deal with it. He’d had training for that, too.

  Finally, when Cam seemed unsure of his next move, Ethan spoke.

  “So, what’s it going to be, man?”

  Cam’s eyes broke first. They shifted from side to side, and he noticed that no one had jumped in to back him up. A moment of awkward silence passed and Cam’s lips formed back into their haughty grin.

  “Forget it. It’s not even worth it.”

  “You mean she’s not worth it.” Ethan countered.

  Cam just shrugged, retrieved his drink from the sand, and returned to his group of friends. They laughed and stumbled back off toward the distant camp fire.

  Ethan allowed his muscles to release and took a few deep breaths to calm his anger. Alaina remained silent with her back still to his. Ethan sighed. He didn’t want to, but he had to say it.

  “Alaina, what was all that about?”

  When she didn’t respond, he turned to where she knelt with her back to him.

  “Ali, you have to tell me what’s going on.”

  Alaina stood up slowly and let out a long sigh. “Cam’s right.”

  “What?” Ethan said. This was not the response he was expecting.

  Alaina spun to face him, tears staining her cheeks. When Ethan caught sight of her eyes, his heart sank a little. She was shutting down on him, just like she had done in the car after their dinner date, and just like she had done earlier tonight on their way to the festival. He moved toward her, but she held her arm up to stop him.

  “Cam’s right, Ethan. I don’t know what I was thinking . . . I have been so stupid . . . so irresponsible . . .”

  “Okay, Ali, cut the coded dialogue and please just spit it out. What do you mean, Cam’s right? Right about what? He was wasted! I’d be surprised if the guy could tell his right foot from his left right now, much less be in the condition to give you relationship advice.”

  “That’s just it, Ethan!” Alaina’s expression was filled with confusion and pain. “There shouldn’t be a relationship.”

  “What are you talking about?” Ethan could feel his stomach tightening. He tried to hide the panic in his tone. “You just decided that in the last two minutes because of some drunken idiot who’s mad because you won’t date him? Come on, Alaina! What’s really going on here? Be honest with me.”

  “That’s the problem,” she said meekly. “I haven’t been honest with you. I haven’t lied to you, but I haven’t told you everything.” Alaina paused, sucking in a deep breath as if trying to sum up her courage. “I’m not like normal girls, Ethan.”

  “I know that! That’s why I like you, Ali. The last thing I want is to hang around another clone of the exact same person I’ve dated before.”

  “You’re not getting it, Ethan. My life is . . . complicated.”

  “Everyone’s life if complicated.”

  “Not like mine.”

  “Are you talking about your parent’s accident?” Ethan asked. “I get it. That was terrible and it should have never happened, but you guys are making it. I know it’s hard but . . .”

  “It’s not just that, Ethan! I can’t . . . I can’t give you what normal girls can give you. I work all the time because I have to. And when I’m not working I’m dealing with . . .” Alaina caught her breath and stopped. She turned her back to Ethan again, trying to hold control of her emotions.

  Ethan racked his brain trying to figure out what she was holding in. That’s when his memory flashed back to his time with Ben earlier that day. First, the strange look of sadness that his grandmother got every time she looked at Ben. Then the incident in the water. Ben’s lack of hair.
His sudden exhaustion. None of it added up for a normal ten-year-old.

  Ethan spoke carefully. “It’s Ben, isn’t it?”Alaina sniffed and her head dropped into her hands. “Alaina, what’s wrong with Ben?”

  She paused and took a second to wipe under her eyes with the back of her hand. She never turned, refusing Ethan sight of her face. When her reply finally came, it was hushed and consumed with desperation.

  “I’m losing him.”

  Ethan’s eyes shut tight and he tried to shake the feeling of dread that had been pulsing in the back of his mind all day in his own little form of denial. “Losing him how?”

  “He’s . . . dying, Ethan. Ben is dying.”

  He said the only thing he knew to say—the only acceptable option that he could wrap his mind around. “That’s not possible. Ben can’t be . . . dying. He’s just a kid!”

  Alaina turned slowly. Her voice had regained its control; her words were deliberate.

  “It’s possible, Ethan. Ben has a rare form of Acute Myelocytic Leukemia. A couple of years ago, he started having problems, getting sick a lot, and then a few weeks after my parents died, we finally got a diagnosis. He’s gone downhill ever since. He has quit responding to the chemo. The doctors are saying that we’re running out of options . . .”

  Ethan didn’t know what to say. All he knew was that he would do anything to remove the desperate look from Ali’s face. He grabbed her arm and pulled her in to his chest. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to comfort her in the only way he knew how. She stayed for only a moment, but as he feared, she pushed away in the end.

  “I can’t do this, Ethan.” She turned and started up the beach, putting space between them.

  “Why not, Alaina?” Ethan followed swiftly behind. “Because of what Cam said? Cam’s a moron. Just because he’s a selfish jerk doesn’t mean that I am. I’m not going to pretend to understand what you’re going through right now, but I’m not going to run from it either.”

  Alaina spun on him. “Do you even hear what you’re saying? What are you going to do? Stick around in little Fairhope and go to doctor’s appointments with me every other day? Sit at home the majority of the time and try to not lose your mind while you watch Ben wither to nothing . . . because that’s what my year has been like, Ethan! You’ve been here less than a week. This is not your nightmare! You have the perfect life. Why would you do anything to mess that up?”

  “The perfect life?” Ethan scoffed. “Are you kidding me, Alaina? I get excited about a stupid little festival because I never have time to do things like that, and even if I did have time, I couldn’t because I can’t get any privacy. Sure, I have money, but I can guarantee you that there is nothing perfect about my life.”

  Alaina remained silent. Ethan thought for a moment that she was about to reconsider, but he was wrong.

  “Please don’t do this, Ethan,” Alaina pleaded.

  “Do what?” Ethan asked, moving close to her again. “Tell you I care about you? Well, too bad. It’s too late for that. I care about you! And I’m sorry, but I can’t help that! You are the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. You . . . inspire me, Ali. You make me want to be a better person . . .”

  “Oh, Ethan, give me a break! You’re a worldwide superstar! You could have any girl you ever wanted!”

  “But I don’t want any other girl, Alaina! I want you!”

  “You don’t understand,” Alaina said desperately. “I can’t do this.”

  “You keep saying that, but you still aren’t telling me what that means.”

  Alaina gave a frustrated sigh. “I have lost everything, Ethan! I lost my parents. I lost my house. Ben was the only piece of my normal life that I had left and now I’m losing him too! I . . . I can’t lose anything else!”

  “Like what? What are you going to lose?”

  “YOU!” She finally screamed. “You, Ethan! Do you have any idea how much I have tried to keep from developing feelings for you? I was doing perfectly fine before you showed up with your big bright blue eyes and your stupid adorable smile . . .”

  “Alaina.” Ethan moved toward her cautiously.

  “You’re leaving, Ethan! Maybe not tonight, and maybe not tomorrow, but eventually, you will leave me!”

  A little closer now.

  “Alaina . . .”

  “I can’t believe I was stupid enough to let this go on for so long. I should have known better.” Alaina was talking to herself now. “I’m a masochist. That’s got to be it . . .”

  “Ali.” He was directly in front of her now.

  “What?” she snapped.

  “Shut up.”

  Ethan lifted his hand to her cheek, ran his fingers through her hair, and grasped her head in his hand. Alaina sighed, all the fight finally leaving her. She didn’t back away this time.

  “Yes, I will have to leave eventually,” he said gently, “but that doesn’t mean anything has to change between us.”

  “You say that now . . .”

  Ethan shushed her and continued.

  “Just because I have a complicated schedule doesn’t mean that we can’t work through it. And I know that what you’re going through is a lot for a guy to deal with, but I deal with tough decisions every day.” Ethan paused, trying to make every word come out perfectly. “I don’t want to lose you, Ali. And I don’t want you dealing with this alone. We’re going to get through this together, okay? Me and you.”

  Alaina peered up at Ethan. He gently wiped away an escaping tear from her cheek.

  There was nothing else to say. Ethan and Alaina shared a gaze of understanding. They were both taking huge risks by agreeing to care for one another—but it was a risk they were both willing to take. They understood that sometimes love requires sacrifices, but that it’s always worth it for the right person. Would it be an easy road? No. That concept was a fairytale. But it would not be a road they would travel alone.

  Alaina thought that God had rescued Ethan from his drunken accident because he had big plans for him. Unfinished business for him to take care of. Ethan couldn’t help but feel like this might be it. God’s plan for him. Alaina needed someone to help her get through this storm, and Ethan wanted—possibly more than he had ever wanted anything before—to be that person for her.

  It was a normal Tuesday night to the rest of the residents of enchanting Fairhope, but to Ethan and Alaina, it was a night of awakening, and awareness, and honesty. And under the brilliantly clear Alabama night sky, lit only by the glow from the huge moon overhead, Alaina finally gave into her heart. She didn’t push Ethan away. She didn’t hold back.

  She reached up onto her tip-toes and allowed her lips to meet his. It was no more than a kiss, but Ethan remained respectable in every way. If this was all Alaina could ever offer him, it would be enough. He kissed her back with all he had, and in that moment Ethan Carter began to realize what it felt like to actually care about someone else more than he did for himself.

  His heart was no longer his. It belonged to Alaina.

  And he didn’t miss it a bit.

  Chapter 17

  Alaina

  It was Wednesday. The day of the week that Alaina immediately began dreading at precisely twelve a.m. each Thursday morning of the previous week. Wednesday was the day that Alaina drove Ben up to Birmingham for his weekly chemotherapy treatment. It was approximately a four and a half hour drive, which she had somehow, after repeated trips, managed to cut down to about four. Needless to say, the day was draining both emotionally and physically. Alaina would roll out of bed at four-thirty on the dot, dragging her partially asleep brother to the car in his pajamas—with a clean change of clothes packed in a bag—and set out to make it to their ten o’clock appointment at the University Of Alabama Cancer Treatment Center. They would pull back into the drive at Granny Mae’s around eleven or so that night. It was dark when they left and dark when they returned.

  The trip originally felt as if it took forever, but now that she and Ben had made it so m
any times, it almost felt like a brief drive down the road. They had landmarks memorized on all sides of the road and noticed instantly when a billboard had been changed. In the beginning, she and Ben passed the time playing car games and singing along with the radio. Recently, however, as Ben was becoming weaker and weaker, he tended to sleep the majority of the drive. Granny Mae had accompanied her several times to help break the monotony, but Alaina hated to ask her because it seemed to wear Granny out almost as much as it did Ben.

  But Alaina didn’t have to worry about that this time because Granny Mae would not be accompanying her today. Alaina had explained her mid-week routine to Ethan as he had driven them home the night before and, much to her surprise, he requested to tag along. She’d desperately tried to talk him out of going, not quite ready to let him feel the weight of her lifestyle. Things were going so well between them. They’d hit it off from the moment they’d met and Alaina was still shocked at the wave of comfort she received every time Ethan wrapped his arms around her or flashed his dimpled grin. It was this simple fact that finally broke her resistance and led to her approval of his accompaniment. Each and every visit to the treatment center became harder for Ben to endure and harder for Alaina to watch.

  The center resembled any normal ole hospital until time to step off the elevator into the children’s ward. Alaina was still amazed with the change in atmosphere on that floor. There wasn’t a bare wall anywhere; murals of oceans, skies, carnivals, space, sports, and countless other things covered every square inch. She and Ben had never met a nurse that wasn’t smiling and Ben was greeted each time like a long lost friend of the staff. In the beginning, it had thrown Alaina a little off guard. How could all of these kids that were going through these terrible diseases, fighting every second just to stay alive, be so content in a place like this?

  In the chemo and radiation room, hospital beds shaped as race cars lined the wall. Several kids shared the same appointment time and kept each other company while receiving their treatment. Alaina watched every appointment, always amazed at the attitudes expended by such young people. Treatments always started with the IV’s. The nurses came in and stuck a needle in one of each of their little arms. Alaina still cringed every time because she knew the dark purple bruise that would pop up the next morning from Ben’s repeated sticks. They tried to place the catheter in a different spot each time, but it didn’t matter. There were only so many places and after a while it was inevitable that the same spot would be stuck twice. After the IV tubing was in place, the treatment began. As the magic liquid flowed through their veins, destroying not only the cancerous cells but a majority of other healthy cells, as well, the kids laughed, watched movies, ate Popsicles, and drank smoothies. The bright lights and smiling faces were a great decoy, but Alaina wasn’t fooled for a second. She had seen the deep sores that sometimes formed in Ben’s mouth after a therapy session, causing him to go without food for up to a couple of days at a time. She had gotten up in the middle of the night with him as he violently threw up over and over until his stomach heaved but nothing came out. Every Wednesday, she passed time in the eerily quiet waiting room while Ben slept and recouped from the day’s treatment. Still, despite it all, the kids, Ben in particular, never lost faith. They weren’t angry. They lived each and every day as if it was their last and appreciated every single little thing that was done for them. Their strong spirits never ceased to amaze Alaina and she thanked God daily for knowing them.