by P. J. Rhea
If Ralph’s dad was abusive, that would explain some of his behavior, but it didn’t excuse it.
I thanked Carla for her kindness and for sharing the pictures with me. She patted my hands and smiled as I was about to leave. She looked at my hands and then into my eyes. I knew she was letting me know who she thought I was, but I was just not ready to confirm it. Not yet Carla…soon…but not yet, I thought to myself.
Dear Evie:
You were such a beautiful little girl. Your mama’s name was Grace, and she loved you very much. I don’t think she knew all that the man was doing. She was scared, too, Evie and didn’t know how to get to a safe place. I know now our brother’s name was Stephen. I will find him someday. I hope he is kind and good and not at all like his father or, apparently, his grandfather. Carla was very nice, and I think she loved you very much, Evie. I want to tell her soon what happened to you. Keep talking to me, Evie. Together we will find the truth.
Katherine
I was pleased with the results of my visit and could not wait to get home. I called Jason and told him I was on my way and that I had a lot to tell him when I got there.
***
Gracie was adorable in her uniform. She was on the T-ball team year and nothing brought more pleasure to Jason and me than watching our little all-star run the bases. Only in a small southern town would you see names on the backs of uniforms like “Pee Wee,” “Bug,” “Bubba,” and in the case of our team, “The Honey Bee’s” sponsored by our local supermarket, we also had a “Little Bubba” who was a year younger and a lot shorter than the first “Bubba.” It was a joke between Jason and me that we should come up with a nick name for Gracie, but we never did.
I tried to pay attention to Gracie’s game. My mind was whirling with the things I’d found out in the small town of Harmony, North Carolina. Now that I had a first name for the brother whose existence I’d only recently learned about, I was more determined than ever to find out what happened to him. My dreams had not included him so far, and I had no idea what he may have gone through. The terrible man in my dreams was apparently Stephen’s father, but the sad truth is that children are abused every single day by the parents who are supposed to love and protect them.
The too real awakening was making me almost sick with concern over every child I came in contact with. I was looking at all the children on the team and in the stands for anything out of sorts. I kept watching the children sitting in the stands or playing in the grass behind the bleachers. It was hard not to examine their eyes for signs that something was wrong. Does that little girl seem oddly sad about something? Are there excessive bruises on that little boy? I also found myself looking questionably at the men in the crowd. I was trying to evaluate each man attending the game for the wrong kind of attention. It had become an obsession of mine. There could be someone like Evie among the children and maybe I could save her. I could alert someone. I would confront the man and tell him to leave the child alone and just let him be a happy carefree child like he was supposed to be, I reasoned.
Since I had returned home that afternoon, I had been trying to process the information Carla Wilson had given me. I had stayed at her house for several hours. I even had lunch with her, and she’d revealed a lot of things about the family in house 104 Maple Avenue. I had made notes in my journal to share with Dr. Anna next week, and I had told Jason about the dear lady who had been like a grandmother to Evie. I told him about the dream I had about the bathroom and the horrible man who did nasty things while poor Evie took her bath. I was so angry about it and it made Jason equally angry to hear it, so while we talked it almost felt like we were fighting. We weren’t, of course, but the emotions had no outlet, and I think both of us just wanted to hit something. We wanted to hit Ralph.
“So, if your mom wasn’t married to this man, why didn’t she just call the police and make him leave?” Jason had asked “She could have had that animal arrested and put under the jail.”
I’d asked Carla the same thing, and she explained to me that Grace was struggling just to get by when she first met him. I told Jason exactly what Carla had told me.
“Ralph Dark had really played the role, pretending to be kind and helpful in the beginning. He could probably tell that Grace was lonely and vulnerable. He was the knight in shining armor to her damsel in distress; she was pulled right in. He didn’t show his true self until long after she let him into her heart and into her house. Evie knew though. She could see the darkness in his expression when Grace wasn’t watching him. It was a game to him the way he could fool her. Carla admitted to me that she had a bad feeling about him from the start but just didn’t have the words to convince Grace that he wasn’t good for her.
“He gave Carla the creeps and she told Grace as much. But he had her fooled, and she was so lonely and tired of struggling that she overlooked the signs until it was too late. Once she allowed him to move in, he knew he had her. She tried to leave a few times, but he would always stop her before she made it out the door. Oh, at first he would sweet talk her, tell her he was sorry, and he loved her. He would promise to be better and he would be for a while. He would be attentive and sweet to her and not be so strict on Evie, but after a while he stopped being nice about it. Carla said she believed that once Grace realized how cruel Ralph could be, she feared for her life and that of her child.”
Jason asked me the same question I’d asked Carla after hearing about Ralph and his abuse.
“What about your biological father? Do you know what happened to him? Why he wasn’t still in the picture?”
“Oh, yes. Carla told me that she believed his name was Frank, and he was Grace’s high school sweet heart. When they realized that Grace was pregnant, they wanted to get married but they were too young. Grace was sixteen and Frank was seventeen. Their parents refused to sign the papers to give them permission to marry. Grace’s parents were especially upset about the pregnancy. Her father was so angry with her he wanted her to stop seeing Frank all together. Her mother was just so embarrassed by it and worried what people would say.
Grace didn’t care what they would say and told her so. She was so in love with Frank that nothing would keep her from him. Her parents would have had to lock her in a jail cell to keep her from his side. His parents were also upset and felt the couple should take a break from seeing each other. As parents and teens sometimes do, they said some very hurtful things to each other. They tried to imply that Frank might not be the father of the baby. But Frank had no doubt whatsoever, and he loved Grace as much as any man could love a woman. Carla said their situation made her think of one of those sad love stories you see at the movies.
“Since their families weren’t supportive of them, Grace and Frank ran away. They ended up in Harmony, North Carolina, all the way from Oklahoma. It wasn’t easy for them but they were happy. Frank found a job doing cleanup work on a construction site, and Grace cleaned for a couple of ladies in town. They rented a room by the week in what used to be a motel, and when Evie came they were as happy and content as anyone could be. That man loved his two girls and worked hard to support them. Then when little Evie was about two years old the fairy tale ended when Frank was killed in an accident on his way home from work. He was walking home and it was raining hard. A car came around a curve too fast and hydroplaned. The drive couldn’t stop, and the car ran right over Frank. Carla said according to the witnesses, Frank didn’t have a chance. She said if it hadn’t been for Evie, Grace would have just lain down and died from pure heartbreak.
“Carla was working at the hospital as a nurse’s aide then, that’s how she met her. She told me that she’d seen grief before, but Grace was so alone in her grief. There was no family to console her or to tell her what she needed to do. Little Evie had no idea what was going on. After all, she was just a baby, and she would cry from fear, not understanding why her mother was wailing and crying.
The staff at the hospital wanted to do something for Grace, but no one knew what to say.
Carla said she was just compelled to help Grace, so she sat next to her and gently took Grace’s hand. They sat quietly for a long time until Grace started to talk to Carla. She said she wasn’t sure what to do to survive. She told Carla that they had lived week to week for almost three years and she had no job and no money for the next week’s rent. Carla offered to let Grace and Evie stay in her rental house. She declined the offer at first, not wanting to take advantage of her. But Carla assured Grace that they would work it out. Carla proposed that Grace do some much needed cleaning for her, and then once she found a job they would work out the rent amount. At that time, all Grace had to live on was the small check from social security for Frank’s child and what she could make cleaning for people. It seemed like the perfect solution.
Carla said she was thrilled to have Grace and Evie as neighbors and grew closer to them with each passing month. Grace and Evie were doing well enough, but Grace was so lonely after losing Frank. She was still a kid really. After all, she was only nineteen years old when she became a widow, and she felt so lost and alone. Carla tried to talk her into going back to Oklahoma, to her parents. She was too proud at first. They had not parted on good terms. Grace wasn’t ready to forgive her father for some of the things he had said, and she wasn’t about to ask for help from him. Then it changed from too much pride to too much guilt. She felt so guilty for what happened to Frank and for how hard things were for little Evie. But then Ralph came into the picture and, well, as they say, the rest is history.”
When Carla spoke of Ralph Dark her voice would take on a sickened tone. Almost as if speaking of him made her stomach turn, but her face would look angry. It was clear that she hated the man; there was no doubt of that, and I was certain that as my memories continued to come I would feel the same way.
“Carla said that Grace met Ralph when she was cleaning a house where he was doing odd jobs for the owner. He asked her out to dinner and was a real charmer in the beginning. Carla told me that she’d often wondered a thousand times what would have happened if only Grace had gone back to her parents before meeting that man.”
Jason had listened patiently to the details told to me by Carla Wilson and seemed unable to speak for several minutes.
“What a sad story,” Jason whispered while staring out into the room as he reflected on the details of what I’d shared with him. “So your dad died when you were two years old?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I shrugged. I knew in my head that I was Evie and that it was me that all this had happened to, but I could not accept it in my heart. I still felt like we were two separate people, and I had no memory of a father named Frank. My father was a wonderful man named Bill, and I could not make my mind think of anyone else in that role. All the same, I was moved and saddened hearing about the young couple and the tragic end to what must have been a deep love. I felt so bad for Evie having lost her father at such a young age. I felt it for Evie, not for me. When I would write in my journal, I often wrote letters to Evie, giving her praise or trying to comfort her. Maybe as more details came out and I started to remember more, I would be able to somehow mesh us together to be one person.
Once we were in our bed, I cuddled close to Jason. I needed to feel comfort and wanted to feel secure. I would sometimes feel as if I couldn’t catch my breath. It was as if I couldn’t get my lungs to fill up completely. I knew it was the tension that came from just trying to grasp all that was happening. It was still so freaking unreal. It felt as if it were still happening to someone else. Once I was safe in my familiar world, I drifted off to sleep easily, exhausted to my core. It seemed like only seconds passed before I began to dream of Evie again.
Evie was excited because it was her birthday. Her mother had made a cake from a mix and placed nine candles on it. She had been allowed to invite two of her friends from school to her party. She had never had friends over before and was excited beyond words. Emily was her best friend at school, and Evie told her all her secrets. Well, most of her secrets. Evie never told her about the things Ralph did in the bathroom.
Emily had short black hair cut in a pixie cut and dark eyes that became big and round when Evie would talk to her. The other little girl, Rachel, a redhead with freckles across her nose and bright blue eyes, was the daughter of a lady Evie’s mom cleaned for. She was in the same grade as Evie but not in the same classroom. They mostly played when Evie tagged along on the days her mom cleaned for Rachel’s mom. Grace tried to make the party as much fun as she could, but money was tight. Ralph wasn’t getting to work a lot, and, as a result, he was drinking more. He was mean when he was drinking and both Grace and Evie were silently hoping that he would stay at the bar until the party was over.
The three little girls giggled and played for at least an hour. Soon it was time for the cake and ice cream. In the middle of singing happy birthday, the sound of the door slamming shut startled them all. Grace and Evie both looked at each other, knowing things could end badly. Ralph Dark walked into the kitchen holding his half empty whiskey bottle and a six pack of beer, which he placed in the refrigerator. There was no doubt why the whiskey bottle was half empty. He was staggering and cursing, yelling terrible things in front of the little girls. Evie was so embarrassed. Without thinking it through, perhaps because of the bottled up resentment she needed to release, she opened her mouth and yelled at him.
“Why can’t you just leave us alone?”
The room fell silent, and Evie knew the minute the words crossed her lips that she would pay for her outburst. Ralph looked at the two little girls who had come to celebrate with Evie; the fear was obvious on their faces. I guess even in his drunken state he knew that it would not be wise to do anything in front of those young witnesses. He smiled at Evie, and her blood chilled from the fear that crept up her tiny body. I could feel it too. Our bodies started to tremble and that familiar sick knot twisted in our stomachs.
“Well, okay then, I will just go watch a little television while you girls finish up here. I assume that will be soon won’t it, Grace?”
The look on his face gave Grace no doubt that someone would pay dearly for Evie’s words, but she slowly nodded in agreement. There was no hiding her concern. I could hear her heart pound in her chest as loudly as I could hear and feel Evie’s own heart. Together they were like a pounding drum leading up to a climax of tragedy. The children sat for the next several minutes in silence. Emily looked as if she might start to cry, and she asked to go home. She knew from Evie’s stories that Ralph could be very mean, and she didn’t want to be there if he started to yell again. Grace was aware of the tension and tried to make light conversation with the girls about school and their plans for the summer break. She tried with all the effort she could muster to act as if everything was just fine.
“Who’s ready for cake and ice cream?” “Me.” “I am.” “Me too, please.” They all squealed feeling relieved that Evie’s mother seemed to have relaxed. She was acting as if all was well again.
Once the refreshments were eaten it was time for the gifts. Evie had never had more than one gift to open on her birthday, and even the tension that filtered in from the other room could not take away the thrill of receiving gifts from her mother and her friends. Evie opened her big gift first. The one she knew was from her mama. Mama’s gift was in a large shopping bag that had paper flowers pasted all over and pictures of butterflies colored in bright colors. It contained the most beautiful doll Evie had ever seen. She had curly blond hair and blue eyes that would open and shut. Grace had purchased it at the secondhand store and cleaned it up. She’d made a beautiful dress for the doll from scrap material and a pair of bloomers from an old pillow case that was too worn to sleep on.
As Evie lifted the doll from the bag, all three girls smiled brightly and giggled with delight at the special doll. Evie’s friends seemed to envy the gift and that made it feel even more special to Evie. She told both her friends that they could hold the doll while she opened the gifts they had brought. Rachel had br
ought a box wrapped in striped paper and topped it with a bright yellow bow. Evie took her time when opening the gifts from her friends. She wanted to save the pretty paper, but she also wanted to savor the happy feeling that came with receiving the gifts on her special day.
In the box from Rachel were some ribbons and bows for Evie’s hair and a brush and comb set with a small mirror so Evie could fix her hair for school. Then from Emily, wrapped in paper covered in pictures of balloons, was a coloring book and one of the big boxes of crayons. For a short time Evie was so happy she almost forgot what had happened earlier when Ralph came home, but when she heard the clock in the hall chime, she knew the girls were about to leave. Once their mothers came to pick them up and the kitchen was clean, Grace told Evie to go straight to bed. I knew she was hoping Ralph had passed out in the recliner as he so often did when he had been drinking. If he happened to sleep through the night, maybe he would forget what was said.