Sykosa, Part I: Junior Year

by Justin Ordoñez

  He’s nowhere to be found.

  Undeterred, she does a second pass, then loiters at the main entrance. He bumped into me here. He might come back. He doesn’t, so she debates a third trip, but forgets it since Mike Holler and his boys showed up. To escape, she cut across the courtyard, then heads for Niko’s locker. It must be where Niko is since Niko didn’t visit her at her locker.

  Or she’s with Kana already.

  There you go. In her boy-mania, she forgot about Kana.

  That makes her feel like shit.

  “Here you are! I thought you might’ve gone outside!”

  Niko is unresponsive and tense. As well, her backpack is at her feet and her locker is shut. It’s strange. On Fridays, Niko can’t bust outta here fast enough, but today, Niko removes from her bag, at a tortoise’s speed, what she will not need for her homework, followed by what homework she knows she won’t finish. And comes to a complete stop on each number on the combination lock. Like in Driver’s Ed. Or so Niko told me. It’s nothing like the Niko who went toe to toe with Mackenzie.

  She was about mention it, but a folded note fell to the floor. It’s one of the letters that Hazu leaves.

  Niko knows to explain it. “It’s not what you think.”

  It must not be. Niko said—this morning—it wasn’t. And that was good. Hazu will lose it if he learns he’s Niko’s #2.

  “What is it?”

  Niko blinks heavy. “It’s… We’re friends!”

  “A friend who leaves you a love letter?”

  ‘Love letter’ was hard to say. She was respecting Niko.

  “It’s not what you think.”

  “Is that letter why you’re acting so weird right now?”

  Niko slams her locker. It sounds more violent than it was. And it was hardly violent since Niko immediately hid her face. Is she crying? She tries to follow Niko, but Niko twists, then talks like she’s got a cold. “Seriously, it’s not what you think! Like I said, we’re friends!”

  “Are you okay? Did he do something?”

  “No, it’s not like that. I keep saying—”

  She interrupts. “Then, what is it?”

  Niko’s hands are in her hands. Her eyes look of terror.

  “What if she’s not there?”

  Of course, Niko’s scared about her mom.

  Is there nothing I won’t make about boys?

  Back to business, she’d love to tell Niko her mother awaits her, but she isn’t certain it’s true. “If something went wrong, Mother Superior would’ve told you, right?”

  Niko still looks frazzled. “I guess you’re right.”

  There. Nothing to worry about.

  I swear, if Kana’s not there, I’ll stop believing in God.

  “Don’t worry! Let’s go.”

  With that, Niko2.0 turns on—alive in speech and manner, bragging about her big plans for the Bitches, then discussing how Mackenzie’s threats are total bluffs before beginning on Mike Holler. And his feelings for me. Which she considered when she wasn’t considering that boy. Like, she’s not gonna date Mike Holler—his status with Donna notwithstanding. And Niko needs to know that. This seems like as good a time as any. Or not. Niko’s newfound confidence evaporates twenty feet from the parking lot.

  Niko breathes deep, then bolts for the pavement.

  She just caught up. “Do you see her?”

  “No, I’m looking.”

  This can’t be happening. “Maybe she thought we’d meet her at your home.”

  That kinda thing worked on Niko when Niko was twelve.

  Not so much any longer.

  “I guess.”

  “Well, I can call my mom and—”

  Niko interrupts. “I see her!”

  Niko sprints down the steps, then slices between students and parked cars, zigzagging so hard that she needs to hold down her skirt before she finds a break in space, then goes full on towards a white Mercedes. With no loss in speed or intensity, she pivots at the trunk, then at the passenger door, where she bursts into the car and plows over the center console—into her mother’s arms.

  It took a microsecond for Niko to cover the distance.

  And it was proceeded by a sonic boom.

  She believes in God, by the way. And thanks Him for giving Niko her mommy back. I need forgive my own. She forgets it, then stands guard beside the car until her emotions are sorted. Not to compare her grief to Niko’s, but if this saga is over… She keeps it together, then sneaks into the backseat. Niko’s lost it, holding Kana like she was saved from a burning building.

  It’s kind of beautiful to watch.

  She coughs. “Kana, it’s great to have you back!”

  Kana’s voice cracks. “You girls are so lovely sometimes.”

  Niko’s not done with Mom mushiness. “Did you miss me?”

  “Yes, baby, I missed you.”

  “I wasn’t certain. I heard from you so infrequently.”

  Kana’s voice cracks again. “Baby, I was embarrassed.”

  “No, Mom, don’t be embarrassed!”

  Kana struggles even more. It’s unusual. Kana always keeps her cool, but in place of it, Kana covers her eyes with black sunglasses. “Honey, with everything that’s happened, I thought you were just better off without me or—”

  Niko interrupts. “No, Mom. That’s not true.”

  Okay, her mother was right. I hate that. Clearly, Niko needs this release. And I’m interfering. Before she can suggest her exit, she finds tissues in her hands. They’re from Niko, who’s searched the compartments over for them, and who blots at her eyes.

  Kana has accepted some. Then, Kana finally sees.

  “Darling, your hair is gorgeous!”

  Forget it. Nothing fixes Niko like hair compliments.

  “Mom, I wanted you to see it before we go to the salon.”

  “The salon, why?”

  Niko falls onto her mother like an injured maiden. “I gotta cut off my tips. They violate the Personal Code!”

  “I’m sorry, baby.”

  She whines! “Mom, I wanna go to a different school.”

  “I don’t know about that. Your father prefers the Academy.”

  “Then I wanna drop out.”

  Kana never finished high school.

  “Baby, you’re very close to graduating.”

  Minutes later, the car is in drive, then in line at the stop sign. Fighting through quaint suburbs, past poorly constructed public schools, and stopped at 7/11 for candy and slushees. Sugar’ed up, the car is in drive once again, then in line at a different stop sign. At the skyscrapers in the distance is Seneca Avenue. It’s an exit that enters into downtown. Stopped for pedestrians, in a building’s shade until the car is taken, and at the end of an elevator ride, is a fancy salon whose amenities seem like a standup picture book.

  It’s stuffed full of weeks old appointments.

  It could take hours, but a single drop of Kana’s glasses and Niko’s hair is washed, a free stylist is found and a powwow commences around a chair that pumps Niko tall.

  That’s not all Kana gets for being Kana.

  For instance, at the Academy, students and parents glanced at Kana, curious about the reunion behind the window tint. Then, at the 7/11, the Indian attendant acted disinterested—until his face lit up. At the valet station, the valet himself held the car door with an extravagant bend, then another valet held the building door with another extravagant bend, and a third held open the elevator.

  Worst of all is the hair stylist.

  He’s a fit, flamboyant homosexual with too-groomed facial hair and perfect fingernails. He also wears shoes with a slight heel. He’s mistaken this haircut as a platform for his “visionary” hair techniques; hoping that Kana will pronounce him a raw genius, then hire him as her personal stylist, or at least allow him to claim her kid as a client.

  Kana seems somewhat receptive.

  Unfortunately, Niko’s deaf to all his suggestions, then when Kana suggests exactly the same
, she loves it! Of course, Niko’s oblivious to her favoritism and blind to his subtle observations of such—choosing, instead, to suck on sugar while she mixes and matches, like carpet samples, hair style picture books. It takes time and the continued trampling of his soul, but Niko decides, and the stylist, unable to take credit for his own ideas, asks an assistant for clean scissors.

  (Or a shotgun, it was a bit slurred).

  Finally, as the floor becomes predominately blond, Niko turns into a total blabber-mouth. “Mom, please don’t make me go back to school! Everyone is so evil! They pick on me!”

  Kana is supportive. “That’s so insensitive of them, honey.”

  “You don’t get what I’ve had to do to fit in! If I hadn’t, I’d have never survived the semester.”

  That statement reminds her of boobs.

  Not her own, but the overabundance of Niko’s lack thereof.

  In the three-sixty twirls from her salon chair, ajar to Niko’s, she notices how they’re a comically large C-cup. She wonders if Kana notices. On her next twirl, she peeks, and sure enough, Kana’s discreetly peeking. Kana’s got a poker face about it. So I got one, too! On her next twirl, she forgets about it to check-out Kana, who sits on a bench, her well documented body in a mid-length skirt, tall heels, and a floppy top.

  She decides to be Kana when she grows up. It just launched a thousand (failed) diets. One of them fails this instant, as she stuffs her cheeks with 7/11 candy, talking with her mouth full. “Kana, it’s true some girls, who were jealous, are being—”

  Niko interrupts! “They were jealous and hated me for it.”

  She decides to finish her interrupted sentence.

  “They were jealous, Kana, but Niko shouldn’t quit school.”

  Niko protests! “Like you would know what it’s like.”

  She is a bit offended. “What does that mean?”

  Kana ends it.

  “Baby, we’ll talk about it. We have lots to talk about.”

  It doesn’t end it for Niko.

  “You talked to Mother Superior, didn’t you?”

  “Let’s talk about it later, baby.”

  Kana held firm. So, indeed, she did talk to Mother Superior. To surmise, it probably went something like this: “You have another opportunity with Niko and this time you must commit yourself. Niko’s in trouble. The risks she takes are not amount to any possible gains. I don’t know if you believe this, but you could lose Niko for good this time.” Mother Superior speaks frankly to Kana, as Mother Superior is, in a way, the patriarch of Niko’s family. (Since Niko’s father, the fuckhead, moved to Japan). Mother Superior has to be, as Kana can’t be, not even if Kana wanted to.

  You see, in about three hundred days, Niko will reach the age Kana was when Niko was born.

  That’s an unnerving thought.

  Niko’s cell phone rings.

  “Hello?” Ð “Like I’d know that, it—” Ð “Donna, you’re Prom Princess, who could touch you?” Ð “Well, some might argue you took tryouts too far and some other girl, who didn’t make the team, told on you.” Ð “I’d never call you Yeti. Mackenzie’s losing her mind.” Ð “Yes, I did call him today.” Ð “Why would I tell you?” Ð “It’s not a conspiracy! I wanted to be prepared.” Ð “Alright, we’ll talk later.”

  Kana is the one who asks the question.

  “What was that, baby?”

  “It was nothing, Mom.”

  “That seemed like an argument.”

  “It wasn’t.”

  “Honey, how serious are your issues with kids at school?”

  Niko smiles big into the mirror. “Mom, you can tell Mother Superior it’s people’s stupid drama, that’s all.”

  Kana is unfazed. “She’s worried about a boy you’re seeing—Haruhide, was it?”

  Niko erupts in laughter.

  The stylist erupts in horror.

  His face is beat red, and his body contorts, in what resembles a slow motion sports play or a complex kung fu move. Either way, it ends with Niko’s hair still level, and in his insistence that, should Niko want ears, she’ll keep her head straight.

  Niko ignores his bitching.

  “Mother Superior’s so wrong! He’s a friend—a protector.”

  The statement makes her ill.

  Hazu’s not… Let’s start over.

  She’s not been entirely candid about Hazu since Hazu wasn’t Niko’s boyfriend anymore. But, when she said he left constant notes in Niko’s locker, constant messages on Niko’s phone, and constantly found Niko outside of school—that could’ve come off as more romantic than she intended. Niko’s told her that, in some of the letters, he’s written that if he loses Niko, he’ll kill himself. And if Niko doesn’t return his phone calls, he loses it and bitches her out in front of everyone. And half the times he finds Niko outside of the Academy, it’s to criticize her choice of friends, clothes, or to accuse her of dating other guys.

  You know, like a fuckhead.

  Basically, Niko can’t see how Hazu treats her like property. It’s because he treats her like really nice property and Niko’s flattered by crap like that. It’s another reason friends is unlikely. I’m stupid. They’re not friends. Kana seems to agree, and like her mother, verifies everything Niko says.

  “Is that true?”

  To lie for Niko. To not lie for Niko.

  It’s never really a question.

  “They’re just friends.”

  Niko holds her hand out like, “It works when you listen to it the way I want you to!” “You see, things are fine!”

  Kana isn’t convinced. “So you’re not seeing anyone?”

  “Sorta, but it’s not Hazu.”

  “Who is he?”

  Niko stretches her limbs every which way. “Ugh, he’s cool.”

  Once again, Kana verifies everything Niko’s says.

  “Do you know anything about him?”

  This one is tough. She’s not sure what lie Niko wants told.

  “Sure, well, his name is…”

  Niko jumps like she’s been blasted by electricity. It’s stolen everyone’s attention while Niko flips around, collapsing over her chair’s top rail. The stylist also collapses—into shellshock, preparing his defense for the police, then the tabloids, as he’s sure Niko’s throat has been slit wide.

  Again, Niko can’t be bothered by his bitching or his PTSD.

  “Troy! His name is Troy!”

  Kana accepts it. “Well, we’ll talk about Troy later.”

  “Oh, you know, there’s not much to say!”

  Of course, there isn’t. Niko just invented him.

  It confuses her.

  Lying about Hazu is logical. Lying to Donna is similar. And in order to do so, Niko needs to lie to all the Bitches, which pretty much involves lying to the whole Academy. These lies, to Niko, are ethical. One protects her love, which Niko believes no one should have power over. The others dethrone Donna, which Niko sees as a moral imperative. But why change Scott to Troy? As far as she understands it, Scott’s only a spoil for Niko, and in no way vital to her scheme.

  The recklessness of this lie highlights a larger problem.

  On a scale of genius, Niko fits in somewhere between child prodigy and mad scientist, but while handling Niko2.0, Niko’s also handled Donna, Mackenzie, Mother Superior, Hazu, Scott and her “source.” It’s so eloquently plotted. Then again, Mackenzie said it. “I know you’re trying to take over,” and, “People have promised you more than they can deliver.”

  And what Mackenzie said in the showers.

  She questions what she already knows is true.

  Niko’s losing control. And Donna’s going to win.

  Detour Three: The Future.

  Upon her waking, her arm’s numb, her throat’s hoarse, and a throbbing storms her temples like melted taffy. She also needs to pee piss and drink water so urgently she might do so concurrently, and she will do so as soon as the circulation reaches her arm. It hurts worse than her head. And other thi
ngs she’s too lazy to list. It’s her first hangover in some time. It sucks, and the toilet seat is cold. She is cold, too, from what sweaty parts of her shirt stick to her gross skin. Her bladder is happy, though. Niko’s will be soon. The hyperaware ninja, who seemed so deep in sleep, walks through the bathroom door, to plop herself on the sink, her thong rung down to her knees and her wrist dug into her eye socket.

  It bothers her a bit. She could’ve knocked.

  “That party was massive.”

  “It was.”

  “Mike seemed to like you.”

  “The party” was post-Prom. As planned, she attended it. And it was fun. Like Niko said days ago, the Bitches—outside of Donna and Mackenzie—seemed to like her. No one brought up the wet uniform, nor did they get upset when Mike spent so much time with her last night. I was almost flattered. He was kinda cute, dressed in his prom tux that was disassembled at the neck, the wrists, and un-tucked from his waist. Plus, he took her mind off the blue eyed boy, whom she had wasted the afternoon irrationally hoping to bump into, then became sorta bratty when she didn’t.

  “He was alright, I guess.”

  Niko knows about the blue eyed boy now.

  “But, you’re all on this other guy, I take it?”

  It makes her embarrassed, so she embarrasses Niko.

  “What happened to you last night?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You got, like, really upset.”

  Belligerent says it better, but Niko’s feelings matter again.

  “What was I upset about?”

  It’s hard to describe.

  She rarely parties with Niko2.0, so maybe this Niko drinks heavier than her former. Although, if yesterday was the norm, Niko’s own Yeti-like nickname is soon to follow. Because whatever happened, it destroyed Niko in a “yelling-at-the-walls” fashion. Perhaps Niko’s still destroyed, as Niko’s curled her chin into her neck, keeping her face to the mirror while beating her thigh against the counter to shake loose her pee, then washing her hands and her face in the sink that washes the yellow away.

  Okay, she’s not looking, I can stand up.

  She reaches for toilet paper, then faces the wall to cover her personals before she speaks. “I don’t know, you wouldn’t tell me, but you were so drunk, and even after the party was over, you kept drinking.”