Bare_Raw

by C. A. Harms

  “I know that I’m supposed to be treading lightly. I’m supposed to be holding back and letting you take the wheel on this but that is next to impossible. I feel like I’m losing my mind, Brynn.” I lean in and press my forehead to hers half expecting her to pull away, but she doesn’t. Instead she leans in closer to me and lifts her hands to place her palms against my biceps. “I’m begging you to allow us to start over. Let me show you the man I truly am.”

  “The man I knew wasn’t all that bad, Alec.”

  I lead my hand upward, gliding it over her side, along her shoulder just before I cup the back of her neck and hold her close. “Tell me what you didn’t like about him.” I skim my thumb along her jaw, saying a silent prayer that she doesn’t stop what’s taking place between us.

  “It was the distance I hated, the need for so many rules,” I pull back and look at Brynn, only to find her eyes closed almost like if she opens them she wouldn’t be able to confess the things she needs too. “They only made it all sound so meaningless and I can’t do—”

  I lean in and press my lips to hers softly before she could finish the sentence. Her body tenses in my arms which quickly fades as she grows more tranquil. When she doesn’t stop me I go in a little more aggressively and practically fall at her feet when I hear her whimper.

  “Nothing with you was ever meaningless,” I whisper between kisses. “I thought I could keep things limited with you, keep things emotionless but you knocked me flat on my ass that first night and it was all downhill from there.”

  She smiles as her eyes flutter open to meet my own. “You make it sound like a terrible thing.”

  “At the time I thought it was, because it was the opposite of everything I thought I wanted. You terrified me, Brynn, because I knew if I let you in, really let you in, I’d have no hope of keeping my head above water.” I cup both sides of her face in my palms and tilt her head back even further, looking directly in her eyes. “I’m done being afraid to live, Brynn, I wanna live this life with you, Katelynn, and our child.”

  When I lean in to kiss her and she doesn’t attempt to stop me, I take full advantage of it. I pull her body to mine by hooking her around the waist, still keeping one hand cupping the back of her neck. I explore her slowly with extreme caution. I wanted this so bad my body vibrating with a type of longing I had never in my life felt before.

  “Please let me prove myself to you, to both of you.” I knew already that I would have a wall of resistance with Katelynn, Aric had already warned me. I’d do whatever it took to make things right.

  “I can’t jump into this with my eyes closed, Alec,” Brynn pulls back and presses her hand against my chest giving me a gentle push. The distance it causes between us is hard to accept, but I fight the urge to pull her back to me.

  “Let me take care of you.”

  “I’ve never been good at that, letting someone take care of me,” she confesses. “It’s never worked out before in the past. I’ve learned that the only one I can rely on is me.”

  I already knew of her past but hearing her confirm her hardships made it that much harder. “Not anymore,” I assure her as I hold her gaze. “Because you and Katelynn have me now. And I’m not going anywhere, that’s a promise.” I want her to believe me, I need her to. I want to take care of them and of my baby. I want to build a life for them that they had only ever imagined. I want to protect them from ever feeling sad or alone again.

  “I’d like for you and Katelyn to spend the weekend with me,” I instantly see the alarm in her expression. “No expectations, I have plenty of space and rooms. I just want a free weekend where the two of you get the chance to see the real me, not the distant man I was pretending to be.” There were parts of that man that I still was, the hidden desires that still pool inside me and always have, but for now we’d leave those out. I had a feeling when we reach that point again Brynn will be okay with that side of me. She seemed to like the passion between us, I could sense her body’s reaction before.

  “Why don’t we just commit to a day, and see what happens.” Always the one to argue, I thought as I give her a nod. For now I’ll agree but once I got them there I had absolutely no intentions of letting them go.

  Chapter 22

  Brynn

  “Do I have to pretend to like him?” Katelynn asks as we exit our apartment and begin to walk toward the awaiting car. “Because that may just be one of the hardest things you ever ask me to do.”

  The car door opens, Alec steps out and I feel myself stumble at the sight of him.

  I was used to the expensive suits and ties, never seeing him in anything else, but this was a change. Long gone was the Armani and in its place a pair of worn out jeans and a fitted shirt, one that formed quite nicely to his strong chest beneath.

  “You don’t have to pretend, Katelynn,” I whisper still staring ahead, “all I ask is that you give him a chance to redeem himself. I’m working on it too.” The problem was my hormones were screaming out in a different turn, ‘jump him, take him, oh my heavens look at that man’ those were just a few things rolling around in my mind.

  “You’re working on it my butt,” Katelynn adds which only makes me smile. She was so much wiser than a normal twelve year old I swear to it.

  “Good morning, ladies,” Alec says with a smirk as if he could almost hear the things my conscience was yelling out. “Shall we?”

  I nod, fearful that if I opened my mouth it would be shameful to not only myself but in front of my sister no less. Only Katelynn had a completely different idea of greeting him.

  “Was it because she had baggage?” I turn my head and stare at my sister in shock. “Because she has a sister to take care of that you hightailed it outta here. Only now you realize you made a mistake and you weren’t so careful. Now you have a baby to think about which forced you to come running back.”

  “Katelynn, please,” I begin to correct her only Alec stops me by stepping forward and placing his hand on my shoulder.

  “It’s okay,” he says with reassurance, “she’s upset with me and I understand.” What he didn’t understand is that Katelynn could be pretty stubborn and extremely verbal when she was upset about something. “It was never about you or Brynn, I promise you that. It was me and my inability to let go of something that took place in my past. But I can guarantee you one thing.”

  “Yeah,” Katelynn crosses her arms over her chest defiantly, looking anything but convinced “and what’s that?”

  “It wasn’t the baby that brought me back, I knew the moment I walked away that it was a mistake.” The two of them simply stand facing each other, staring into one another’s eyes. In some type of drawn battle, as Katelynn continues to weigh his words. I can see the question in her eyes, the way she’s just waiting for him to falter even the slightest amount.

  It was such an exceptional showdown that it almost made me laugh.

  “I’m not gonna lie and say I believe you, because I’m not so sure I do.” So determined to be my savior, my sister still stood her ground. “But she asked me to give you a chance, and for Brynn I’ll do that, but I need you to understand that I’m not so sure I trust you.”

  My heart races as I watch my sister stand off against a full grown man. There was absolutely no fear in her eyes and part of me wants to reach out and hug her close. But another part is so damn proud of her strength and desire to stand behind what her heart feels.

  “I understand,” Alec finally tells her. “But I need you to understand that I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your trust and the trust of your sister. My mistakes, they lie on my shoulders, and neither of you are responsible for the choices I made. I only want to make things right.”

  After a few more silent seconds Katelynn brushes past him and climbs into the awaiting car. I half expect Alec to be irritated or annoyed by the display that just took place, but when I look at him I see a smile. “She’s a tough one,” he steps in and places a gentle kiss upon my forehead and instantly I feel that happy
flutter inside my chest. “I feel sorry for the man that ever crosses her.”

  This makes me laugh because I’ve thought of that same very thing so many times before.

  “I didn’t expect this to be easy.” Looking up at him I feel like I’m seeing him for the first time. That distance I’d always managed to see in his eyes before felt as if it has somehow faded. He looks relaxed, carefree almost. In spite of the smackdown he’d just gone through with Katelynn he still appears happy. “You ready?”

  I was ready, which should frighten me, only it set me free in a sense. I nod and he places his hand onto my back as he leads me forward. I’ve spent the last few days asking myself over and over if this is truly what I want. Do I want Alec in my life as more than just the father of my child? Do I want to open up my heart and see where it takes me? Do I want to take that chance only to find myself back in the same place later. Was it all worth the risk? The answers were yes, and I knew to do so, I had to forgive him for the things he’d said and done. It wouldn’t be easy I know, but more than anything I want to try.

  Holding on to the mistakes I think we’ve both made since we first met wouldn’t get us anywhere.

  “Impressive place ya got here, jerk.” I choke on the breath I’d just inhaled once the word left Katelynn’s mouth. “You should know that, that is what I’ve called you for the last month or so.” She shrugs as if it’s no big deal and I stare at her in shock. I’m afraid to look to my left and see the expression on Alec’s face. “Hey it’s better than what she’s called you.”

  And the awkwardness of the moment has just multiplied.

  “What would that be, may I ask?” I hear the humor in his voice and instantly turn to look over my shoulder at him. There he stood, his arms crossed over his chest as he leans back against the wall behind him.

  “Unfortunately I’m not allowed to say it,” Katelynn says, and I’m grateful she’s decided to listen to me for once. But the thankfulness quickly fades. “So I’ll just spell it instead. A-S-S- H-O…”

  “Okay.” I throw my hands up in the air and Alec actually chuckles at my reaction. “I think he gets the point.”

  With a simple shrug Katelynn walks off toward the large floor to ceiling windows that overlook the city below and I hang my head as embarrassment takes over.

  “If it helps at all,” Alec whispers just behind me and I can feel his warm breath fan out over my neck, “I was an asshole, so the nickname was warranted.” Before I get the chance to say anything I feel his lips press softly to the exposed part of my neck just where my hair has parted and warmth fills me. It was the simplest of gestures but again so unlike the man he was before. There were never those gentle moments, those sweet reassurances or comforting touches, he’s avoided them all.

  I don’t turn to look at him, I knew if I did I’d fall into his arms, and who knows where that would lead us. So instead I remain in place as he carefully wraps his arms around me from behind. When one palm spreads out over my abdomen I hold my breath. “I’m gonna make you forget all about the asshole I was.” I close my eyes fighting the urge to turn in his arms. “That’s a promise.”

  “Oh please,” Katelynn breaks through the haze and it was the first time since we stepped out of our apartment that I was thankful for her inability to keep her mouth shut. I needed an interruption. “Can you two detach yourselves and remember that things like that are what got you into the predicament you’re in now.”

  I snicker and instantly cover my mouth.

  “You are very wise and observant,” Alec says this to Katelynn and I can hear the humor win his voice.

  “I know,” she says, “I’ve got my eyes on you, Mr. Reynolds.” She does the whole pointing to her eyes and then to him with the same two fingers. I bite my lip to hold back the urge to laugh.

  “Mr. Reynolds,” Alec says, only pausing for a split second, “so I’ve now graduated from the jerk category.”

  “No, you’re still a jerk, but you’ve made my sister smile more in the last hour than I think I’ve seen her smile in the last month so you get props. Don’t get me wrong, Aric makes her laugh,” I feel Alec tense behind me where his body is still firmly pressed to my own and suddenly I feel guilt wash over me. “But even in those times that happiness never truly reaches her eyes. Unlike now,” I feel the tension leave Alec as he holds onto me just a little tighter.

  Chapter 23

  Alec

  I’ve done my best at trying not to let jealousy overtake me, but with each Aric story it has only tested my limits. Katelynn obviously loves my sweet, adoring brother who apparently has been doting on Brynn and Katelynn more than I was aware of. Dinners, movie nights, random hangouts, and hell, even taking Brynn to the doctor on her last visit. That right there, that irked me. No, I take that back, that fucking pisses me off.

  I should be the one taking her to those appointments, and I wasn’t about to say it out loud, but I guarantee it won’t be taking place again. Next time it will be me along her side, and every time that follows.

  We’ve spent the day hanging out, playing games, eating junk food. I had my office assistant set up a game room in my penthouse full of whatever it is young girls may be into now days because I truly had no clue where to start. There was some dance off game that a mat lit up beneath your feet and you had to keep up with the moves as the feet prints flashed with the rhythm of the music. When I attempt it the only thing the girls do is laugh as I imagine I look like a chicken on crack with my arms whipping out as I practically trip over my own feet.

  But their laughter makes all the embarrassment I felt worth it.

  Once we were worn out, we retire to the theater room where there are now comfy chairs perched before a large screen television along with the couch I think is more comfy than my own bed. Katelynn settles into the large recliner and I take it upon myself to lead Brynn toward the couch where the two of us can sprawl out together. The desire to feel her in my arms was something I’ve been feeling all day and I knew there was no taming it. The empty feeling, the one as if something had been missing from our day I believe could only be satisfied by her closeness.

  “So what are we watching?” Katelynn grabs the controller and begins flipping through the channels.

  “You choose,” I direct her seeing her eyes light up by the choices. “Anything you want, just download and you’re good.”

  “You’re telling me all these movies are available?”

  “Yes.” I sit down and pull Brynn in close. When she comes willingly I settle her against my chest as I wrap my arms around her from behind. With my legs parted she turns to the side, and lays her head onto my chest. I take in a deep breath inhaling her sweet scent and that alone makes my stomach tense.

  With Katelynn lost in her choices, I lean in a little closer toward Brynn and allow my lips to hover near her ear. “Today was nice.” Having them here had made me feel at peace for the first time in longer than I can remember.

  “It was.” She was still leery of me and I understood. Brynn is on guard, she’d tried to let me in and I crushed that the first time things got difficult.

  She yawns and I feel the weight of her body against my own as she begins to relax. I remain silent allowing her to rest and enjoying the feel of her in my arms. It didn’t take long before she’d fallen asleep and the sound of a soft snore began to fill the space around me. It makes me smile as I think of just how quickly she gave in to her exhaustion.

  “You have to promise me something.” I look up to see Katelynn staring at the two of us with a solemn look on her face. “Brynn’s had it hard, we both have I know, but at least she’s given me the chance to be a kid, she never got that. Our mother didn’t care about us, we were only a way for her to receive the means to feed her addiction. I may have been young but I’ve seen things no kid should and I remember those things clearly. But without Brynn I don’t know where I’d be. She fought for us.”

  I could see the sadness in hers eyes, and damn if I didn’t feel that sh
it deep.

  “She fought for me, and she wouldn’t give up until the courts saw that we belonged together,” Katelynn continued. “All I want is for her to be happy, she deserves that. She deserves to know what it feels like to be loved unconditionally, and seeing her sad, I just can’t take it.”

  “That’s what I want too,” I confess as I soothingly run my fingers through the tips of her hair. “It’s what I want for both of you.” I know that touching her now was more for me because I could feel that unsettled feeling inside only growing with each word Katelynn spoke. I just had to touch her, had to feel her beneath my fingertips as I trace her forehead before combing my fingers through her hair once more.

  “She’s given up so much already and now I just feel like she’s only given up more.” She shrugs and I see her lip tremble even though she does her very best to hide it. “She’s worked and done everything she could to take care of me, and now the baby.” She pauses as she looks back toward the television. At this angle I can see the tears in her eyes and that alone makes my chest ache with the need to soothe her. “I’m just wondering when she’s gonna get her break.”

  “Hey,” I try to gain her attention and though she doesn’t turn completely around to face me I still know she’s listening. She hangs her head, and that damn lip of hers trembles more. “I meant what I said about wanting both of you, this isn’t a game to me, Katelynn.”

  “Why now?” She looks back at me no longer attempting to hide the tears falling along her cheeks. “What changed, because not that long ago you didn’t want either of us.”

  I want to climb off this couch and go to her, but doing so would mean interrupting Brynn and it was the last thing I want.

  “It was never you or Brynn that made me hesitant.” Here I was about to spill everything about my life to a kid, and just a few weeks ago I was doing all I could to hide it. “A couple years ago I was in a relationship with a woman that lied to me. She found out she was pregnant and led me to believe that the child was mine. When I found out Caden wasn’t my son, that became a very dark time for me. I let myself become someone I wasn’t, I was cold and distant.”