Secrets (Swept Saga)

by Nyx, Becca Lee

  I wake up the next morning with fading dreams of Ryan smiling sweetly at me, brushing kisses all over me, and proposing to me. Where did that come from? I yawn, stretch and get out of bed. I dig through my closet and put on a t-shirt that reads, “It’s okay Pluto, I’m not a planet either.” I find a pair of jeans pull them on and step into a pair of flats. I brush my hair, put on some makeup, and leave my room. I dig through the cupboards and find a single serving box of cereal. I pour it into a bowl and pour some milk on top. I sit down at the table and munch. The flowers are still in the cup sitting perfectly in the middle of the table. They’re so pretty and I feel all warm and mushy when I think about how Ryan presented them to me. I don’t think I’ll ever forget this bouquet of flowers as long as I live. He put a lot of thought and meaning into it. I finish eating, put the bowl and spoon in the sink and leave for my class.

  While I’m walking I notice that everyone is staring at me, pointing at me and whispering. I think I hear my name, turn around, only to receive more stares. I don’t understand what’s going on. When I get into class, there are whistles, cheers, and I hear someone say, “You can steal me anytime.” Then it hits me; the flyer. I guess everyone saw it. Heat rises to my cheeks in embarrassment, and I stare at the floor and take a seat. It can feel everyone’s x-ray eyes on me. I’ve never felt so exposed until now. I focus my eyes on my desk, and notice a folded piece of paper. I open it up, it reads, “Want to fuck?” I’m mortified. I want to walk out and pretend none of this happened. I stare at the words on the note, the paper shakes in my hands. Ryan sits down causing me to jump. He snatches the note out of my trembling hands. “Who wrote this?” He asks me.

  “I don’t know,” I answer, my voice barely above a whisper.

  Ryan looks around the room, “Why is everyone staring at you?”

  “Well, there was this flyer…” I start and the professor walks into the room.

  Kelly sits down next to me and the three of us dig out our notebooks so we can take notes. The lecture from the professor seems to drag on, I take as many notes as I can, but I’m just not in the mood to endure class today. I want to go back to my room and curl up in bed. I want to forget that the flyer incident happened, and I don’t want to tell Ryan about it.

  At the end of class, I put everything back into my bag. When I look up there’s a guy standing in front of me. “Did you get my note?” He asks with a creepy perverted grin that I want to slap off his face.

  “Why don’t you take your note and shove it up your ass.” Ryan says, coming to my defense.

  “It’s not my fault, she’s a man stealing whore. Tell me who she stole you from?” he says with a smug smirk.

  “She didn’t steal me from anyone and if you talk about her like that again, I’m going to shove your head up your own asshole.” Ryan threatens.

  “Whatever,” the guy says and walks away.

  “What is going on?” Kelly asks her eyes wide as she looks at me, then Ryan.

  “Remember that night that I had with Gabriel and Emily?” I say swallowing hard.

  “Yeah,” they say in unison.

  “Emily took a picture of me naked while I was asleep. Then she made flyers and spread them all over school.”

  “When was this?” Kelly asks.

  “The day I went to see you, the same day I went out with Ryan.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Ryan asks.

  “I don’t know. Gabriel was with me when we found the flyers and he said he would take care of it. Honestly I didn’t want to talk about it, or even think about it.”

  “You trusted him to take care of it?” Ryan asks, his voice rising in anger and surprise.

  “Well yeah.” I answer and shrug, what else was I supposed to do?

  “Was he in on it?” Kelly asks.

  “No. I asked him. He wouldn’t do that to me.”

  “Well of course he would tell you that he didn’t have anything to do with it. This is unfucking believable, you know that?” Ryan says shaking his head.

  “Yeah, I know, it happened to me, remember?” I glare at him.

  “We’re going to the campus police right now.” Ryan says grabbing my hand and pulling me along with him as he walks out the door. Kelly follows us and gives me a worried look.

  "Ryan, a report has already been filed, there’s nothing more that can be done.”

  “I bet you we can get Emily expelled.”

  “Ryan, I don’t want to do this, just let me be and let it be.” I plead with him. I don’t think I can stand there and tell the campus police everything that has happened.

  “What and she wins? She gets to do whatever the hell she wants and doesn’t have to face the consequences?”

  “Ryan, I’m sure she’ll get in trouble, but I don’t want to talk about it over and over. I just want to be done, and if I don’t draw attention to it, then maybe it will go away.”

  “Ryan, I think you should let Crystal handle it how she wants to.” Kelly joins in and I’m thankful she’s on my side.

  “Fine. You want to let her get away, then whatever.” He says throwing his hands up in the air in surrender.

  “We need to get to our next class.” I point out and start walking in that direction. Ryan and Kelly follow me. For the rest of the day, I get more stares and whispers. There are a few off comments that I catch from time to time, but I do my best to ignore it. By giving in and letting it hurt me means Emily wins. If I ignore and continue my day, then she hasn’t won and I know people will stop talking about it. Ryan stays silent, but his face is murderous. I don’t know what he’s thinking about and I don’t ask him. I don’t feel like fighting with him.

  When our classes are over for the day, I return to my room, throw myself on my bed and ball my eyes out. If I have to endure another day like this, I think I might die. When my tears dry up, I take a deep breath and begin to make a plan. Emily needs to pay for what she’s done. It’s time to have a talk with Tiffany. I just need to wait for her to get home. I don’t know what I’m going to do to get back at her, but I’m going to have to make it good and publicize it. I want Emily to feel the same exact embarrassment and humiliation that I’m feeling. Emily Williams must die a social death.

  Ryan

  Chapter Five

  Stuck

  Stuck, it’s how I feel. Ever since I stood in the courtroom and heard the judge dismiss my case I’ve felt stuck. I knew I was going to get off, my father assured me of that, but it came at a price. “It’s time you learn what it takes to live out there in the real world.” My Father said in an angry whisper. I don’t know how much it cost him to pay off the judge, but it must have been a lot. “Like you know what it’s like to live out there.” I countered my defiance. “Actually I do. Do you have any idea how much sacrifice and discipline it took to get where I am now? I work hard for this family and I will not stand by and watch you destroy everything I have worked for. That’s why you’re going to start working for Davis and Brown.”

  “What makes you think I’ll do it?”

  “If you don’t, you can expect to receive nothing from me ever again. I will take your car back, and I will withhold your allowance, your tuition for school, books, dorm, everything.”

  “You wouldn’t, what would mom think?”

  “Your mother agrees with me, would you like to call her and find out?” He taunts waving his phone in my face.

  “So, how does this work? I have class, homework, debate, when am I supposed to fit in a job?”

  “They have your schedule, and they will work around it, since you have all this free time to attend parties and get into fights, it will be time better well spent.”

  “It was just one fight, dad.”

  “Yeah, and one fight is all it takes to ruin everything. If I wasn’t here to clean this up for you how would you get out of this? One day you’ll realize what I’m doing for you.”

  “Yeah, I got it are we done now?”

  “Just one more thing. If anything
like this happens again? Don’t call me; you’re on your own. You’re not a child anymore, it’s time for you to grow up and be responsible.”

  That conversation has led to my sentence behind the desk. When I’m not at school or debate I’m here in the law offices of Davis and Brown filing paperwork, calling clients and scheduling meetings. I’m a fucking secretary; doing work better suited for someone like Kelly. At least she has the body for it. I can’t imagine anyone not wanting to see someone like her sitting at a desk. Perhaps when I get my own firm I’ll make her my secretary. She will wear tight fitting outfits and I’ll take her on every desk in the building, ripping her clothes off and-

  “Ryan, are you going to get that?” Scott Davis asks me.

  “Yeah.” I answer and pick up the ringing phone. All I can think about is how much I hate this job, if you can even call it that. It’s not like they pay me. I’m more like a servant than an employee. Really, when I think about it there isn’t much difference between a servant and an employee, one just happens to get paid, but both are expected to work their lives away and jump whenever the boss barks an order. One of these days I’m going to be that boss barking out orders and making my employees jump. The thought makes me smile as I imagine what it will be like to be head of my own firm. If there’s one thing I love it’s being in control.

  Finally after work I made it back to my dorm. Crystal told me she misses me in the last text she sent me. I miss her, too. That’s one thing I hate about my new arrangement, I don’t get to see her as much as I would like to. I do get time off, but I don’t have near the time that I used to. There’s a knock at my door, I open it and see Kelly standing there in a short skirt, button up shirt, and stilettos. I look at her confused. I haven’t seen her for a little while. Her visits have been less frequent because she’s been so wrapped up in Nick. “What do you want?” I ask her.

  “What do you think?” She answers and starts to unbutton her shirt.

  “What about Nick?”

  She looks up at me, annoyed, “Do you know when to shut up and not ask questions?”

  “Sure, I do, but you’ve been with him all this time I figured you had moved on.”

  “I thought I had too, but I can’t get you out of my system.”

  “So, what is this?”

  “Since when do you question sex?”

  “You know what, I don’t know.”

  “Forget it” She says turning to leave.

  “What?”

  “I was never here, this never happened. It’s obvious we will never work.”

  I stand there even more confused. One minute we were going to have sex the next she talking about us and not working? Since when was there an us? “I don’t get it, us?”

  “You know what? Fuck you, Ryan.” She said before slamming the door.

  I don’t know what’s going on with her. She ignores me for weeks and then walks in like she owns the place. I have missed her, but I have Crystal now. Or at least I think I have Crystal now. I’m pretty sure she’s still seeing Gabriel and it hurts. I gave her terms. I told her I would leave if she didn’t choose me. Could I just walk away from Crystal like that? I know I couldn’t. I know I would find some excuse to stay in her life. As much as I want to be the one in control there is something about her that makes me lose sense of myself. How my father has juggled both my mother and Karen I will never know or understand. I walk back to my room and lie down in bed. I have a date to plan for Crystal, something that will knock her socks off.

  “Brrum, Brrum,” My phone vibrates on the night stand waking me up. I look at the time on my alarm clock, it’s 2:38am. Grabbing my phone I try to focus on the screen. I’m still bleary eyed and can’t quite make out the caller ID. I blink, and then rub my eyes and finally the screen comes into focus. It’s my mom.

  “What wrong?” I ask, answering the call.

  “Ryan, I-I just missed you nothing is wrong.”

  “It’s two forty in the morning.”

  “I know, I’m sorry, it’s just I couldn’t sleep. The house felt empty.”

  “Dad isn’t home?”

  “No, he had DEA stuff; you know how it is with him.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “Have I told you lately that I love you?”

  “Yeah, mom you tell me all the time.”

  “Well, I wanted to tell you again. I love you.”

  “Mom, I love you, too, you’re acting strange is everything okay?”

  “Of course it is sweetie. How’s school?”

  “Great I’m passing my classes and I haven’t been kicked off the debate team.”

  “And Crystal? How’s she?”

  “Fine, I’m taking her out tomorrow night.”

  “What do you have planned?”

  “Well, I haven’t quite worked out all the details, but I want to take her out in the middle of a field and watch a movie with her.”

  “Can you tell me about it? I like it when you talk to me, sweetie.”

  I told my mom about all the plans I’ve made for my date with Crystal and talked to her about school and work until she stopped answering me. I could hear her breath heavy and even on the other end and I knew she had fallen asleep. My mom doesn’t call like this and talk to me like that. I’m slightly worried that she’s not okay and something is wrong, but I don’t know. I roll onto my side and close my eyes.

  “I love you,” I say to Crystal.

  “I love you, too” She says but I see doubt in her eyes. I move in to hug her and she steps back.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  “I know about you and Kelly.” She says her eyes cold and angry.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “How does it feel?” She asks.

  “How does what feel?”

  “To know that I’m fucking someone else in front of you the same way you’re fucking someone else in front of me.” She says. I look down at the ground and swallow hard, and then I look at her. I’m shocked to see she and Gabriel tongue tied with one another and she’s kissing him with more passion than she’s ever kissed me.

  “He’s better you know. Better than you in every way possible. You can’t beat his physique, and just look at the way he makes me wiggle and writhe when I’m with him. She says and to demonstrate he pulls her down to the ground, rips her clothes off and fucks her until she screams over and over. I try to look away but the image of both of them is burned into my brain. I try to walk away but at every turn they’re in front of me and I’m forced to watch.

  I’m awake. I look around and I’m in my bed. Crystal isn’t here neither is Gabriel. I shake my head trying to clear it of that hellish dream. I can’t help but worry that it has some truth to it. Maybe Gabriel is better than me and maybe he is the better man. I can’t let him win. I can’t let him have her. I’ll just have to keep showing her that I am the right choice for her. I’ll have to keep fucking her until I can make her scream even louder. And it’s going to start tonight with the date I have planned for her. I have it all worked out. I’m taking her to a meadow, and spreading a blanket on the grass. I have a projector and a screen and we’re going to watch Gone with the Wind. She loves these kinds of movies and I want to make it a night she won’t forget.

  Gabriel

  Chapter Six

  Drama

  I woke up this morning thinking about her. I can’t get her face and her smile out of my mind. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.

  I sat down at my computer trying to compose a new blog entry and I found that the only words I could type were her name and how I could describe her. I stared at the words floating on the screen; words I would use to describe her. They still didn’t seem good enough and they didn’t convey how I really felt about her: Crystal, beautiful, fun, inspiring, sexy, hot, and the list went on. For the first time in my life I wanted to write a poem about her. I wanted her to know just how I felt about her and make her understand what’s she’s doing to me.

 
; I’ve never really read poems only the ones I was forced to read in high school, and I didn’t pay attention anyway. Maybe I should have because with each coming line I drew a blank as to what should come next. It’s not that I didn’t know what to say, it’s the fact that I wanted it to rhyme, I wanted it to flow. Poems come from the heart and the line about her breasts wasn’t working for me. Maybe I should stick to how she makes me feel and talk about how sexy she is when I understand poetry a little better.

  After much hard work I had something I was pleased with. I read it over and over making sure I’ve said what I wanted to say. I’m sure it wasn’t the best poem ever written and I’m positive it didn’t hold up to Shakespeare sonnets, but it would have to work. Besides, how often does someone get a poem written just about them?

  I grabbed a notepad and began writing a letter. Justin had this thing about hand written letters; he felt it was a lost art form. He refused to send e-mails and would often comment that e-mail was the death of the written word. “If you write something by hand it’s easier to organize your thoughts and create a work that might even be art. Typing and printing takes all the beauty out of the written word. Anyone can sit down at a computer and bang away on the keys, but to write something with your own unique hand writing and to feel the ache in your hand from writing all the details and to put that much thought into something, now that is art and speaks of how much you care about someone… or hate them depending on the kind of letter. But I don’t think I’d be mad at a hand written hate letter. At least they took the time to write it out in their own writing how much they hated me. That is a special kind of hate to put that much time into it.” He would say and then laugh his hearty laugh. I smiled at the memory as I tried to put my thoughts in order and write as legibly as I could. I hoped that Crystal’s reaction would be a good one.