Hidden Voices (Tess Schafer-Medium)

by Deborah Hughes

  “Excuse me a moment.” I turned around, closed my eyes and focused in as vivid detail as I could imagine, my protective sphere of light surrounding us, forcing the shadows back. Though my thoughts were strong, the vision was not clear. Even in my imagination, they were a strong force to reckon with. I prayed for help and asked Sheila to join me. As the cobweb sensation swept gently across my face, the room began to lighten up. They were retreating. Thank God. Thank you, Sheila! They didn’t go far however, for they hovered just outside the circle of my imaginary light, waiting. I turned to face the three people watching me. They were curious as to what I was doing but were respectful enough to stay quiet and not break my concentration. Once I felt in control of the situation, I smiled at them in an effort to relieve their tension. “I asked them to go and leave us in peace. Whatever they want, I’ll communicate with them elsewhere.”

  Mary stepped close and touched my arm. “Are they our ghosts or did they follow you here?”

  “Both I think but not to worry, Mary. They mean you no harm.”

  Adam pointed to the broken picture frame laying in guilty proof on the coffee table. “Then why break that picture and slam a door in my sister’s face?”

  “They were simply trying to get our attention. They have it. But I can work with them elsewhere. I don’t think it should be here.” I was rather fearful that inviting communication with them now would make them stronger and worsen the poltergeist activity that was occurring. This family had enough to deal with and I wasn’t going to add a slew of spirits to the mix.

  Mary waved a hand toward the hallway and touched her mother’s shoulder to indicate she should precede us from the room. “Let’s go eat. Dinner is ready.”

  The dining room was beautiful. Pine wood covered the floor and walls, the ceiling was high and beamed. Large windows looked out toward the river. It really was a nice view despite the hulking mill located nearby. The dining table could easily fit ten people. Mary set four places at one end. The lasagna, salad and garlic bread were already on the table. She and I sat next to each other, her brother and mother across from us. Conversation was stilted at first but after a while we managed to put the thoughts of ghosts and financial worries to the side and instead we discussed my vacation at Sea Willow Haven. They heard of the place and read about it in the papers and they wanted to know whatever I would tell them. Although I was happy to describe the beautiful resort and told them about Nancy and Jack. I didn’t want to get into detail about the haunting that took place there. I felt it really wasn’t my story to tell.

  “It must have been hard to leave. It sounds lovely.” Mary pushed her empty plate away and propped an elbow on the table, her chin resting in her hand. “You stayed a whole month?”

  I popped the last bite of garlic bread into my mouth, chewed appreciatively and then sank back to relax. I was stuffed. “Yes. I was only going to stay until the end of the month but they talked me into staying through the Fourth of July weekend.”

  Kade told me the town put on a nice celebration and I shouldn’t miss it. As I didn’t want to celebrate the holiday with strangers, I happily stayed on a few more days. The cottage I was renting was booked during that time, however, so I had to move up to the main house. Nancy and Jack were kind enough to let me stay with them in their private quarters as their guest. Much as I appreciated the gesture, it became hard for Kade and I to spend much time together those last few days. While staying in the cottage it wasn't a problem because his cottage was right next to mine. Once I became Nancy’s and Jack’s guest, I didn’t feel as free to run off and spend all my time with Kade, even though Nancy did encourage it. As Mary suggested, leaving there was hard. Leaving Kade even harder. Once I left Bucksport, I would be returning back home to New York. It seemed like an ocean away. The thought made me sad.

  “What’s wrong, Tess?” Mary touched my arm. “Are you okay?”

  Adam gave a smirk. “She left behind a boyfriend.”

  I glanced at him in surprise. He didn’t seem sensitive enough to garner such a thought and I stared at him thoughtfully. Adam shifted uncomfortably beneath my stare. “Girls always look like that when they are mooning over guys.” He nodded at Mary. “She looks like that when she’s thinking about Daniel.”

  Mary gave a small gasp of dismay and Dawn sent her son a look of sharp reprimand. “Adam.” Her tone was full of warning and Adam chose not to ignore it. Thank God.

  He grabbed his plate and utensils. “Sorry, Mary. Dinner was great.” He glanced at me and then dropped his gaze to stare at the table. “Sorry I’ve been such an ass. Seems I’m just pissed off all the time these days.” He nodded toward the kitchen. “I’ll just leave you women alone and let you visit without my sorry ass hanging around to spoil all the fun.”

  I stood up and held a hand out to him in entreaty. “There’s no need to apologize, Adam. It was really nice to meet you.”

  Adam reached over and shook my hand briefly. “Same here. Enjoy the rest of your stay in Bucksport. If you figure out that old witch’s curse thing, be sure to let us know.”

  I nodded to let him know that I would do so and he turned and walked from the room.

  Dawn sighed tiredly. “Life is just so hard to manage these days. I don’t know what’s going to become of my children. I hate to even think how difficult the world is going to be for my grandkids. Life just gets harder and harder. Crazier and crazier.” She stood and began to gather dishes.

  Mary went around the table to her and gave her shoulders a squeeze. “Let me do this, Mom. You look tired, go relax.”

  I nodded in agreement to that suggestion. “I’ll help Mary.” And when both women began to protest, I held up a hand. “Please, I want to help. I haven’t had any domestic duties for over a month and it’s making me crazy.”

  Dawn looked from Mary to me then gave up the argument. She handed Mary the stack of dishes. “Okay, I’ll leave you girls alone to talk. I am a little tired.” She came around the table to give me a hug. “It was very nice to meet you, Tess. Please come visit us again. If you do manage to contact our ghosts, please let me know how that went. Promise?”

  “I promise to keep you informed.” Satisfied with my answer, Dawn gave a nod then left the room.

  Mary filled her hands with more dishes. “You don’t have to help. Just having your company is nice.”

  “Nonsense, I’m helping and let’s not argue any more about it.” I grabbed the remains of the lasagna and the empty basket that had held the garlic bread and followed her to the kitchen. Between the two of us, we managed to clean the table within a couple minutes and then I nodded to the sink. “I’ll wash and you can dry. Since I don’t know where anything goes, it makes more sense to let you dry and put away.”

  “I don’t feel right having company do our dishes.”

  I rolled up the sleeves of my sweater. “I’m not company, I’m a friend and friends help friends do dishes.”

  Laughing at my determination, Mary gave in and handed me the dish soap. “Well then, have at ‘er.”

  It was nice to be doing domestic duties again. I missed maintaining a household and thought how nice it would be to do so again. But then I thought of my empty house and some of my pleasure ebbed away. It was going to be hard to return home. My house was a reminder of a past life I no longer was a part of. And just like that I knew it was time to sell it. Where I’d go and live afterwards, I didn’t know. But I wasn’t going to stay there. Much as I loved the house, I felt no pleasure in the thought of returning to it. That home had belonged to Mike and me. There was no longer a Mike and me. Feeling a little sad, I dumped out the dishwater and wiped down the sink.

  Mary sensed my change in mood and was silent for a moment. Then she said quietly, “I miss my family too.”

  I turned to look at her and saw that her eyes were filled with tears. I wiped my hands on her dishrag then gave her a hug. “I’m sorry, Mary.”

  Mary let her head fall on my shoulder. She hugged me back then pulled
away. “My boys think I’m being too hard on Daniel, their father. And I suppose they are right. I just seem to be so angry all the time and I took it out on him. It wasn’t right to do it but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.”

  “Dealing with something we can’t accept, it makes us angry and it’s only natural to lash out at the ones we love. It’s not right and doesn't make much sense but seems to be human nature for us to do it.” I took her hand and led her back to the dining room. We sat in the same chairs we sat in during dinner and turned to each other, both of us resting an arm on the table and our heads in our hands. “I was so mad when Mike died that I was angry all the time. I was especially mad at God.”

  Mary sighed as if her very soul was a weight she couldn’t maintain. “I’m just angry at myself.”

  I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “The longer you hold onto that anger, the longer it will take to get your life back to where you want it. You have to make peace with yourself, Mary.”

  “How?” She squeezed my hand back, her tension evident in her hold. “How do I get over stuff that I can’t accept happened?”

  “You let God in. You have a heart to heart…you and God…and you let the peace in. When you let the peace in, the answers will come to you.” I was experiencing happiness again and I felt now it was time to help Mary.

  Mary’s head hung low, her voice barely above a whisper. “I guess I feel ashamed to talk to God, Tess. I killed a man. I joined the military because I wanted to get out of Bucksport and see the world. I wanted to take advantage of their educational opportunities. I didn’t think about the rest of it, what that actually entailed.” She looked up at me, her black eyes two deep pools of hurt. “I didn’t think about the fact that I might go to war and that we’d kill people.”

  Thoughts of Kade crowded my mind. An ex-Marine, Kade didn’t question his military actions, but he did have a hard time dealing with the deaths of his friends and the troops that served with him. Sighing heavily but silently, I took both of Mary’s hands into mine and gave them a gentle tug to gain and hold her attention. “Listen to me. We didn’t make the rules of this world. Most all of them were in place before we were even born. I don’t know why we have to have such things as wars, street gangs, anger, hatred, hostility and all the rest of it but the fact is, it exists and we have to deal with it. Life is chaotic. It’s good and it’s bad and somehow we must try to survive it all. War is a fact of life in this world we live in. Our military is an honorable one. You may have joined to travel and for the educational benefits but you also answered the call when sent to defend what we stand for. Freedom, liberty, and the right to live with both.”

  Mary gave a small shake of her head. “We aren’t defending our freedom and liberties when we are fighting wars on foreign soil, Tess.”

  “In a way we are, though. You think they would stop there if no one opposed them? Greed begets greed. Besides, we are fighting for the freedom of the people, the non-militia, from tyranny. We are the stronger people and it is up to the strong to defend the weak. You were there to protect them from terrorist factions. Maybe someday we can get past this having to kill to overcome but until that happens, that is what we have to do. You said it yourself, if you hadn’t killed him, he would have killed your entire unit. You weren’t there to seek and destroy, he was. His intention got him killed and now he has to deal with his actions in the afterlife.”

  “But let’s say I didn’t shoot him and we all died, would our death not be more honorable?”

  “His intentions, Mary, were not honorable. He would take those dishonorable intentions and go kill more and more and more. When would he stop? He wouldn’t until everyone who opposed him was dead. That is the law of our chaotic world. Is there honor in letting someone destroy and destroy and destroy? If we stopped fighting them, they would come here and wipe us all from the face of the earth. Your family, your children…everyone would die or live in misery under their rule.”

  Mary closed her eyes and thought about that for a long moment. Finally, I felt the tension in her hands ebb away and her bruising grip relaxed. “It’s such a shame it has to be this way.”

  “It is. I wish for world peace the same as you, Mary, but letting the evil ones win is not going to give us world peace. Refusing to fight the evil is only going to spread it and until we can come up with a better way to deal with it, it’s what must be done. It all gets sorted out in the afterlife.” I pulled Mary into a hug and turned to whisper in her ear. “Thank you for defending our honorable country and for protecting those people in whose country the terrorists reign supreme. Thank you for being brave enough to shoot that man.”

  Mary began to sob softly. “Oh, God, Tess, it’s just so sad.”

  “It is and now we will pray for his soul. You released his body from creating further torment, and now we will pray that he won’t come back to do it again.”

  Mary pulled away and looked at me in confusion. “Come back?”

  I gave her a small smile thinking maybe I should have just left that well enough alone. “You’ve heard of reincarnation, Mary?” At her nod, I went on to explain. “My belief is that reincarnation keeps the majority of the entire population from going straight to hell. Let’s face it, most of us never achieve all the requirements for entry into heaven. I don’t consider myself a terrible person but I’m no Jesus or Buddha or Krishna or …” I waved a vague hand, “whoever else is considered an uber-great human above the flaws of sin.”

  Mary wiped her drying tears and smiled. “I haven’t given it much thought but it’s nice to think we might get another chance to become a better person. In any case, I do feel a little better and I will take up your advice and have a chat with God. Thank you.”

  We both stood up and I waved toward the living room. “I really should get going. A friend of mine is coming to stay at the B&B for a few days and I suspect he’ll be here bright and early.”

  One of Mary’s dark brows arched. “He?”

  Smiling, I linked arms with her and we walked together down the hall, through the living room and toward the entry hall. “Yes, he. His name is Kade Sinclair. He’s a painter, a very gifted artist. If you haven’t seen his landscapes, you should, they are beautiful. I met him at Sea Willow Haven.”

  Mary patted my arm. “I hope it works out for you, Tess.”

  Laughing softly, I nudged her shoulder with mine. “Me too.” We stopped in the entryway. “Is there no chance for things to work out between you and your husband?”

  Mary’s face tightened for a moment but then her eyes turned thoughtful. “I hadn’t thought so but who knows. As you said, I haven't been willing to talk to Daniel because I didn’t feel worthy but now…we’ll see.” She gave me another hug, holding tight for just a moment then stepping away. “Thank you, Tess.”

  “You’re welcome. Thanks again for a delicious dinner.” I stepped out onto the porch and turned to give her a quick wave before heading off to my car. It was quite dark, the moon a sliver in the sky. As I slipped into the front seat of my car and started the engine, I had the distinct impression that I was not going to be alone as I headed for the B&B. And I wasn’t sure what to do about it.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  I drove all the way back to the B&B with the skin on my back crawling with the knowledge that many bodiless figures were following me home. They nearly bore holes right through me their focus was so intense and it was unnerving to say the least. I held tight to the vision of light surrounding my car and they hovered close in the dark edges beyond it. Dealing with one or two ghosts, that I could handle, having a whole league of them chasing me around was not quite my thing. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like that I didn’t know what they wanted. Who the heck were they? Why so many? And just what were they so unhappy about?

  I pulled into the same parking spot I’d had earlier. Thankfully, there weren’t any houses on this section of the street so parking after business hours was not hard to get. Even better, it wasn’t a metered parking spot
so I could stay there as long as I wanted. I stepped out of my car then turned to look around. I couldn’t see them, of course, but they were there. My imagination pictured hundreds of them standing like silent zombies in the street around me. It was a fanciful thought and I was sure that I was exaggerating. Surely there weren’t that many?

  Making my voice firm, I addressed the night air. “I’m looking for the witch that cursed that stone. That’s it.” Then, thinking my little pronouncement would look strange to onlookers, I glanced around to see if anyone else was about. I was quite alone. Or so it seemed, naturally, I was not. I had lots of company. All of it, for the moment, unwanted. “Sheila I need you!” After waiting a moment to see if the familiar sensation of cobwebs would brush across my face, and it did not, I again addressed her, “Keep them away from me, Sheila. Please and thank you.”

  Although I didn't feel her signature cobweb sensation, I did feel that she was near and some of my unease let up. I was safe for now. I could feel it in my all-knowing soul. It was the personality after all, the one presently inhabiting my body and better known as Tess Schafer, that didn’t have a clue. A sad fact that, and one I was trying to overcome. Wishing I was better connected to my soul body, I walked up the short paved path to Barbara’s B&B. The knowledge that they were all there behind me, hovering close, watching, made quivers shiver up and down my spine. I refused to turn around. I wasn’t going to play the ‘I feel someone right behind me’ game.

  It was a relief to open the door and enter the warm, glowing interior of the B&B. Barbara was in the sitting room reading a book. She glanced up as I entered but before she could give me a greeting, Max began growling low in his throat. He then bared his little teeth and went instantly on alert, his eyes latching onto something just beyond my right shoulder. The unexpectedness of it made me freeze for an instant but as I didn’t want Barbara to get frightened nor give the spirit stalking me the satisfaction of rattling my nerves, I turned slowly and shut the door. It was a relief to see it hadn’t materialized into visual form. I wasn’t sure I could handle a face-to-face right now. Especially if it was covered in red.