by Sarah Nego
I felt nervous enough that I would do something dumb while sober. If I got drunk, there was no way I’d be able to stop myself from spilling the beans about me and Ryan. Especially since he was looking extra sexy. With his dark jeans and oatmeal-colored Henley, I wanted to wrap my legs around him and kiss him until the sun came up. But that would definitely take our new kinda-maybe relationship out of stealth mode.
Instead of staring at him, I tried to pay attention to the rest of the party. Watching everyone standing around laughing and talking, an outsider would never know we were all supposed to be avoiding each other. Clearly there were a lot of strong friendships across the two teams. It made me hate Vanessa a little bit more.
“Luci!” Sam shouted as she walked unsteadily across the family room. “Look at what you did, you beautiful goalie you.”
She wrapped her arm around my shoulders, and I dodged a bit of beer that sloshed over the top of her cup. “All I did was pass along the details. Apparently, Crash is the one who led the charge.”
Sam nodded and grinned at me. “Maybe I should go thank him. With my tongue.”
She only got a few steps away before Avery intercepted her friend, turning her around and steadying her drink. “I cannot express enough how much of a bad idea that is.”
Sam sighed. “You’re right. He’s not a very good kisser.” She took another drink, and then her face lit up again. “Hey, we should play a game. Let’s play Never Have I Ever.”
Avery tried to shush her, but it was too late. Several people standing around chimed in that a game was a great idea, and a circle started forming up.
A warm arm snaked around my waist, and a soft voice whispered in my ear. “I want to play with you.”
Heat flooded my neck, and lightning sizzled through my belly. One touch. One whisper from Ryan, and I lost control.
His arm left my body, and I felt the loss down in my core. Ryan walked over to the far edge of the circle and sat down in front of a fireplace that probably hadn’t been cleaned since the Bush administration. I grabbed my half-filled cup of warm beer and made my way to an open spot next to him.
Ryan’s roommate Crash slid into the circle next to me. He turned to me with a knowing grin on his face. “Hello, Luci.”
From my other side, Ryan made a low growling noise that probably only the three of us could hear. Crash laughed and turned to talk to the guy next to him. I looked at Ryan who had the decency to look a little ashamed.
He leaned in a bit so we wouldn’t be overheard, though the room was so noisy it was hard to hear normal conversations. “Sorry. He may have seen a few of our texts.”
I froze and felt the blood drain out of my face. While our conversations had started innocent enough, they’d definitely gotten more suggestive over the past week.
“Oh god.” Ryan let his fingers brush against mine. “Not the good ones.”
I swallowed and nodded, heat flooding back to my face.
“I just mean that he and Scooter know about us.”
I nodded again, and a warm heat returned to my body. We’d certainly danced around the topic enough, but that was the first time Ryan had ever said anything to fully suggest that there was an us. That all our late night texts were building to something. “I think Avery knows, too, but she wouldn’t say anything.”
“Avery is solid.”
The rest of our conversation was cut off by Sam stumbling to her feet and calling for everyone’s attention. “Okay, you guys know the rules, but some of you are drunk, so let’s review.” She raised her cup in the air and got a whoop of cheers from the large circle. “Someone starts with never have I ever, and if you’ve done that thing, take a drink, bitches.”
Everyone laughed again and several took a drink as if anyone there needed a primer on how that worked.
“I’ll start with an easy one.” Sam flopped back down and grinned. “Never have I ever gotten drunk at a party.”
Everyone tipped up their glass. I swallowed down a sip of warm beer and wished I’d let Ryan get me a new one.
Ryan bent his head toward mine. “You weren’t even a little bit drunk at Dove River.”
I leaned back and laughed. “And you think that was the first party I’ve ever been to?”
He moved his arm behind me, and his thumb grazed the small of my back. “So there’s a little bit of rule breaker in you. Good to know.”
A delicious heat flooded my body. Thank god everyone was already so drunk they probably wouldn’t notice my face turning bright red.
“My turn,” Avery called out. She looked over at me and winked. “Never have I ever kissed someone on the soccer team.”
Everyone around the circle tipped their glasses up, but I froze. It was one thing for us to all defy Vanessa with a group party. She couldn’t get the whole team disbanded. But everyone there knew I was the freshman and the only one not there before Vanessa’s no-dating rule. If I drank, everyone would want to know who I’d kissed or they’d start guessing. There was no way that wasn’t getting back to Vanessa.
“Oh, poor, Luci,” Leanne, the other goalie looked genuinely upset that I hadn’t taken a drink. “That’s totally unacceptable.”
Crash draped his arm over my shoulder. “I’m more than willing to take one for the team and bestow a first kiss upon the fair maiden.”
Before I could even form a refusal, strong hands lifted me by the waist. Ryan muttered, “Like hell,” and I found myself sitting sideways in his lap.
Ryan brushed a hair behind my ear, and I looked up into his eyes. He stared down at me, and I was struck immediately by the feeling that this was where we’d always been heading. His expression was serious, but his eyes held a warmth that lit me on fire everywhere he touched. His mouth quirked into a tiny grin before he bent down and kissed me.
A round of ooohs and catcalls spread through the circle, but I didn’t care. I was kissing Ryan in front of everyone, and the whole world could be burning down for all I cared. Ryan’s fingers dug into my waist as the kiss deepened, and the room around us disappeared.
In that moment it was just us, alone, saying what needed to be said without words. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on while so much more than our lips connected.
“Get a room.”
Laughter broke out around us, and Ryan pulled back, breaking the kiss and whatever magic had protected us in that moment. He grinned down at me, and effervescent bubbles filled my stomach. Oh god, he’d kissed me in front of everyone.
Ryan glanced up at whoever had yelled at us. “Don’t mind if we do.” In less than a second, Ryan was standing, and I was cradled in his arms while he marched us out of the living room and down the hall toward his bedroom.
Twenty-Seven
Ryan
Saturday
Walking out of the living room carrying Luci was reckless and stupid, but I didn’t care. I marched into my bedroom, shoved the door shut behind me with my foot, and kissed Luci once more before setting her down on her feet.
She let out a loud breath, still clinging to my neck as if she might fall over without me. “That was crazy.”
“I know.” I ran my fingers down the smooth skin of her arms and smiled when she shivered from the touch. “Do you hate me?”
“No, never.” Her fingers wove into my hair, and she bit at her bottom lip. “It’s just… If Vanessa hears—”
I cut her off with another kiss and tried to press how much I cared about her into her lips. “I’m tired of worrying about Vanessa.”
“Me too.” Luci dropped her arms and turned away from me. It took all my willpower not to pull her back against my body where she belonged.
“What’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours?”
She turned back toward me, worry still marring her face. “Vanessa is awful, and I hate her. I know that’s ugly to say, but I hate her. And if she finds out about this, she’ll hate me, too. The difference is that she’ll use that hate to do anything she can to make my life miserable
. She isn’t above lying or cheating the system to get what she wants. When she gets word of this, destroying me will move to the very top of her to-do list.”
I took a step toward Luci, but she took a corresponding step backward.
“I need to tell you something.”
I sat down on the bed and smoothed out the sheets next to me. “Then I want to hear it.”
Luci let out another deep breath and sat down next to me, but not close enough. I wanted her pressed against me with nothing between us. I wanted all of her because I was such a goner. She already had all of me.
“I wasn’t supposed to come to Pearson.”
I had a million questions but kept my mouth shut. This was something she needed to get out in her own way.
“I had a full ride to Fullerton University in Wisconsin. They have an amazing graphic design program, and my soccer scholarship covered everything, so I didn’t need any loans. Spring break my senior year I was in a car accident and broke my ankle.”
She let out a shaky breath but kept going.
“My boyfriend at the time was the one driving. We were having a huge fight because he wanted me to go to Ohio State where we both got scholarships. But I didn’t want to go there because they don’t have a GD program. He was furious that I wasn’t willing to put us first, and I couldn’t understand how he could ask me to give up on my dreams.
“When Fullerton found out about the accident, they rescinded their scholarship offer and so did every other D1 school that had invited me to play. I had to scramble to pull together enough funds to get here. Pearson was the only school that would still honor their offer and that had a graphic design program. If I hadn’t been able to keep this scholarship, then that was it. My big dream gone before I ever got a chance at it.”
“Lucy.” I reached out a hand and traced a circle against her palm. “I’m so sorry that happened, but it all worked out okay.”
“It’s all worked out so far, but that could all change in a heartbeat. If my grades don’t stay up, I’ll lose my academic scholarship, and if Vanessa makes it impossible for me to play, I lose my soccer scholarship. One slip up and I lose everything.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but Luci held up her hand to stop me, and her eyes filled with tears. “Asking me to ignore what Vanessa could do is like asking me to go to State and give up my dreams. The last time I tried to ignore my reality it broke my ankle and nearly destroyed everything. I won’t do that again, so please don’t ask me to.”
Luci broke me. This beautiful, sweet, smart, talented person was only trying to live her life. She wasn’t asking anyone to give her a leg up or make exceptions for her. But every time she turned around, someone was trying to stand in her way. I refused to be another roadblock.
“Luci, I…” I swallowed down the fear that what I’d been feeling was all on me. She’d poured out her secrets, and this was the least I could give her. “I care about you. More than seems reasonable for the short time we’ve known each other. And you’ve worked too hard to get here. If I’m putting your dreams at risk, then just say the word. It might kill me, but I’ll walk away if that’s what it takes.”
Luci closed the distance between us and sank into my lap, her arms wrapping around my neck and releasing the rock that had settled in my gut.
“Don’t you dare think about walking away. I swore I wasn’t going to get involved with anyone. Told myself that dating would be too much of a distraction. But I was wrong. You aren’t a distraction. You’re the best kind of motivator ever. But I need you to be my secret weapon. At least until the season is over.”
I grinned and rested my forehead against hers. “If secrecy is what you need, then that’s what you’ll get. I’ll be like the CIA, MI5, and 007 all wrapped up into an invisible ninja.”
Lucy laughed, and her body relaxed in my arms. “I just need you to be you.”
“You got it.”
And she did. She had me for as long as she wanted. And I was starting to hope that would be forever.
An ear-piercing scream erupted from the living room, and ice water ran down my back.
“What the heck?” Luci was already scrambling off the bed, and I was right behind her.
We rushed out of my room, down the hall, and into a living room that was frozen in fear. In the middle of the room, Vanessa stood seething, her face a violent shade of red.
Her eyes darted toward me and then flicked between me and Luci. She opened her mouth to scream, and I knew. She knew. After everything Luci had told me about keeping our relationship a secret, we’d blown it less than five minutes later.
Without another word, all the girls filed past Vanessa and out the door. Avery came by and grabbed Luci’s arm, pulling her away from me. Luci looked back at me, her eyes wide with fear. Avery mouthed “I’m sorry,” and then they were gone.
Vanessa was the last to leave, waiting until the last of her teammates had shuffled out of the house. Her mouth opened, but nothing came out, so she closed it again. The fury and shock on her face slowly softened and morphed until she stood in the middle of the room, a sinister smile stretching her lips. Without a word, she turned away and marched behind her team out the door.
I swallowed as she slammed the door behind her. Luci would be the one to pay. I knew it in my gut. And we were both about to find out how far Vanessa was willing to go.
Twenty-Eight
Luci
Monday
Calculus
Intro to Art
Speech
Practice
Review Spanish flashcards
As I walked into the field house, my palms started sweating. I’d have sworn the temperature in the building was at least ten degrees warmer than outside. Or it could have been the nerves and guilt doing an intimate tango in my stomach. I hadn’t been able to settle down since I’d gotten the email from Coach Taylor at lunch. The one that asked me to come see him before practice. The email that said we needed to talk.
But that wasn’t entirely true. I’d felt nauseous before the email. Pretty much ever since I’d walked into Ryan’s living room and found Vanessa standing there in a fit of fiery rage. I didn’t know what she would do to me, only that it would be awful. She’d made Katee work so hard in conditioning that she puked and quit. And that was for continuing to see her boyfriend. Vanessa had caught me coming out of a bedroom with her ex-boyfriend. A cold shiver of fear crept down my spine as I wondered what she had waiting for me.
I trudged past the main lobby and down a short hallway where most of the team coaches had offices. Several of them had their doors open and gave me a friendly smile or wave as I walked past. They had no idea I was a dead man heading for the gallows. Coach Taylor’s door was closed, so I knocked lightly, hoping he wasn’t there.
Dumb, wishful thinking.
“Come in.”
I slid into the room, staying close to the door in case I needed to make a hasty exit. The office was small but tidy with a single window facing the soccer field. I could just make out the top of the bleachers and the scoreboard from here.
Coach nodded at me, his face pulling down at the edges as if he’d been drained of energy. “Close the door and have a seat.”
I swallowed and followed his directions, sitting on the edge of a generic office chair on the other side of the desk from him.
He closed a folder sitting in front of him and turned his weary eyes to me. “Luci, you’ve been doing really well in practice. I know it couldn’t have been easy being the only new player on the team this year, but I’ve been impressed with your ability to fit in and adjust to our style of play.”
“Thank you.” I relaxed my shoulders a bit. Maybe I wasn’t about to be receive a death sentence.
“You could be a really strong asset for the team in the future, which is why this report is so upsetting.” He tapped the folder in front of him, and my stomach shriveled like a popped balloon.
“It’s been brought to my attention that you were seen drin
king at a party this weekend.”
I let out a long slow breath as all my organs deflated. This was how Vanessa would take me down, and she didn’t even have to lie to do it.
“Do you wish to deny the allegations?”
I silently shook my head. It was true.
“I’m sure you understand how serious this is. Pearson athletics has a very strict underage drinking policy. I’m within my rights to remove you from the team.”
I nodded again. I knew all this. It was in the packet I’d signed when I agreed to play for Pearson and accept the scholarship. One word from him and I’d be off the team and immediately lose my scholarship. Forget graduating. I wouldn’t be able to afford to finish the semester.
Coach’s face went blurry as tears filled my eyes, and I wiped them away. This was my doing, and I’d face the music.
Coach let out a sigh and leaned back in his chair. “I don’t want to kick you off the team, Luci. I need a strong back-up keeper who’ll be ready to take over the starting position next year. I’ve got some recruits I’m looking at, but none of them have your talent, and I’ve got several other positions I need to fill when this year’s seniors graduate.”
I held my breath and waited. Waited for him to say he didn’t want to kick me off, but he had to.
“You haven’t said anything.”
I drew in a shaky breath and blew it out to steady my voice. Every player at the party was drinking, and I wasn’t the only one underage. One word and half the team could get booted. Vanessa’s shot at the championship would be crushed. But I would never lower myself to her level. I was the one sitting in Coach’s office, and I would take the heat.