Raw

by Simone Sowood

  “Is there space for us to sleep here?” I ask. It’s a genuine question.

  “Of course there is. You two can have my bed and I’ll sleep on the couch,” Isabel says without hesitating.

  I’m amazed that she’ll give up her bed for us. I can’t say anyone I know would have done the same. How did I end up being surrounded by such plastic people?

  “I’m starving,” Elsie says.

  “I’m on it,” Isabel says and rushes into her little kitchen area. She opens her freezer and asks, “Are chicken fingers and fries good with you?”

  “Absolutely,” Elsie says.

  “Works for me, unless you would rather order food,” I say.

  “Real people can’t afford to order food every night,” Elsie says sarcastically.

  “Is that what this is? Xander Whitman slumming it?” Isabel says and laughs.

  I step close to Elsie and pull her into my arms. She looks up at me with that big natural smile of hers, and I can’t help a big natural smile of my own from spreading across my face. “Absolutely not,” I say.

  Isabel closes the freezer and studies me. My hold on Elsie is natural and simply having her body against mine relaxes me and eases my mind about the drone and Luna.

  “Okay, but I’m warning you now, you’d better not hurt my friend or you will have me to deal with,” Isabel says, her eyes boring into me.

  “Yes ma’am,” I say, glad that she’s protective of Elsie.

  “So anyway, my boyfriend, Larson, is coming over when he gets off work and we’re all going to play Lord of the Rings Monopoly.”

  “Fun, you know how much I love Monopoly,” Elsie says. I can’t remember the last time I played a board game. Probably when I was a kid on vacation and Luna and I were trying to pretend we couldn’t hear our parents going at it in the next room.

  It also means no TV and that means avoiding the news coverage, which is ideal.

  “Perfect, I just have to make a phone call,” I say.

  “You can use the bedroom for privacy,” Isabel says.

  I glance at the nearby room, wondering how on earth it gives me any more privacy but at least I can close the door and pretend. Covering the living room with four strides, I enter the bedroom and close the door behind me.

  The room is messy, with piles of clothes on every available surface. I thought she was a housekeeper.

  Sighing deeply, I sit on the bed and dial Luna’s number.

  “Didn’t think I’d hear from you. I thought you’d be too busy with your hotel fuck,” Luna says.

  “Where’s the retraction?” I say, getting right to the point. I have no interest in talking to Luna right now.

  “What’s the point of me saying anything when you’re having fresh sex pics spread all over the news?”

  “That wasn’t what it looked like. Not that it matters, you need to do the retraction and you need to do it now,” I say, my voice firm.

  “Not what it looked like,” she chuckles. “That’s what they all say.”

  “Make the retraction, Luna.”

  “It’s like that, is it, Xander?” she says, emphasizing my name.

  “I’m giving you until tomorrow and then it all comes out. Every last detail.” I end the call and turn off my phone.

  Chapter 27

  Elsie

  “Another beer, on me,” Larson says, setting a tray of four bottles of Budweiser on the table between us, his long blond hair hanging down as he leans over.

  “Cheers, dude. Next one’s on me,” Xander says, picking up a bottle and putting it to his lips. We all decided last night that Xander needed to experience a normal bar. In our attempt to disguise him, he’s wearing a baseball cap and a scruffy hoodie. We also instructed him not to smile so that his famous dimple doesn’t give him away.

  Tarzan’s is quieter than normal tonight but there’s still enough people to give it some atmosphere. At least there is enough vibe to give Xander the experience of what a bar where cocktails don’t cost more than most people make in a day is like. In fact, I don’t think Tarzan’s even sells cocktails.

  Larson sits down beside Isabel and the three of us pick up the remaining beers.

  “To Isabel, for being such a great friend and letting us steal her apartment,” I say and the four of us clink our bottles.

  “And for kicking all your asses at Monopoly last night,” Isabel says, grinning.

  “Hey, I came a close second,” Xander says.

  “Second don’t count for shit,” Isabel says.

  “Shh, Xander, don’t let her know you only let her win because she’s given us her apartment,” I say and wink at him. In truth, the four of us had a blast playing the game. It didn’t matter who won to me because I was enjoying it having so much.

  “I don’t know what my excuse was,” Larson says.

  “Your excuse is you have a roommate and that’s why I can’t stay with you,” Isabel says, quirking a brow at Larson.

  “You can have peace and quiet at my place tonight,” I say.

  This morning Isabel and I decided to swap apartments until the media story goes away and the paparazzi get off the curb outside my place. Larson drove by on his way to her place last night and several guys with cameras were hanging around my building.

  They won’t be looking for Isabel so it makes sense for her to use my apartment instead of having to sleep on her couch. Plus, Xander and I had sex again last night. I tried to be quiet, Xander even put his hand over my mouth but Isabel still mocked me at breakfast. If she stays at my place she doesn’t have to listen to us.

  “Isabel, even though you’ll be across town you’ll still probably be able to hear Elsie tonight,” Xander says.

  “It wouldn’t surprise me one bit,” Isabel says.

  “Excuse me, I’m right here,” I say in mock outrage. Until I met Xander I had no idea how loud I was during sex. Maybe I wasn’t until I met him. The noises are subconscious, he just makes me let go and lose myself.

  My phone sits in front of me on the table, and it rings. It’s my mother, we’ve been playing phone tag all day. I can’t ignore her, she deserves some sort of explanation as to why her daughter’s in the news.

  Putting it to my ear, I stand and hurry out the front door to talk to her in the quiet of the parking lot.

  “Hi, Mom.”

  “Elsie, what’s happening? Are you okay?” she asks in her concerned voice.

  “Everything’s fine, I’m staying at Isabel’s. There’s lots of paparazzi at my house and there’s probably some at yours, too, so I can’t come visit but everything’s good. There’s no need to worry.”

  “There has been a strange car parked outside with a man sitting in it.”

  My shoulders slump. Logically I knew there’d be one, but I really wish they’d leave my family out of this. “That would be one of them.”

  “Where did that picture come from? Did you really meet Xander Whitman or was it Photoshopped?”

  “It wasn’t Photoshopped. Isabel made me do a boudoir photo shoot and he happened to walk in. It was all an accident.” I brace for her judgment at her daughter doing boudoir photos.

  “That’s a shame, I thought maybe you went on a date with him or something. You know he is the world’s sexiest man, right? He is so cute in that show Lunatics.”

  I’m shocked that my mother just said that, or that she knows the show, or that she didn’t blink about the boudoir photos. She always seems so old-fashioned. I never thought she’d be so nonchalant about her lingerie-clad daughter’s photo being the talk of the country.

  “Well, he’s actually here with me now,” I say hesitantly.

  “What? Are you serious?” she says in a high-pitched voice.

  “I am, actually. I think we’re in a relationship,” I say, glad I’ve had a few of beers.

  “My daughter’s in a relationship with Xander Whitman? That’s amazing. What’s he like? When are you bringing him home to meet me?”

  “Not until the paparaz
zi leave.”

  “I’ll come to you.”

  “You can’t. They will follow you and then they will hound me,” I say, thinking of the drone.

  “What? I can never see my daughter again? What about the test results from the doctor?”

  The mention of the test results knocks the wind out of my lungs. “Don’t be silly, it’s just short-term until the media story dies down.”

  “And the doctor? You said you were going to get the results soon.”

  “I am. I think next week or early the week after.”

  “And they’re going to give you a definitive answer this time and not just send you for more tests?”

  “That’s what Dr. Higgins said,” I say, sighing. Until now I hadn’t thought about the tests since Xander pinned me up against the wall of his hotel room.

  “You shouldn’t go by yourself, I want to go with you.”

  “Maybe, it depends if you still have paparazzi following you or not.” I hadn’t planned to bring anyone with me.

  “Some things are more important than stupid people with cameras.”

  “Anyway, they’re all inside waiting for me so I better get back to them.” I don’t want to think about it right now, I want to stick my head back in the sand and carry on pretending everything’s okay.

  “Make sure you keep me posted,” she says in her stern don’t-mess-with-me voice I often heard in my teenage years.

  “I will, promise,” I say and end the call.

  I pull Tarzan’s door open but as soon as I step inside I realize my nice beer buzz is gone. I’d expected her to freak out about my connection to a sex scandal, not bring up my medical tests. Now that she has, I can’t stop thinking about them.

  What am I even doing here with Xander?

  It started out as me having fun while I can, but I never expected my heart to get wrapped up in it.

  Larson and Isabel are talking, their heads close together and their hands exploring each other. Xander is looking at his phone, his mouth tight. I shouldn’t have abandoned him for so long.

  “Sorry about that. My mother can talk for ages.”

  Xander looks up at me and says, “She must be worried.”

  “She wasn’t. Actually, she was more interested in meeting you,” I say unable to suppress a laugh.

  Xander shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “Are you going to take me there for dinner?”

  “One day when the paparazzi leave.”

  He clenches his fist and looks back at his phone.

  “Nothing from Luna yet?” I ask.

  “Total silence,” he says, shrugging.

  “What are you two talking about?” Isabel asks, leaning forward.

  “Nothing, but I don’t feel that well all of a sudden, I want to go home,” I say. I’ve lost all interest in being here. I want to go back to Isabel’s, curl up on the sofa and veg out.

  “Fine with me,” Xander says. This Luna situation is really bothering him. Maybe I can get him to talk about it some more, like he was at the house. We couldn’t talk last night because Isabel was there but tonight it’s just the two of us.

  “Maybe you can find out what’s going on with Luna,” I say quietly.

  Xander leans into me, puts his lips to my ear and says, “I already know. She’s fucking my father.”

  Chapter 28

  Xander

  “Here, I found some Jack Daniels in a kitchen cupboard,” Elsie says and hands me a tall glass of Jack and Coke. I take it from her, and down half of it in one gulp.

  It pisses me off that I have to think about any of this, but Luna hasn’t done the retraction and her deadline is up.

  I was really enjoying myself at the bar until the deadline passed with no hint of a retraction. Hanging out with Elsie and her friends for the past two days has only made one thing clear. I hate everyone I know.

  Elsie climbs onto the sofa beside me, her legs curled up underneath her and her body facing mine. She puts her hand on my shoulder and rubs it, soothing the tension in my muscle.

  “So, Luna and your dad are an item?” She asks.

  “No one and my dad is an item. He doesn’t work that way. Women are things to be screwed, nothing more.”

  “So, what is she thinking? Doesn’t she think of him as a father?”

  “You would think so but like I said before, they raised her to think that her only value was as a sex object. I thought she got past all that when she got her show, but the ratings have been dropping and maybe she felt vulnerable and my father saw that and took advantage of it, I don’t know. The more I think about it the less I understand it,” I say and take another mouthful of my drink.

  “It seems like you’re more upset about Luna than you are about the media,” Elsie says, nuzzling her head against me.

  “Yep.”

  I fucking am. Ever since we were young teens, I’ve protected Luna from my father’s friends. I thought I’d fended them all off, even if I did have to break that one guy’s nose. It never even occurred to me that she’d need protecting from my own father.

  If I didn’t have enough reasons to hate him before, I despise him now.

  “It’s not your fault that the two of them are having an affair.”

  I shake my head, “It’s not an affair. My mother would be well aware of the situation and either think it’s great or be too scared of my father leaving her and taking his money with him to do anything about it.”

  “Do you think Luna’s parents know?”

  “Of course they do. Her dad was the first person I told to try to get him to interfere, but he laughed and said it had been going on for a while now. I swear to God the dickwad was jealous of my father.”

  “You weren’t kidding when you said your family was messed up. Honestly, I think you have every right to cut them from your life. Who cares about Christmas and birthdays?” Elsie says, wrapping her arm across the front of my chest and squeezing.

  My breath is heavy as I consider her words. “You’re right. But it turns out all the people I’ve surrounded myself with are assholes. Not a single one of them would help me talk any sense into Luna because they were all too fucking afraid they’d lose their chance of ever being on Lunatics again. I’d basically be walking away from my entire life.”

  My throat tightens and I force another gulp of Jack and Coke down it.

  “Sometimes fresh starts are good,” Elsie says, her voice soft and unconvincing.

  There’s so much I want to say to Elsie. I want to tell her that my entire life has fallen apart and she caught me from crashing out. I want to tell her that I didn’t think people like her really existed. I want to tell her that she’s ripped my heart away from the people who don’t really care about me and taken it for herself. Instead I say, “You’re good,” and drag my fingers through her soft hair.

  She straightens herself into a kneeling position and puts her face in front of mine, her eyes probing mine and says, “Thanks for the faint praise. Good, is that a better or worse thing to say about someone then nice?”

  Even now I can’t help smiling because of her. “You’re too good to be true.”

  “Better.”

  “I’m better with actions than words,” I say and brush my lips across hers. An electric current sparks with our contact but for once in my life I only want to talk. I need to figure out what to do next. I have to, to protect Elsie from the internet trolls and to get the paparazzi to leave her alone.

  I pull her body back against mine and hold her tight against me.

  “You are very good with actions, I’ll give you that,” Elsie says.

  “My actions with Luna didn’t get me too far. All that got me was this media bullshit.”

  “It led to meeting me.”

  “That’s true. I’ll be sure to thank my father for it,” I say, smirking.

  “I’m still trying to figure out how your father fits into the media scandal. You told me before that you did this for Luna’s ratings but what’s that got to do with
your father?”

  I exhale sharply, wanting to tell Elsie everything, however much I have to force myself. “I walked in on them at a party. Luna was wearing a strap-on and whipping my father. It was the worst thing I’ve ever seen. Thankfully I was drunk. I don’t think I could’ve handled that sober.”

  “I imagine seeing your father getting pegged would be.”

  “Nah, not because of that but because I’d failed Luna. I’d failed to protect her and when I went ballistic, she sided with my father.”

  “Maybe she’s happy doing whatever she’s doing with him,” Elsie says softly.

  “She doesn’t know any better, he’s groomed her her whole life.” I down the rest of my drink and plunk the glass on the table.

  “There’s nothing you can do if adults don’t want to see things for what they are.” Elsie gets off the sofa and takes my empty glass to the kitchen.

  Her back is to me as she pours me another drink and words start flowing from me, “My father called me a loser for pretending to be Luna’s boyfriend but not having sex with her. That made me a massive failure in his eyes. Even though I was drunk, everything suddenly became very clear. I was never anything to my father. No one is. His whole life is just about him and his entertainment and whatever gets him off. I yanked the whip from Luna’s hand and whipped him as hard as I could. Luna was screaming and crying and trying to stop me, but my arm just kept thrashing him until he started crying like a fucking baby.”

  Elsie finishes making my drink but stays at the counter, her back to me. “That’s crazy. What happened?”

  I can’t tell if she’s staying in the kitchen because she’s horrified by my whipping story or because she realizes it makes it easier for me to talk. “Lots of screaming and yelling and a huge three-way argument. All I cared about was getting Luna away from him, but nothing worked. I told them I was fed up with both of them and that I was walking away from Lunatics. Luna had a full-on meltdown, saying the ratings were bad and that she was going to lose her show, so it ended up with me consoling her and trying to calm her down.”