by ML Hamilton
“You know it’s out of tune, right?”
Elliot laughed. “Yeah, but that’s not one of my talents. I hate that fussy work and this baby is fussy.”
Joshua’s eyes were fixed on the instrument and he spoke without realizing what he was going to say. “Can I try?”
“Sure,” said Elliot, slinging it over his head and holding it out to Joshua. “Here, take my seat.”
Joshua’s eyes shot to his face and he took a step back. He hadn’t meant to be so bold. In fact, he never meant to touch a guitar again. Still, he couldn’t help reaching for this one, and once it was in his hands, it was natural to lean against the stool and let his fingers wander over the strings.
“This is a beautiful instrument.”
“Yeah, I didn’t eat for six months just so I could have her.”
Joshua smiled even as he began tuning it. It felt so right under his fingers, as if he’d never given it up. Again, he lost track of time, but finally the guitar was in tune.
“Damn, you’re good,” breathed Elliot. He pulled a music stand close. “Here, test it out. Play this.”
Joshua glanced at the music. It was one of the songs he’d heard them play not long ago. He could call up the melody in his mind, play it back to himself like a recording. Nothing had happened to his musical memory.
He played, the whisper of his fingers over the strings like the touch of fine silk.
“Hold on. Play this part again,” said Elliot, pointing to a spot on the score.
Joshua’s head jerked up and he stared at the score, realizing what he’d done. He hadn’t been reading the music. He’d been playing it the way he thought it ought to be played in his own mind, not the way they’d written it down.
He held out the guitar to Elliot. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.” You just didn’t change another artist’s work like that without his permission.
Elliot pushed the guitar back into his hands, shaking his head. “No, play it again for me. The way you just did.”
Joshua’s frantic eyes searched the music, trying to read the notes, but his heart was pounding too fast for him to concentrate. All he could hear was the way he’d wanted to play it, fix it, make it his own.
As if he understood, Elliot turned the score over and forced Joshua to meet his gaze. “Play it for me, please. Just the way you did before. I’ve always thought something wasn’t right in that part of the song, but I couldn’t pin it down. You did. Please, play it for me.”
There was no anger or challenge in Elliot’s expression or voice. So Joshua played – he played the music that kept echoing in his mind the way he’d wanted to hear it in the first place.
Elliot took a step back, shaking his head. “I’ve never seen anyone do that before. You write lyrics too?”
Joshua could only nod.
“Okay,” said Elliot with a broad smile. He flipped the score over and showed Joshua the lyrics. “Help me with this part of it. I don’t like the way the words flow with the rhythm.”
It didn’t take long before Joshua lost himself in the task. In fact, he enjoyed it so much, he found himself laughing, something he couldn’t remember doing for so long. The other band members came back to the stage and introduced themselves, but Joshua’s attention was completely captivated by the score in front of him. Elliot got another guitar and together they worked through the song, polishing and perfecting every word, every chord, every note.
“Okay,” said Elliot finally. “Let’s play this through once and see how it goes. You take the vocals, Joshua.”
Joshua’s smile faded and his heart leaped into his throat. He looked out, searching for his brother and found him sitting in one of the metal chairs with David and Julian. He sat forward when Joshua made eye contact, his posture becoming alert.
“Ready?” asked Elliot, noting his change in demeanor.
Joshua shook his head. “I can’t.”
“What?”
Joshua put the guitar on the stand and rose to his feet. “I can’t. I can’t do that.”
“We’ll just run through it one time.”
A spasm of pain snaked through Joshua’s body and he wrapped his arm around his stomach. He could feel the immediate claws of need sink into him, evaporating the euphoria of the last few hours.
“No,” he heard himself say. “I can’t sing it.” Focusing his attention on the door, he headed for it, ignoring everyone else around him. He had to get outside into the fresh air. He had to get away from this room.
“Josh?” called James in alarm.
“Oh great, David,” he heard Julian’s voice at his back. “Just what we need. A head-case.”
Joshua didn’t hear anymore, he just escaped into the foggy oblivion beyond the rehearsal studio.
CHAPTER 18
Paparazzi filled the hotel lobby, converging on Joshua and his entourage the moment they left the elevator. For a moment, they separated Joshua from his brother. James shoved them aside, trying to get to him, but they pushed back. Dominic had no problem getting physical. He dropped his shoulders and muscled them, pressing in front of Joshua and Elena. Even so, cameras snapped and questions flew at Joshua so rapidly, he couldn’t have answered them if he wanted.
“Is it true the band is breaking-up?”
“Why are you and Elliot Evans not speaking?”
“Are you planning a solo career?”
And most insidious of all, over and over again: “How are you feeling? How are you feeling?”
Joshua lowered his eyes and tightened his hold on Elena. She curled into his side and tried to hide her own face. James finally pushed through, taking his arm. “Keep moving,” he ordered, shoving forward, but Joshua sensed the panic rising inside of himself.
They pelted him with questions. Most of them about Elliot. Joshua closed his eyes and tried to calm himself. He could feel the small, nagging tug of pain in his mid-back and abdomen, reminders of a time when pain was a part of his life. It worried him. He hadn’t felt this distinctive pain in so many years, but lately it had been reoccurring.
Just when he knew he couldn’t take anymore, Elliot was suddenly beside him, moving into the spot that James had occupied. He wrapped his arm around Joshua’s shoulders and glared the paparazzi down.
The questions picked up intensity, some of the reporters shoving microphones in both of their faces. Elliot didn’t seem alarmed by any of it. “If you’d stop shouting, we might be able to answer you one at a time.”
“Are you and Ravensong on the outs?”
Elliot smiled at Joshua. “Are we on the outs? Shit, people, you need a story that bad? Hell no. We’ve been tight since day one.”
“Is the band breaking up?”
“We’re playing to sold-out stadiums every night. Why would we do something that stupid?”
“We’ve heard that Ravensong isn’t going to tour Europe with you?”
Elliot dramatically leaned away from Joshua and gave him a funny look. “Really? Got other hot plans?”
Joshua gave him a tight smile. Gradually Elliot was moving them toward the doors of the hotel, using Dominic as a wedge to force the way.
“Rumors have it that Joshua isn’t well. Is that true, Joshua? What’s wrong?”
“You know better than to listen to rumors. Hell, you people make them up. Come on now. Have you seen this man perform? Give me a flippin’ break.”
Dominic bodily shoved two reporters aside and threw open the glass door. Joshua could see the limo waiting in front of them, the side door opened and flanked by security guards. Lot of good it did them now.
“Go!” said Elliot, shoving Joshua and Elena forward. They ran for the limo and threw themselves inside, sliding over to make room for James and Elliot. Dominic slammed the door shut behind them, but the paparazzi were there, banging on the windows and trying the door handles. Dominic climbed into the passenger side and closed the door, motioning for the driver to pull away.
Joshua turned around and watched the papar
azzi fill the street behind it as the limo left the hotel parking lot. He drew a deep breath and slumped in the seat. Elliot was staring at him and he realized that he was looking at his hands. They were shaking badly. Joshua folded his arms across his chest and hid them.
“You all right?”
Joshua nodded. “Thanks for that.”
Elliot shrugged. “Didn’t want to be late for sound check.” Without another word, he turned to the window and stared out, effectively signaling to Joshua that the conversation had ended.
Joshua didn’t want to be hurt by Elliot anymore, but he was. Elliot was always capable of expansive gestures like this, but Joshua had never experienced the other side of him – the side that could so effectively shut him out.
* * *
James stared at the back of Dominic’s head, trying to ignore the tension in the limo. Elliot was staring out the window and Joshua was slumped in the seat, his eyes shut. Elena exchanged a quick glance with him, then shifted uncomfortably, looking out the window herself.
James chewed on his inner lip. Joshua had first thought Julian was behind the pranks, but he’d changed his mind. James had been inclined to suspect Elliot, but after Elliot had rescued them today, he wasn’t sure. And he had no other suspects.
He’d asked for help investigating the pharmaceutical company, BPI, but that hadn’t turned up any information except that Joshua had ordered the syringe himself. They were trying to dig deeper into that one, but BPI was being difficult. James wanted to believe his brother and some part of him did, but Joshua had lied to him before. And yet, he didn’t act like he was using. He didn’t have that glazed look in his eyes, that distant, dreamy quality to his demeanor.
Truthfully, he was acting more like he had right after he came off the drugs –shaky and nervous, sick with withdrawal symptoms and the after-effects of kidney failure. James was more worried than he let on. He really thought he ought to call his father and tell him about Joshua’s symptoms, but he’d promised Joshua he wouldn’t do that just yet, and he really hated to worry his parents before he had more to go on.
Then there was the fact that something strange was happening. He might be able to blame the syringe and the vial on Joshua, even if Joshua didn’t remember getting either one (he’d experienced black-outs before), but he couldn’t explain the crowd at the radio station or the paparazzi at the hotel. He’d made it clear to Julian that the band’s plans had to remain secret. Someone was leaking the information to the public. He’d been sure it was Elliot, but now he wasn’t and he had no other leads to follow.
The limo pulled up behind the stadium and a huge contingent of security converged on it. Joshua opened his eyes and sat forward, wrapping an arm around his stomach and grimacing in obvious pain. James felt for the phone in his pocket. Eventually he was going to have to consult with his father. Joshua was getting worse.
The door opened and Joshua stepped out. He was immediately surrounded by security and escorted toward the stadium. Elena followed him. James started to climb out, but Elliot placed a hand on his arm, stopping him.
“He looks like hell, James. What’s going on?”
James shrugged. “I was just thinking that I need to call my dad and ask him.”
“But something’s going on, isn’t it? What happened at the airport?”
James studied Elliot’s face. He saw only concern there. “Someone’s playing some really nasty, dangerous pranks on him.”
“Like what?”
James took a chance. He listed every prank just as Joshua had told him.
Elliot’s eyes widened. “Who would do something like this?”
“I wish I knew,” said James, shaking his head. “But it’s only getting worse. The more tired he gets from the tour, the less he’s able to cope and these pranks are hitting him harder and harder.”
“What about Julian?” asked Elliot.
James shrugged again. “He’s still a suspect in my book, but Joshua doesn’t think so. He rescued him at the airport and he was furious when Ray showed up and messed up Josh’s face.”
“What if you can’t figure out who’s doing it?”
“I don’t know. I know he wants to finish the tour, but you can see how sick he looks. His hands are shaking and he’s not sleeping. He’s going to have a relapse if this doesn’t end.”
Elliot didn’t answer. He looked away with a worried expression.
James took another chance. “This thing between you isn’t helping. You know how much he relies on you, Elliot. You’ve been friends for years. Why does it have to be like this?”
Elliot sighed. “I wish it wasn’t, James. Especially now, but it’s gone on so long, both of us pissing on each other, that I don’t know how to end it.”
“That’s pretty damn stupid, El, and you know it.”
Elliot shook his head. “Yeah, then tell me how to end it because I just don’t know how. It’s like we’re standing on the other side of a canyon from each other and I can’t find the bridge.”
* * *
Elliot could tell Ravensong was about to bolt again. His eyes took on a wild look and he started glancing around, refusing to make eye contact. Man, he was a mess, but he was so damn talented. Avalanche needed that brilliance. And Elliot knew a charismatic performer lurked beneath the hunted exterior of this man.
He pushed himself off his stool and moved in his direction, brushing by Julian. He didn’t want the assistant manager to get there first. Maybe if he could make eye contact, he could get him to stay.
“Hey, Josh, welcome back,” he said brightly, holding out his hand.
Ravensong accepted it, his eyes roving over the other band members on stage and the two managers. Elliot stepped into his line of sight and forced him to focus. “I’m glad you’re here. I’ve got some stuff to show you.”
He glanced at Joshua’s brother and held out his hand. “Elliot Evans. Didn’t get a chance to meet you yesterday.”
“James Conner,” he said. He was big and blond and the opposite to Ravensong. “You’re one hell of a guitarist.”
Elliot beamed. “You play a mean axe yourself. I heard you on the CD.”
He caught the reaction of Ravensong from the corner of his eyes. Okay, don’t talk about the CD. Man, this guy was flighty as a new colt. He turned the smile on Joshua. They didn’t need a guitarist, they needed a lead singer, a performer, and a composer. He needed a guitar tuner and this guy did it better than anyone else he’d found.
Glancing over his shoulder, he could see Julian and David gearing themselves up to take over the situation. Elliot didn’t want that. He wanted some time to tame Joshua before the others started putting on pressure.
“Come on,” he said, motioning toward his stool. “I have some rough tunes penned down and I wanted to run them by you. I brought an extra guitar today.” He started walking, not waiting to see if Joshua would follow. Soon, however, he saw Joshua keeping pace with him from the corner of his eyes.
He motioned Joshua to the stool. “Take a seat.”
Joshua hesitated, staring at the stool as if he thought it would bite him.
Instinctively Elliot placed his hand on Joshua’s shoulder. “It hasn’t snapped at me yet,” he said with a laugh.
Joshua grimaced. “Sorry. It’s just…” His voice trailed off.
Elliot again moved into his line of sight. “Talk to me. It’s just what?”
Joshua faced him. “I haven’t done this in so long, I’m not sure I can anymore.”
Elliot shrugged. “Seems to me you did quite a bit yesterday. Polished that song and made it ready for recording. That’s all I want you to do today.”
Joshua’s gaze rose to David and Julian. “But if this is going to work, I have to do more than just compose.”
“We don’t have to go there right this minute. Ease into it.” He moved into Joshua’s line of sight again. “You hear me, ease into it.”
Joshua fixed his gaze on him. Finally, he nodded. “All right.”
<
br /> Elliot grabbed another stool, passed his second best guitar to Joshua, and picked up his own. They went over the rough melodies Elliot had scribbled down and Joshua worked his magic. When they were ready to turn to the lyrics, Elliot thought Joshua might be ready to bring Robert in for collaboration.
Writing lyrics forced them all to sing parts of the songs as they played the melody behind it. Joshua resisted at first, but when he couldn’t communicate what he wanted, he was forced to sing it himself.
Elliot beamed at his fellow band members. Joshua’s voice was just like the voice on the CD and that voice had possessed a range that Elliot admired. On the CD, Joshua had gone from a gritty blues sound to a powerful vocal that any gospel singer would envy. If the song required a softer touch, Joshua could smooth out his tone until it was like velvet.
After a quick break for lunch, Elliot coaxed Joshua into playing the first song they’d worked on with the entire band. The song had been written for one guitar, but a few adjustments allowed Joshua to remain seated on the stool, playing backup to Elliot’s lead. Elliot brought a microphone stand in front of Joshua and hooked the music stand with his foot, so he could easily see the music.
Only Joshua’s brother and the two managers were seated in the chairs before the stage. Other hangers-on, roadies and assistants, were milling around in the back of the warehouse. Elliot hoped the low-key situation would allow Joshua to gain a little of his confidence back.
“This is just for practice. Let’s just see how the song plays, see how our voices blend, okay?” He spoke to the whole band, but he was mainly speaking to Joshua.
Joshua didn’t respond, staring obsessively at the music on the stand. Elliot wasn’t sure whether he would play with them, but he knew they had to take the next step if this was going to work. They didn’t have the time to bring Joshua along more slowly. The recording studio wanted a date for their first session, and they wanted it yesterday.
He began the countdown from five and turned his attention to the song. The introduction went smoothly. Joshua was very good on the guitar, almost as good as Elliot himself, but Elliot didn’t want to spend much time thinking about that. They needed Joshua to sing.