Loving a Rogue (How to Love Book 3)

by Marie Higgins

  Sighing, she sat on the edge of her mattress, glancing around her bedchamber. The dowager had been very generous and had given her more than what was expected. Never in her wildest dreams could she imagine living in such a grand room. It was spacious enough for a large bed and two armoires, and two small cushioned chairs and a table. Not only that, the room had two windows and an adjoining room for her to bathe.

  However, she had nothing to do in this room but gaze at the lovely furnishings and be grateful that she had been chosen to be the companion of a duchess. Priscilla recalled seeing a library during her tour of the manor, and now she wanted to find a book to read.

  She left her bedchamber and strolled down the corridor, listening for any signs that Gavin had returned. Thankfully, the house was quiet. She couldn’t even hear the servants.

  With each step down the grand staircase, she gained more assurance that Gavin was still out. She hoped the shock of seeing her had scared him away for good. Of course, he could visit his grandmother on special occasions, but that’s all. And if she saw him again, she’d let him know exactly what she thought of him.

  Seeing him again after all this time had stunned her, and she had wanted to crawl in a hole and hide. But now she was ready to let him know that his nearness didn’t bother her any longer. She would let him know that she’d repaired her heart after the damage he had wreaked on it.

  Priscilla stopped at the upright table near the library and turned up the lamp before taking it with her inside the dark library. She really should have gotten a book while the sun’s rays were still pouring through the windows earlier today, but the dowager had kept her busy.

  Holding up the lamp she studied each shelf, looking for a book that might interest her. When she passed a familiar title, she stopped and stared at the book of poems that had William Congreve’s, The Mourning Bride. She chuckled, happy to know that she wasn’t a woman scorned anymore.

  Well... not that much, anyway.

  “Why do you find poetry so humorous?”

  The man’s deep voice behind her made her jump and drop the lamp. The moment it fell to the floor, the light went out. Darkness surrounded her, but she felt his presence. His low laugh irritated her, and if she could see his face, she’d be tempted to slap it.

  “I suppose,” he said with a touch of humor, “that I need to rethink sneaking up on women when they are holding a lamp in a dark room.”

  Why hadn’t she heard him? “Forgive me, Your Grace, but you startled me. I didn’t know there was anyone else in the room, especially this late at night.”

  “I was actually on the other end of the library with a candle.”

  As her eyes adjusted, she realized there was a small amount of light coming from the end bookcase. “Forgive me. I didn’t realize.”

  “Let’s just hope I’ll be able to see my way to retrieve the candle before the flame goes out.”

  Her heartbeat quickened. Being in a dark room with him was not a good idea. “Yes, please see if you can get it.”

  She heard the sound of cloth rubbing against cloth mere seconds before he touched her arm. She jumped back, knocking into the bookcase.

  “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “I’m just trying to grasp your hand and take you with me.”

  “W-why?” Fear clutched her throat. “I’m fine right here.”

  “You are... unless my candle goes out. Then we’ll both be in trouble.” His hand touched her arm again and slid down to find her fingers. Gently, he slipped her hand into his. “I’ll try not to lead you into any walls.” He chuckled.

  She rolled her eyes. Her older sister had told her something similar before, too, but then she’d always hit a wall. “Why don’t I believe you?”

  He laughed. “Indeed? Why not? After all, we know each other well enough.”

  She gritted her teeth. The fool! Why had he brought up that subject? Was he even aware of what he’d just unleashed inside of her?

  “Yes, we do know each other,” she bit out slowly as she pulled her hand out of his, “which is probably why I don’t trust you.”

  He sighed heavily. “Don’t tell me you’re still upset at me. That was almost two years ago.”

  “Actually, it was eighteen months,” she snapped, and then scolded herself for even saying it. Now he was going to think she’d been counting the days.

  “I was close,” he mumbled.

  Priscilla held herself back from spouting forth a rude comment. Now was not the time. When she voiced her thoughts she wanted to watch his expression. “The point is,” she said more calmly, “I don’t trust you and I never will. However, at the moment we have a bigger dilemma. We need to get out of this dark room, which means, we need to find your candle.”

  “And in doing so,” he said, grasping her hand again, “we should go together.”

  His warm palm against hers made her body quiver, and her throat turned dry. The quicker they could get out of here, the better.

  Taking slow steps, she blindly followed him. From the sounds around her, she could tell he was feeling his way along the bookcase-wall because occasionally, a book would fall off the shelf. After taking about ten steps, he stopped and turned toward her. Thankfully, she caught herself before bumping against his chest.

  “You never did answer my question,” he said.

  He was close enough for her to smell his minty breath. “What—” she cleared her throat, “what question was that?”

  “If you are still upset with me.”

  She breathed deeply, trying to calm her growing ire. “I didn’t know that was a question, Your Grace. It sounded more like a statement.”

  “You are correct, Miss Priscilla, so let me try it again. Are you still upset with me from when we met before?”

  “Really, Your Grace, there is no use talking about this. It’s in the past, where I’d like it to stay.”

  “I’d really like you to call me Gavin.”

  The stroke of his fingers against her cheek startled her, and yet the gentleness of his hand had her heart racing out of control. She lifted a trembling hand to push away his touch, but when her fingers connected with his, he took her hand and lifted it to his mouth as he brushed a kiss across her knuckles.

  “Cilla,” he whispered, “if you don’t mind, I would like to start over again. The man you met at your aunt’s party no longer exists. I’ve changed drastically since then.”

  She wasn’t sure she liked his nickname for her, but what bothered her more was the way he tried to charm her. Never again would she give him her heart. “Can a leopard change its spots? I think not, Your Grace.”

  Chuckling, he lowered her hand away from his mouth. “And now I’m a leopard? You think I’m fast and powerful?”

  “Actually, I would like to retract that comment. Instead, if I were to give you an animal’s identity, you’d be a snake.”

  He laughed out loud, but she detected a hint of injury in his tone. If only she could see his face.

  “A snake? You think I’m scaly?”

  “What I think, Your Grace, is that you are the lowest form of creature that slithers on the ground. You care not for other people’s feelings, but instead, you only care about yourself and your pleasures.” She moistened her throat. “If you are looking for another woman to seduce, please search somewhere else. I will not be that foolish again.”

  “You wound me, my Cilla. Will you not give me a chance to prove you wrong?”

  Was he actually begging her? Perhaps it was a good thing he couldn’t see her face right now because it was hard to keep the grin of victory from stretching her mouth from ear to ear. “I suppose, the first thing you could do to prove to me you’re no longer the cad I remember, is to get us out of this dark room – and without trying to make me swoon with your false flattery.”

  “As you wish, Miss Priscilla.”

  He continued in his quest to find the candle, and this time, she was more confident that he would get them across the large library without running into
anything and without trying to flirt with her.

  Taking small steps, she followed him, and gradually the room became a little brighter. At least she could see the outline of his body. But even once they reached the candle, she was certain there would still be shadows all around them.

  Finally, they moved around a bookcase, and she could see the low flame of the candle. She breathed easier and pulled her hand out of his. She took another step closer to the light, and something small and quick ran past her foot. Looking down, she only saw shadows. But shivers climbed over her. Was it a rodent?

  She shrieked and grasped Gavin’s arm, trying to use him to block whatever had scurried past her foot. Gavin reacted by slipping his arm around her waist and holding her against him.

  “What’s amiss?” he asked.

  “Something... something...” She shivered again, wanting nothing more than to get her feet off the ground in case the rodent decided to run by her again. “Something ran by my feet.”

  “What was it?”

  “I don’t know. It’s too dark to see, but I think it was a mouse. No... it was larger than a mouse. Probably a rat.”

  She shivered once more as she continued to cling to him, burying her face against his chest. If only she was nearby a chair or a table, she’d crawl on that, instead.

  “Cilla, please calm yourself.” He stroked his large comforting hand over her back. “I doubt it was a rat. I’ve never seen one inside my grandmother’s estate.”

  “Then... what was it?” Her voice lifted as panic continued to unsettle her.

  He wrapped both arms around her, and oddly enough, the urgency to climb on top of something quickly left her. Slowly, she lifted her head and peeked at his face. Because of the shadows surrounding them, it was difficult to see his expression fully, but concern was etched in the lines on his forehead and around his mouth.

  “My darling, Cilla, it was probably my grandmother’s cat.”

  “A cat?” Her heartbeat skipped, knowing she should not be in his arms this way – or any way. “I haven’t seen a cat the whole time I’ve been here today.”

  “Miss McKenzie likes to wander around at night and sleep during the day. That’s probably why you haven’t seen her.”

  “Miss McKenzie? That’s the cat’s name?”

  “Yes. Why? Have you heard my grandmother mention that name?”

  Slowly, Priscilla nodded. “Twice, but I figured it was one of her friends.”

  “Make no mistake, Miss McKenzie is one of the dowager’s friends. Grandmother talks about her pet as if it were a person and not an animal.”

  Feeling more relaxed, a smile tugged on her mouth. “My grandmother does that with her dog.”

  While one of his hands still held her against him, he moved the other hand and cupped the side of her face. This thumb stroked her cheek.

  “Do you feel better now?”

  Realizing she was still pressed against him intimately, she snapped out of the enchantment he’d somehow put her under. How could she have allowed him to hold her so personally?

  She wiggled out of his hold and stepped back. Now that the contact had been broken between them, she felt a considerable difference. The warmth that had been flowing through her body had disappeared, leaving her cold and weak.

  “I... I think we need to leave this room.”

  “Have you found a book to read?”

  “No, but I’ll do that tomorrow.”

  “You can read mine.” He bent to snatch it from off the nearby sofa. “I’ve read it many times already.” He handed it to her. “If you enjoy mystery novels, you’ll not be able to put this one down.”

  Priscilla nearly laughed. Her sister, Lyndsey, would have grabbed this book quickly. Priscilla enjoyed mysteries, but she’d rather read a romance. “Thank you,” she took it from him.

  He picked up the candle. “The flame is almost out. We’d better hurry.”

  Without asking, he took hold of her hand and pulled her with him. This time, they stepped faster. Once they reached the door, she pulled away. She really should have done that first. Being with him and allowing him to touch her was not a good thing at all. Even now, her mind and heart were playing tug-of-war. Thankfully, the wounds of her heart were still fresh from when he’d trampled on it before.

  She’d learned her lesson, and she vowed she’d never make that mistake again. No matter how hard he tried to convince her he had changed, she’d stay strong and remind herself that leopards couldn’t change their spots.

  THREE

  Gavin studied the calculations in each column and shook his head. He wasn’t fit to be a duke, especially when he didn’t want to think of the three estates he had, not to mention the two townhouses – and all the servants that went with them. Although this was his responsibility, he didn’t want to think about that right now. There were bigger problems.

  The meeting with his solicitor yesterday had left Gavin puzzled. Jacob McQuire said the oddest thing. Apparently, the solicitor had heard that Gavin was close to going to debtors’ prison. He laughed at it, thinking his longtime friend was being humorous. But Jacob reported of hearing rumors that Gavin was heavily in debt and would soon lose everything. Not only had Jacob heard this rumor, but all of the lords who Gavin played an occasional card game with had heard the same.

  Grumbling, Gavin pushed away from his desk and moved to the window to gaze out on the spring morning. Why was someone making these false accusations? He’d love nothing more than to confront the gossipmongers and put a stop to their lies once and for all.

  Gavin released a defeated sigh and leaned against the window. Was someone purposely being malicious? Now that he was trying to clean up his life and to bring the family’s name into good standing again, it seemed he kept running into obstacles. Apparently, he was still supposed to continue doing penance for those rogue years when he had not cared about women’s feelings.

  Miss Priscilla Benson hadn’t been the first woman’s heart he’d broken. There was Miss Madeline Parker who had bored him to tears, so he seduced her best friend, Lady Georgina Grisham. Miss Jane Eggert was the daughter of a baron, and Gavin had convinced her that they would run off to Gretna Green and marry. Jane was older than him, but at the time, all he wanted was what most rogues wanted... another notch on their bedpost.

  Groaning, he scrubbed a hand over his jaw. Perhaps he shouldn’t have said that to a woman who’d been so desperate to find a husband.

  Hopefully, he would find the person responsible for that rumor about his finances. Until then, he wouldn’t be able to feel settled. But for now, he must think of other things... like the lovely woman with ash-blonde hair and a feisty temperament that he’d been thinking about since he met his grandmother’s companion. Last night in the dark library had been rather enjoyable.

  He returned to his desk, grinning. It was rather fun playing her knight in shining armor last night, even though he could have picked up the lamp and restarted the kindle since he had done it many times. But instead, he made her believe they had to walk across the library just for his candle in order to find their way out of the large room.

  Gavin leaned back in his chair and pushed aside the ledgers in front of him. As a boy, he and his older brother had played in grandmother’s library. At an early age, he and his siblings had learned their way around that particular room without knocking anything off the shelves.

  Of course, he wouldn’t make Priscilla aware of this. She’d hate him for sure. He could tell she was still quite upset, and perhaps she had good reason. He had been rotten to her – and many other ladies – over the years. However, he had been truthful when he told her he wasn’t the same man she’d known before. Being a duke took up much of his time, and his seducing of women was no longer a sport. Now when he met a lady, he tried to be on his best behavior. Gavin was doing his best to repair his family’s name which his father had brought into disrepute because of his scandalous life.

  With a yawn, he stretched his arms over hi
s head and glanced out the window. He’d already had his morning ride around the estate, but with the sun high in the cloudless sky, he longed for another break when he could ride again. Perhaps his ledgers could wait another hour.

  The decision made, he grabbed his jacket and gloves and left his study, moving quickly toward the stables. Once outside, he inhaled the fresh air. A light wind touched his cheek, cooler than he thought it would be, but he didn’t mind. Riding vigorously would keep his blood pumping and he’d be warm.

  In no time, the stable hand had his horse saddled. Gavin mounted and took off toward the east. The estate’s grounds were magnificently tended. Even as a boy, he’d always loved coming to this place because of its beauty. Being one with nature cleared his mind and made him reevaluate his life and his future.

  His mother and grandmother hadn’t started pushing him to marry until after the death of his father. But now, they brought up the subject every time he saw them. His mother wanted grandbabies, and Grandmother instructed him to get some heirs soon – if not, the title could be passed to his cousin.

  Gavin rode his horse hard for about thirty minutes before deciding to stop by a stream and let the animal drink and rest. He dismounted and led the horse to the water, before walking away to stretch his legs.

  Using his riding crop, he whipped it across some bushes as he peered toward the neighboring land. Lord Rothwell didn’t take care of his lands very well, and several times throughout the years, Gavin’s father would complain to the neighboring lord about certain reptiles crossing over to these lands. Nothing was ever done about it of course, but it had made Gavin’s father feel better to criticize the other lord.

  From out of nowhere, a strong wind blew against him, making him stumble. He looked up toward the sky. In just thirty minutes, storm clouds had gathered. Gavin groaned. It appeared his ride would be ruined if he remained out here much longer.

  He hurried back to the horse and mounted. Just as he turned the animal back toward the house, he heard the panicked neigh of another horse, followed quickly by a woman’s cry. Maneuvering his horse around, he searched through the trees and shrubbery, trying to locate the source of the distress. Within seconds, a horse shot passed him – minus a rider.