by ML Hamilton
He shrugged. “I got in yesterday.”
“Oh,” she answered, then rocked on her heels. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard, feel this awkward. She knew this man, she knew every inch of him. How could she feel so distant from him?
“David said you wouldn’t accept your old job back?”
She shook her head. “No, I’m taking a little time off. I thought maybe I’d do some writing.” She shrugged again. “A travel guide…well, sort of.”
He nodded politely. “Sounds great.”
“Yeah, I thought that with all the cities we saw on tour, I could tell people about places to eat and sites to see from the back of a limo…” Her voice trailed away and she looked down, blinking rapidly to fight the sudden onslaught of tears.
He looked away as well and lifted a hand to run it through his hair. “Elena, James told me how he treated you when you came to the hospital. He thought he was helping me.”
She glanced up at him through her lashes, but she couldn’t speak.
“So much of the time I was out of it. I was so sick for awhile, in so much pain, I didn’t even know who was there or what was going on.”
“I understand.”
More cold air blew into the house. Since he hadn’t shut the door, Elena figured he was probably hoping she would leave.
“Well, I just had to see that you were all right for myself.” She shot a look out the door. “I should be getting home.” Without waiting for him to respond, she started for the opening.
He reached out and caught her arm. She stopped walking immediately, but she didn’t turn to face him. He eased past her and closed the door, placing his back against it. She lifted her eyes to his face, drinking in the sight of him. God, she loved him still.
“I asked for you,” he said. “My mother told me how many times I asked.” His voice trailed away and his expression clouded over. “I’m not a strong man, Elena, that much is obvious, but I never wanted you kept out of my life. I just didn’t have the power to fight it at the moment.”
“They told me how sick you were, Joshua. I understand.”
He shook his head. “I’m not sure I do. My family always thinks they know how to run my life better than I do, and God help me, they’re usually right, but James went too far and I let him do it because I was too weak to fight him.”
“He was right, Joshua. I put a job before you and it hurt you. I never dreamed John would be vengeful. I never even prepared for that.”
“No one could have. And if I’d been anyone else, it wouldn’t have worked.” He drew a deep breath and exhaled. “I’m never going to be completely well, Elena. I’m always going to be an addict and I can’t promise I won’t have another relapse.”
She met his gaze, but she didn’t know if he wanted her to respond or not.
“I’m not even sure I’ll ever be able to work again.”
“I don’t think you have to decide that now.”
“Maybe not, but here’s the truth. Life with me will always be uncertain. I will try my damnedest to hold it together, but it would be stupid of me to make promises I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep.”
She studied his face, not certain she understood what he was saying.
“And my family will always be a part of my life. No matter how meddlesome, they’re my foundation. Without them, I wouldn’t last very long.”
She took a step closer to him. She could feel the heat of his body from where she stood. “What exactly are you saying, Joshua Ravensong?”
He didn’t touch her, he didn’t move any closer, but his eyes bore into hers. “I love you, Elena. I can understand if this uncertainty is more than you can stand. I would never drag you into that insanity again against your will, but I’ve been miserable without you.”
She bit her lip to stop the tears. “I won’t be kept away anymore. That has to be made clear to everyone, including James.”
“Done.”
“And I have to be in on all of the secrets, no matter what they are.”
“You’ve got it. What do you say about starting over?”
Elena’s eyes brimmed with tears and she moved even closer to him, her lips a breath from his. “What do you say about picking up where we left off?” she corrected. Cocking her head, she gave him a mischievous look. “Although, you might have to convince me.”
His eyes glittered wickedly and he gave her the patented Joshua Ravensong wink. “I could do that,” he said with a smile, “After all, I’m good at convincing.”