Horrible images flooded my imagination. “What am I going to see in The Den?”
Jamie peeled a leaf from a nearby vine and chewed on it, offering another to me. The flavor was minty mixed with a sort of banana flavor or something sweet. “Hopefully we won’t find him here, right? You seemed pretty sure he was being detained somewhere. Maybe you’ll get lucky and that’ll be true.”
“Excellent options,” I muttered. I thought over what I knew of Jens compared to the vast abyss I did not know. My resolve solidified. “I know Jens. We won’t find him there.”
Jamie gave me that pitying gaze that made me secretly rage every time. “Okay, Lucy.”
Four.
Just a Man
Whatever I had found Bedra to be thus far, it was not the depravity I found in The Den. I realize I sound like a dowdy old schoolmarm, but legit, the second I walked in I felt the creeping need for hand sanitizer and rubber gloves. The very smell that descended upon me made my nose burn with citrus that felt like it fizzed in my nose, entering my brain and making me slightly lightheaded in a solitary breath. The mud walls were sticky with something that looked and felt like honey, but they stank of musk and vice. I gave those a wide berth.
The woman that greeted us a few feet in had thick black makeup around her eyes. It was the only time I’d seen makeup in Undra, and it was overdone even for a sitcom stereotyped transvestite. She wore a purple sort of loose, thin bra that barely covered her perkiness, and the sheer skirt she wore had seven slits up the sides all the way to her underwear.
I felt vastly overdressed in my jeans and T.
The hostess eyed Jamie with a calculating stare. Without a greeting or his consent, she reached out and touched his hand, stroking the inside of his palm as if checking for something telling. “You’ve come to collect Jens,” she purred in her low, seductive voice. “Prince Jamie, you always spoil our fun.”
“Indeed,” Jamie answered in an even tone, retracting his hand slowly and wrapping his arm around me. “Though I wouldn’t be too sad, Brigit. He always comes back for the lure of Bedra.” He looked past her, but the dark muddy hallway did not lead to anywhere we could see. “Jens is here, then?”
The woman did not regard me at all or greet me. In fact, it seemed her eyes passed clear over me. “What if I said no?”
Jamie gave her a polite smile that seemed groomed in a politician’s son. “I’m fairly certain you’re not allowed to say no to me.”
I shivered at his cold words and tried not to shrink at the very adult conversation. Jamie’s hand on my back was supposed to bring comfort, but I think I was beyond that at this point.
Brigit leaned forward and kissed Jamie on the lips. A long, drawn out lip lock that screamed sex. I watched in horror as he closed his eyes and indulged her in the few seconds of passion that seemed almost like a rite of passage into The Den. When she pulled away, I gawked at Jamie.
“Right this way,” Brigit beckoned, leading the way with her sashaying hips down several halls that slowly sloped down into the earth. I had the distinct impression I was being closed inside when the honeyed mud walls and the stifling citrus only grew stronger and more intrusive as we went.
“Are you surviving?” Jamie asked in a soft voice.
I didn’t realize until then that I was holding his hand. “I need a shower.” I bristled, scowling at him, recalling my indignation. “And I’m telling Britta you kissed that girl. Bros over hos.”
Jamie gave me a questioning look, and then chuckled when my phrasing resonated. “She knows how to get into The Den. I’ve come here to dig Jens out with her many times. You can’t get in without handing over a small amount of your will to the Mares.”
“Do not leave me in here,” I begged as we turned the corner. I squeezed his grip. “This hand doesn’t leave yours until we see the light of day again.” The lanterns had red gauzy material draped over them, giving the distinct red light district feel. The Police’s Roxanne starting playing in my head as I tried unsuccessfully to blend.
There were dozens of women lounging everywhere, and maybe seven men. The men sat on plush circular couches in various stages of undress. The women were either all naked or mostly there, doing their seduction in slow motion. I cringed and held tight to Jamie. This was way out of my element.
When I cast around for Jens, I took in the expressions of the men being fawned over. They did not look excited at the plethora of goods to be fondled and ogled. They looked exhausted. Bags under their bloodshot eyes, sallow yellowed skin, and either bloated or sunken in bellies. No one was smiling, yet they were determined not to miss a moment. I got it, but man, was it sad to watch. Reminded me of the typical overindulgence of a man sitting in a dark basement watching too much porn, neglecting daylight and the real world.
There was no way Jens was here. I just knew it.
Brigit led us to a private room and ran her hand up Jamie’s thigh as she opened the door. The familiar feeling of wanting to stab someone for being skeezy to a man I loved rose up in me. It was then that I realized Jamie had taken a sort of older brother role in my life. I squeezed his hand again.
The first thing I saw was a bowl of lavender powder, which Jamie steered me away from. The second thing my eyes landed on was Jens. I gasped at the scene before me, wishing for it not to be real. Jens was naked, lying on the mud floor completely unconscious. Two voluptuous women sat on his torso. One had her hand over his mouth and the other had her hand on his forehead. They were focusing hard, and I guessed they were in the process of sucking out bits of his will to feast on. Succubus in action.
The air was already too thick for comfort, but the sight made each breath absolutely unbearable. I don’t know how long I stood there, letting the shock bash me over the head like a mallet, but I didn’t come to life until Brigit touched the ring on the strap around my neck. She stood too close for comfort, and I really hoped I wouldn’t be expected to kiss her. As it was, I could barely feel my legs.
“This is Master Foss’s ring,” she stated, examining the etching of his crest on the side. She looked at me with new appreciation. “Foss took a wife? I never thought I’d live to see that come to pass.”
“Yup. My husband sent me to collect Jens, so if you could wrap things up, he’d appreciate it.”
She looked me up and down with a curious eye. “What are you? Too tall and slender to be a dwarf.”
My already broken heart ripped open further at the thought of Tor sinking in the abyss.
Brigit ran her hand up my side, and I backed away on instinct. “You’re too short to be anything else.” She fingered my hair, marveling at the color. “A Guldy. I could’ve guessed Foss would choose a prize to show off to the other chiefs.” The she whispered in my ear, “You’re welcome to stay, little kattunge.”
Judging by the blatant level of innuendo in Brigit’s invitation, I guessed I didn’t want to know what “kattunge” meant. “I’m good.” I batted her hand away from my hair, which she started braiding at random. “My husband doesn’t like it when other people touch me.” Back the smack up, girl.
Brigit cupped my chin, taking in my face before consenting to give me three whole inches of personal space. “Is your husband coming to see us? He puts up a good fight. Strong will.” She licked her lips. “Delicious.”
“You’ll not go near my husband,” I warned without wavering. “I’m just here for Jens.”
The women atop my boyfriend looked up at me with pleasantly delirious expressions. “Oh, but we’ve been having such fun with him. Can’t he stay?”
“I’m afraid the fun’s over, ladies,” Jamie said, face red at their nudity and the warm atmosphere that was stiflingly thick with sweat and ickiness. He moved over to Jens, waiting for them to dismount his oiled body. He yanked up his muscular friend, waving me forward to be a crutch for his other slippery side.
I had never seen Jens naked before. My experience with nude men didn’t go past the couple of times I’d walked in on Foss getting dr
essed. My imagination really didn’t go past kissing yet, since that was such a new phenomenon for me. To see my boyfriend naked for the first time in a whorehouse was a new low, of which I was already maxed to capacity on. I pulled off the new pouch of lavender powder from around Jens’s neck and tossed it on the floor.
“Jens is going to be mad,” Jamie warned.
“Oh, his anger’s going to be comical compared to mine. Trust me.” I snatched his clothing off the floor and helped Jamie drag his heavy body out of The Den of iniquity, ignoring Brigit’s invitation for me to stay as long as I wished.
As soon as we hit fresh air, we laid Jens down on the tall grass. I felt painted white inside and hollow to the bone. I didn’t realize I was shaking until Jamie’s arms went around me after he’d dressed my boyfriend. Jamie pulled me to his chest, squeezing out of me the tears of betrayal that burned as they slithered down my cheeks.
I pulled away and knelt next to Jens, kissing my palm and pressing it to his chest. It was the goodbye kiss I’d never wanted to give him, but he’d earned it fair and square.
Jens wasn’t Superman. In the end, Jens was just a man.
Five.
Jens’s Lies
Somehow we got Jens back to the ship in record time, giving me the distinct impression that Jamie had indeed led us in circles to avoid taking me to The Den.
The plan was to wait until nightfall to start up our journey to Elvage. Bags were packed with the fruits Jamie and I managed to collect on the way back, and anything else we might ever need was secured in Jens’s magical red bag.
Jens came to after Mace dropped a bucket of cold water on him and whistled him to semi-wakefulness. His high began to wear off, giving way to a moderate level of lucidity. I stayed out of sight, not wanting to deal with Foss’s triumphant jabs at how stupid my relationship with Jens had been, and how naïve I was to expect monogamy from a guy like him who had better things to do than, well, me.
Jens washed off and dressed like a deer in headlights, eyes darting around the ship for signs that I’d seen him like that. He found me half an hour later on the quiet ship, bloodshot eyes and bags under his sweeping lashes that only held deception for me, instead of their usual lure.
Everyone was quietly waiting for my explosion. I would not give it to them.
“Hey, baby,” Jens greeted me warily.
“Hey,” I answered with forced cheeriness from my spot on the upper deck overlooking the ocean. I glanced at him over my shoulder and shot him a welcoming smile. “You’re back. What took you so long?”
Jens’s shoulders released a good bit of anxiety at my seeming unawareness of his whereabouts. He moved behind me and placed a kiss on my shoulder as I stood, still facing the ocean. “Nothing important. A few traders weren’t up for helping us restock. Took longer than expected. I’m back now, though.”
“You feeling okay?”
I could see Jens lightening, thinking he’d not been caught. The whole façade made me sick. The truths he’d told me throughout our entire relationship began to crumble like crusty sand, my castle of truth utterly ruined. “I’m great. A little tired. Ready to get out of here. Did you miss me?” His hand snaked around my stomach. He breathed in the scent of my hair, and sighed contentedly.
I did not cry. I was too devastated feeling his body against mine to register any emotion except crushed. “I missed you. It must’ve been rough being all alone like that. Jamie told me how he found you. All by yourself, lost in the woods. Scary.”
More relief was palpable. “I just spent the whole time thinking about you,” he lied.
I forced a light laugh. “That’s so funny. Brigit had never even heard of me.” He froze against me and stopped breathing. “I had to tell her I was Foss’s wife to get you out of The Den.” I turned around to face him, stood on my toes and pressed one last kiss to his unmoving lips. “You might want to wash off again. You stink of writhing whore.”
With that, I walked away, proud of the way I conducted myself. There was no yelling, not even a fight. Just a clean break that destroyed me where I stood as I put the last few items into my bag.
Jens found me a few minutes later, his gaunt face white with fear. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t… it was… Oh, man. I think I’m gonna be sick.”
I wanted to punch him in the throat to stop the asinine words. I took a steadying breath, determined to end my first relationship with my first kiss as an adult, not the raving lunatic I wanted to be in that moment. I doubted Martin Luther King was ever in this situation, but if he was, he would have been calm and probably would not have choked the life from the liar.
I pressed a smile to my face I did not feel. “No need for that. It’s my fault. I mean, I wasn’t putting out. I understand. You needed things I wasn’t ready to give you. Totally acceptable.”
“I’ve never pressured you for anything!” he countered, getting oddly defensive.
I cocked my head to the side and sized him up. “Are you yelling at me?” I asked in a tone that was deadly and quiet. “I don’t think you want to do that right now. You’re getting off pretty easy here. You’ve been getting off for over a week now, so you have no reason to yell at me.”
Jens placed his hands over his heart, steadying his outburst. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t like that. It’s not about the girls. I was running low on powder. That’s the place to get it around here. I thought I could quit, but…” Panicky tears pricked his eyes before he could suck them back, but they did not fall. “I killed our dog! You’re married to Foss! You’ve got his mark branded on you! I saw something in your kiss, too. Deny it all you want, but it’s there! It’s a lot to take. I needed something to take the edge off.”
My tone was still cool as a cucumber who’d been cheated on by the rotten tomato. “Why are you defending yourself? I’m not mad. I’m not yelling. You can snort whatever you want. You can sleep with whoever you want. You’re totally free to be the adult you’ve always dreamed of. I won’t hold you back anymore. It’s obvious I was keeping you from doing what you wanted, which is why you lied to me about it. It’s fine. It’s all fine.” I shifted the pack on my back. “Maybe less lying to me, though? It doesn’t sit well. I feel like I’ve earned at least that from you. I kissed Foss while I was accidentally drunk and he was out of his mind, and I told you first thing.” I waved my hand around to clarify. “It doesn’t matter. You’re staying here. I’m traveling with a crapload of people. I don’t need you anymore. I can’t trust you, so you’re free to go back to The Den. I just needed my stuff back, and now I have it.”
“That’s not how it works, baby,” Jens began, stroking the gold tattoo on his cheek.
“My name is Lucy,” I snapped, drawing a clear line.
Jens’s chest moved unsteadily. “Lucy. That’s not how it works. My tattoo is part of your mother’s family crest. There’s magic in the ink. I’m sworn to your family as long as you’re alive, or until I retire. I made that choice years ago to get me away from Bedra. I wasn’t expecting to follow you here.”
“Oh.” Crap. “Then I’m sorry I made you get high and go to that orgy. That’s on me.”
“You know it’s not.”
I forced a fake smile to try and make light of the crushing situation. “It’s not exactly how I imagined seeing you naked for the first time, you know? I always pictured it without other women on top of you and me without my guts ripped out all over the floor for your adoring fans to trip over. Not as fun your way. For me, anyway.”
He touched his stomach. “I’m going to be sick.”
“I turned my first boyfriend to magical heroine,” I said in monotone, jerking both thumbs to my chest. “I rock.”
“You didn’t do this!”
“Well, someone has to take responsibility, and you don’t seem up for it.” I shook my head. “Whatever. Stay here or don’t.” I gave him a brave smile, but refused to look him in the eye. I knew if I did, I’d be lost. I’d either break down and cry in front of him or I’d want him
back. Neither of those were options. “Excuse me.” Without another word, I moved to the stairwell where everyone else was discreetly hiding from the explosion that had yet to happen.
“Come on, Loos! Get mad at me! Throw a fit! Hit me! Something!” he begged. “Don’t leave it like this. Don’t leave!”
I turned, determined not to get emotional. “Why should I be mad? You explained it all pretty well once you stopped lying like a fool. You’re addicted to drugs, and the only way to get the good kind is from the whorehouse. Why would I be mad about that? Seems logical.”
He pulled at his hair, his nose red from emotion. “I’m so sorry! You have to know how much I hate the way I am! I wish I could take it back, Loos! You have no idea!”
I kept the agony off my face. No matter what, I would end my first adult relationship as an adult. He would be the screaming child who followed his vices to his undoing. I would be calm and get on with my life. I kept my shoulders level and my voice pleasantly calm. “Oh, Jens. You’re fine. Enjoy your life and your choices. But leave me to get on with mine. Not to sound snobby, but I think I’m worth a guy I don’t have to push naked women off of. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I think I’ll hold out for someone who doesn’t lie to me or have to get high to deal with his life if I’m in it.” I pursed my lips together. “Don’t you think I deserve that?”
“Of course you do, babe.”
“Lucy,” I corrected him, my tone mutating to steel in an instant.
He nodded, wringing his hands and wiping the sweat from his palms onto his jeans. “Lucy. You deserve more than me, but I need you. I waited so long for you. I slipped up once! Once! I’ve cut back so much since we got together!”
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