Ravensong

by ML Hamilton

  “Not even a bit.”

  Evan turned to Elena. “I played in James’ band, Blazes, when we were a lot younger. That was my first band.”

  She smiled at him, but her attention was caught by James. He was staring at Joshua intently.

  “He’s got so much charisma. It’s like a force.”

  “Yeah,” remarked Evan, watching him as well. “I keep remembering him as this scrawny kid, sneaking in to our rehearsals.” He glanced at Elena again. “We’d rehearse in James’ basement and he’d sneak down the stairs and watch us. James always caught him and told him to get the hell out.”

  Elena smiled once more.

  “But he’d be back the next day,” finished James. “I ever tell you about the time I caught him down there. He was messing on the keyboard. I was all set to storm in and beat the crap out of him, but then I heard what he was playing.”

  “One of our songs?”

  “Yeah, and no. He’d changed some of the chord progressions and tweaked the melody. When I went down, he stopped playing and almost bolted. I told him to keep playing and I picked up my guitar. I took one strum on those strings and knew he’d done something to it.” James laughed. “It had never been in such tune before.”

  Evan joined him. “He tuned all our guitars. We’d line them up for him and he’d go down the line.” He punched James’ lightly in the stomach. “I’d have him do it for me now, but he’s a bigger star than I am.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  “So, what happened after you found out he’d messed with your guitar?”

  “We fixed the rest of the song, then I sat down with him and we changed the lyrics. If you remember, I took the credit for the new arrangement, but I felt so damn guilty about it. I never chased him off the stairs again.”

  Elena waited for them to continue the story, but when they didn’t, she couldn’t stop herself from asking more. “Did he eventually play for you?”

  “Yeah,” said James, glancing at her. “That was Evan’s fault. I was determined no stupid kid was going to be in our band. Shit, he was thirteen and we were in high school, but Evan thought different.”

  “I talked James into letting him join us for a set.”

  James rolled his eyes. “The audience fell in love with him. When we tried to play the next set without him, they started chanting his name.”

  Evan laughed. “James was so pissed that he forced us to continue playing, but you could hardly hear us over the crowd. And there was Joshua, waiting in the wings, with this grin on his face.”

  James shook his head in memory. “That was that. I had to call him out and from that point on, Blazes was just the backup for Ravensong.”

  Evan smiled in memory. “We got record deals out of it, man.”

  James’ face grew serious. “Yeah, and I almost lost him too.”

  Evan’s smile faded. “Yeah, that too.”

  Elena looked away. She didn’t want to hear any more. It made her feel sick inside to think of what had happened, especially now. Especially with Joshua acting so odd lately.

  The song trailed off and Elliot launched into his solo. The other band members headed for the wings, giving him center stage. A roadie stepped forward and handed Joshua a bottle of water and a towel. Joshua downed half the bottle in one swallow and reached for the towel, wiping his forehead. His eyes came to rest on his brother and he handed the towel to the roadie, moving toward him.

  James caught him in an embrace, placing his hand on the back of Joshua’s neck and saying something in his ear that Elena couldn’t catch. Then he held him away and took a good look at him. Joshua reached for Elena’s hand and pulled her to his side.

  “James, this is Elena Harris,” he said.

  James nodded. “We’ve met.” His eyes narrowed on Joshua. “What the hell happened to your face?”

  Joshua looked away. “It’s nothing…”

  “Josh!” came the stern command and Joshua’s eyes snapped back to his brother’s intense scrutiny.

  With an exhalation, he capitulated. “Ray showed up at the concert a few nights ago. He wanted money and we got into it. Then he let me have it.”

  Elena knew something silent and profound had passed between the two of them. Joshua had never given up information that easily to anyone before. She studied his brother with renewed respect.

  James was frowning. “He’d better look worse than you do.”

  Joshua shook his head.

  “How did that bastard know where you were?”

  Joshua shrugged. “He said a neighbor told him. The stage manager let him in because he recognized the name. He didn’t know any better.”

  “You need to get a restraining order against him.”

  Joshua’s gaze dropped. “I took care of it. It won’t happen again.”

  James started to say something more, but Joshua’s attention snapped back to the stage. Elena knew Elliot was winding down.

  Joshua hugged his brother quickly again. “I’m glad you’re here,” he muttered, then bent and kissed Elena before hurrying back into the spotlight.

  Elena watched him go, but she felt James’ eyes on her and when she looked up, he was giving her that same speculative look that he’d given his brother.

  * * *

  Joshua tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and let the hot water run over him. He enjoyed the post-concert shower, when his body was exhausted, but the roar of the crowd was still echoing in his ears.

  “Who’s the woman?” came his brother’s voice from the doorway.

  “She was the assistant manager, until a few weeks ago,” said Joshua over the drumming of the water.

  “That’s not what I asked you. Who is she to you?”

  Joshua turned around and shut off the faucet, then snaked his fingers through his hair, squeezing out the excess water. He opened the glass door and nodded at the towel. “Hand me that,” he said.

  James tossed it to him, then moved out of the doorway and back into the main part of the dressing room.

  Joshua dried himself, then dressed in a pair of jeans. Pulling on a sweat shirt, he combed out his hair, then padded into the dressing room and sank down on the couch. James grabbed the chair from the dressing table, turned it around backward, and straddled it. He studied Joshua a moment in silence, then nodded.

  “You gonna answer me?”

  “What do you want me to say?”

  “This the one Mom told me about?”

  Joshua nodded.

  “The serious one?”

  “Yeah. We’re moving in together after the tour.”

  “You said she was the assistant manager. What happened?”

  “She couldn’t work for Julian anymore.”

  James simply nodded. Then he smoothed a hand over his moustache. “She’s not why I’m here?”

  “No, why you’re here is another matter entirely. And you didn’t have to come. I just needed you to see if anything made a connection for you.”

  James frowned. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

  Joshua leaned forward and braced his forearms on his thighs. “If I tell you, James, you’ve got to believe me. You’ve got to know that I’m really not responsible for any of this. I’m going to tell you everything and you’ve got to believe me that none of it is a lie. Can you do that?”

  “Of course.”

  “You’ve also got to promise me that it stays between us.”

  “I’m not going to keep things from Mom and Dad, Josh. They have a right to know.”

  “Let me tell you, and then we can talk about that. I don’t think they need to know much right now.”

  James sighed. “All right, but if it’s anything…”

  “I know.” Joshua stopped him. “I understand.”

  “So, tell me. What’s going on?”

  Joshua reached for the bottled water on the table and took a swallow. “I wish I knew. Strange things keep happening to me. Very strange things. At first I thought Julian was be
hind it, but he’s denied everything.”

  “So tell me what’s been happening.”

  “It started with a magazine article, after I got the concussion. It speculated that I was using again.”

  “We saw it,” said James with a nod.

  “The reporter knew about the fight Elliot and I had over Elena. That was something we tried to keep out of the news, and yet it was leaked.”

  “Okay.”

  “Then, there was a woman in my dressing room a few nights later. She got by Dominic and the rest of the security detail. She kept claiming that I invited her, she even had a note with my writing and my signature on it.”

  “What?”

  Joshua nodded. “I confronted Julian about it, but he said he didn’t know anything. He swore up and down he had nothing to do with it. You should have seen the way Elena and the other band members looked at me. Like I’d been caught stealing.”

  “What if she’d been a head case, Joshua? Why didn’t you tell me about this? I could have run a background check on her, see if she had any prior arrests.”

  Joshua pushed a hand through his damp hair. “She really believed I had invited her. She wasn’t dangerous.”

  “She could have been!” snapped James.

  Joshua held up a hand in capitulation. “There’s more.”

  “Go on.”

  “I got a package. In the dressing room. It was addressed to me and had a return address of a company called BPI. When I opened it…” Joshua’s voice trailed off. If he told James what was inside, he would react one of two ways. Joshua was terrified it might be the wrong reaction.

  “Tell me,” said James firmly.

  “It was a syringe.”

  James sucked in air.

  “A new one. Never been used. There was nothing inside of it, but it was a syringe.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I flushed it down the toilet, then I looked up BPI on the internet. It stands for Bayside Pharmaceuticals.”

  “Why the hell didn’t you call me right then?”

  “I didn’t want to alarm anyone. I really thought it was a sick prank, nothing more. Until I called BPI. I asked them who ordered the syringe and they told me that I did. That I’d ordered it myself.”

  James cocked his head and gave Joshua a critical stare. Joshua didn’t know if that meant he believed him or not. Still, now that it was out, he had to continue.

  “Yesterday, just before we went through the metal detector at the airport, I found a vial in my backpack…”

  “A what?”

  “A glass vial.” Joshua indicated the size with his fingers. “Filled with a clear liquid.”

  “What kind of liquid?”

  Joshua shrugged. “I don’t know. I panicked. I ran to the bathroom and flushed it down the toilet. Airport security saw me and pulled me into an interrogation room. One of them emptied my backpack on the table right in front of me. I was so afraid of what might fall out.”

  James’ expression told him everything. He was finding all of this hard to swallow. “What happened?”

  “Julian burst in and threatened them with a law suit if they didn’t release me. After awhile, they agreed, but not before one of them went through my backpack… thoroughly.” He leaned forward again and his eyes fixed on his brother’s face. “There could have been something else in that pack, James, but I have no idea who put it there.”

  “Was the pack ever out of your sight?”

  Joshua nodded.

  “Anyone could have done it and we don’t have the vial to run any tests,” James said, shaking his head. Running a hand over his face, he was silent in consideration for a long while. Finally, he looked up into his brother’s eyes. “I can have someone look into this BPI for you,” he offered.

  Joshua nodded.

  James rubbed the back of his neck tiredly. “Shit, Josh, any of those had the potential to be really bad. Why the hell did you wait so long to call me?”

  “You just had a baby and I thought…”

  “You thought what,” snapped James. “You promised me you would call the first time something happened. The first time.”

  “I know. Please, James, please let that go. I need your help now. I’ve got to know who’s doing these things to me.”

  “Let it go? I’ll never let it go, Joshua. I can’t let it go. I have nightmares about it. I was the one, Josh, I was the one who found you.”

  Joshua bowed his head and closed his eyes. He remembered. He would never forget it. James would never let him forget that he’d been the one to find Joshua when he’d tried to kill himself.

  James’ weight settled on the couch beside him and he put his arm around Joshua’s shoulders. “Every time I think about it, I think about the possibility that I might not have gotten there in time. What if I’d been even a few minutes later? You would have bled to death on that bathroom floor.”

  “James?” Joshua moaned in misery.

  “No, you listen to me, damn it. I blame myself that it even went that far, that I ever let you get caught up in that. If I guilt you about it, it’s because I don’t want to go through that again. I almost lost you, Josh. You almost died in my arms.” He hugged him tighter. “Don’t put me through that again. That’s why I made you promise me, that’s why I won’t let you forget it. I can’t let that happen ever again.”

  “I know,” Joshua said, slanting a look at him. “I know what I did to all of you, but you can’t shelter me. You can’t lock me up. I’ve got to make my own way.”

  “No one makes their own way, Joshua. We all need help. You’ve just never been able to ask for it.”

  Joshua shifted to look him directly in the face. “I think I just did, James. Give me a little credit for that.”

  James searched his face, then he sighed. “You’re right. Okay, no more guilt. Let’s figure out what the hell we’re going to do about this.”

  CHAPTER 15

  Joshua crept to the little hotel refrigerator and opened it, reaching inside for a bottle of water. He grabbed one and shut the door quietly, then slowly broke the seal on the lid and opened it. He took a drink, then lowered the bottle, his eyes coming to rest on his brother.

  James was sleeping on the sofa bed in the sitting room of his suite. They hadn’t had time to get him his own room. Elena hadn’t objected, but she’d wanted to know why his brother had come. He couldn’t tell her and he’d beg James not to say anything. He mumbled something about being homesick, but he knew Elena was suspicious. And he was giving her more things each day to be suspicious about.

  Still, he was so relieved that James was here. He knew he used James as a shield against the rest of the world, but James didn’t seem to mind. He’d been on the opposite end of Joshua’s insane world, during the time when every word that left Joshua’s mouth was a lie.

  He and James might not have any blood ties, but they were brothers, bound by the life they’d lived before, bound by the nightmare Joshua had forced on them all. Rather than splintering during his meltdown, Joshua’s family had pulled closer together. He knew that if he ever needed them, they would fold around him and protect him from the rest of the world. He would do the same, but he owed them so much more than he could ever repay.

  He sat down in the chair by his brother’s bed and stared at the darkness outside the hotel window. James brought back memories Joshua would rather repress, but Dr. Staddler had told him repeatedly that what he didn’t accept was destined to haunt him forever.

  * * *

  Joshua was so high he didn’t even notice the woman until she sank into the booth next to him and leaned in against his side. He blinked at her, trying to place her, but she was a stranger.

  “Why are you sitting all alone, baby?” she purred in his ear, leaning close to be heard over the pounding jukebox.

  He didn’t answer, twirling the water glass in his hands. He was distracted by the bead of condensation rolling down the outside. His attention shifted to her as she snaked her ha
nd up his inner thigh.

  “You don’t want to be alone, do you?”

  Joshua closed his eyes and gave himself up to her touch. Slowly he shook his head. For some reason, he couldn’t remember any words that would string together into a sentence.

  “You don’t have a girlfriend or anything, do you?”

  Did he? He couldn’t remember. He’d been seeing someone for awhile, but he couldn’t remember her name. Lucy, or Stacy, or Terry. Anyway, he didn’t think they were still seeing each other anymore. Not that it mattered. All that mattered was the moment and staying numb.

  “Let’s go to your room,” she said, her touch becoming more demanding.

  Joshua nodded because he couldn’t think of any reason not to go. They slid out of the booth and she took his arm, leading him from the bar. He gave her his room key, but he couldn’t remember what room it was. God, he must have taken more than usual this time. He usually wasn’t so muddle-headed.

  She figured it out, or he guessed she did. He didn’t remember much beyond the bar – a lot of frantic movement and then drifting into the oblivion, happy to have everything else float away.

  He came violently awake the next morning to the sun glaring in the windows and someone banging on his door. He rolled to his side and moaned. Every inch of his body hurt, as if he had the flu or something. Still, the banging continued.

  He forced open his eyes, but it was like trying to see through jagged glass. Nausea pounded in his head. He could see the woman lying next to him, naked, sleeping soundly. As the banging continued, she reached for the pillow and pulled it over her head, ignoring it.

  Wrapping an arm around his abdomen, Joshua rolled off the bed and managed to stagger to his feet. Grasping the dresser, he bowed his head and fought the waves of pain that washed over him.

  The banging continued.

  “I’m coming, damn it!” he shouted, enraged by the persistent noise. He wanted to kill whoever was doing it.

  He staggered naked to the door and fumbled with the lock, pulling it open only wide enough to peer outside. James was waiting in the hallway.

  “Get up!” he shouted.

  Joshua flinched. “Don’t yell.”