Emma went back to work in a daze. Tori had done her best to cheer her up, but she just needed to get back to the hotel and stay busy for the rest of the day while she tried to comprehend what had happened.
This is exactly the kind of thing that she’d been trying to avoid but despite her best efforts, it was happening and there wasn’t anything she could do about it except move on.
While she was trying to stay busy at work, she told herself that at least this was Caitlin’s fault and it wasn’t self-inflicted this time but that didn’t make her feel much better.
Emma felt her phone vibrating in the pocket of her black work pants and pulled it out.
Caitlin’s name showed up, but Emma didn’t answer. There was no way she could have this conversation at work. She didn’t know if she’d end up breaking down in tears or getting into a shouting match with her.
Emma ignored Caitlin’s call and less than an hour later, she was calling Emma again. She debated answering this time, but Emma let it ring out again.
She needed time and she knew that there was nothing that Caitlin could say to fix this situation.
Chapter 20
That night, when Emma got home, she went straight to the refrigerator and took out the bottle of Chardonnay that was on the bottom shelf.
She needed a glass to calm her nerves and more than likely, the rest of the bottle after that.
She didn’t know how she’d gotten through the rest of the day. Thankfully, no one at work had said anything to her. Either they hadn’t seen the photos, or they didn’t recognize her from them. It didn’t matter. Emma was just glad to have finished the day in one piece, without breaking down in tears.
Although now, Emma felt anger more than anything else. She was angry with herself for falling for Caitlin so quickly and so easily. She was angry at Caitlin for saying all of those things and making Emma think that she actually cared about her.
She should probably call Tori back and let her know that she was alive. Tori had left her a message an hour ago just to make sure that Emma was okay.
She picked up her phone and sent Tori a text saying that she was fine and that she had a nice bottle of white wine to keep her company.
As she sat down on the couch and turned on the TV, her phone rang, and Emma answered it without looking at the name, assuming it was Tori.
“I don’t suppose you want to keep me company,” Emma said.
‘Uhh… Sure. If that’s what you want?’
Emma pulled the phone away from her ear like it had burnt her skin. She checked the screen and silently cursed when she saw Caitlin’s name appear.
“Sorry… I um… I thought it was Tori,” Emma said in a rush. “I was planning on ignoring you for another while.”
‘That would be completely understandable.’
“I know… But you have my attention now,” Emma said with a hint of anger in her voice. “Say your piece.”
‘Okay, well I need to apologize.’
“No shit.”
‘I’m sorry that I had to deny that there’s anything between us… I just have to live like this for another few months. Then I’ll come out… Can I come over and do this in person? This isn’t easy to do on the phone.’
Emma took a sip of wine while she thought about it. She knew it was probably a bad idea but how much worse could things get?
“Yes. I’ll text you the address,” Emma said as she hung up.
She typed her address and pressed send. Emma closed her eyes as she sunk into the cushions.
This is not going to end well.
Emma wasn’t ready to forgive her but if they weren’t going to see each other for a few months, they might as well clear the air now and not leave this hanging over them.
They would probably decide that there was no way that this could work. Caitlin had her career as her number one priority and that was fine. Emma knew how much it meant to her, but she also knew that she couldn’t pretend to be someone she wasn’t.
Emma would hear what Caitlin had to say and then they could move on, go back to the way things were before they ran into each other again.
Emma went into the kitchen to refill her glass and take another bottle from the cupboard and put it in the fridge, just in case.
Chapter 21
Cat stood outside Emma’s apartment door for a few moments while she ran over what she wanted to say in her head.
She couldn’t remember the last time she was this nervous. She felt like this could be a major turning point in her life.
If she screwed this up… There was no going back. They’d had too many problems to think that it would ever work out, unless Cat could convince Emma that there was a chance, however small.
She took a deep breath as she brought her hand up to the door and knocked firmly.
A few seconds later, Emma opened the door with a glass of wine in her hand.
Cat thought she looked stunning. Emma was wearing skinny jeans and a black v neck shirt, her black hair left down.
“Hi,” Cat said as she met Emma’s hazel green eyes.
“Hey… Come in,” Emma said, stepping aside to let her pass.
Cat followed her inside, discretely wiping her palms down the sides of her jeans as Emma went into the kitchen.
“Can I get you something to drink?” Emma asked.
“Whatever you’re having is fine.”
Cat sat down on the couch as Emma brought out another glass and poured her some white wine then refilled her own glass.
“Thanks,” Cat said, taking a sip while Emma got comfortable next to her. She kept some space between them and Cat turned so that she could face her while she spoke. “I know you probably don’t really want me here…”
“It wasn’t how I imagined my night going but… You might as well say whatever you have to say.”
Cat nodded. “Right…” She took a deep breath before she spoke. “You know that I don’t think that kiss was a mistake, right?”
“I don’t know what to think.”
Cat noted Emma’s edgy tone. “Jeff woke me up at some ungodly hour to tell me that we’d been photographed and that it was all over the place. He needed a statement and he was right… If I wanted any chance at making it on the country music scene… I had to downplay it.”
“I had to find out for myself… I read your words,” Emma said, her piercing green eyes locking onto Cat’s. “How was I supposed to know that you didn’t mean them?”
“I should have called you right away,” Cat admitted. “But I was scared… I didn’t know how you’d react. I hated myself for lying. As soon as I said those words, I regretted them. I never imagined that I would have to sacrifice who I was to make a name for myself.”
“You don’t have to. Not everybody listens to country music,” Emma said as she brought her glass to her lips. “You’re not even really country… You’re folk and they just want to claim you as one of their own.”
“I know I’m not, but I could really use that sort of attention right now. They have a massive audience and if I could reach just a fraction of them, it would make a huge difference,” Cat said, trying to make her case.
“But at what cost?”
“Emma… I still care about you.”
“I find that hard to believe sometimes.”
“I do… And I think we still have a chance,” Cat said. “I know that what I did was shit but I never got over you… That kiss… It was like we went back in time for a few minutes.”
Cat waited for Emma’s reaction as her heart pounded in her chest. Cat watched her lean forward to leave her glass on the coffee table.
“Caitlin… You’re all talk and what you did was shit?” Emma asked, her voice full of sarcasm. “That’s an understatement… I woke up today with this stupid grin on my face, thinking that things were finally going to work out.”
“They can…”
“No, they can’t,” Emma said as she turned to face Cat fully. “How can they? You’re living in a
fantasy land where you think you can be with me and still play it straight. How would that work out?”
“I don’t know,” Cat said softly. “I just know that it’s not always going to be like that.”
“So, you say… Sadly, I can see you in the same place in five years. You’ll probably have racked up a bunch of awards and number one songs, but you’ll still be hiding who you are… And I can’t live like that. I’ve come too far…”
“I can’t predict the future. All I know is… That isn’t what I have in mind,” Cat said as she took a drink. They sat in silence for a few moments and Cat debated saying something more. “What I do see, when I think about the future… Is you.”
“Caitlin… I feel like we’re having two different conversations.”
Cat lips moved into a smile as she took another drink.
“What’s so funny?” Emma asked. “We’re supposed to be having a serious conversation.”
“No one calls me Caitlin anymore… It’s just odd to keep hearing you call me that. It brings back a lot of memories, that’s all.”
Emma nodded. “It’s an old habit. I’ll try and switch.”
“If we have a reason to talk after tonight,” Cat said with a sad smile. “But you don’t have to. I never minded ‘Caitlin.’ I just thought I could use a fresh start and a catchier name.”
Emma leaned forward to refill both of their glasses. “Of course, we’ll talk after tonight…”
Cat dared herself to meet Emma’s eyes as she emptied the last of the bottle of wine into her glass.
“We will?” Cat asked.
“Why wouldn’t we? Just because we’re not exactly on the same page doesn’t mean we can’t stay in touch… Be friends…”
“Friends?”
Emma nodded. “Why not?”
“I don’t know… because we have feelings for each other,” Cat said. “Or at least I do.”
“You know I’m still attracted to you,” Emma said as she took a sip of wine. “But I’m just not willing to go back into the closet for you. I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Cat said with a sigh. “That’s what I’m here to do tonight… To apologize. I’ve been rambling on… Emma, that’s what I want you know… I’m so sorry for the way everything’s been the last few weeks. I always thought that we’d have a second chance…That we’d eventually run into each other again. I just didn’t think I would screw it up this badly.”
Emma met her gaze and paused for a few seconds to gather her thoughts.
“I’m sorry I’ve been so judgmental,” Emma said. “I know how much your music means to you,” Emma said softly. “If I was in your shoes, I don’t know that I’d have done anything differently.”
“I think you’d risk it.”
“And come out?”
Cat nodded. “You wouldn’t even have let it get to this stage. You would have been out from the very start. The first time a guy was mistaken for your boyfriend, you would have told the truth.”
“I think you’re giving me too much credit… It must be so hard… Dealing with that conflict every day.”
“It wasn’t great, but I could justify it before… Now… I’m pushing you away because of it and it doesn’t make much sense anymore,” Cat said softly, bringing her glass to her lips. “I hope you can forgive me.”
“I do,” Emma said, reaching for her hand. “I just wish I could be a bit more reckless, a little less sensible.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well for starters, I should have gone with you to L.A. but now even… Now, I should be willing to throw away my principles and at least give this a chance… Worry about the rest later. I’m too guarded… I need to learn to take risks.”
“So, take one,” Cat said.
“Do something risky?”
“Yeah… Something you’d never normally do. Call in sick to work tomorrow or submit some of your photos.”
Emma took another drink and then left her glass down on the coffee table. “Something that I wouldn’t normally do…”
Cat watched Emma try and come up with something while Cat tried to hide her smile. Emma was so stuck in her ways. It was one of the things about her that drove Cat crazy. She just wished she’d be spontaneous sometimes.
“Alright,” Emma said. “I got something.”
“What?”
“You have to close your eyes.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to surprise you,” Emma said.
Cat could see the mischief in her eyes, but she didn’t know what Emma might be up to.
“Okay,” Cat said as she closed her eyes. “Surprise me.”
Cat was sitting on the couch, waiting to hear Emma get up and go find whatever she was surprising her with. She wondered if Emma still had that keyboard. Maybe she was better at it now and she was going to play something for her.
Cat was just about to open her mouth and tell Emma to get on with it when Cat felt Emma’s warm, soft lips gently press against hers.
Emma’s hand cupped Cat’s cheek as her lips met Cat’s again, sending a chill through her body.
Cat’s lips lightly brushed across Emma’s in a slow, cautious kiss while her hand rested on Emma’s hip.
A tingling sensation ran through Cat’s body right down to her fingertips as their lips met again with more intensity this time.
When Emma’s lips parted against hers and their tongues met, Cat nearly lost it. She pulled Emma down on top of her and her hand slipped under Emma’s top.
Cat caressed the soft skin above Emma’s hip and gradually moved her hand upwards, her nails raking lightly across her skin.
Emma broke their kiss and met Cat’s piercing blue eyes. She didn’t say a word as she pushed herself off the couch.
Before Cat could protest, Emma had reached for her hand and pulled her up.
Emma led her down the hall to her bedroom and Cat wondered how this night had completely turned around for her. She'd come here, ready to plead her case, and even though they had a history, Cat didn't know if that was going to be enough. Emma had been so decisive back then. She didn't know if ten years later, she would have the same reaction.
Emma led them into her bedroom, backing Cat up against the door, her hands underneath her top, gliding across her skin, over her hips and around to her lower back, as she leaned in to find Cat's lips again.
Cat sighed as their lips met in another intense kiss, their tongues lazily swirling as Emma pushed her leg in between Cat's. She needed to touch her.
Cat's hands were on Emma's waist as she found the hem of Emma's top and lifted it over her head, her eyes lingering on the swell of her breasts, her nipples visible through lacy bra. Cat dipped her head, kissing her neck as her hands moved across her back, unhooking her bra with one hand, letting it fall to the floor.
Cat had waited so long for this moment. She didn't know how she was going to show any restraint though. Her hands were on Emma's breasts as she found Emma's lips again, kissing her hard as they took the last few steps backwards until they reached Emma's bed.
Emma unzipped her jeans and stepped out of them, while Cat did the same, lifting her own top over her head too, standing in front of Emma in just her bra and panties.
"Come here," Emma said, her hand cupping Cat's cheek as she pulled her into another kiss, and they fell back onto the sheets. Emma's hands unclasped her bra, tossing it to the side, her hands instantly on Cat's breasts. Her fingers teased Cat's already hardened nipples, and Cat groaned into the kiss, her hands roaming across Emma's body as she deepened the kiss.
"I want to make this moment last," Cat said, brushing her hair away from her eyes.
"Please don't," Emma said with a laugh, looking up at her. "I've wanted this for far too long. I can't wait any longer. I want you, Cat."
Cat smiled as she kissed her. She didn't think she could wait much longer either. She could feel her own wetness gathering in her panties, and Emma had barely touched her.
Cat moved further down her body, taking each nipple in her mouth, flicking her tongue over them until they were rock hard. Emma arched into her, her hands in Cat's hair as she trailed kisses over her toned stomach and across her hips until she was in between Emma's legs. She pulled Emma's panties down her legs and tossed them aside.
Cat slowly licked her without parting her lips, tasting a hint of her wetness, and Emma's hips lifted off the sheets, silently begging her for more. Cat used her fingers this time as she parted her folds, her tongue circling Emma's clit, taking it in her mouth as she sucked and teased.
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