“Huh?” I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling like I’d missed something important.
“Yes, I’ll go out with you.. That is why you’re here, right?” Again, her smile was all-knowing.
“Why do you assume everyone who knocks on our door is here to ask you out?”
The brunette’s smile widened as she watched me, but I was no longer interested in figuring her out. I heard her voice float in from the background, and my heart skipped as I tried to look around the brunette.
She was standing in the back of the room with her back to me. She wore the same high ponytail as the brunette. Her shirt was designed to be wide around the shoulders and it hung off one and flared around her middle. Her jean shorts were faded and frayed around the edges. I followed the curves of her long legs down to her bare feet.
She hadn’t even turned around yet and she already looked so much different. She was curvier, leaner. Her hair was longer and darker. She even sounded different— happier, settled—and that made my nerves knot. I wanted to walk up to her and spin her around, and then I would decide if I wanted to kiss her first or pick her up and take her away.
“Maybe I did speak too soon. I think he’s here for you, Araya.”
At the sound of her name, I looked at the brunette again. She studied me intensely, and I couldn’t figure out if she was making fun of me or not. But then Araya spoke and I completely forgot the brunette was even there.
“For me? I don’t—” She turned around and her sentence came to an abrupt halt.
She swallowed hard and her body didn’t waste any time singing for me. I smiled because she took my breath away, and I felt like I was going to explode from the fact that I’d taken hers too. It took a second for my brain to catch up to what my eyes had already figured out, and I frowned.
I had to be seeing things, right? There was no way she... but it was useless trying to fight what I could plainly see. She was staring at me like she’d seen a ghost. No, she was staring at me like she could see... me. My frown deepened and I took a step into the room.
“How...?” I couldn’t even finish.
She could see me. There was no mistaking that. It was in the way she looked at me now, and I would never forget the way she looked seeing me for the first time. It was etched into my head forever.
“Ryland,” she said softly, and hearing my name on her lips was my undoing. I was across the room in half a second.
My hand was around the back of her neck and she was in my arms before she could fully register what was happening. I had so many questions and I wanted answers to all of them, but not before I got to feel her soft lips against mine. I wanted to feel her desperate sighs and her body melting into mine. I wanted to be her undoing. And then I would get my answers.
I pulled her up to me and she was so close I could feel her breath across my lips. It was sweet, minty. It was Araya. And I missed her too damn much to wait another second to have her.
“Araya?”
And just like that, I missed my chance, and she was pulling away from me to look at the open door.
“What’s going on?” he asked, but I’d yet to look away from Araya to look at him.
I felt like everything was suddenly moving in slow motion and if I looked away from her toward the voice I had instantly associated with pure hate, I’d lose her forever.
She turned back to me again. Her eyes were polluted with an apology I didn’t want to see, and I became angry. I knew what she was saying, and this was my worst nightmare. I knew what was going on now and I couldn’t stop it from happening. From playing out the way it did every time.
It was pure torture knowing she was right here and I couldn’t have her. I expected the worst and now it was happening.
I was flooded with a rage so hot it burned every inch of my body. Fear scorched the edges of my rage and everything started to grow dark around me. I gripped her arms painfully tight, desperate to hold on to her. I wanted to hate her. I wanted to despise ever meeting her, falling in love with her, but I couldn’t bring myself to. Not even a little bit.
My vision became blurred and I panicked, trying to memorize every last detail of her face. I didn’t want to forget one freckle, one dimple. Rough hands pulled at me, trying to drag me away from her, and I fought against them as hard as I could, yanking her with me like a ragdoll.
I felt like I was trying to escape from quicksand and my strength was rendered useless. It was getting darker and fuzzier, and I tried to shake it off, but I was losing her. I was losing a part of myself.
“I told you to stay away from her, son.” J.D.’s sinister voice was behind me, and I tried to reach around to fight him, but I couldn’t. “Now you’ll never. See. Her. Again.”
Everything went dark and I couldn’t see her anymore.
“NO!”
I shot up in bed, gasping as I tried to pull the gift of oxygen through my body. My chest rose and fell, heavy with the weight of my nightmare. Throwing my legs over the edge of the mattress, I lowered my head between my knees, sucking in what air I could. I felt like the walls of my bedroom were closing in on me, suffocating me, and I needed to get out of here.
I was lightheaded and dizzy as I stumbled into the bathroom. Turning on the light, I fell against the sink, letting my head hang over it. I turned on the tap and let the cold water run over my entire head and over the back of my neck.
It trickled down the sides of my face and into my mouth. I blew out, spitting water everywhere. The icy liquid bit at my skin, but it washed away the remains of the dream, so I stayed there longer.
When I couldn’t feel anything anymore, I reached for the faucet and turned off the water, letting myself drip dry for a few seconds. I grabbed a towel from the rack beside me and covered my face. Standing up, I stretched and the water from my hair trickled down my back. Running the towel quickly through my hair, I threw it into the sink and hit the light.
Stopping by the kitchen first, I filled a glass with filtered water, gulping it down as I made my way back to my room. I lay down on my bed and kicked the blankets down toward the end of the bed. Looking up, I stared at the ceiling fan until all I could hear was the whizzing of the blades as they spun furiously.
It was the same nightmare for the last month, and every night I woke up the same way- in a cold sweat, gasping for air, and blinking away the darkness. I could handle the going blind part. Even the part where J.D. shows up. What I couldn’t handle was his voice and being ripped away from Araya. Once it got to that point, every part of my being knew it was a dream, but no matter how hard I tried to wake myself, I couldn’t do it. So I suffered through it until I woke feeling like the life was being sucked from me.
I didn’t know anything about dreams or the deeper hidden meaning behind them, but this dream was fucked up in the most dark, sinister way possible.
I struggled to breathe. Struggled to do the simplest thing- survive. But most of all, I struggled to live without her.
“Shit!” I growled, skidding to a stop, and my head fell back as I inhaled deeply.
My heart hammered against the inside of my chest and beads of sweat made several paths down my torso. I gripped the indents of my hips and grimaced at the pain I was putting my body through. I was running off three hours of sleep and my body wasn’t happy with me.
My lungs were still getting used to my new habit and they expanded painfully. Running my fingers through my damp hair, I inhaled slowly this time. I looked back at the path toward my apartment and debated on whether or not I wanted to go around one more time.
“Screw it.” I took off in the same direction and ignored the twisting in my calves.
I ran now.
I pushed my body harder than I needed to, but it was worth it because I’d rather feel the burning in my legs and lungs than the one in my head and chest when I thought about her. She was always under the surface of my every thought, so I pushed harder until her image faded and the only thing I could focus on was the fact that I was pro
bably going to kill myself running.
Sebastian thought my time could be put to better use by getting laid every chance I got. I stopped trying to explain to him why that wasn’t an option I wanted or needed. He thought I was an idiot. He probably didn’t want to know what I thought he was.
So I was a runner now. I ran from everything.
Fuck, I just ran past my damn turn again.
Third time’s a charm could kiss my ass. I swore now too because sometimes saying fudge just didn’t feel as good as saying fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
I didn’t feel like going around again, so I turned to walk toward my turnoff.
Fucking great, I thought grimly and came to a halt.
“Hey there, little brother,” Sebastian drawled, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.
“What’s wrong with your eyes?” I asked, annoyed, and he gave me a look that told me to go to hell. “Gladly,” I said dryly and attempted to sidestep him.
He stepped in front of me. “You remember Kayla?” He pushed the small brunette in front of me like she was some kind of sacrifice and she nearly tripped.
It should have been instinct to grab her by the arms to keep her from falling, but standing immobile was just my way of avoiding her touch. Somehow she found a way around my carefully executed attempt and her palms pressed into my bare stomach. She looked up at me through her lashes and smiled sweetly.
“Oops,” she said as if she hadn’t just been pushed in front of me.
“My brother’s an asshole.” I was in no mood for their games and their not- so- subtle decision, to tag team me.
“Do assholes bring their brothers pretty girls like Kayla?”
Yes. Yes, they do. I looked down at Kayla, who was still flexing her fingers on my stomach. She giggled but didn’t move them. I looked up at Sebastian murderously, but he just smirked and shrugged his shoulders.
“I think you’ll be okay to stand now,” I said, removing her hands by her wrists.
“Kayla was hoping you’d run with her.”
“Does Kayla know how to talk for herself?” I asked, annoyed.
She caught on and giggled again. “Sebastian said you might be interested in running with me.” Her head tilted toward the side, but no matter how hard she tried, I wasn’t interested in doing anything with her.
“Sebastian was wrong, Kayla. I’m going back to the apartment.”
Sebastian glared. “I’m going to head back with him, darlin’.” He winked at her and all was forgotten.
I didn’t bother to watch Kayla run off, but Sebastian stood there staring at her like his life depended on it.
“Since when do you run?” I hitched my chin toward the path.
“Since girls who look like that run too. Is that why you run naked?”
I rolled my eyes. Sebastian didn’t look away until the random chick was out of his line of gawking.
“What the hell is wrong with you!” he demanded, and I stood there staring at him blankly. “You could be back at the apartment right now, holding on to that sweet little thing while she-”
“Save it, Sebastian,” I snapped, walking away from him.
He jogged to catch up to me. “You’ve got to get over the blind girl, little brother. She was too good for us.”
I stopped suddenly and Sebastian walked past me before turning to look at me.
“Us?”
He rolled his eyes and brushed me off. “You know what I meant.” He turned and kept walking.
“That better be all you meant.” I stalked past him.
“Or what? You’ll be an even bigger dick? You don’t scare me, Ryland,” he yelled after me.
I turned, walking backward. “I’d believe that if you didn’t sound like you were trying to convince yourself more than you’re trying to convince me.”
Without waiting for a reply, I turned down the right path and jogged home. Third time was a charm.
My current routine had become a catatonic joke. I was like a robot.
I existed, but I wasn’t existing. If that made any sense at all.
I woke up, got ready for work, spent the entire day at J.D.’s office, and then came home just to do it all over again tomorrow. I knew where Araya was, I could’ve quit anytime I wanted, but I wasn’t completely certain I wouldn’t have gone crazy waiting for Araya to need me again.
I wiped the moisture from the bathroom mirror and wrapped a towel securely around my hips. I preferred to be naked. But Sebastian was a pain in the ass and didn’t believe in knocking. Or being considerate in general. I couldn’t really complain about the fact that he managed to get on my every damn nerve, though. I was still living here.
As if he could read my thoughts, the bathroom door flung open, stopping short and catching against my arm.
“Mother...” I hissed, and Sebastian shoved his head through the small opening.
“Oh, you’re in here.”
“What gave you your fucking first clue, Sherlock?”
He grinned. “Alert the media. You’re not a morning person.”
“Get the hell out of here, Sebastian,” I growled, shoving the door closed on him.
“Ouch! Chill out, Ryland.”
He slipped out of the bathroom with all his body parts intact. This time.
And that was what I dealt with on a daily basis. I could move out anytime I wanted, but I was being lazy. And more secretly, a bigger part of me still expected to open the door and find Araya waiting for me on the other side.
I hated how fucking lost I was without her.
Running my hands down my face, I pushed away my thoughts and half-assed got ready for work. I knew I was going to get shit from her for not shaving yet again, but I found it easy to literally ignore everyone these days. Besides, the facial hair gave me what conviction I needed to back up my brooding mood. I ran my fingers through my hair with all intents of doing absolutely nothing else to it. I found it easier to be lazy when I cared not at all.
Leaning on the sink, I took in how pitiful I actually looked. The mirror was smudged with condensation, but there was no mistaking the dark circles under my eyes. They made me look overworked and under-rested, which was half true. Running kept my skin tanned, and that was the only thing that kept me from going into full-on zombie mode.
I could hear the clatter coming from the kitchen. Sebastian was a walking disaster all on his own, with the ability to walk around like a car alarm going off every five minutes. It was his own fault that everything he did was like nails on a chalkboard, and it was time he got a taste of his own medicine. With the first hint of a smile in months, I threw my towel into the sink and opened the bathroom door.
Leftover steam spilled into the hallway as I made my way to my room and roughly towel dried the back of my hair.
“Ryland! Dude! What the fuck? Put some damn clothes on!”
Flipping him off, I walked into my bedroom and shut the door.
“Are you going to shave anytime soon?” Careless asked in semi-disgust as she half threw a file on my desk.
I was busy slamming away on my keyboard, giving her none of my attention- as in, I didn’t look at her or even acknowledge what she just put down for me to read over and sign off.
My mornings were spent signing off on international shipping form after shipping form, taking conference calls J.D. deemed not worthy of his own time, and typing up progress reports I couldn’t care less about. I despised this fucking job.
“Are you going to quit anytime soon?” I asked and glared up at her.
She returned my glare and put her hand on her hip. It was weird seeing her dressed like one of J.D.’s minions. She may play the part well, but she definitely didn’t look it. Her pressed black skirt was long enough to piss her off but short enough to piss off J.D. Her white dress shirt was un-tucked but wrinkle free. It was nearly see- through and J.D. had already made three comments this morning on her choice of colorful undergarments.
“Look,” I started, turning in my chair and clasping m
y hands behind my head. “I’ll shave when you quit. I dare you.”
“That taunt doesn’t work on me anymore. You know why I’m here and that means you know why I won’t quit.”
I’d been working with J.D. for a month and a half when Careless had planted the idea in J.D.’s head that she was needed here when she really wasn’t. It grew like a forest fire and Careless insisted she could help me better if she were inside enemy territory. After that, it was useless trying to convince her otherwise. No matter how hurtful I’d been, she hadn’t budged.
“What’s going on?” I asked when I entered J.D.’s study and found Careless sitting in front of his desk.
She didn’t bother to turn around, and that made me even more suspicious that I really wasn’t going to like what they were about to tell me.
“Ahh, there you are. We’ve been waiting. Sit down.”
I stood behind Careless, not making a move to follow J.D.’s commands.
“Suit yourself. Cara and I were talking and she thinks it’s about time she starts taking some interest in the family business.”
“And you agree?”
“It’s always been my dream to have my children a part of the empire I’ve built.”
“Even after they’ve tried to con you out of half a million dollars?”
“She knows she was wrong and she knows that she will never be smart enough to trick me.”
I watched Careless’s fingers curl around her chair and her knuckles turned white. She hated submitting to my father, even if it was all pretend.
“No,” I said firmly.
J.D.’s eyebrows lifted. “No?”
“No. That wasn’t part of the deal. I don’t want to be around her. I don’t want anything to do with her.”
Her back stiffened at my harsh words, and I couldn’t help but hope they hurt her as much as she hurt me.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Ryland—”
“Bullshit.”
“But she is coming to work with us. You’ll learn to deal... or else.”
If he had anything else to say on the matter, I didn’t bother to stick around to hear it. When I was halfway down the hall, I heard Careless calling after me.
The Grace In Darkness Page 3