Charlotte shook her head as she gazed into Wade’s eyes. “We nearly drowned many times that night. It was all we could do to keep the lifeboat out of the sea and try to keep warm. By morning, the worst of it was over.”
“Yes, but we’d only had time to grab a few provisions. They barely lasted us past the first day. There was no sign of shore in any direction, so I could only row in the general direction of where it should be. On the second day we saw what appeared to be a shoreline. We thought we might be able to make it there by nightfall or early the next morning.” Wade’s frown turned into a smile. “We had just run out of water when we saw a small fleet of kayaks headed toward us. A tribe of Eskimos met us halfway and towed us to shore. We could only understand a little of what they said, which was about how well they could understand us. However, they welcomed us into their village where they took care of us for the next three and a half weeks because I had the misfortune of coming down with pneumonia.
“It took another five days for us to make it back home to Juneau by dogsled. Once there, we discovered that we’d been presumed dead, which I suppose is understandable since we hadn’t been able to send word that we were alive. We were devastated to find out that our children had disappeared along with Jeffery. Apparently, he’d seized the opportunity of our supposed deaths to sell my fur-trading post and everything else I owned to the highest bidder. He took the proceeds along with all of the money I’d left to the children in my savings account.” He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. “We’re still in the process of trying to put our lives back together in Alaska.”
Charlotte nodded. “Meanwhile, we managed to find out he’d talked about bringing the children to their uncle in Texas.”
“The question was, where in Texas?” Wade focused his dark blue eyes on Quinn. “I’ve been searching for you a long time. I even hired private detectives to find you. They never could. You’re a hard man to track down, little brother.”
Helen glanced at Quinn, who gave a wincing grimace. “Sorry about that. I know I traveled a lot. Didn’t leave much of a paper trail, either.”
“You sure didn’t. I finally decided to search for you my own way since the professionals couldn’t find you. By that time, I had children, so I couldn’t just leave them or take them cross-continent to look in person. I spent several years investigating by mail and telegram. Toward the end, Jeffery joined me in the search. We built your history from the time I left and followed your path by contacting each successive employer. I knew we were getting close. He must have found you while I was gone. It took us a while, but we followed his trail to you. Then the authorities asked us to wait until they found and captured Jeffery before contacting y’all.”
Quinn smiled. “It sure means a lot to know you were trying so hard to find me, Wade. I wish we’d been able to reunite earlier and under different circumstances. Then again, I guess this is pretty good, seeing as we found out that you and Charlotte are alive, after all.”
Charlotte nodded. “God was looking out for us even when it didn’t seem like it.”
Helen waited until they’d told the children about Charlie’s role in all of this and Jeffery Richardson’s capture before asking Wade, “So what are y’all planning to do from here?”
“We’re going back to Alaska.”
Quinn placed a hand on her shoulder. “When are y’all leaving?”
“Our train leaves tomorrow afternoon. I know it’s soon, but we need to arrive in Alaska before winter really sets in.”
Helen had expected as much. Still, a protest rose up within her. Did they have to go so soon? Then again, why draw out the pain? The children were leaving. Whether that happened tomorrow morning or a week from now, it wouldn’t change the inevitable. Dread pooled in her stomach as she realized the same principle applied to her secret. Yet, how could she find the courage to tell Quinn the truth after everything that had just happened? Then again, how could she not?
* * *
It was decided that they would all go to the farm to help pack the children’s things. Once it became clear that the men would only be in the way until there was some toting to be done, Wade had requested a tour of the farm. Quinn was happy to oblige and spent the next twenty minutes showing his brother around and explaining all the improvements he’d made. Wade didn’t seem to notice the cold breeze shifting through the trees as they stopped halfway up a nearby hill to look down at the farm spread out below them. “This is beautiful land, and you’ve done a great job with it. I’m proud of you, Quinn.”
The words made Quinn stand a bit taller, and it was hard to hold back a grin. He suddenly felt like an eight-year-old again. Back then, he would have climbed to the top of any tree, jumped across any mud hole or captured a Texas-size toad to earn the attention and approval of his brother. Especially during the years their father hadn’t been inclined to give it. He cleared his throat. “Thanks, Wade. It means a lot to hear you say that.”
Wade’s gaze shot to his. “It does?”
“Of course. I always looked up to you. You were smart as a whip, stronger than most of the boys we hung around with and you always made me feel important.” Noticing the puzzlement on his brother’s face, Quinn frowned. “What? Don’t you believe me?”
Wade shrugged. “It’s just...I got the impression that you resented me for leaving with Pa.”
“As I remember, Pa didn’t give you much choice in going with him. How could I resent you for that?”
“Then why did you refuse to write to me?”
“Wade, you know I couldn’t read or write back then. I’m only learning now because Helen found out I was illiterate and wanted to teach me.”
Wade frowned. “You mean, the tutor didn’t help you?”
“What tutor?”
“The one I asked Nana to hire for you a few years after I left.”
Quinn’s jaw nearly dropped in shock, and it took him a minute to formulate a reply. “You wrote to Nana?”
“Sure, I wrote to her—not to mention sending money home every month.” Wade narrowed his eyes. “You didn’t know, did you?”
“I had no idea.” Quinn sat down on a nearby log as his mind raced to keep up with the implications of what Wade was saying. “I’m sorry to say that I never saw any letters. I certainly never had a tutor. Although, Nana did try to teach me a little around the time you say you wanted her to hire one. The only money I knew of was what I brought in myself.”
“I don’t understand. Why would she keep all of that from you?”
Quinn sighed. “I can think of a hundred different reasons. Of course, we’ll never know what motivated her. Maybe one. Maybe all.”
“What kind of reasons?”
“She definitely resented y’all for leaving, so it could’ve been her trying to punish you for that. She didn’t want me to leave her like y’all had, which she probably thought I would as soon as I was old enough to follow if I knew you still cared about me, and that I’d be welcomed. She didn’t want me to get any fancy ideas about what I could accomplish in life. She might have wanted to protect my soul from the influence of too much money. Need I go on?”
“No.” Wade bit out the response and began to pace. “Pa and I couldn’t send that much money at first, but it increased over time. Once he died, it dipped because I was the only one working. I knew I needed a better-paying job, which is why I jumped at the chance to go to Alaska when I heard how much I could make in the fur-trading business. I kept sending money until the letters came back saying no one lived at that address. It must have added up over the years. What did she do with all of that money if she wasn’t buying food or hiring a tutor like she was supposed to do?”
Quinn smiled wryly. “Knowing Nana, she probably gave all the money to the church.”
“I can’t believe this!”
“I can.” Quinn sighed.
“I’m sorry she did it because we could have used that money. Although, now that I think about it, twice when things got desperate I came home to find a church lady had dropped off some groceries. Nana hated accepting charity, so I’m guessing that ‘church lady’ was actually your money at work.”
“That’s some consolation, but not much.” Wade stopped pacing, turned to Quinn and stared as though trying to peer into his brother’s soul. The anger in his tone was replaced with concern. “Forget about the money. What about you? How did you fare living with her?”
“Uh...good, I guess.” At Wade’s doubtful look, he shrugged. “It was difficult at times, but I loved her and I’m sure she loved me, even if she was a little flawed in expressing it.”
“I’m not questioning that. You’re a good man and she raised you, so she must have done something right. I just hope you realize that a lot of what she said about me, about God, probably even about you and the things you should expect out of life wasn’t right.”
Quinn stared at his brother. “How do you know what she told me?”
Wade sat beside him, straddling the log to look at him. “I know because she said the same things to me before I left. In fact, the last words she ever spoke to me were from Galatians 6:8. ‘For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption.’ It was as though she thought I was leaving out of rebellion to sow wild oats. All I did was obey Pa by going with him to find higher-paying work. We were trying to make life better for our family.”
“She said y’all were going to look for gold.”
“Where exactly would we find it? The last gold rush was way back in ’59.” Wade rolled his eyes and shook his head. “The point is, her words stayed with me for years until I read the last half of that scripture. ‘But he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.’ Don’t let anything she said haunt you like it did me. Live your life based on God’s truth—not our grandmother’s.”
Scratching his jaw, Quinn frowned. Did that include her warning about getting hurt or killed if he reached out for more than he deserved?
Wade placed a hand on his shoulder. “I can tell there is something bothering you. What it is?”
Quinn took a deep breath and explained what had been plaguing him.
“You think I went through all that trouble because I reached above my station for something I didn’t deserve?”
“Can you find any other explanation? I mean, look at everything that happened. You got caught in an act of nature on your honeymoon and almost died. Your wife almost died. Your children were placed somewhere you might not have been able to find them. You lost everything you owned because it was stolen from you. Need I go on?”
Wade was quiet for a long moment. Just when Quinn thought he’d stumped his brother, Wade spoke. “I doubt I’ll ever be able to say for sure why all of that happened to me. However, I know it wasn’t some form of punishment.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Wade pulled in a deep breath. “I’m alive. My wife is alive. I found my children. Everything else I called mine can be replaced or rebuilt. I didn’t lose it all, Quinn. In fact, I found something I might not have otherwise.”
“What’s that?”
“You.” Wade smiled. “I don’t regret the trouble I went through. I see it as God’s grace working through fallible man in a fallen world. Life is too short to live always looking over your shoulder for trouble. It’s coming. It always is. But God’s power and love and grace are already right there with you. That’s what you focus on, little brother. Nothing else.”
Quinn swallowed hard against the emotion building in his chest before giving a low whistle. “You should’ve been a preacher.”
Wade laughed. “Stare death in the face a few times. You might find yourself thinking an unusual amount of deep, poetic thoughts, too.”
“No, thanks. I’ll just take it from you.” Quinn would, too, because it was good advice. Especially since most of what Nana had said seemed to be a slanted version of what Quinn had been reading in the Bible lately. Why did he cling so tightly to that one adage of hers when he’d forsaken so many others?
Perhaps because it fit everything he believed about himself. It made perfect sense to him that a man who wasn’t smart, literate, handsome or rich should have a life just as lacking as he was as a person. Yet Quinn wasn’t that man anymore. He still had a long way to go with his reading and writing, but he’d made enough progress to prove to himself he wasn’t as stupid as he’d always thought. While he may never be particularly handsome or rich, he’d discovered something of far more worth—a deeper relationship with God.
He certainly wasn’t perfect. That had been made evident by his inability to protect Helen from whatever cruel words her ex-fiancé had spoken. However, he’d like to think that he’d made himself into a far better man than he had been when he’d first married her. Did that mean he could stop looking over his shoulder for trouble, as his brother had suggested? Would he actually be able to enjoy the life he’d been working so hard to deserve?
It was going to look different now that his nieces and nephews would no longer be a part of it in the way he’d anticipated. Of course, different didn’t have to be a bad thing. With the children leaving, perhaps Helen would be open to moving forward in their marriage. Surely, she could tell that he cared for her deeply. If she cared for him even half as much, maybe she’d be willing to start a family of their own.
Chapter Eighteen
This wasn’t the final goodbye to her nieces and nephews. Helen knew that. Why then, was it a struggle to keep back the tears? She’d see them off tomorrow afternoon at the train station. That would be the real test. Now she should savor the last glimpse of them as they rounded the curve in the hillside that would take them out of sight after what had been a surprisingly enjoyable afternoon and evening.
She’d found a new friend in Charlotte, who’d expressed a desire to correspond often and promised to share news about the children. Wade’s delight in finding his children and his long-lost brother in one place had been almost palpable in a way that Helen had found endearing. Watching the interaction of the reunited family had been as sweet as the applesauce cake Charlotte had taught her to make.
With a final wave and a heavy sigh, she returned to the house with Quinn trailing after her. He closed the door behind them with a slight thud that seemed to echo excessively in the empty cabin. She slowly became aware of the fact that she was well and truly alone with her husband. He had been a comforting and supportive presence during the day, but he had to know as surely as she did that everything had changed. She wasn’t sure she was ready to deal with that within herself, let alone together.
Grateful for any distraction, since they would surely be few and far between tonight, she tied on her apron and went to work on the supper dishes. She fully expected Quinn to pull out his banjo or delve into his studies, so she was more than a little surprised when he chose to roll up his sleeves and join her at the sink instead. It had been Clara’s chore to help Helen with the dishes. They’d talk about their day and share a giggle or two before reading or music time. Sharing the chore with Quinn was an altogether different experience.
He said nary a word as he took the sudsy dishes she handed him to rinse. The area in front of the sink was too small for both of them, so his arm kept brushing against hers. Each time, the urge to hide her face against his broad chest grew stronger. Would it be wrong to give in to that, knowing he might not want to have anything to do with her once she revealed the truth about herself?
When he rejects you... Tom’s words whispered through her thoughts. The plate she’d just cleaned slipped back into the soapy water. She braced her hands on the side of the sink for support. In that moment, all she could see was the image presented in her imagination. The one from her dream where Quinn’s hands examined her abdomen as the doc
tor had so many years ago while he pronounced the words she’d heard then. Damaged.
That’s what she was. Damaged. With the children gone, there would be nothing to soften the news when Quinn found out. She’d been counting on love, but the word hadn’t been mentioned between them since the night of the storm when he’d denied even the possibility of it happening. That meant there would be nothing to make up for her inadequacies.
She stiffened when Quinn stepped behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist and eased her back against his chest. Her breath caught in her throat as he pressed a kiss against her hair. The gentleness of that kiss released the sobs that had been building in her chest since she’d first realized she was losing the children, along with even deeper ones created by the awful encounter with Tom. Turning in Quinn’s arms, she rested her cheek against his chest and let them all out.
Quinn rested his chin on the top of her head while he rubbed circles on her back. “I know, darlin’. I know.”
But he didn’t know. Not really. That only made her feel worse. She tightened her grip on the front of his shirt and pulled in a shaky breath. “Oh, Quinn.”
“It’s a hard thing to take.” His deep voice rumbled in her ear. “We’ll miss them terribly, but we can...” Leaning back slightly, he lifted her chin so that he could see her face. “We can start a family of our own someday, if you’re willing.”
She stared at him as her mind raced with the implications of what he was saying. He wanted a full, complete marriage. Did this mean...? Could he possibly love her, after all? Her hand instinctively covered his heart. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I think it would be good to have children of our own. I don’t mean as a replacement to our nieces and nephews. They would be their own people.” His eyes strayed from hers and took on a faraway look as if he could see into the future to the children she couldn’t possibly have. “They’d be even more special to us because they’d be made up of you and me. No one would ever be able to take them away from us. We’ll have as many as you want. If we have a boy, I’ll teach him how to farm and we can expand—”
The Texan's Inherited Family (Bachelor List Matches) Page 20