Scars: Book One

by West, Sinden

  He removed his mouth from me, and I turned to my side, away from him. Hot, silent tears streamed down my face in disbelief. I brought my hands up to my face to hide in them. I waited for terrible words to spew from his mouth. I waited for him to call me the whore that he knew that I was.

  But all he said was, “Goodnight, Rachel.” There was movement on the bed and then the light was flicked off, and the door shut. The bolt slammed into place.

  Chapter Twelve

  “The religious crap that my parents spouted and beat me with is haunting me. My whole life I rebelled and ran from it, despising their ignorance and cruelty that they justified through their beliefs.

  But now, for the first time, I wonder if they were right all along. I have a Jezebel living in my house, or maybe a demoness would be a more apt word. Yes, demoness is far more suitable to describe her. She has bewitched me and stolen all reason along with my soul. Her innocent smile is a mask for the evil lurking underneath. I dreamt about her last night; I drove a knife through her chest and instead of blood, a swarm of flies flew out and attacked me. I awoke in a cold sweat. I swear, the only thing that kept me sane was the warm body of Hannah lying beside. She stirred but did not wake and all I could think of as she lay there is how much it would destroy her if she knew what her daughter was.

  But God help me, I can’t keep away from her.

  She snuck into the shower with me while Hannah was still sleeping in bed. I turned in stunned surprise as her naked form dropped to her knees and took all of me in her mouth before I could protest. I can’t describe the feeling as I came – the pleasure and disgust rolled into one, and as she swallowed my cum, I felt like she was swallowing my soul. Afterward, she stood and gave me that angelic smile. “Thank you,” she said. “I’ve been thinking about doing that all night.” Then she kissed me on the cheek and left.

  Yesterday, when I was in my study and Hannah was out, Rachel came in. I tried to ignore her but the sun dress she wore showed the tops of her smooth, tanned thighs, and I couldn’t tear my gaze away from her. She sat atop my desk and when I went to speak she put her finger to my lips. “Shh, you’ve been so good to me. I just want to do something good for you.” I watched, wide-eyed, as she pulled up her legs to balance on either side of my chair, before pulling her dress up to reveal the white panties she wore. She started to touch herself there, through the panties, and I felt myself harden almost instantly.

  She kept tracing circles on her panty covered mound as she watched me with that smile on her face. I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood and shoved her back on the desk and ripped those panties off. Once my dick was out, I thrust into her so violently I didn’t think it was possible. A sound ripped from her, and it could have been one of pain, but I kept going, harder and harder while my hand was around her throat keeping her down. When I came, I stepped back breathless. She lay there staring at the ceiling, for a moment I panicked and thought she was dead. But then she sat up, a slightly stunned look on her face along with the tear stains.

  “I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I’m so sorry.” I collapsed down into my chair. “I hurt you.”

  She shook her head. “No, you didn’t. Could you…”

  “What?”

  “Could you just hold me for a bit?”

  I opened my arms, and she tucked herself into me, hiding her face against my shoulder as she cried, and I stroked her hair. Later that night, I gently made love to Hannah, the woman I love. But I imagined it was Rachel that I was screwing, violently and with no limits. I fantasized about her crying out in pain underneath me, a doll that I could act out those dark thoughts with.

  God help me. I am bewitched.”

  I handed the book back to Aaron, anxious to be rid of it from my grasp. He took it, silently and as watchful as ever. I reached up and tugged at my collar; it chafed against my skin in an unpleasant reminder. He leaned back in his chair.

  “Is that man your father?” I asked.

  He didn’t respond at first then he shook his head. “My uncle.”

  I dared to ask another question.

  “Is this your house?”

  “It was. Until I was saved.”

  “From what?” I asked softly

  He sat up straight. “That’s enough question time from you. You need to remember your place.”

  A spark of anger shot through me. “Who are you to determine my ‘place’? You’re doing this because a pedophile–“

  “He’s not a pedophile.” He said this tightly, like he was controlling himself.

  “Really? He sounds like one to me,” I snapped out.

  He hand reached out and grabbed my wrist, dragging me down, so I was sitting on his lap. His other arm was tight around my waist.

  “Don’t make me angry, Rachel.” His voice was low, his breath hot on my cheek.

  “Paige! Not Rachel, Paige.”

  His grip tightened around my wrist, and I made an unsuccessful attempt to wrench it from his grasp. But my hand that was free reached out and slapped him square across the face. Everything froze at that action. His face stayed to the side, and my eyes widened in fear.

  “I’m sorry,” I rushed out. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean too.”

  His head slowly moved back to look at me with those wolf-like eyes.

  “What are you going to do?” I breathed; my heart pounding.

  He watched me, before finally saying. “What do you think I should do?”

  My mouth was dry. “Please don’t hurt me again,” I said quietly, for all the good it would do.

  A minute passed in silence before he finally said, “Maybe you could make it up to me.”

  Everything in me turned to ice. “How?”

  “You ‘thanked’ him well enough, you’ll think of something.

  I swallowed. And then I slowly move closer to him and pressed my lips to his. I kissed him clumsily, and he didn’t kiss me back. I moved my lips down to his neck to kiss him there, and I felt him shift underneath me. I didn’t know if that was good or bad. I felt like I was trying to seduce him, and he was the reluctant one. I undid his pants and managed to get his cock out. It was soft, and I pumped it in my hand and it rapidly hardened. Everything I did felt clumsy and unnatural. I straddled him and sunk down slowly onto him before I started to move up and down his length. He barely moved at all, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, I didn’t want to see what was on his face.

  I finally got a rhythm going, and it wasn’t until he was about to come that his hands gripped into my back, pulling me hard onto him. A small sound emitted from him as he came, but that was all the emotion that he showed.

  I stayed like that, speared by his cock, resting my head against his shoulder and listened to his breathing. Finally, he broke the silence. “You want me to hold you?” he asked. My head snapped up, and I looked at him. His face was straight, but there was no mistaking the mocking.

  I said nothing; just pushed myself from him and once on my feet, walked out of the room and up the stairs. I sunk down to my knees in the shower and let the water rain down on me to wash everything away.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Even when the water ran cold, I didn’t move. Icy needles hit my skin like I was outside in nature instead of trapped in this decaying house. The cold was punishing and cleansing, it felt good. Even when the shivering began, I didn’t move from my kneeling position. I wondered if I would die like this. If I did, at least I would be clean.

  “What the hell?”

  Aaron reached over and turned off the water before throwing a towel around me. He lifted me with ease despite my shivering. He took me swiftly down the stairs and into the living room. There, he laid me in front of the fire while rubbing at my skin. “Are you nuts?” he muttered. I almost laughed at the irony of that comment, but my face was too cold to move. The heat from the fire and his constant rubbing on my limbs was slowly bringing warmth back to my body, but I still shivered and struggled to catch my breath.

  He frowned
at me then he lifted the long sleeved t-shirt he wore over his head and grabbed a blanket from off the couch. He pulled me hard up against his body as he spread the blanket over us. His hands rubbed over me constantly, like pure force would inject heat back into my bloodstream. That’s how I fell asleep, with those hands on me.

  I dreamt of a girl in a shower degrading herself; and then Mara and Torrance stepped over the edge of a cliff, and their bodies turned to skeletons before they hit the rocks. Their bones shattered into a thousand sharp shards, but their voices remained. Come with us Paige, come with us… I stepped over the cliff, only I didn’t shatter. I landed with my neck in a noose.

  I woke up with a small cry, and I didn’t know where I was. But when I felt that one hand was fastened above my head, I remembered. Aaron lay beside me, fast asleep, but so silent that he obviously didn’t have the same nightmarish slumber as me.

  This room was larger than the one he kept me in. The wallpaper was the same faded floral as in the living room, and apart from the dresser with a comb resting on it, and a cracked mirror, there wasn’t much else besides the double bed we lay in. My wrist was cable tied to the head board, but the other was free. I fantasized about reaching over and strangling Aaron as he slept, but reality told me that I didn’t have the strength for that.

  When he moved in his sleep, it made me jump. But he only rolled over onto his side so that his back was to me. The blanket fell away as he did so, revealing white lines of scars crossing his back. They were bright against the tan of his skin. They were old, and for a moment I was tempted to reach out and touch one.

  Instead, I lay back and stared at the ceiling. I wanted to die last night, I really did. That kind of desperation was dangerous. I needed some kind of control. I needed some form of power, no matter how small.

  I thought of my mother. There were so many things I disliked about her, especially the deceit that lay in her bloodstream alongside her blood cells as if it were part of her genetic make-up. But she was a survivor. She could manipulate nearly any situation and place herself as Queen before anyone knew any better.

  I needed to be like her.

  I turned and stared at my mark. He was yawning and showing signs of waking. This was when I put my hand against his scars.

  He opened his eyes and twisted his head back to look at me. I slowly removed my hand from his scarred flesh and then he rolled onto his side to face me.

  I frowned at him. “Who did that to you?” I asked softly.

  “It doesn’t matter.” He raised himself up to rest his head on his hand.

  “Oh.” Then, “Why did you put me in here?”

  “Body heat. You were freezing.”

  I nodded slightly then looked down at my free hand. “Well, thank you. I’ve never been so cold in my life.” I tugged at my harnessed wrist. “Could I please use the bathroom?”

  He reached over to the bedside drawers and pulled out a pocket knife which he used to cut me free. What would I have done if I knew that knife was there? But I kept my gaze averted; I didn’t want him to know what I was thinking.

  I rubbed my freed wrist and put a smile on my face, not too big so that it would look natural and convincing. I hadn’t smiled in what felt like forever, and it felt foreign on my face. When was the last time I had genuinely smiled?

  “Why are you smiling?”

  I looked up at his frowning face, and I instantly dropped the smile off my lips. “I just…my wrist was hurting and now it’s free. That’s all. Can I go?”

  A nod of his head sent me straight to the bathroom to relieve myself. I didn’t bother running for the door or trying to find an escape. There was no point; it would only enrage him and I doubted he would be so lax with security at this point. After I had peed, I brushed my teeth and then dragged my fingers through my matted hair. I tried not to look at the bruising on my face.

  I headed back to his bedroom surprised that he hadn’t come to supervise me. He lay in the bed, hands behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. He must have been listening to my movements, but he made no indication that he registered that I was even there. I grabbed the comb from the dresser and sat on a small stool. The mirror was large enough to show my upper body. It was so strange to sit here as I dragged the comb through my hair and stared at my naked breasts as the reflection caught him in the background. This could have been any scene of lovers, instead of the sick and twisted reality.

  I held my breath, waiting for him to say something to stop me using his comb. But he was silent. Finally, my hair resembled something mildly feminine and human again and I allowed a small smile to myself. I always liked how I looked, and it always pleased me to see my reflection, as vain as that sounds. Even through the bruising, I could still see that I was me.

  When my hair was finished, he still hadn’t said anything, although he had changed to a sitting position as he watched me at the mirror. I replaced the comb on the dresser and turned to face him.

  “Do you want me to make breakfast?” I asked, cautiously. I needed to eat to keep my strength up. He got out of bed and dressed while I waited. Then he reached under the bed and pulled out a bag. Not any bag, my bag that was filled with my stuff. I held my breath as he rummaged through it. Finally, he bundled something in his hand and launched it at me. I caught it with ease. It was a black see-through G-string that Finn had bought me for my birthday and I’d never worn. I didn’t know why I had packed it.

  Still, it was something. I looked at it then back at him. “Can I wear this?”

  “Just for today, so you don’t get pneumonia.” Then he hurled a long sleeved black top at me. I caught it and wasted no time putting on the clothes. It felt like Christmas, and I had a hard time keeping a grin from my face in spite of everything.

  “Thank you,” I said, relishing the feeling of cloth on my skin. I wondered if he would give me my jeans as well, but he nodded toward the door.

  “Let’s go.”

  I followed him down the stairs and into the kitchen where I scrambled eggs and made toast while he watched. Like the other times, I waited on the floor until he had finished, and he gave me his leftovers. I didn’t even care, I had clothes.

  Afterward, I cleaned the kitchen with painstaking perfection. I knew the diary reading would come next, and I wanted to delay it as long as possible.

  “You trying to be housekeeper of the year or something?” He asked, his irritation evident.

  I lowered my eyes. “I just wanted to do a good job,” I muttered as I put the cloth in the sink.

  “Come on.” He waited for me to walk in front. The living room looked even dingier in the light of day, but the fire was going, and it was warm. We took our places, and I hesitantly opened the diary to the marked page. I took a breath and began to read.

  ‘Rachel had a date. The boy picked her up. He was one of those jock types with too much ego for his own good. He was polite to Hannah and myself, but I couldn’t contain my hostility and quizzed the kid about his plans for the evening. Hannah tittered about me being overprotective while Rachel looked irritated. After they had left, I felt annoyed at my feelings. Was it jealousy? Surely not. Not when the little whore tempted and serviced me daily. I wanted to force her to her knees in front of the kid and make her take me in her mouth while he watched, just so he knew who she belonged to.

  Hannah went to bed but I told her that I’d wait up. I sat in the dark and waited, and God help me, I drank. I haven’t felt the need for a long time, but I sat there and sipped the whisky while I waited. It was midnight when she got home. I saw her face in the light, and she looked like a normal girl. The date must have gone well. The expression on her face was dreamy, and a wide grin stretched across her pretty little face. But I had to remind myself that she wasn’t a normal girl.

  She jumped when I spoke, her eyes wide. She wasn’t expecting me.

  “Hi. I–I was just going to bed,” she stuttered.

  “Not yet.”

  I walked over to her and forced he
r down to her knees. Of course, she didn’t protest while I fucked her mouth. But I didn’t cum in her, I withdrew so the ribbons of cum spurted over her head and face. She jolted with the shock of it, and the look on her face was one of disgust. She tried to disguise it, she tried to look happy. But I could tell.

  “Did you let that boy do that to you?”

  She shook her head emphatically.

  “You’re lying.”

  “I’m not.”

  I shook my head at her sadly. “You’re such a lying whore. You need to pay for your sins.”

  She looked scared, but I knew it was all an act. I took her out to the garage so we wouldn’t be heard. I kept drinking all the while otherwise I would have lost my nerve. She stayed in bed the next morning. Hannah, oblivious to all, just said Rachel wasn’t feeling well, as she carried on with her cleaning and humming and singing. God, I love that woman.

  It ended there. Thank god. And I quietly closed the book and took a step toward Aaron, placing the book on the table beside his chair.

  “Don’t you feel sorry for her?” I asked softly.

  “No.” He didn’t blink.

  “But he’s hurting her. You must know what that feels like. Someone hurt you, badly going by those scars–“

  “Stop. Just stop, Rachel. Or I’ll lock you back up in that bedroom.” He didn’t appear angry though, everything about him was calm. Still, I decided not to push him.

  He got to his feet. “C’mon. We’re going outside.”

  My eyes widened in alarm. He saw and gave a small grin. “Not to the barn as long as you behave.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  I was allowed to wear my jacket outside. It hung down to mid-thigh, and it felt like another small triumph was achieved. Until he perched me on top of a tree trunk next to the woodpile and connected a handcuff to my wrist. I was locked to a misshapen part of the tree that jutted out then joined in again. I wasn’t going anywhere.