How to Date an Alien

by Magan Vernon

  He finally turned his face toward mine, his dark eyes illuminated by the light glaring off the computer screen. I stared at the smoky black lines that encircled his eyes.

  “No, I’m not wearing guyliner, or whatever it is you call it.” His voice rang with annoyance, but a small smile crept onto his lips.

  “Really?” I leaned closer, tilting my head.

  He lifted his perfectly arched eyebrows. “Really, Alex? Don’t you have anything else to do then wonder what kind of earthly cosmetics I’m wearing?”

  “I do, but…" I didn’t stop staring in his direction as I licked one of my fingertips. “If you really aren’t wearing guyliner, then go like this." I lifted the wet fingertip to my eyelid and started rubbing.

  Ace glanced in my direction, before doing a double take and full on staring at me. His full lips curved in at the corners in a confused smirk. “What are you doing?”

  I lifted my fingertip from my eyelid, facing it in his direction. “See when I rub my eye, you can see the beige smears from my eye shadow on my finger." I waved my finger in his direction. “So if you aren’t wearing eyeliner, then when you wipe your eye nothing should come off on your fingertip.”

  Ace shook his head. A large, gleaming white smile spread across his face. “You are a very interesting human, do you know that?”

  I pointed my smudged finger at him. “And you are an alien that is trying to hide his love of cosmetics.”

  His shadowy eyes locked on mine. I couldn’t tell if there was anger behind them, the way his brows furrowed into a point, but I tried to stay defiant as he leaned his face closer. I could feel the cold air radiating from his body, and I swore that it shivered all the way through my suit and onto my skin. He lifted his fingertips to his eyelids, rubbing them feverishly before facing his still clean fingertips back in my direction, with the black smudges around his eyes still in place.

  “You’re wrong." He laughed, leaning back in his chair. His expression softened, while his smile spread even farther across his face. He had the greatest laugh I had ever heard. It was even more melodious than Jen’s giggle and reminded me of church bells.

  I crossed my arms over my stomach, trying to hide the girlish grin that was threatening to make its way to my face if I kept staring at the dimples that had formed at the corners of Ace's mouth. “Well it wouldn’t be the first time I was wrong about you."

  I bit my lip, immediately wishing I could take back the words. “I mean…”

  He arched an eyebrow. “Do you often make assumptions about Caltians?”

  I shrugged. “I actually didn’t even know any kind of an alien existed until I arrived at Circe, and even then it wasn’t until one attacked me that I realized what was going on.”

  “It's still hard for me to believe that someone with your IQ and vast expanse of knowledge didn’t suspect there was more to the universe than just humans.”

  I shrugged, looking down at the floor and trying to avoid his stare. “I’m really not as smart as you’re trying to make me out to be. I was the girl who gave the thumbs up to a room full of aliens after all.”

  He leaned forward, shifting his head down so that I was forced to look at him. “Do you seriously believe that?”

  I looked back up to meet his eyes, adjusting my glasses to have something to do with my hands. “Believe what? That I’m not that smart?”

  He leaned in closer so that I could see every feature of his chiseled face against the glow of the computer screen. “Alex, I wouldn’t have picked you for this position if, after reading your blog and looking through your school records, I didn’t think that you were smart.”

  I cocked my chin forward. “You looked through my school records?”

  He shrugged. “Yeah, it’s really not that hard to do when you have the power to access anything right at your fingertips.” He wiggled his fingers before turning his chair back in the direction of the computer screen. “Oh and by the way." He looked over at me.

  “Yeah?" I scooted my chair closer to the computers, shifting it back toward the screens.

  “You really don’t need to wear the eye shadow. I think you look fine without trying.”

  He didn’t look at me as he spoke. I was hoping to catch some sort of a smile or a reaction in his eyes, but I caught nothing.

  “Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Robinson?" I leaned in closer, trying to speak with a boyish tone.

  He let out a single laugh. “Did you just use some lame movie quote on me?”

  “That is definitely not a lame movie quote," I said matter-of-factly. “It’s a classic and probably one of my all-time favorite movies.”

  “Maybe I did underestimate that high IQ." He glanced over at me. “If you are into such stupid movies, you really can’t be that smart.”

  “Look at me! I’m Ace, I wear guyliner and think I know good cinema, but really I’m a closet classic movie junkie,” I mocked, waving my fingers in the air.

  “Are you trying to make a joke?” He twisted his chair back toward me. His eyes narrowed into tiny slits, making his face look even more like a Grecian statue.

  I put my hands down and faced my chair toward his. The gravity to his tone made me wonder if he was upset and I tried not to appear frightened as I took a big swallow before answering. “What if I am?”

  “My name is Alex and I love to make stupid jokes and watch terrible movies about infidelity,” he mocked in a voice that sounded exactly like mine.

  I inched my chair closer. My curiosity had overpowered my fear, and I wanted to know what else he could do. “How did you do that?”

  “Do what?" His voice had returned to his normal silvery tone.

  I put my hands on my hips. “Do you have any other super powers? Like, can you fly or something?”

  He laughed, shaking his head. “Alex, you seem to think I’m a superhero or something.”

  “Well you never said that you weren’t." I wiggled my eyebrows.

  He shook his head. “No I can’t fly without a ship, but there are a few things I could do that might impress you.”

  I tilted my head toward his. “Are you trying to impress me now?”

  He let out a deep breath. “Everything isn’t about trying to get into your pants.”

  I stammered, “That’s, uh, not what I meant.”

  His eyes met mine as I tried not to gasp from the way they seemed to drink in all of me. With one look my body ran the gamut of emotions from the fear that caused my heart to beat like a drum in my chest to the way my breath would get caught in my throat at the mere sight of his glowing eyes.

  “Then what did you mean?”

  “Well, we are friends, right? Friends can try to impress each other." I saved myself by blurting it out as quickly as I could.

  He nodded, looking back to the screen. “Right, friends. We can do that.”

  I looked back at my own screen, trying to avoid the lingering feeling that his eyes left on me. Sure we were friends. But part of me couldn’t deny—after sitting next to him all day long and staring at the curve of his jawline—that maybe I was losing my breath because of something other than fear of the unknown.

  Chapter 6

  “You ready for movie night?”

  Jen knocked me out of my daydream. Whatever kind of weird alien crush I had on Ace was really getting to my psyche. I would try to flirt with him at work and sometimes he would reciprocate, but most of the time he would give me the cold shoulder with one-word answers and groans. When I wasn’t at work, I was constantly thinking of how I could get his attention or try to get him to lower his guard.

  “Yeah.” I shook the lingering thoughts of Ace’s dark eyes out of my head as I looked up at Jen. “Doing something human and normal definitely wouldn’t hurt me.”

  “I’m sure you’ll get used to it, eventually, or you’ll just go crazy and end up in the supermarket tabloids." She beamed.

  I rolled my eyes. “So where are we going for this movie night, anyway?”

 
“We usually go to the boys' room since somehow they manage to have less stuff than us and can fit in an entertainment center,” she remarked as she opened one of her drawers. “But as the new girl, you get to do the honor of popping the popcorn before meeting us there.”

  She grabbed a few bags of buttered microwave popcorn from her drawer and handed them over to me.

  “Where am I supposed to pop this? Some alien lab that zaps them in a minute?" I arched an eyebrow.

  Jen grabbed a plastic bowl from her closet. “You still have so much to learn. There is a microwave in the cafeteria. Just don’t get lost on your way there or to the boys' room, which is just down the hall from ours.”

  “Aye, aye, captain.” I mock saluted her before grabbing the bowl and turning out the door toward the cafeteria.

  Usually I had someone with me to walk to the cafeteria, and since all the halls looked the same with their blinding white walls and floors, it was pretty easy to get lost. I ended up running into a few different rooms, one with balls of light bouncing off the wall and another with the spider aliens lounging on recliners and smoking from a giant hookah. I quickly ran from both of those rooms and was eager to find my way.

  Finally, I made it to the cafeteria and spotted the microwave. I approached the stand, expecting to see some high-tech device, but it looked just like the one my mom had in her kitchen. Just a plain, ordinary microwave.

  “Okay, I guess this will do." I peeled the wrapper off the bag and plopped it into the microwave.

  “You know people are going to really start to question your sanity if you keep talking to yourself like that," a low voice came over my shoulder.

  I gasped, leaping a few inches in the air before Ace slid in beside me, a tight-lipped smile forming on his face.

  “You scared me." I placed my hand to my heart, which seemed to be beating faster than normal. Of course, it tended to do that when Ace was around.

  He shrugged as he opened up the other microwave, placing a mug in it, and pressing a few buttons to set the timer. “You shouldn’t expect to be alone when you’re in a big operations center.”

  “Ha-ha, very funny." I turned toward the microwave pushing the buttons to get the popcorn going.

  “Do you always spend late nights eating popcorn?”

  I looked over to see that Ace hadn’t taken his attention away from me. His eyes were still locked on my face like he couldn't pry them away. I tried to hide my smile and suck in my stomach.

  “Some of the interns are just getting together for a movie night.”

  “And what are you adding to the movie collection?" He leaned in on the microwave stand. “Something about infidelity or star-crossed lovers?”

  Star-crossed lovers? Where did he come up with that one? Was that some sort of a reference to him having feelings for me? I was hoping my face wasn’t as red as it felt. I turned back toward the microwave, trying to hide it. “Maybe…”

  “Well, you claim to want to be a writer, so I just figured you’d be into all those Shakespeare movie remakes. You know, Romeo & Juliet, The Taming of the Shrew, or Othello."

  “Uh-huh, sure. That’s what you meant." I couldn’t hide my smile as it spread, all too large, across my face. He led into the opening, so I had to try flirting and hope that he wouldn’t just go cold. Not that I was ever the best at flirting. I watched men flirt with my mom all the time. Whether it was because she was a romance novelist or because she had dyed blond hair and a chest that defied gravity, I didn't know, but she didn't seem to mind it.

  The timer went off on Ace’s microwave. He let his gaze linger on mine as he removed the mug. “If I meant something other than what I said." He stepped closer, walking to the other side of me as he leaned his lips so close to my ear that I could feel every part of his icy cold skin searing into me. “You would know it.” He turned on his heel and walked down the hallway, not even looking back in my direction.

  ****

  “How could you burn the popcorn? There’s a button you press that says 'popcorn' and poof, perfect every time." Riley curled her lip in disgust as she plopped down on the futon.

  The boys' room was the same size as ours, but somehow they were able to utilize their space better. Two of the beds were bunked in one corner, with the other one closely flanking, which made enough room for a futon in the middle. They even had a spare wall for their big TV and game systems. The boys had to have gotten along better than me and Riley. If I even suggested she move her dresser or maybe not take up as much space for all of her stuff, she would probably just huff and tell me off.

  “I just got distracted, I guess." I took a seat down on the floor next to Jen.

  “Yeah, that seems to be happening to you a lot lately." Jen laughed as she rifled through the bowl of burnt popcorn.

  “Give her some credit. She has survived two alien attacks and been stuck living with the two of you." Gavin slid in on the floor next to me, a little too close, but there was really nowhere else for me to move.

  I guess I was Gavin’s only choice for a girl to try and get close to. Jen had a boyfriend back at school that all the boys kept talking about; he was some kind of a football or basketball player, or whatever. And Riley…well, Riley was Riley. It still bothered me that even though Gavin was attractive, he thought he could sit practically on top of me and think that I wouldn’t mind. I started to wonder if that was how Ace saw me—desperate.

  Justin popped in some gory horror movie complete with undead killers and screaming bad actresses. Gavin put his arm around me, squeezing my shoulder at the parts where another nameless face would get stabbed or thrown over a cliff. I was trying to figure out a way to get out of the situation. It wasn’t like I was with Ace or anything, but something about Gavin's hands on me just felt wrong.

  “Who’s ready for the sequel?" Justin chimed, climbing off the futon and over to the TV.

  By this time, Gavin had already pressed himself completely against my side and I didn’t even want to think of what his next move would be. I faked an exaggerated yawn, stretching my arms over my head as Gavin inched away from my movement. “I think that’s probably enough for me for tonight.”

  “Oh, come on, Al, it’s a Saturday night. You have plenty of time to sleep in tomorrow." Gavin slid his hand down my leg, letting it rest on my kneecap.

  Al? Where did he come up with that stupid nickname and how could he even think the he could give me one? The only person who ever gave me a nickname was my mom and even that was annoying. My brother's three-year-old brain somehow believed that was my real name. It made for real awkward conversations when I had to explain to people that the little boy yelling pookie bear was just my little brother.

  I flinched and jumped up before he could try and put his hand anywhere else. “Yeah, but it’s been a bit crazy lately learning all this internship stuff, and I think I’m ready for bed.”

  “Fine with us." Riley didn’t even look in my direction. “Start the movie, Justin.”

  Gavin stood up, slinking in beside me. “Do you want me to walk you back to your room?”

  “Uh, isn’t it just right down the hallway?" I blinked.

  “Yeah." He shifted his weight, running his fingers through his hair. “But I just thought you might want someone to walk you there.”

  “I think I can manage the ten-yard walk, but thanks." I shot him a quick smile, before dodging out the door to avoid him following.

  I crept into the darkness of my room, making sure that no one had followed me, secretly wishing that a certain alien wasn’t far behind.

  Chapter 7

  “Do you ever feel out of place on this planet?" I didn’t look over at Ace as I scrolled through several questionable alien blogs.

  “Is that a trick question?"

  I glanced over to see that Ace’s smile had made an appearance.

  I let out a deep breath. “I don’t know. It’s just sometimes I feel out of place in life in general. Like I’m always going to say the wrong thing, or that I�
�ll just never fit in and always be the weird Italian girl with glasses.”

  I didn’t know why I was unloading everything on Ace. It wasn’t like we usually talked too much about our personal lives, but after the night Gavin tried to get closer to me, I found that I was distancing myself from the interns even more. It was as if I knew that I didn’t belong, but didn’t quite know how to voice it and somehow deep within me I knew that Ace would understand. There was something inside of me, like a primal instinct, gravitating more and more toward him.

  “Katherine the Curst, a title for a maid, of all the titles worst,” Ace sang, knocking me out of my thought process.

  “I thought you weren’t into Shakespeare?" I turned my chair in his direction.

  He did the same, spinning his chair and body around toward me, leaning in. “I never said I wasn’t into the guy. I was just making fun of your taste in movies.”

  “Well, if my taste in movies is so bad, then what do you prefer?" I folded my arms across my body. “Typical boy shoot 'em up movies?”

  He shook his head, not bothering to hide his massive smile. “It’s funny to me that you know I’m not human, but you still treat me like I’m a typical teenage boy.”

  I chewed on the inside of my lip. “Well, how else am I supposed to see you? I’ve been working alongside you for awhile now and that’s how you act.”

  He cocked an eyebrow. “So I’m just another random teenage boy to you?”

  I stammered, “Well, not another random one, but another guy nonetheless.”

  “Could a normal teenage boy do this?" He leaped out of his chair, and with one fell swoop picked up the chair that I was sitting on, with me still in it, and lifted it over his head without straining.

  I looked down as he smiled up at me, before gently placing the chair back down. His finger grazed my skin and I felt a warmth pulsate from his fingertips, up my arms, and into my face where it flushed my skin to a point that I’m sure Ace had to notice. He didn’t say anything. For awhile he just stood over me, with his face leaned in toward mine.