Black Flag (Racing on the Edge)

by Stahl, Shey

  Each week, I couldn’t flee the hounding media and fans that hovered over every turn waiting to take those last remaining pieces.

  “Jameson! Look this way!”

  “Jameson! Do you have just a second?”

  “Jameson! Can you sign this?”

  “Jameson! Can I get a picture with you?”

  “Jameson! Do you think you have a chance at the championship?”

  “Jameson! How’s Sway doing?”

  Those were the constant enthusiastic questions surrounding me. But what they didn’t realize was instead of taking the remaining pieces, they were being glued together again with the fact that this was almost the end. That’s what I tried to tell myself at least.

  With the late afternoon sun blinding, I was leaning against this side of my hauler as a throng of fans encircled me. I remained silent and just smiled for the pictures they were taking. There was screaming and flashing all around, it was hard to even sign my name with all the distractions. But I remained focused as the end was near.

  A strange thing happens when someone finds out you’re a NASCAR driver. They stop thinking of you as a person and think of you as some sort of mythical creature, a god that can do no wrong. We’re far from that though. We have weaknesses and probably more faults than them. We have insecurities just like anyone else. But that doesn’t change the fact that we act strong, we try to remain that god in their eyes. We hide the fact that we’re human too because that’s not what they want to see.

  We are just people after all though. We screw up, we lose our tempers and even the best of us have bad days, or months in my case. But what I’m getting at is that we still move forward, we never rest, we keep trying in hopes that maybe someday we’ll just come a little closer to the mythical creatures our fans hope that we are because that’s what they want.

  I continued to stand there, my hand cramping ever so often and sweat pouring out of me. I hadn’t even had a chance to change since the race and the Virginia sun was roasting.

  Where Alley was to contain this is what I wanted to know.

  Apparently, she’d had enough of my shit. When she caught a glimpse of what was happening out here, she merely smiled and walked inside the hauler with Lane, leaving me to deal with this myself.

  Publicist my ass.

  “Thanks a lot Alley!” I yelled after her.

  My dad was here that weekend, which made everyone a little more edgy, but more importantly he was breathing down my neck at this moment looking for an answer.

  I could feel his piercing eyes watching me as a few fans realized who he was and asked for his autograph. He leaned against the hauler beside me. Reaching for another poster to sign, my stare flickered toward his.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Oh, just heading to the NASCAR Hauler.” His lips pursed as his eyes narrowed but he remained somewhat amused.

  “What, so you got lost on the way?”

  He just chuckled shaking his head, not appearing to be offended by my sarcasm. “Another fine, Jameson?” A smile flickered across his tense face when I didn’t answer and simply offered a shrug. “Just...I don’t even know what to say about this one. You’re out of control—you know that right?”

  “Add it to the long list of my wholesome qualities.” I replied not looking up. I heard a few fans chuckle at our trifling argument.

  “You’re a shitty listener too. Add that to your wholesome list.” he yelled over his shoulder walking toward the NASCAR hauler to argue my most recent penalty for threatening a NASCAR official that I would shove his black flag up his ass if he waived it at me again.

  I was completely serious and I think the official knew that.

  After about an hour of this, Alley finally came out, Phillip was waiting for me. I signed two more autographs and made my way inside, fans screaming for me to come back. Dipping my head, I waved to them.

  Phillip was typing away on his Blackberry when I took a seat across from him at the table. Drawing in a shaky breath, I ran my fingers once through my hair. I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear all this but I also knew at some point I needed to hear it.

  He got straight to business when he finished checking his email. “All right Jameson, the arraignment is scheduled for next Thursday, would you like to attend?” His eyebrows arched in question as he looked up at me.

  “Do you really think that’s a good idea?” I asked pessimistically.

  “Good point, Jimi will come with me.” He answered shaking his head. I knew damn well if I ever saw Chelsea or Mariah again, I’d be asking Van for pointers on how to dispose of the bodies. Regardless if they were remorseful of what they did, I still would fucking kill them. No one gets away with threatening my family and nearly killing them.

  “They are both being charged with complicity, also known as aiding and abetting. An accomplice is someone who helps in, or in some states merely encourages, the commission of a crime. Courts will sometimes refer to a person as the aider or an abettor.” Phillip’s eyes flickered toward me as he read over the documents placed in front of him. “This is where Mariah, Chelsea, and Gordon come in to play. Dana was released because frankly after speaking to her, I’m surprised that girl even knows her own name sometimes. Anyway, an aider or abettor is a person who did not commit the crime, but his or her actions helped enable someone else to do so. Examples could be supplying weapons or supplies, or in Mariah’s case—acting as a lookout. Or in Gordon’s case—signaling the victim’s approach,” His eyes once again, shot toward mine knowing my reaction.

  I felt the blood leave my face. I was standing instantly, adrenaline taking over. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “Jameson, sit down.” Phillip ordered; his voice low, bleak and demanding. “Now is not the time for you to act foolish. You’re lucky you’re not being charged for murder right now...so if I were you, I would sit down and keep my mouth shut.”

  “There’s no proof that I actually did that.”

  “Yes, I know. But if it wasn’t for Van you would be in a heap of shit right now.”

  After a few moments, I regained my composure that I’d just lost and sat back down.

  “Now Chelsea, she merely encouraged the crimes. Accomplice liability means anyone who helps in the commission of a crime is as guilty as the person who committed the crime and can be punished as severely, if convicted.”

  I struggled with the words to speak for a moment, feeling the pain once again. “So they’ll be punished for what they did?” Instantly the images from her attack flashed through my mind.

  “Yes,” he answered, his expression hard to read. “There are a number of witnesses who will attest to everything so it’s fairly cut and dry. They also admitted to everything—including Gordon. There have also been a few crew members suspended too for their involvement in Pocono and previous races where they have been linked to malfunctions with your car.”

  “Say what?”

  He gave me that look again. The one that said knock it off.

  “Why did Gordon get involved? He was a fucking NASCAR...Jesus...”

  “I’m not entirely sure but taking a guess I’d say it was because Darrin is his nephew.”

  “So somehow he signaled Darrin that Sway was heading to the restroom? This is so fucked up.”

  Phillip shook his head knowing damn well what I was doing right now. Clever bastard.

  “Jameson, this isn’t important and will not change anything.”

  I nodded understanding for once. He was right. I couldn’t change it.

  “Listen, I know that all this has been hard on you and more than any twenty-three year old kid needs to be dealing with, but please, just let me do my job and stay out of it. Don’t talk to the media and don’t make matters worse. You’re in the public’s eyes right now, every move you make, they’re watching, waiting for you to ruin your career or say something stupid.” He stood, closing his brief case and straightening his tailored Armani jacket. “Don’t let them succeed. Jus
t keep your mouth shut, your head clear and race.”

  It’d been nineteen days since I saw Sway. Nineteen miserable days. But thankfully before the last three races of the season I was able to see her.

  When I finally arrived in Elma is was around two in the morning and I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open.

  As I walked into Sway’s room, I tripped over Emma sleeping on the floor. I simply just rolled her outside the door, into the hallway and closed Sway’s door—locking it.

  Once I had my clothes off, I moved to snuggle with her, enjoying the warmth of her body, the feel of her smooth porcelain skin against mine. I buried my face in her long dark hair, breathing in a deep breath of her freesia shampoo. As I let out the breath, I realized that all this time away I felt as if the other half of my heart, my soul was right here with her. I felt that to breathe, really breathe, I needed her for that. I was operating on half myself in every way when I was away from her.

  I must have woken her because she pushed back against me. “Emma, Jesus Christ...stop.” She slapped at me. “Leave me alone you monkey.”

  I chuckled against her, pushing my two week scruff into her neck and my hips against her ass, hoping she’d realize I was far from being Emma.

  My naughty girl didn’t disappoint and wrapped her arms around me. I was relieved to see that her cast was finally off.

  Though I was exhausted, being close to her was raising my compression ratios. It’d been way to fucking long.

  “You’re home.” She breathed.

  “Mmm,” I smiled against her lips as she kissed me.

  Her fingers ran over my jaw. “I like the scruff.”

  “Mmhmm,” I kissed her again.

  “I missed you.”

  “Not as much as I missed you, honey.” My tongue slipped softly between her lips, plunging into her warm mouth. Sway met my passion, showing me how much she missed me as well. Her fingertips gripped my shoulders, drawing me closer.

  My mind was reeling; it’d been a long time since we’d been this close. She caressed my face and looked at me with wonder. When she traced the curve of my lips, I smiled.

  “You’re really here?” she asked.

  “Yes, I’m really here.” I kissed her passionately and poured all my lust and longing into it. I knew we needed to be careful but I also needed this so badly that I could hardly understand it myself. I pulled back to run my fingers over her cheek.

  Her hair fanned out over the pillow beneath her head, her cheeks flushed and her eyes closed. She pulled me closer, my skin felt right against hers as if it found its other half as well. I felt her shiver beside me and I knew she could feel my erection digging into her leg.

  “You did miss me, didn’t you?” she whispered.

  I smiled and gave her a wink watching her face glow in the pale moonlight.

  As gently as I could I covered her body with my own, holding as much of my weight on my elbows.

  “Jameson,” she moaned spurring me on. Her back arched into my chest and I moved down her neck, over her collar bone, and down between her breasts—gently removing her tank top. Eventually, I made my way to her nipple, sucking it in at a dawdling pace causing her to whimper in annoyance at my languid loitering. I had no intentions of hurrying through this but Sway did, her quick and nimble motions, pushing, pulling, grabbing, yanking...anything she could do to get me to move faster against her body but I wasn’t having it. I wanted to take my time with her. Sure I was just as sexually frustrated as her. It’d been three weeks since I’d seen her and even longer than that since we’d been alone, intimately.

  Gently I grasped her wrist when her hand wrapped around me, her other hand knotting in my hair.

  “Oh god...honey...I...” my hips automatically twitched forward, wanting this, needing this.

  I wanted something, anything, but I was scared shitless. We hadn’t so much as made out like horny teenagers but we needed more. I needed more after the long separation. So really, saying I was sexually frustrated was a huge fucking understatement. If my jeans even rubbed against me lately—I had to adjust myself.

  “Jameson, please. I need you...in some way...I need you. I can’t explain it I just do.” She sobbed breaking down my entire resolve. I made her cry, again.

  My denial vanished when her hand gripped me tighter pushing my underwear down. I was pressed in between her legs, still hovering over her.

  My lips were now at her ear. “We need to be careful.” I warned and then kissed the spot directly below her ear.

  Really, I just wanted to bend her over this bed and have my way with her...fuck being careful! I needed release.

  “We will...just, please, I need this.” She panted against my shoulder.

  Removing my left hand from her cheek, I dragged it slowly down her body until I reached her center. After pulling her panties down, I softly I began caressing her. My body was burning, I was panting into her neck harshly to the point of almost embarrassment but she wasn’t doing any better thrashing around under my touch and within minutes she was trembling and screaming my name, which of course left me one proud son of a bitch.

  Completely rigid and tense, she stroked me with her spastic motions, her breathing slowly returning to normal.

  When she opened her eyes, she smirked at me. “I need you to—”

  “No.” I objected. “We can’t. You have to wait until...” her fingers against my lips silenced me.

  “That’s not what I mean. I need you to come.”

  I wasn’t sure exactly what she was talking about but my need for this was just as strong as her want if that made any sense at all. So I simply lied back against the pillows and let her show me what she meant.

  The feeling of her lips, the way she swirled her tongue in a way that left my mind in completely overwhelmed. Sadly it took all a few minutes and I couldn’t hold on any longer.

  I wanted to warn her to move but when I touched her cheek she smacked my hand away and sucked harder than before, leaving me begging.

  “Don’t stop. Oh god Sway please, don’t stop...ah, fuck...” My rough responses tapered off when speaking became impossible and the only noises coming from me were a string of loud throaty groans as I spilled inside her mouth.

  My entire body throbbed as I let out another loud groan when I came. I felt lightheaded and my hips moved on their own, my climax lingering, akin to overlapping orgasms.

  When she was finally crawling up my body to lie next to me, I saw the tears in her eyes.

  I panicked. “Fuck...did I hurt you? Oh god, I knew we shouldn’t have done this.”

  My hands flew to my hair where I knotted them in the mess.

  Sway shook her head vigorously reaching for my hands, pulling them into hers. “No, no, no, Jameson...it’s not that.” She drew in a shaky breath. “I’m happy. I’m beyond happy actually.” Her head fell against my chest, her arms circling around me. “I just needed you. I needed to know that I could still...please you.”

  It was my turn to draw in a shaky breath cupping her cheeks.

  “What would make you think you couldn’t?” I asked incredulously.

  “I don’t know...after everything Darrin did.” Her tiny shoulders shrugged. “I wanted to know that we still could be together in that way. That we still could...please each other, that he didn’t take that from us.”

  I had no words. I stared at her watching her tears fall. This woman before me owned my heart, she owned my soul and she thought she couldn’t please me physically?

  My heart was pounding as I began to speak. “Sway,” I whispered, cupping her cheek with my hand. My thumb brushed over her lower lip. “Being with you physically, is the most satisfying experience I’ve ever felt. I can’t even begin to describe the desires I have for you...they border on illegal, honey.” She laughed, her tears beginning to slow. “I will never feel the way I feel about you with anyone else. So for you to think you wouldn’t please me...well, forgive me for saying this to you but you are fucking
insane.”

  Of course, she started laughing once I said this.

  I pulled her against my chest, my hands traced her shoulders and down her arms.

  “You’re everything to me and you do satisfy me both emotionally and physically, beyond words.”

  Her snarky side returned quirking an eyebrow at me. “You’re just saying that because I gave you some micro polishing.”

  “Well,” I chuckled moving my lips over her jaw. “There’s that too.”

  19. Alternator – Sway

  Alternator – A belt-driven device mounted on the front of the engine that recharges the battery while the engine is running.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “Being an asshole. Focusing on what’s not important. I could go on and on.” He sighed. “I’m gonna make our dreams come true. I promise.”

  “I know you will,” I touched his shoulder. “but can you hand me that ice cream?”

  “Really?” He gave me the “what the hell” look he was so good at.

  “Yeah why?”

  Jameson chuckled and leaned back against my headboard. “I don’t know...maybe because I’m pouring my heart out to you and you want ice cream.”

  “Ice cream first—pour your heart out second.”

  “Got it,” He nodded, his eyes focused on the container that was now in my hand as he read the label. “I didn’t realize I stood in line behind Chunky Monkey.”

  “Oh you don’t,” I smiled a beaming smile at him as I took the lid off. “You’re behind Fish Food, then you, then Chunky Monkey.”

  “At least I know my place.”

  “Definitely,” I said with a mouth full of ice cream. “I wouldn’t want you confused.”

  I giggled, ice cream dribbled down my chin. “Want some?” I pushed the spoon at him.

  “Not really, I want something else.” His eyes twinkled with that shine I hadn’t seen in a long time.