KissingAliceislikegoinghome,likevisitingaplacewhereyouwouldalwayswanttobe.
Whenourlipsseparate,ourforeheadscometogether.Alicebeginstolaughandsheshakesher head; But then she kisses me again. she lets herself go again, to feel when the occasion demandsit.Notthinkofanythingotherthanthepersoninfrontofyouandwhois,incredibleas itmayseem,thepersonyouhadwaitedforthroughoutyourlifedespiteourbadstart.
ALICE
Ohoh.
HowcouldIhavelivedforfortyyearswithoutthesekisses?
Withoutthistinglinginthestomach?
Withoutthesehands?
Withoutthislookthattakesmetotheseventhheaven?
HowdoItellhimthetruthnow?
HowdoItellhimthatheandAlessandroarebrothers?
Passionisrising,asourlipsbecomeaccustomedtothekisseswecan´thelpgivingtoeach other. We stare at each other and our hunger outweigh our supposed maturity. We should behaveourselves,weshouldwait...butifwehaverealizedsomething,itisthatlifeisvery short; That today you are here and tomorrow who knows. We interlace our hands and go upstairs. We enter Mark's bedroom and undress each other slowly and carefully. It is a very sweetmomentthatIwanttokeepforeverinmymind.
We lay on the bed, we caress and continue kissing as if we were two fifteen-year-old teenagerswhohavejustdiscoveredwhatloveis.OhGod!ThisishowLoveis?Inaminute I'vefeltmorethaninmywholelifewithJack.Atthistime,Idon´tenvymy"teenageself"who livedawonderfulsummerwithahandsomeyoungThomasataColoradocamp.Ijustwantto bemyself,inmyforties,enjoyingthemomentwithMark.Onlywithhim.Onlyhim.
CHAPTER13
ALICE
IthinkAlessandroandAmyhaven’tnoticedsincetheygothome,thattherehasbeensomething goingonbetweenMarkandme.Theylookatuswithawickedsmile,whileMarkandIcan´t helpbutstareateachotherandsneakaround.Wedecidedtopreparepizzatokeepupwiththe custom,andAmyhaspromisedussomeexcellentdessertpancakeswithanewrecipeshehas seen on a kitchen internet portal. What an obsession! We have laughed, we have rolled our eyesandwehavebeguntosaythattonight,thebathroomwillbemuchsoughtafterduetoabad digestion.
"Come now! What little faith you have in me! That's how you want me to improve my culinaryarts,huh?"Shesaidwithalaugh.
However,theremustalwaysbesomethingorsomeonetospoilaperfectmoment.There'sa knockonthedoor,andafterIopenitImeetJackagain.AlessandroandAmy,oblivioustothe presence of my ex, are still in the kitchen; But Mark comes after me with curiosity to know whoshowsupathishouseatthishour.
"Whatareyoudoinghereagain,Jack?"Havenotyouhadenough?"Iask,foldingmyarms.
ThesituationgetsweirderwhenJack,withhisflushedcheeks,rushesagainstmeandkisses me. I try to get away from him, he stinks of alcohol; But it's Mark who can force him away.
Suddenly,inthepresenceofAmyandAlessandrowhohavecometoseewhathappens,Jack hitsMarkpunchinghimintheeyewhohitshimback,andendupinafightinfrontofthestairs.
Itakemyhandstothehead,Idon´tknowwhattodoanditisAlessandrowhointervenes,with theintentionofseparatingthem.Finally,MarkriseswithhisnosebleedingandJackislyingon thefloorcursingusallandwithoutbeingabletogetupduetothedrunkenness.
"Dad!"ExclaimsAmyfuriously,approachinghim.
"Tellyourmothershehastogobackwithme.Withmeitiswithwhomshehastobe."
Jackcanbarelyvocalizewell.Amy,disgusted,looksatmequestioningly.
"Takehimtooneoftheguestrooms"Marksays."Lettheidiotsleepforawhile."
Amynodsandtakesherfathertooneofthebedrooms.
"Mark,areyouokay?"Iask,touchinghiseyecarefully,whichwillbegintobruiseatany moment.
"I'vehadbetternights"helaughs.
WegotothebathroomandIcleanhiswoundsverycarefully.
"I'msorry,I'mreallysorry...I'msorry."
"It'snotyourfault,Alice"Marksays,strokingmycheek.Igivehimakiss.IwonderwhenI willfindtherighttimetoconfessthatAlessandroishisbrother.Iwonderhowhewillreact.I wishIsabellawasstillalive,sothatshewouldbetheonetosayit.
As if nothing had happened, and leaving Jack in one of the bedrooms sleeping; Mark, Alessandro,AmyandI,goouttothegardentotasteourhomemadepizza.Mark,sore,keeps lookingatmeandIwonderwhathewillthink.Whatwillhethinkofme,myex-husband,my
life?Theteenagersleavethegardensoontotheirrespectiverooms...That'swhattheysay,I'd rather play the fool and not say I know that they will sleep together. Again, Mark and me.
Alone.
"Doyoudareeatasliceofpancake?"Heasksmelaughing.
"Noway.Doesyoureyehurt?Wecouldgotothedoctor."
"It’snothing.It’snotlikeitwasmyfirstfight."
"Wasn’tit?"
"Let'ssaythatsomejealousboyfriendsmademepayfortheirgirl'sflirtationwithme."
"Itistrue!IdidnotrememberyourpastasaCasanova."
Heshakeshishead,asiftosaythatallthisisalreadywaterunderthebridge.WhatdoI havethatwouldmakehimchange?WhatdoIhavethatotherwomendidn’t,thosewomenwho hadwantedtospendtherestoftheirliveswithhim?Aphonecall,breaksthemomentwhichI thinkitwouldberightonetoconfessthesecretthatIsabellahaskeptduringalltheseyears.It's Cindy,andMarkseeingit'sher,picksupmycellphone.
MARK
" Whatdoyouwant?"IaskCindy.
"Oh...areyoumoody?"Shesayswithalaugh.
"Youhavethatgiftofmakingmeso."
"SoIwasn´tsowrongwhenIarrangedthatdateforyouandAlice,didnotI?Howcome thatyounowlikethoseintheirforties?"
"Shutup,you’reannoying.
"Whenareyoucomingback?"
"Insixdays."
"Great,becauseyourgirlhaswrittenthemostamazingromanticnovelI'vereadinmylife andwehavetostartworkingonitalready"shesaysenthusiastically.
"Iamgladtohearthat.Cindy,canIaskyouaquestion?"Isay,lookingatAlice.
"You'rescaringme."
"WhenyougaveAlicethekeys,youknewIwashereinMontepulciano,right?"
"Wellofcourse."
"Soyou..."
"Yes,I'mgoingtobecomeafortuneteller.Comeon,passmetoAlice,thecallisgoingto costmeanarmandaleg."
Alicesmiles.ShepicksupthephoneandI'mlisteningtotheconversationbetweenAlice andmysister,who,raisinghervoicesomuch,Icanalmosthearherclearly.Sheseemsexcited andwithatremendousdesiretopublishAlice'snovel,whichifIhaven´theardwrong,istitled
"ALoveinTuscany".IwonderifIamincludedinit.OrmaybeAngeloorJack.Iftherewillbe anycharacterthatcanremindmeofIsabellaorsomedramaticsituationthatmakesmerelive thememoryofthesedays.
"Yoursisteris..."Alicebeginstohangupthephone,tryingtofindtherightwordtodefine Cindy.
"Unequalled"Isay,thankingmysisterinsilence,themomentofmadnessshehad,bygiving thekeystoAlice.
WhatIhavealwayslikedaboutmysisterisherimpulsivecharacter.Shefearsnothingand noone;Ifshefeelslikedoingsomethingshedoesitwithoutthinkingabouttheconsequences.It couldhavebeenfateful.Icouldhavereactedworse.Fortunately,Iwasabletocalmmyselfin timeandseethegoodsideofhavingtwo"nongrata"guestsinmyhouse,ruiningmyplansfora solitary and revealing summer professionally speaking. Fortunately ... because otherwise, I wouldn´thavelivedwhathasbeenthebestsummerofmylifeontheonehand,andthesaddest andstrange
st,duetothearrivalanddisappearanceofIsabella,suddenlychangingmylife.
"Mark,what'sgoingtohappennow?"
"Whatdoyoumean?"
"Betweenyouandme."
"Soyouhavedoubts?Donotyouwanttotrytoseewhathappens?"
"Mark,I'mfortyyearsold.I'mnotfornonsense."
"Meneither"Isayseriously,takingherhand.
"It'sbeenaveryintenseday"shesays,lookingatmyblackeye.
"Averyintenseday?Wehavebeenlivingaveryintensefewdays...Ionlywantedtocome here,tobealoneandcalmandwatch..."Ishakemyheadandlaugh.
"DoyouremembermuchofIsabella?"
"Allthetime"Isay.Alicedoesn´tseemtomindhearingthetruth."I'llbehonestwithyou, Alice. I think I owe it to you. Last night, when you came home and Amy and I were with IsabellaandAlessandro...yes,wemadelove.WeweretogetherandforamomentIthoughtit wasbullshitaboutbeinginlovewithamemory.IthoughtIwasinlovewithherandshewas with me, which could be the beginning of something, even if we knew that it was only the beginningoftheend.Thattherewaslittletime...infact,yousee...justafewhourslater,she died."
"Youneednotbesosincere,Mark.Isuspectedit...youandIsabella.Iguessitwaskindof likefinishingachapterofyourlife,right?Oftentheolderonessaythatsummerteenlovesare nonsense.Theyarepassingandforgettable.
"Butit'snottrue"Isay.
"No, that's not true. The connection that you and Isabella had was very strong, it did not breakeventhoughithadhappenedsomanyyearsago.Itsaddensmetoseehowit'sallover, howIsabellafinishedandthat'swhatIwantedtotalktoyouabout."
"Aboutwhat?"
"Isabella..."
Alicesighsandlightsacigar.Shelooksnervous,seemstocarryaheavyburdenandagain, stops staring into my eyes. As if I couldn´t make it, as if there was a supernatural force that preventedherfromfacingmeface-to-face.
"Whatisit,Alice?"
ALICE
Alice,breathe...breathe...Donotlethimnoticeyou'renervous.Donotlethimnotice thatyourheartbeatsamileaminute...God,breathe...Breathe!.
"Alice,what'swrong?"Markinsists.
"It'sveryhardformetohavetotellyouthis,Mark"Ibegantosay,drawingcouragefrom whereIdon´thaveit.
"What?"
"It's no accident that Isabella thought of you to take care of her son when she would be gone."
"Whatdoyoumean?"
Nowit'shim,he’stheonewho'snervous.
"Mark..."Ilookupatthestarrysky."Ihavealwaysbelievedinthestupidideathatwhen peopleleavethisworld,theygoupthereandtheybecomestarsthatlookatusandwatchover us.Someshinemorethanothers,dependingonwhattheyhavedoneintheirpassagethrough the earth. Isabella must be one of those bright stars ... for all the light she left here, for how muchtheylovedher.Butinsilence,Iwanthertobecomeashootingstarandreturntotheearth disintegratedintoathousandpieces,forsettingmefreeoftheburdenoftellingMarkhissecret.
"Alessandroandyouarebrothers"Isayoutoftheblue.
Markstartstolaugh.Hefrowns,shakeshishead,grabsoneofmycigarettes,andturnsiton awkwardly.Hishandsshake,hisnoseisbleedingagain.Iofferhimahandkerchiefandhegets up.Hewandersaroundthepool,throwshiscigaretteintothewater,andquicklyturnstome, sittingdownbesideme.
"Youareinsane."
"I am not insane. Calm down and let me explain, okay? " He nods, folding his arms and lookingatmeasifIwasreallycrazy.TheafternoonImetIsabella,shetoldmeherdarkpast thatshedidnotdaretotellyou.Yearsago,shewashiredasahighclassprostitute."
"Isabella?No,what's...Isabellano,itcan´tbe."
"Pleaselistentome."
"Okay,"hesaysreluctantly.
"Apparently,yourfathertravelledtoFlorenceonbusinessandwenttotheprostituteagency wheresheworked.Andhechoseherwithoutrememberingwhoshewas.Theygotdrunk,made love..."Mark'sfaceismessedup.HeisdisgustedtohearwhatIamtellinghimanditdisgusts me to imagine everything that must be going through his head. "The condom broke and three months later, Isabella knew she was pregnant. Alessandro is your father's son. You two are brothers."
I close the conversation. I feel that I have freed myself from a heavy burden that had consumedme.AheavyburdenwithwhichIcouldn´tliveanotherminute.Markgetsup,looks atmefuriously,pointsatmewithhisfingerandsaysthewordsIneverthoughtIwouldhaveto hear.
"Leave my house at once, Alice. You are insane. You only told me this so that I hate Isabella, because you can´t bear to be reminded of her at all times. I did not think you were suchabadperson.Goaway."
"Mark,please...cometoyoursenses..."
"GofindAmyandthedisgustingofyourex-husbandandleavemyhouse."
OfallthereactionsIthoughtIwouldhave,thiswastheoneIleastexpectedandwanted.I willnotcry.Irefusetocry.
MARK
Disgust,rage,fury.IdidnotthinkAlicecouldbringtheworstoutofme.Butshedid, tellingmeahoaxIdon´tbelieveorwanttobelieve.Isabellaworkingasaprostitute?Notina thousandlives,thatisn´tpossible.Alessandro,mybrother?Youmustbekiddingme.
Amyleavesthebedroomwithoutunderstandinganything,justlikeJack,wholooksatusall withtheconfusionafterahangover.Alessandroasksagainandagainwhytheyhavetogo,what hashappened.Nowit'smewhocan´tlookatAlicestraightintheeye.Ican´t.Ipourmyselfa glassofwhiskeyandletthealcoholconsumethelonelinessinwhichthehousehasremained sinceAliceandAmyweregone.Alessandrokeepsasking,keepsinsisting..."
"Mark,butwhy?"WhathappenedbetweenyouandAlice?
"She'sinsane,Alessandro.She'sinsane."
Icry.Icrywithrageandsorrow.Alessandoapproachesme.
"Gotosleep,Mark.Whateverhashappened,tomorrowyouwillseeeverythinginanother way. Look at me ... a week without my mother and every day that passes by, it seems that everythingischanging.Imissher,alot...butI'mlearningtolivewithherabsence.IfIcanput upwiththat,youcanputupwitheverything.
Ican´ttellhimanything.IlookathimintheeyesandIstillseesomethingofmeinthem.
He'smybrother?IsAlessandromybrother?Itmakesmesicktothinkthatmyfatherwaswitha youngIsabella.Iwanttothrowup.I'mdizzyandmynoseisbleedingagain.Notmorethanhalf anhouragoAliceandAmyleftandImissthelaughteroftheadolescentteenageraddictedto thepancakes.AlsothesoundofAlice'scomputerkeys.Whatifshetoldmethetruth?Whydid notIsabellatellmethatfromthebeginning?
"Alessandro.WhenwegotoNewYork,youandIwilldosomeDNAtests."
"DNAtests?"Why?
"AlicetoldmethatyouandIarebrothers."
Alessandro remains silent. He says nothing and goes up to his bedroom. I could take the car,driveatfullspeedtocatchAliceandAmyintime,beforetheycatchtheplanethatwould take them to New York. I could stop them, apologize to Alice ... tell her that I'm sorry that I calledherinsaneandreactedsobadly.Butthewhiskeyismakingistakingaffectinmybody andIamabouttofallintoadeepsleep...ThenextdayIwillseeeverythinginadifferentway, forsure.Thenextday...
CHAPTER14
Threeweekslater
ALICE
" Stoptormentingyourself,Alice.Please...Andfocusonwhatyoushouldfocuson,on yournovel"Cindysayscoldly,behindthedeskofheroffice.
"Afterallthis,Idon´tknowhowyoucanbesocold,Cindy."
"It'snotcoldness.Itwasami
stakethatmyfathermade,nothingmore.Markwasfondof Alessandro,butI'veonlyseenhimonce.Idon´tknowwhoheis,Idon´tconsiderhimabrother
...we'llwaitandseewhatDNAtestssay.Andthat'sit.Mybrotherwillcomerunningtobeg youtobewithhimandtoaskyourforgiveness."
"Youdon´tknowhowbadhemademefeel,Cindy.Iwillneverforgivehim."
"Comeon!Onceagain!Thesethingshappen,theyshouldbeforgivenandthat'sit."
"It'sveryeasyforyou.Butyoudon´tknowhowhelookedatme..."
"Yes, I can imagine. He looked at me the same as when he was destroying his remote-controlledcars.Andnow,backtoours..."
"Ican´tfocus,Cindy!"
"Verygood."Cindyhashadenough.Sickofhearingmypersonalproblemsinmyoffice.I am not like that, I have always differentiated very well the professional matters from the personalandnow...nowIdon´tknowwhatishappeningtome.I'mevenworsethanwhenI leftJack."Gohome.I'lltakecareofitmyself."
"Areyousure?"
"That'swhatyouneed.Gohome,disconnect,think,relax...haveadrink,havesexwitha stranger,whatdoIknow...dowhatnormalpeopledo.Andwhenyou'rewell,youcomeand stoptalkingabouttheidiotofmybrotherandfinallyfocusonthecoverandlayoutofthenovel.
Although at this stage, when you return, it will already be published in hardcover and paperbackedition,"sheends,snorting.
IleaveCindy'sofficeandsetoutforawalkonthestreetsofNewYork.Sodifferentfrom thoseofMontepulcianoorthedirtroadsthatleadtoothercharminghousesofTuscanythatI can´t forget. The stars here don´t shine the same. The presence of Isabella remains in every corner of my memory, as well as the cold and heartbreaking look Mark gave me when I confessed to him the "secret" and he cruelly threw me out of his house. Amy cried a lot. I avoidedcrying,untilIarrivedinNewYorkandlockedmyselfinmybedroom.Jack,whowas stilldizzyandfeelingsickbytheeffectsofalcohol,flewtoNewYorkalmostwithoutrealizing it,intouristclass;FarfromwhereAmyandIsat.Althoughwemetagainattheairport,hetook anotherway.Ihaven´theardfromhimagain.IknowhetalkedtoAmy,butshedidnotwantto tellmeaboutwhat.
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