Up to No Good

by Carl Weber

  Once she told me that my phone call to Detroit might have put him in danger, I flipped out. She had all kinds of questions for me, but I told her I didn’t want to talk until I saw Louis. She brought me to him and left us alone so he could explain. I hadn’t left his side since.

  When I first walked into the hotel room and saw Louis, no words were necessary between us. I fell into his arms and sobbed, and he held me until I calmed down. All it took was one look in his eyes before we were making love on the couch with more passion than I ’d ever felt. Afterward, as I lay in his arms, he told me the whole story.

  Louis was not an orphan. He was born Rashid Jensen, and he actually came from a large, close-knit black Muslim family in Detroit. He’d been forced to leave behind his parents and five siblings, as well as the successful used-car dealership he owned, when he entered witness protection. My heart broke when he told me that, because I knew how much I loved my father and brother, and I couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been to leave them like he did.

  But then he explained that two of his siblings were the cause of all this. His sister Khalifa and his brother Kareem had become deeply involved in a Muslim extremist group, and they had begun to cooperate with a domestic terrorist cell. The group planned on putting toxic chemicals into various water supplies around the country to kill as many Americans as possible.

  Louis might never have known about his siblings’ activities except that they came to him, asking him to provide the trucks and cars they would need to transport the toxins. It seems they misjudged his feelings about his country. They thought he would be loyal to his family first. Even if he said no to providing the trucks, they never expected that he would go to the authorities.

  But that’s exactly what Louis did. He reported what he knew to the FBI, and they convinced him to go undercover to help break up the cell. With Louis’s help, the plot was thwarted, and most of the members of the cell were taken into custody.

  His brother was arrested and awaiting trial, but his sister was still at large with a few other members of the group. Unfortunately, they knew that Louis had cooperated with the FBI, and now they had a contract out on his life to stop him from testifying. Louis’s reward for his patriotism was leaving behind the life he knew and starting all over again with a whole new identity.

  “Still, you did the right thing,” I told Louis after he told me his story.

  “I only did my duty. If I hadn’t reported them, too many lives would have been lost, and I would have had to carry that with me forever.”

  “Do you ever think about contacting your family?”

  He looked at me sadly. “I can never talk to them again. It would put them in too much danger.”

  “And the phone call I made?” I asked, feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt.

  Louis reached out and squeezed my hand. “They don’t know for sure who you talked to. That was my parents’ number you dialed, so it could have been one of my sisters or my aunt. The problem is that we don’t know who that person might have told about the call.”

  “So they’re not sure it put you in any more danger?”

  “They’re still looking into things. But there’s been enough Internet chatter to make them think my identity has been compromised.”

  I knew what that meant. “You’re never going back to that house again, are you?”

  He shook his head.

  “I’m so sorry, Louis,” I told him, tears running down my face.

  “Shhh,” he comforted me. “They told me to destroy all evidence of my old identity. That license never should have been around for you to find in the first place. I just needed to be reminded of the old me sometimes.”

  It was almost too much for me to comprehend. Not only was Louis not cheating on me, but he was also a hero. After our conversation, I ’d spent four straight days trying to apologize to him. We’d made love several times a day, as if every time might be our last.

  In truth, I wasn’t sure if these might be our last days together. I knew that Agent Ford couldn’t let us stay in this hotel room forever. Sooner or later, they would create another identity for Louis and probably move him out of New York. But I hadn’t gotten up the nerve to ask what would happen to him. And, of course, that meant I had no idea what would happen to us.

  When he rolled over and opened his eyes, I leaned down to give him a kiss.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” he said, taking me into his arms.

  “What’s going to happen, Louis?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well … you’re not safe here. Are you going to—”

  He lifted my chin and kissed me deeply. “Yes, I’m going to have to move.”

  Tears filled my eyes instantly.

  “Once this trial is over, I’ve got to move to another city, to another life.”

  I wanted to say I would miss him, but that would mean acknowledging that I might never see him again. I couldn’t even bear to think it.

  “I want you to be part of that life.”

  I looked into his eyes as if it would help me process what he’d just said. What I saw there was love. “What are you saying, Louis?”

  “When I move, I want you to come with me.”

  “But … does that mean I have to leave behind Daddy and Darnel?”

  “Jamie, people move away from their families every day.”

  I was silent for a long time, thinking about the reality of what he’d just said. Louis left behind his whole family, but that was a sacrifice he made to save thousands of lives. Could I really sacrifice my family just to be with Louis? What if I did and then it didn’t work out between us? Where did that leave me?

  “This is a lot to think about, Louis. I really don’t know if I’m strong enough to do it. How could I just leave Daddy like that? I mean, he’s my father, and you’re … you’re—”

  “I want to be your husband,” he said. He got out of the bed and knelt beside it. “Jamie, I want you to come with me and marry me.”

  “Oh, Louis,” I cried, climbing out of bed and into his arms. “I love you so much. If the circumstances were any different, I ’d be saying yes right now. But you understand how difficult this decision is for me, don’t you?”

  He stroked my hair and spoke softly. “I know it’s hard. And I know you love your father and Darnel, but they’re both grown men with their own lives. Darnel is young. He’s going to move on and find a new woman to love, and your father will have Sandra to help him through it if you leave.”

  I was too numb to even get mad that he mentioned Sandra.

  “You and I can start our own life together. I promise you, I can give you a good life.”

  I believed he would give me the best life he could, but what kind of life would it be if it came with a whole new identity?

  “I need you,” he said.

  “Louis, please, you have to give me some time. This is not an easy decision.”

  “Time is not something we have. They can only let me stay here so long before it becomes too risky. I’m only here now because I’ll be testifying in the next few days, so they don’t have time to settle me in to my new life yet.”

  “If I go with you, will I ever be able to see my family?”

  He shook his head. “I can talk to Agent Ford, but I don’t think she’d go for it. Not at first. Not until my sister and the others are captured.”

  He didn’t say never; he only said I couldn’t see them at first. It was a small glimmer of hope. It was the only reason I didn’t immediately say no.

  “I love you so much,” I said. “I’m just scared that love won’t be enough to get us through the hard times.”

  “I understand,” he said, looking so sad.

  “It doesn’t mean I won’t marry you, baby. It just means I need some time to think. Can’t you just give me a few days, at least until after the trial?”

  “I’ll talk to Agent Ford. Maybe she can hold off an extra day or two.”
>
  “Thank you, baby. I want you to understand that this doesn’t mean I’m doubting my love for you. I love you with all my heart. Just let me go home for a few days and get my head straight, and then I’ll give you an answer.”

  He wrapped me tightly in his arms, and we made love on the floor, expressing the complex emotions that, once I had time to sort through them, would either pull us apart or bring us together forever.

  James

  42

  I stepped into the living room wearing a black button-down shirt, a pair of black slacks, my brand-new black leather blazer, and my head shaved completely bald. I figured since I was going to go bald anyway because of the chemotherapy and radiation, I might as well do it now and make it a fashion statement. With all these brothers with receding hairlines shaving their heads, bald seemed to be in.

  Darnel, who’d come over from his place, had been sulking on my sofa all afternoon. He halfheartedly smirked when he saw me. I don’t know what that girl Keisha had done to him since their breakup, but the boy had more mood swings than a menopausal woman.

  “So, how do I look?”

  “You’re kidding, right?” He snickered.

  “It’s not too much, is it?” I ran my hand over my newly shaved head.

  “Dad …” He hesitated. “Do you want the truth?”

  “Of course I want the truth.”

  “Okay.” He shrugged his shoulders. “You look like a damn fool. But don’t worry; it seems to run in the family lately.” He didn’t even crack a smile. “You might wanna invest in a couple of good hats until it grows back.”

  “Tell me how you really feel, Darnel,” I shot back at him.

  “You told me you wanted the truth.”

  “Well, maybe not that much truth.”

  I walked over to the hallway mirror to see for myself. I didn’t know what he was talking about. I didn’t look that bad. It wasn’t like my hair had been long to start with. I was just happy that I hadn’t shaved my head only to discover I lacked a proper head for such a bold move. That would have been bad, finding out after the fact that my dome had a flat top or was misshapen. I hadn’t even thought about those possibilities before I took out the clippers and started shaving. Before my cancer diagnosis, I would have put more thought into making such a drastic change, but being forced to consider my mortality had begun to give me a different outlook on what was really important—and hair wasn’t high on the list.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, son. I look like Samuel L. Jackson in the remake of Shaft,” I joked, rubbing my hand over my head again.

  “No, you look more like Isaac Hayes when he sang the original Shaft. All you need is the swollen lips. You want me to hit you in the mouth?”

  That boy sure knew how to hurt a man’s ego. “Isaac Hayes was the man back in the day,” I said with a laugh.

  “If you say so. What did Sandra say?”

  “She hasn’t seen it yet. I was hoping she’d be here soon so I could surprise her too.”

  The front door opened, and I assumed it was Sandra, right on time. Instead of my lady, my baby girl walked into the room. Jamie had been MIA for a few days and had left only a brief message that she needed time away. I’d never been the kind of father who checked up on his children, but it wasn’t like Jamie to disappear for days at a time, so I was a little concerned. Especially since I knew she was going through changes in her relationship with Louis. Still, I resisted the urge to be an overprotective father. I figured she was working things out with Louis or taking time out with a girlfriend to get over him. She was a grown woman, so I gave her space to work through her issues. When she walked in the house looking happy, I was relieved.

  “Hey, Daddy.” She rushed over and gave me a hug.

  “You all right?”

  “Oh my God!” she shouted. “Look at your head!” She ran her hands over my bald dome.

  “So, what you think?” I posed.

  “I think you look cute. You remind me of Shaft.” Jamie wrapped her arms around me, putting her head on my shoulder.

  “Thanks, princess. I was just telling your brother the same thing.” I threw a smug look in Darnel’s direction.

  “So where you been?” I asked.

  “I went away with Louis.”

  “I thought you were done with that clown.” Darnel, who normally would have given Louis the benefit of the doubt, surprised me.

  “He’s not a clown, Darnel. I love him.”

  Darnel just shook his head.

  “But, princess, I thought you said it was over.” I knew to tread lightly, but what I wanted to say was, “Ain’t no way you staying with no man who hurt you.”

  “It was over, but then I met the blond woman. They’re not messing around. They’re coworkers of a sort.”

  I looked at her with skepticism. I’m sure she knew I thought she was being played.

  “It’s hard to explain, but you just have to trust me,” she said.

  “Yeah, but, baby, I saw them together in Long Island, and your brother saw them in Manhattan. Those two were rather cozy.”

  “I know what it looked like, Daddy, but like I said, you and Darnel just have to trust me. Louis is the most honest, good man I’ve ever been with. You always told me don’t go looking unless you’re prepared to find something. I found what I wanted to, but it wasn’t the truth.”

  “You sure?” Darnel and I said in unison.

  “Yep. I was the one trippin’ and well, I mean, I am your daughter, and after living with you, I just thought all men cheated.”

  That comment hurt, but I couldn’t get mad at her for speaking the truth.

  “Yeah, I can’t say I’ve been the best role model for you two.”

  “You certainly were interesting to watch,” Jamie teased, and even Darnel laughed.

  It was nice to see both of my kids laughing, especially after everything they’d both been through lately. In fact, it was just nice to see both of my kids together. We hadn’t really been spending much time as a family ever since Darnel’s canceled wedding. It seems we’d all become kind of wrapped up in our own worlds, and that wasn’t a good thing. These difficult times were when we should be there for each other the most. As the head of the family, it was time for me to bring us all back together. With my health and future so uncertain, it would be important for Darnel and Jamie to have each other to lean on.

  “Listen,” I said seriously, “since I have you both here, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

  They stopped laughing and looked at me expectantly.

  “Why don’t you sit down, Jamie?”

  “Now you’re making me nervous, Daddy.”

  “Don’t be nervous. I just think it’s time we all sat down together as a family. I have some things I want to talk to you about.”

  Jamie tried to break the tension by asking, “You breaking up with Sandra?” with a mischievous grin on her face.

  I didn’t crack a smile. “No, we’re fine, thank you very much.”

  “Dad, she ain’t never gonna let you be happy with no woman.” Darnel looked at me sympathetically.

  “Shut up, Darnel,” Jamie answered back.

  “Stop it, both of you,” I said loudly. “This is part of what I want to talk about. There are some things going on, and we need to come together as a family and support one another. We’ve all been drifting apart lately, and it’s time we get back on track.”

  “Okay …” Jamie gave me a look that said she was confused about why I was acting this way.

  It was time to just spit it out. “Jamie, Darnel … I guess you kids have noticed I’ve been a little under the weather lately.”

  Darnel nodded, and Jamie’s expression changed. She looked scared, almost like she already knew what she was about to hear.

  “Well, I went to the doctor, and I know what’s wrong with me.” I took a deep breath, or at least as deep as my sick lungs would allow. “I have lung cancer.”

  Silence hun
g over the room as my words registered in my children’s minds. Then Jamie began to cry. She ran over and threw her arms around me.

  “Daddy, no!” She fell apart, sobbing loudly.

  Tears wet the corners of my eyes, but I refused to fall apart in front of my kids.

  Darnel came over and grabbed my hand, and I could see that his eyes were glistening with tears too. They were both in shock. I knew how they felt. I ’d felt the same way before I had had a chance to digest this information.

  “But you quit smoking. How can you have lung cancer?” Darnel questioned.

  “I never should have started,” I told him.

  “We’ll get a second opinion.” Darnel, like most men, wanted to fix this, and although he couldn’t do anything, I was proud of him.

  Jamie managed to stop sobbing long enough to say, “Daddy, you can’t give up. They have all these miracles in foreign countries. We can travel and find one of those doctors.”

  I patted her on the back. “I have no intention of giving up. They caught it in the early stages, and there are plenty of treatments available to me.”

  “What kind of treatments?”

  “Well, I have to go see a specialist, but Dr. Martin thinks I’ll need chemotherapy and radiation.”

  “You haven’t seen a specialist yet?” Darnel asked.

  I hesitated. He was right, of course; I should have consulted with the oncologist as soon as I got the diagnosis, but how could I explain to my son that I ’d been too scared to face reality?

  “I’m going to call first thing tomorrow. I promise.”

  Jamie hugged me tightly. “Daddy, I’m gonna be here for you. I’ll take care of you. I swear I will.”

  “Me too,” Darnel offered. “I can quit my job and help you out at the office.”

  His words touched me deeply. I ’d always wanted him to be part of my company—but I didn’t want it this way.

  “Look, there is no need for anybody’s life to change. I’ll be all right. I’m telling you I’m going to beat this.”

  “We’re here for you however you need us, Daddy,” Jamie said, and Darnel nodded his agreement.