The Grace In Darkness

by Melissa Andrea

  My eyes widened in shock. “You got a tattoo?”

  He laughed. “Why do you sound so surprised?”

  “That seems so... dangerous!”

  “I can be dangerous, Hummingbird.” He growled playfully into my neck and pushed me back, lying on top of me.

  “You’re definitely dangerous, Ryland.” He planted kisses down my neck and over my chest, and his name left my lips on a sigh. “What did you get a tattoo of?” I asked when he finally gave me a chance to breathe. He groaned, burying his face into my neck. “What’s wrong? Is it something really embarrassing? Did you get a unicorn?”

  “What? No!” he said in a way that made me laugh uncontrollably.

  “What, then?”

  He sighed and leaned up so he could put my fingers against the edge of the tattoo. “It’s not embarrassing, really. It just… Do you remember that afternoon at my house when we made a promise on the dandelion?” I nodded. “These”—he moved my hand up—”are dandelion seeds, and here...” He moved it up farther. “This seed is turning into hummingbird.”

  I looked up at him. “A hummingbird? You got a hummingbird?”

  “Too girly?” he asked warily.

  “If too girly means insanely hot, then, yes, it’s very girly! Did it hurt?”

  “Honestly, Hummingbird, I have no idea.” He chuckled.

  “It makes me want one too.”

  He laughed. “Does it make you want to...” He leaned over to whisper in my ear.

  His words made my entire body flush, but I didn’t squirm away.

  “Only if I get to...” Bringing his face closer to my lips, I whispered into his ear, letting my lips trail down the curve of his jaw.

  “Holy fudge, Hummingbird.” He hissed and a tremble ran through his body. “God, I love how innocently sexy you are. And I love”—he moved between my hips—”how good you feel.” A moan melted on my lips as he pushed inside me. “Everyone has an addiction, Hummingbird.” He moved his arm under my thigh, lifting it, and thrust his hips, pressing deeper inside me. “And you are mine.”

  My neck arched back and my fingers dug into the sheets of the bed.

  “Oh my God, Ryland.” A growl of pleasure formed in my throat, and he moved again and I could feel all of him. I arched into him, meeting each one of his thrusts until everything faded and it was just Ryland and me.

  I turned on the water, letting the steam fill the room and coat my body before I got in. I leaned against the sink and started removing my clothes. My body felt sore, but I welcomed the delicious ache. Every stiff muscle had a memory that connected to Ryland, and it was worth it.

  I started pulling the pins that held the thick knot of hair to my head and smiled to myself. Shaking my hair free, I let the memory devour me…

  “Why do you dancers always have your hair up in a bun?” Ryland asked, sweeping the long layers of my hair off my back.

  Lying on his side, he lifted a strand of my hair and ran it up and down my spine. I lay on my stomach, my head rested on my hands, and I watched Ryland from beneath my lashes.

  “You dancers? You make us sound so snobby.”

  “Aren’t you all?”

  “Have I become a part of the masses now?”

  “Never that, Hummingbird.” He leaned over and kissed my shoulder.

  “Uh-huh.” My eyes drifted closed as he left kisses down my side. “To answer your question, we wear them like that to prevent injuring ourselves or other dancers. It’s also less distracting.”

  “Makes sense.” He moved the blanket farther down, kissing the curve of my butt. “Does it make you as happy as it did before the accident?”

  “Dancing?”

  “Mm-hmm.” He bit my sensitive flesh softly.

  “Yes, but it’s different now.”

  “In a bad way?”

  “No. I feel like it means more now. I think in a way everyone takes life for granted too much. No one really thinks something bad can happen to them until it actually does. I wish more people would realize what they have before they don’t have it anymore.” I blinked several times and searched for Ryland’s shadow and smiled. “Sorry, I got lost in the moment.”

  “Isn’t that what life’s about? Getting lost in the moments that count the most?”

  “Yes, as long as you know which ones are worth getting lost in.”

  “What do you mean?” His fingers were moving over my body and I tried to focus.

  “It’s easy to get lost in all the wrong things about life, even if they don’t seem wrong at the time. It’s hard moving forward if you’re always moving backward. That’s what I was doing with the accident, with my mom’s death. I was constantly reliving that day, over and over in my head. I couldn’t get past it, or maybe I didn’t want to. Like moving on meant I was moving on without my mother, and I didn’t want to leave her behind. I didn’t want to move on without her because she was everything to me.”

  I looked for him again.

  “It wasn’t until you came along and showed me that there were tons of memories I didn’t have to leave behind. I could move on from the accident and still take my mom with me because where it truly mattered, she’d always be with me.”

  Ryland’s fingers had stilled and he pushed me over, covering my body with his. Kissing my lips softly, he whispered, “I’m so lucky to have you.”

  I stepped beneath the spray, letting it cover me. The cool water felt good against the flush of heat the memories caused under my skin. They overwhelmed me, consumed me until I could think of nothing else but Ryland.

  “What’s one thing you’d like to do most, now that you’re blind?”

  I frowned. “That’s an odd question, don’t you think?” My fingers ran up and down his arm that was wrapped tightly around me.

  His breathing was soft and relaxed against my ear and it tickled me. I snuggled in closer to Ryland’s body and we became one seamless line.

  “Not really. I don’t want to ask what you’d want to do if you could see again. That’s living in the past and we don’t do that anymore, remember? We’re embracing your blindness. So what is one thing you want to do most, now that you’re blind?”

  I thought about it for a minute. “I’d like to dance on stage in front of an entire audience. I know I danced at the benefit, but that isn’t the same thing as a stage.”

  “And I kind of messed that night up for you.”

  “You didn’t, but even if you had, we’re not living in the past anymore, remember?”

  “Touché, Hummingbird.” He nipped at my earlobe.

  “What about you? What’s one thing you’d like to do most?”

  “Figure out what I want to do with my life, Hummingbird, but for now,” he purred against my ear and wrapped his hand around my thigh, lifting it on top of his. “What I want most is to be inside you.” He fitted our bodies together with a single thrust.

  And just when I thought he couldn’t do or say something to make me love him more, he did.

  When I could no longer handle the raw hunger twisting in my stomach, Ryland had gotten up and searched through my kitchen, completely naked, for something to eat.

  “When’s then the last time you went grocery shopping, Hummingbird?”

  I laughed and admitted shamefully my bad choices in nutrition. “I eat out a lot with Mak. I blame it on the fact that during the last four years, I was allotted zero junk food.” I reminded him.

  I felt the mattress submit under his weight as he settled back on the bed. “Well, I hope you’re good with cereal because that’s all you had.”

  “I’m so hungry I could eat you!”

  He nibbled on my lips. “Remember that for later.”

  He laughed when I blushed, and he offered me a bite. “Do you believe in reincarnation?”

  “I think the idea of reincarnation is cool, but I don’t know that I believe it. Why, do you?”

  “I don’t know. I like having the hope that I’m not just gone forever. Like a part of me will al
ways be here.”

  “So if you could come back as anything you wanted, what would you come back as?”

  I smiled. “That’s easy. A hummingbird.”

  “You’d be a damn beautiful hummingbird, Miss Noelle.” He ran his hand down over my thigh, and my body hummed for him.

  “Your turn.” I took the spoon from his hand and dipped it into the bowl. Holding it up, I waited for him to take a bite.

  “What would I come back as?” I nodded. “Well, I know what I wouldn’t come back as. Anything your pretty little mouth would like to eat.”

  “Beak.” I corrected.

  “Huh?”

  “Hummingbirds have beaks.”

  He laughed. “My apologies!”

  “Okay then, what would you come back as?”

  He leaned toward me, moving between my legs so my knees were at his sides. He brushed the hair away from my face and lifted my chin toward him.

  “I want to come back in pieces.”

  I frowned. “In pieces?”

  “Yep. A piece of me would come back as the wind so I can be the one to lift and caress your wings when you fly. Another piece would come back as the sun so I can be the light that guides you and the warmth that warms your dainty feathers. I’d come back as the piece of the sky so you always had place to fly free. And a piece of me would come back as a tree so you always had a place to call home, Hummingbird.”

  “You don’t want to come back as something cool? Like a dinosaur?”

  He laughed, but he was serious when he spoke again. “I can’t come back as anything that doesn’t allow me to be close to you, Araya, because damn it all to hell if I don’t exists unless I’m with you

  And I believed him because I felt the exact same.

  And that’s how the rest of the afternoon went. We never strayed far from the bed, except when absolutely necessary, and even then I really didn’t want to. It was the first time I’d gone almost an entire day wearing nothing but a sheet.

  Saying good-bye to Ryland early this morning had been nothing short of agony, but it came with the promise of seeing him again for dinner on Friday, which only made it a little easier. I’d spent all morning and most of the afternoon catching up on the sleep I didn’t get yesterday. When I’d finally gotten up, I made scrambled eggs and cleaned up a little.

  My life was so different now than it was eight months ago. So many adjustments needed to be made to be completely on my own, and I didn’t regret anything. Everything that happened to me after the accident had made me stronger. Ryland made me stronger, and I needed him as much as I needed to breathe.

  Everything about my relationship with Ryland was all uncharted territory, including the physical part. Especially the sex part…

  “Hummingbird?” Ryland whispered into my hair.

  I was curled in his arms, snuggled against his chest, nearly asleep, when he called my name.

  “Hmm?” I didn’t open my eyes.

  “Are you asleep?”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  His hand moved down the curve of my back and over the curve of my butt, squeezing gently.

  “Ryland, you’re going to kill me.” I moaned.

  He laughed. “I need you to stay awake just a little longer, okay?”

  “Yes,” I murmured sleepily.

  “I know I’m asking this a little too late, but are you on the pill?”

  Inside, I panicked, but on the outside, I didn’t move a muscle. I pretended I was still half asleep even though his question brought me wide awake.

  “It’s okay if you aren’t. I know you probably wouldn’t have needed to be on it…”

  His words faded and I felt him twitch nervously.

  “Yes.” I lied. “I’m on it.” My heart pounded against my chest and I prayed he couldn’t feel it.

  “Oh, okay. Good.” He kissed my forehead. “I love you, Hummingbird.”

  I knew it was stupid to lie to him when he asked, but I felt like such a child for not thinking about protecting myself and Ryland from something we were definitely not ready for. I needed to see my doctor first, and I had no idea what the route was for something like this. I never wondered what would happen if I got pregnant because I never expected it to happen.

  “What do we have here, boys?” Detective Richards asked, pulling on a glove.

  The coroner leaning over the abandoned body looked up. “White male, early to mid-twenties,”

  “Do we know who he is?” Richards asked Officer Marks.

  “No, sir. He didn’t have any ID on him.”

  “Was he robbed?”

  “We think so, sir. His pockets were pulled out and empty.”

  The coroner stood and took off his gloves. “Looks like he’s been dead only a few days”—he looked down at the body—”give or take. He’s got wounds on his face and upper body and lower torso.”

  “Cause of death?” Richards asked, bending over to examine the lifeless body.

  “No, they seem to be days, maybe even weeks old. Cause of death would be those two bullet wounds. One through the chest and one in the stomach.”

  “What about these? Defensive wounds?”

  Richards held up his hand toward the coroner. It was covered in cuts and bruises over the back of his knuckles.

  “No, those were also pre-death. I’d say from all the damage to his body, he was probably a fighter.”

  “As in a boxer?”

  “Yep.”

  Detective Richards looked around. “Hell of a place to be dumped.”

  Richards watched the line of cars seep slowly around the roadblock on the service road of I-95. It was on the outskirts of nowhere, which is why it had taken so long for anyone to notice the body.

  “Any tire tracks?” Richards did a brief scan of the area.

  “No, sir,” Marks said. “The rain’s pretty much wiped everything away if there was any.”

  Richards nodded. “Make sure you check everything. There’s a lot of brush here. Something could be hidden in here.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Let’s find out who this unlucky guy is and why he ended up here.”

  “Didn’t expect to see you here.” I turned to see Sebastian leaning against the doorframe.

  “I live here, don’t I?”

  “I guess so.”

  “If you don’t want me here, just say the words and I can leave.”

  “Calm down. You haven’t been here the last couple of days so I was left to wonder.”

  “I didn’t realize I had to check in with you.”

  “Knock it off, Ryland. You know that’s not what I meant?”

  “What did you mean, then, Sebastian?”

  “You know what? Forget it. I’m not going to fight with you.”

  “That’s probably wise on your part.”

  “You’re pushing it, little brother.”

  “Stop calling me that!” I snapped.

  “Why?”

  “What’s the point of it?”

  “Well, now the point of it will be to annoy the hell out of you, little brother.”

  “Whatever. I’m over it.”

  “What is your problem?”

  “You’re my problem!”

  “So I’m guessing you’ve talked to Araya?”

  “Of course I have”

  “I figured as much. Look, it was nothing. I told her it was nothing, and your damn attitude is the very reason I didn’t want her to tell you. But leave it up to Saint Araya—”

  “Wait,” I said, holding up my hand to stop him. My face pinched in confusion. “What the hell are you talking about? You didn’t want Araya to tell me what?”

  He frowned. “What are you so angry about?”

  “Don’t change the subject! What didn’t you want her to tell me and why would you tell her to keep things from me in the first place?”

  “Because I knew you would act like an ass about it.”

  “About what?” I yelled.

  “It’s nothing, Ryland.
Let it go.”

  “Would you let it go, Sebastian? The fact that you won’t tell me and never wanted to tell me says it’s not nothing.”

  “I thought Araya had told you.”

  “Well, she didn’t so now you’ll just have to tell me.”

  “She wanted to be the one to.”

  “I’m two seconds away from ripping your fucking head off, Sebastian! Tell me!”

  Sebastian sighed and I was filled with knots. I had a feeling I was going to be very pissed off.

  “We kissed, but before you freak out, it’s not what you think.”

  My blood boiled and I felt like I was going to explode. I couldn’t hear anything past my own rage, and it was loud.

  “I knew you had a thing for her. I fucking knew it!”

  There was a look of genuine shock on Sebastian’s face, and it told me everything I needed to know, even if he wasn’t. It wasn’t look of shock because I was wrong. It was a look of shock because I knew.

  “What? What the hell are you talking about?”

  “I’m not stupid, Sebastian. I can see it.”

  “You’re insane.”

  “You’re going to deny it? You’re going to tell me to my face that you don’t feel a little something for Araya,” I said, pinching my fingers together.

  “I don’t feel anything for Araya.” His eyes narrowed.

  I smirked. “You’re a damn liar!”

  “I’m not doing this with you. You’ve officially lost it, little brother.” He turned around and walked down the hall.

  I was right on his heels. “Why’d you kiss her, then?”

  “She kissed me! She thought I was you!”

  “Did you kiss her back?”

  “Enough, Ryland.”

  “Answer me! Did you kiss her back?”

  “Yes!” he roared, turning on me. “But you’re wrong about the rest.”

  I wanted to beat the shit out of him. “If I’m wrong, why did you kiss her?”

  “It was instinct.”

  “No. Instinct should have been to push her away, douche bag.”

  “It shouldn’t have happened, and it won’t happen again,” he said so calmly it pissed me off more.