by ML Hamilton
He realized his heart was beating as they neared the beginning of the vocals. If Joshua couldn’t take the lead, even in rehearsal, this was never going to work. Elliot knew he’d be disappointed. He could already see what Joshua might bring to Avalanche. Then the moment was upon them. Elliot realized they were all staring at Joshua, holding their breath to see what he would do.
He closed his eyes, leaned forward, and sang.
His smoky voice belted out the lyrics with the skill of a veteran blues’ singer. Elliot felt a chill snake up his spine. Ralph shot him an appreciative look, his brows climbing nearly to his hairline. The three men in the audience sat forward, clearly enchanted.
When the harmony arrived, Elliot noted that their voices blended with Joshua’s, but didn’t overpower it. Nothing could overpower that sweet, soulful sound. Elliot was envious. He loved the guitar more than anything, but to be his own instrument would be so satisfying. He studied Joshua and couldn’t understand how someone with such talent had fallen off the tracks.
Once he was in the middle of the song, Joshua forgot the anxiety that had made his shoulders tense and he clearly gave himself up to the music. He wasn’t even aware that the roadies and assistants were moving toward the stage, gathering behind the three men in the chairs. But Elliot saw them. He saw them swaying to the music, nodding their heads to the rhythm, and Elliot knew they had found their commercial sound. This was a sound that would sell records, but also allow the band members to keep their own musical integrity. It was a perfect compromise and Joshua’s voice was the key.
As the song trailed off, the small crowd erupted in enthusiastic applause. Elliot watched warily as Joshua’s eyes snapped open and stared at the applauding people with an unreadable expression.
Taking a risk, Elliot launched into the next song, hoping the others would pick up his lead. They did, but Joshua was looking at him in confusion. Keep going, he mouthed.
Panic flared in his eyes, but he reached for the score on the stand and pulled it to the front. They hadn’t written a second guitar part, so he was forced into the vocal position. With the skills of a true performer, he shifted into his role and his voice filled the warehouse.
Elliot breathed a sigh of relief. They had a lead singer.
* * *
“Your first concert with Avalanche. How does it feel?” laughed David. “We’ve got a packed house tonight.”
Joshua forced a smile for David’s benefit, but he felt like he was going to be sick. It was one thing to play for managers and roadies, but these people had paid to see a performance.
He crept to the edge of the stage and peered out. The floor was covered with pulsing, swaying bodies. A cold feeling rushed over him, making him light headed. He couldn’t do this. Not now. He didn’t remember how. If he went on stage now, he knew his voice would desert him and it wouldn’t be enough to stand behind the microphone. A real audience would expect him to move.
He swung away from the stage and came face to face with the other band members. Their happy expressions shifted and they gave him concerned looks. Joshua pushed between them, headed for the back door, but suddenly Elliot jumped around in front of him.
“Whoa! Hold up a minute.” He placed his hands on Joshua’s shoulders and brought him to a halt. “Where are you going?”
“I can’t do it,” said Joshua breathlessly. His heart was pounding like a hammer. “I can’t go out there.”
Elliot drew him closer and forced him to focus on his eyes. “You can. Just like rehearsal. Just go out there, close your eyes, and sing, Josh. That’s all.”
Joshua shook his head. “I can’t, El. Not this. It’s too soon.”
“It’s been more than eight months, Josh. It’s not too soon. They’re gonna go crazy for you, for the music. I promise you. Besides, we’ll all be there with you. You’re not alone.”
Joshua forced himself to slow his breathing. Elliot turned him around and faced him toward the stage. “Once you get through the first song, you’ll be fine. I promise you. If not, you can kick my ass after the show.”
A laugh escaped him and he suddenly found himself at the edge of the stage. Without hesitation, Elliot drew him right into the bright lights and the screaming of the fans.
* * *
The crowd surged to their feet, screaming and stomping as Avalanche finished the encore. The reverberation of the guitars was still echoing around the stadium. Sliding the microphone into the stand, Joshua moved to the edge of the stage beside Ralph and Michael. Michael threw his arm around Joshua’s shoulders and they took a bow together.
Glancing at Elliot from the corner of his eyes, he remembered that first show and how Elliot had kept him grounded, kept him from fleeing. When they took their bows that night, Elliot had pulled him close and said, “Like riding a bicycle.” Joshua remembered the thrill of it. Of performing again, of bringing people to a frenzy of uninhibited joy like only music could do. Much of his love for performing came from Elliot’s love of it.
He grimaced in pain as he and Michael rose from their bow. The people were still screaming and stomping and wanting another encore. Turning, he headed back stage with Michael and Ralph. Roadies met them with towels.
Joshua grabbed one and pressed it against his face. “Water?” he asked, moving toward his brother and Elena.
Still the crowd roared.
He made it to the wings and leaned heavily against the wall. James and Elena both converged on him, studying him with obvious concern. The roadie handed him an open bottle and he lifted it to his mouth, letting the blessedly cool liquid slide down his throat.
“You okay?” asked James, griping his upper arm.
Joshua lowered the water and nodded at him, but James was looking at his hand. Joshua looked down and realized his hands were shaking again.
“Josh, I think we need to have you checked out by a doctor,” said James over the roar of the audience.
Elliot moved toward him, but Julian shoved his way into the center of the group. “Let’s give them another encore.”
Elliot’s gaze met Joshua’s and he turned to Julian. “No more, Julian. I’m exhausted.”
“Just one more. Listen to that.” He threw his hand out toward the stage. “You can’t deny that.”
“I’m too tired,” said Elliot firmly. “Tell them to bring the house lights up.”
Joshua pushed away from the wall and handed the water bottle to his brother. “I’ll do it, El,” he said. His legs felt rubbery, but he could force out another couple of songs.
“Josh?” scolded James.
Elena looked miserable.
“I’m all right,” he said, then moved toward the edge of the stage.
A spasm of pain took him in the middle of the back and made him stagger. He grabbed the stage support. Elliot was at his side, holding him up as his legs threatened to buckle.
“He needs a doctor,” he said to Julian.
Joshua sucked in a ragged breath and straightened. He pushed away from the support. “I’m fine. Muscle cramp,” he gritted out and walked onto the stage. The spotlight wheeled around and picked him up immediately.
* * *
Joshua cast a look around the room. It was crowded with worried people, staring at him as the doctor wrote out a prescription and handed it to Elena.
“It’s just a kidney infection. This’ll take care of it and put him right again within a few days.”
Elena accepted the paper, but her gaze was fixed on Joshua. Joshua wished everyone hadn’t felt it was their right to hear the diagnosis. He moved stiffly to the chair Ralph vacated for him and sank into it.
James turned to Julian. “Cancel tomorrow night’s concert.”
Julian’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “We’ve already canceled too many nights. I’m not canceling another. God, we look like amateurs as it is.”
“I don’t care. He can’t perform,” said James going toe to toe with the manager.
“Well, I’m not canceling anythi
ng else,” said Julian in return.
“Stop it!” said Joshua. “I’ll be fine tomorrow.”
James whirled to face him. “Damn it, Joshua, look at yourself. You can hardly walk.”
“As soon as I get some of the antibiotics in me, I’ll be fine.”
Julian snapped a hand out to Elena. “Give it here.” She handed it over in bewilderment, but Julian simply held it out to Brian, his assistant. “Go have this filled.”
“Where?” asked the kid. “It’s midnight.”
“Do I care? Find some place. That’s your job.”
Joshua felt bad for the boy as he took the paper and gave a grunt of disgust, walking away, but he was too sick to stop him. Honestly, he was afraid there was something more wrong with him than just a simple kidney infection, but he wasn’t going to say anything now.
Elliot shifted weight. “I think we should cancel the rest of the tour.” His gaze rose and fixed on James.
Joshua frowned. What the hell was that all about? Had they been talking? Joshua didn’t want anyone else beside his brother and Elena knowing what was happening.
James nodded. “I agree.”
“Well, you have no authority here,” sneered Julian. “You’re lucky we tolerate you at all.”
Elena pushed through to Joshua’s side. “Let’s go back to the hotel,” she told him, taking his arm.
He was so tired, he couldn’t protest. He let her help him to his feet and support him with her shoulder. Wrapping his arm around her, he pulled her tight against him. God, he loved this woman. Her understanding meant more than anything to him.
Joshua shot a look at Julian. “We’re not canceling the tour or the concert tomorrow night, but I am going back to the hotel to sleep. I won’t be at sound check tomorrow.” He shifted his attention to his brother. “Are you coming?”
“In a little while,” said James, a belligerent look on his face.
“Let it go, James,” said Joshua tiredly.
“Don’t you worry about me. Just go to sleep. I’ll get the prescription and bring it to you as soon as it arrives.”
Joshua nodded reluctantly and let Elena lead him from the stadium.
* * *
Elena watched Joshua belt through the list of songs. He wasn’t moving as much as usual, but the audience didn’t seem to mind. He’d slept all night and most of the day. He’d told her he was much better and ready to perform. He had looked a bit better, but there were still dark circles under his eyes and he moved as if it hurt him.
Elena thought they ought to take him to a hospital whether he wanted to go or not, but when she’d made the suggestion to James, he’d told her to be careful about what she said to Joshua. Once before Joshua had been hospitalized against his will. Joshua had told the entire family it would never happen again. They didn’t push him on it, they didn’t want to have him drift away from them.
As the concert progressed, though, he seemed to weaken. He didn’t come backstage during the solos; he leaned against Michael’s drum stand, as if that much walking was difficult. Elena knew something was very wrong.
She turned to James. “This needs to end. We’ve got to get him to another doctor.”
Julian rolled his eyes and moved to the edge of the stage, peering out.
James glanced between the two of them, then fixed his focus on his brother. Suddenly his phone rang and he reached into his pocket for it. Snapping it open, he placed it to his ear.
“Hello?” he said.
Elena looked away in aggravation. They needed to do something and soon. Joshua wasn’t going to be able to finish this tour, not this way.
“Yes, this is Officer Connor,” said James. “Yes, go on. I can talk.”
Elena’s attention was pulled from the show. James turned his back and walked away from the stage where he could hear over the music. By the cast of his shoulders and the way he was listening, she knew the person on the phone had important information.
She followed James to where he waited, moving around in front of him so he would know she was listening. James’ expression was serious, his eyes narrowed in concentration.
The next few minutes were filled with a heated exchange between the person on the phone and James. Elena found her attention divided between Joshua’s brother and the band. The last song had come to an end and they were headed backstage.
She glanced at James one last time, moving toward Joshua, but his next words brought her up short.
“Shit! Are you sure?”
Elena turned and looked at him. He was staring at her with loathing. “What?” she demanded.
He finished his conversation and closed the phone. “You want to tell me about your ex-fiancé, lady,” he said.
* * *
The stage was slanting at a strange angle. Joshua clung to the microphone stand and hoped his legs wouldn’t collapse beneath him. The pain in his back was a burning sensation that wouldn’t ease and he was trembling with a bone deep chill.
He remembered very little about the days when he went through the worst parts of his withdrawal, but he remembered this. He was fairly certain he was having a relapse, and the constant stress of the tour was playing havoc with his kidneys. How bad it might get, he wasn’t sure. He’d had a few bad days on past tours, but this one felt worse than any of the others.
Suddenly Elliot was at his side. “We’re done.” He grabbed Joshua’s arm and turned him toward backstage. Roadies were waiting, but Joshua pushed between them, falling into the chair Dominic usually occupied.
He could hear the crowd chanting for an encore, but he didn’t think he could go back out there. He forced his head to lift and looked around for his brother and Elena. They were standing to the side and James was on the phone. The conversation didn’t appear to be going well.
A spasm of pain rose inside of him and he gritted his teeth against it. It left him breathless and nauseated. He blinked up at Elliot and the other band members. They were arguing with Julian, he guessed about doing an encore. Even Dominic had waded into the battle.
The nausea intensified and Joshua knew he was going to be sick. Rolling out of the chair, he gained his feet and staggered toward his dressing room. Shutting the door behind him, he threw the lock and leaned against it, willing the sickness to subside. Everyone was in a fury over him already, he didn’t need them to know how sick he really was.
He reeled to the bathroom and fumbled for the switch. The bulb flickered, then flooded the interior with light. Joshua reached for the toilet seat, but his hand recoiled. Stumbling back, he collided with the wall and stood staring at the syringe where it lay on the top of the lid.
His legs felt like rubber as he slid down the wall and sat at its base, staring at the syringe, primed and ready, filled with a clear liquid. A moan escaped him, a tortured mix of pain and fear. He could feel a cold sweat pepper over the entire surface of his skin.
Closing his eyes, he curled his arms around his legs and bowed his head on his knees. The answer to his pain was laying right there before him.
CHAPTER 19
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” snapped Elena, planting her hands on her hips. “What was the phone call about?”
“What should I know about your fiancé? How much did he know about Joshua when you broke it off?”
“Why?”
“You tell me first.” Elena’s only experience with cops had been during routine traffic stops, but the look he leveled on her was certainly intimidating.
“Maybe if you told me what this is about, I’d be able to give you the information you want.”
“Did he know you were leaving him for Joshua?”
Elena tried to recall the last conversation she’d had with John, but James’ intensity was making her thoughts scatter. “I can’t remember, I don’t think so.”
“Are you sure?”
She pressed a hand to her forehead. “I can’t remember. Please tell me what’s going on.”
“Look, I just want�
�”
“James?” Elliot’s voice stopped him cold. He looked up at the guitarist. “Where’s Joshua?”
Elena whirled around, searching the backstage area, but James didn’t hesitate. He brushed past her and hurried for Joshua’s dressing room. Elena realized her heart was in her throat as she followed him. He grabbed the doorknob and turned it. With a curse, he released it and banged on the door itself.
“Joshua!”
Elena clasped her hands and watched as Dominic pushed through the crowd and came to James’ side.
“Move away,” he ordered.
James took a step back.
Dominic grabbed the doorknob and threw his shoulder into the door itself. It splintered. He didn’t hesitate, but slammed into it a second time. The door flew open, taking him into the dressing room. James was on his heels.
Elena crept to the door and stepped inside. James had dropped to his knees in the bathroom, cradling Joshua in his arms. She could hear Joshua murmur something, but she couldn’t hear what it was. She moved further inside and could see the syringe where it lay on the toilet lid.
Reaching up, James grabbed a washcloth and threw it over the syringe, bundling it inside, then he turned and glared over his shoulder. “Get everyone out of here,” he commanded Dominic.
Dominic moved past Elena and started to usher the other band members from the room. Elena took a step closer to Joshua, but James’ attention shifted to her with a look of pure hatred.
“Especially her,” he ordered.
Elena was so shocked she didn’t even realize that Dominic was pushing her toward the door. Once she was outside, she shook herself and shoved against him. “No, don’t do this, Dominic, please!”
“I’m sorry,” he said, then took up a position at the door. The medics arrived and Dominic let them through.
Elena didn’t realize she was sobbing until Elliot folded her in his arms.
* * *
“I think he should be in the hospital,” said Dominic, lowering Joshua into the seat of the private jet they’d chartered.