The Underwear Dare: Nerd vs. Bully!

by Sisters, The Nardini

  “If I lived in the ocean, I would be a shark,” Paul added.

  “Not me. I’d be a dolphin,” Chelsea said.

  “Me too, they’re the smartest animals in the ocean,” said Marina.

  We sure are the center of interest today.

  “No, they’re not,” Eddie replied.

  “Really?” Marina asked surprised at not knowing something Eddie knew.

  “Well, maybe they are but if I had to be an animal in the ocean I’d be an octopus,” he answered.

  Everyone laughed but not Eddie. He didn’t even get mad. What was going on? The old Eddie would have flattened anyone who so much as mocked him.

  “Yeah, they’re kind of funny looking, but they’re the hunters of the sea. They can build a shelter from stuff just floating around the ocean and hide under it until a fish comes along. Then BAM! They gobble it up. And they can change their body color in seconds. They can even change the pattern of their skin. It’s like they have built in camouflage. It’s true. I saw it on Animal Planet,” Eddie said.

  “Wow,” Manny said impressed by Eddie’s knowledge.

  “That’s cool,” Paul added.

  “I’d still be a dolphin,” Marina said.

  Seriously, what was going on? My friends were listening to Eddie. I guess I should have been happy. At least he didn’t bite them.

  Eddie the Octopus

  CHAPTER 6

  “You don’t have to drink soda to burp really loud,” the guy on the internet video said. You don’t? I’ve been doing it the hard way.

  “First, you have to swallow lots of air,” he said and started gulping air. I remembered seeing Eddie do this before each burp. That had to be it!

  Gulp. Gulp. I gulped air. It felt kind of weird like something was stuck in my throat.

  “Buuuuuuuuurp!” The guy on the video let out a huge burp. It had to be at least twenty seconds long. Actually, it was kind of gross.

  Gulp. Gulp. I kept gulping air.

  “After a while, you will get good enough to talk through your burps,” the internet burping whiz said. “Let me demonstrate.”

  He gulped lots of air and then burped the ABC’s. Wow, he got all the way to the letter J!

  I kept gulping.

  “You can also impress your friends with full sentences,” he said and gulped more air. “Hello, how are you?” he said through a long burp. This guy was awesome.

  Finally, I felt something funny in my throat. It felt like all the air was coming back up. “Buurp!” I did it! It wasn’t super long, but I finally did it. Now I just had to practice, so I could burp really loud and long. I’d win the bet yet.

  “Hey shrimp,” Eddie said as he entered our room. “I’ve seen that video. That guy is okay, I guess.” He shrugged.

  “Oh, he’s more than okay, he’s a burping professional,” I said. “He can burp the ABC’s.”

  “You mean like this?” Eddie gulped a few times and then burped; “A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P.”

  Eddie really was the master. The internet guy only got to J, Eddie got to P. I gulped some air and tried, “A, B, C…”

  “Not bad, for a girl,” Eddie teased.

  “Shut up, Eddie. I know your secret. And now I can master it, too,” I said.

  “But can you master it by Friday? That’s two days away. Maybe, but maybe not.”

  “I think you should be more worried about being nice to everyone in the school before Friday.”

  “I don’t have to be nice to everyone, just the people I’ve been mean to in the past,” Eddie said. “I’m doing pretty good.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, I haven’t taken any money or scared anyone all week.”

  “That’s not the same as being nice, that’s just being normal. You haven’t really done anything nice for anyone other than leave them alone.”

  Eddie looked confused and a little nervous. “So you’re saying I have to do something nice for the people I’ve been mean to?”

  “That’s right.”

  “But how will I know who they are? What if I was mean to somebody once and then I forgot about it. Would I lose the bet if I didn’t do something nice for that person?”

  “Yep.”

  “But that could be the whole school!”

  “Including teachers,” I added.

  “Including teachers?” Eddie said, looking defeated.

  “And the custodians, the principal, and secretary,” I said smugly. For the first time, I thought I might actually win the bet.

  “Crud,” he said.

  “Oh, and the lunch ladies, too,” I said to rub it in.

  “I’m always nice to them. I’m their best customer. They love me.” Eddie smiled slyly.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Nothing, nothing at all,” he answered, still smiling mischievously.

  I didn’t like the look of that smile. He’d just figured something out. Why did I feel like I’d just blown it again?

  * * *

  Gulp. Gulp. I gulped air as I rode the bus. It was Thursday morning and I was going win the bet today. I was going to let loose the biggest burp Ms. Waverly and my class had ever heard.

  The bus pulled up to the school and stopped. The brakes hissed loudly. A couple of girls were jumping rope. Eddie stopped to listen to their jump rope rhyme. I’d heard it before but I didn’t think Eddie had. If anything was going to make him mad, it was that particular song. Usually when girls sang this song, they would stop when they saw Eddie. This time they didn’t. Maybe because he wasn’t bullying anyone this week and they weren’t afraid. I stood next to Eddie because I wanted to see what would happen.

  Mean ole Eddie, loves his spaghetti.

  Goes to sleep and wets his bed-die.

  That’s not funny, weighs a ton-nie

  How many times can he take our money?

  1...2...3...4...5…

  Eddie nudged me in the ribs with his elbow. “Hey, that’s pretty funny, and true. Except the part about wetting the bed. That’s not funny at all. Not even a little.”

  “Aren’t you going to do something about it?” I asked.

  “No, not this week. Plus, they’re little girls. What are they first graders? Second graders? Come on, Josh. How big of a bully do you think I am?”

  “Do you really want me to answer that?”

  “Probably not,” he said.

  * * *

  Gulp. Gulp. I walked down the hallway. I could feel the pressure building in my gut. Eddie looked worried as he entered the classroom.

  I diverted down the hallway to the restroom. I kept gulping air and checked my watch.

  “7:58,” I murmured between gulps. “Two more minutes.” I knew I had to wait until 8:00 so everyone was in the classroom. I didn’t want to lose the bet because someone hadn’t arrived at school yet. I had to burp in front of the whole class for it to count.

  It was 7:59, close enough. I walked into the classroom. I could barely hold the burp back. It felt like an air volcano was about to erupt out of my mouth. I walked through the door…

  “Buuuuuuuuuuurp!” Wow, that was the best one I ever did! The class burst into laughter. A few students even applauded. I looked at Eddie. He was laughing, too. Why was he laughing? He just lost the bet.

  I turned to look at Ms. Waverly. I figured she’ll probably scold me and that was all.

  “Oh, no,” I said aloud.

  “Oh, no, is right young man,” a tall witch-like creature cackled.

  It was Ms. Sniedendorf, the meanest substitute teacher ever!

  “Sniedendorf,” I whispered before I realized I said it out loud.

  “You will be spending the day with me,” she said.

  Torturous. Ms. Sniedendorf was a legend. Everyone knew her plan. Each time she subbed, she picked a boy or girl who was goofing off and used them as an example. They had to spend the entire day with her. Even lunch! Usually it was Eddie, but not today.

  She pointed to a small studen
t desk right next to Ms. Waverly’s desk. I walked over and caught Eddie’s eye. He was smirking.

  “Doesn’t count,” he mouthed and I knew he was right. The rules were that I had to burp in front of the class and Ms. Waverly. Kind of hard to do because Ms. Waverly was absent.

  “Perhaps I should mention your behavior to Mr. Duff,” she added. “Such a rude young man. When I was a full-time teacher, a child would have been paddled for such behavior.”

  She was so old. I couldn’t believe she used to paddle kids. I think that may be considered child abuse.

  * * *

  The rest of the day was uneventful except for art class. We were drawing a still-life. Mr. Cutler, our art teacher, had set up an arrangement of sports equipment on a table in the middle of the room. We had to draw it as best as we could. I concentrated on my drawing. It wasn’t going well. My basketball looked more like a football. Art wasn’t my best subject. I glanced over at Eddie’s still-life. It was really good.

  “Nice use of space and proportion, Eddie,” Mr. Cutler said as he made his rounds. Eddie beamed. Art was Eddie’s second best subject. PE was his first.

  “Josh, try to draw the basketball as a circle instead of an oval.” I erased and tried again. “Much better,” he said and moved on. Even though it wasn’t a compliment like Eddie got, at least Mr. Cutler wasn’t making my life miserable like Ms. Sniedendorf was.

  When Mr. Cutler was out of earshot Eddie asked, “Hey Josh. How was lunch?”

  “Ha-ha very funny,” I answered. I had to spend lunch with Ms. Sniedendorf. That really killed my appetite.

  “I know, it’s awful,” Eddie snickered.

  He would know too, considering it was usually him who had to sit with Sniedendorf.

  “Did you notice how she wipes her mouth after every bite?” he whispered.

  “Yeah, what’s with that?”

  “I guess she’s a lady,” Eddie said in a girly voice

  I laughed. “And do you know what else? She was eating this sandwich with this weird looking meat on it. I overheard Coach Fox ask her what kind of lunchmeat it was and Sniedendorf said it was head cheese.”

  “What’s that?” Eddie whispered.

  “Sniedendorf said it was made from the brains of a pig.”

  “Nasty, even I wouldn’t eat that,” Eddie said and laughed too loud.

  Mr. Cutler gave us the raised eyebrow. That’s the universal teacher sign for “you’re skating on thin ice”. We finished our still-life drawings quietly. Mr. Cutler put Eddie’s still-life on the board as a good example. It really was the best one.

  CHAPTER 7

  “Cinnamon rolls,” Eddie said from the top bunk on Friday morning.

  We both jumped out of bed and hurried to get ready. Eddie and I don’t have much in common, but we both love cinnamon rolls.

  “Out of my way.” Eddie pushed by me because I beat him to the top of the stairs. He knew the first one to the kitchen would get the best roll. The one with the most icing.

  “No fair,” I said.

  Eddie’s big feet clomped down the stairs. He spread his arms out so I couldn’t get by. My dad watched from the kitchen.

  “In a bit of a hurry today, Eddie?” my dad asked.

  “Yeah, I love cinnamon rolls,” he answered.

  “I noticed from your behavior on the stairs,” my dad added.

  “Sorry, I guess I got carried away. Josh can pick first,” Eddie said.

  My dad ruffled Eddie’s hair. “Good sport,” he said and Eddie smiled.

  Good sport? My dad gave me one of those looks that meant let it go. I grabbed the gooiest cinnamon roll and a glass of cold milk and sat down to eat.

  I noticed that Eddie always listened to my dad. He didn’t talk back to him either. It was weird. Most kids would be mad if some guy married their mom and tried to take their dad’s place. Eddie didn’t seem to mind. Maybe it was because my dad was so much nicer than Eddie’s dad. I met Eddie’s dad once and he was kind of a jerk. He kept punching me in the arm and calling me “little man”. He said boys should be tough, but the arm punching kind of hurt. My dad told him to lay off.

  We finished our cinnamon rolls and headed for the bus stop.

  “Today’s the last day,” I said.

  “Yep,” Eddie said.

  “All I have to do is burp in front of the class.”

  “You’re going to get so busted after what you did yesterday,” Eddie laughed.

  “I have a plan for that.”

  I decided to wait until 2:59 to burp really loud. That way when the dismissal bell rang at 3:00, Ms. Waverly would only have one minute to react. I was hoping that since it was Friday, she’d let it go. It was risky to wait, but it might work. The only way my plan wouldn’t work was if Ms. Waverly was absent again today.

  “What’s your plan, shrimpo?” Eddie asked.

  “Wouldn’t you like to know?” I answered.

  “Duh, I just asked you, so of course I want to know. Sometimes you’re kind of stupid.”

  “What about you? How are you going to be nice to the entire school in one day?”

  “Wouldn’t you like to know? Oh, now I get it!” he laughed. “You were joking before.”

  “Come on, genius.” I laughed as we boarded the bus.

  * * *

  Bony knuckles grabbed my shoulder as I walked into the classroom. It was Ms. Waverly.

  “I heard you had a rough day yesterday according to the note that Ms. Sniedendorf left,” she said.

  “Yes, Ma’am,” I replied.

  “Hopefully, you’ll have a better day today.” Ms. Waverly frowned.

  I scooted into the classroom and sat down. This was going to be a long day. Maybe Eddie would blow his dare. Eddie hadn’t come to class yet. If he was late, he would get a tardy slip. We got off the bus at the same time. Why wasn’t he in class?

  RINGGGG! RINGGGG!

  Oh my gosh! That was the bell. Eddie was going to get in so much trouble. I hoped he wouldn’t get grounded again. Wait! Why did I care? I wasn’t his friend, although it had been kind of fun hanging out with him lately. What was happening to me? I wanted Eddie to get into trouble. I wanted that attic room!

  After Ms. Waverly took attendance, Eddie strolled into the classroom. I could see a note in his hand. What was he up to?

  “I’m sorry I’m late, but I have a note from the lunch ladies explaining my tardiness.” Eddie handed the note to Ms. Waverly.

  Ms. Waverly read the note. “Well, I will certainly look forward to lunch today. Thank you, Eddie. You may take your seat.”

  Eddie grinned. He looked at me and gave me the thumbs up sign. I felt like puking.

  * * *

  “Wow, free ice cream everybody!” A first grader shouted as he left the cafetorium at lunch time.

  “We get free ice cream?” Manny asked as we stood in line for lunch.

  “I hope so,” I said thinking I could sure use a break today. I stopped the first grader. “Hey kid, did you say we get free ice cream?”

  “Yeah,” he answered and wiped off the chocolate ice cream mustache above his lip. “It’s great. That big, mean guy is buying everyone ice cream today.”

  “What big, mean guy?” I asked but I already knew the answer.

  “You know, that guy Eddie,” the first grader grinned.

  “Oh, no,” I sighed as I grabbed my lunch tray. At the checkout Ms. Betty, the lunch lady, told me to choose chocolate, vanilla or strawberry delight, compliments of Eddie. I didn’t want to help Eddie, but I took some strawberry anyway. Hey, it’s free ice cream. I entered the lunchroom.

  Eddie was smiling from ear to ear. He waved me over to what now had become our usual table. Everywhere I looked, kids were eating ice cream. Even the principal and teachers were eating ice cream. I felt cold all over. It must have been all the ice cream, or maybe I got a chill when I realized Eddie just won the bet. Unless I can burp today…

  “How’s your ice cream?” Eddie asked everybody at the tab
le.

  “It’s delicious,” Marina replied between spoonfuls of vanilla.

  “Yeah, thanks Eddie, that sure was nice of you,” Paul added.

  “Did you hear that, Josh? Paul said it was nice of me.” Eddie smirked.

  Just then, Mr. Duff, the principal walked over to us. “Edward, that was a very generous thing you did today buying the whole school ice cream.” He smiled at Eddie and walked away while eating his cup of strawberry delight.

  Strawberry Delight Ice Cream

  “I can’t believe you bought the whole school ice cream,” Chelsea said. “That must have cost a lot of money.”

  “Just about everything in my piggy bank,” Eddie said and grinned.

  “Wow, you must have had a lot of money saved up,” Manny said.

  “Yeah, I’m a saver,” Eddie answered.

  “Of other people’s money,” I added under my breath.

  Everyone gasped and looked at Eddie to see how he would respond. The old Eddie would have flattened me but this new Eddie just looked at me with a hurt expression.

  “I guess Josh doesn’t know who my favorite medieval hero is. I was watching a movie last night about him and thought to myself, how can I be more like him? What could I do that would be like something he would do? And, presto! It came to me; buy the whole school ice cream.”

  “What hero?” Marina asked.

  “What movie?” Paul added.

  Before Eddie could answer, I jumped in. “Hey, you didn’t watch a movie last night. You had to stay up late and do homework, remember?” Hah! I got him.

  “Josh, it just so happens that in between my homework breaks, I was “sneak” watching a movie in the bathroom so I wouldn’t get busted. Thank you very much.”

  Dang. I wondered why the portable DVD player was set up in the bathroom.

  “Was it a movie about Santa Claus?” Manny asked.

  “No. Though I do admire his love of milk and cookies.” Eddie laughed. The whole table laughed with him.