For the Love of Gracie (The Southern Devotion Series)

by McClung, Amy

  Ashton said, "It's a bit cold in here. I think I'll ask the nurse for a scrub shirt."

  I touched his chest and it sent shivers down my spine and pulled at my stomach. "I'll get it."

  When the nurse brought in the scrub top, she molested Ash with her eyes. Jealousy erupted in me and I snapped, "Thanks for that, we can take it from here."

  The guys laughed and I scowled.

  Cameron said, "Take her home and bang her already Ash. I'm good here babe. Go home and relax…or not." He winked at me.

  I bent down and gave him a kiss. "Love you, Cam."

  He patted my cheek. "Love you more, baby girl."

  Ashton took my hand. We walked out of the hospital in silence. "I'll take you home and we can talk," he said.

  Right now, I wanted to feel him against me and I couldn’t do that at home. "Take me for a ride on your bike? Help me pretend things never changed."

  He agreed. I straddled the bike behind him and heard him sigh as my hands slid around his waist. He adjusted his helmet and started the bike up.

  I wasn’t sure how long we drove. At first, I watched the city surroundings fly by, trying not to think about things. It was getting colder, so I moved my hands inside his shirt. The bike swerved slightly and then righted itself. In my headset, I heard his intake of breath as my cool hands rubbed his chest. I slid my hands down to the front of his pants. He swerved again and growled, "Gracie, stop."

  I'd always been stubborn. I ran my hand back up his chest. Ashton slowed the bike and pulled over on the side of the road. I had no clue where we were, somewhere in the country.

  He stepped off the bike in a huff and threw his helmet. "Dammit, Gracie!"

  I didn’t know what to say. "I'm sorry. I know I'm not what you want anymore."

  He pressed his palms against my cheeks, holding my face. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth. I opened my mouth to invite him in. His tongue slipped past my lips and slid against mine.

  I knew I couldn’t have him, but it didn’t keep my body from responding to his touch. I slid my hands up inside his shirt. His hands moved from my face and his mouth left mine wanting more.

  "My feelings for you haven't changed, Gracie. I'm not now, nor have I ever been, disgusted by you. When you told me what he did, my stomach turned. I had feelings that I've never had before. I want to rip his throat out for touching you. I understand you couldn’t tell me at first. But why did you let me take things so far? Why didn’t you stop me?"

  "I wanted you, that's why. I wanted you to make me stop feeling so dirty and disgusting. You make me feel beautiful, Ash. You made me feel wanted and special and I needed that to take away the disgust that I feel for myself right now. You're the only person whose touch has made me feel special."

  His arms encompassed me, he kissed the top of my head. "You can't imagine the pain I felt hurting you though. Tell me what the doctor said."

  I peered up at him.

  "Tell me why you came back to the hospital first."

  He exhaled. "I knew you were going to see Cam and he would ask why you weren’t with me. You don’t want him to know what happened, so I came to keep you from having to tell him. Plus, I didn’t like how we left things. You thought I was disgusted by you. Gracie, I was disgusted at myself. I'm not that guy that makes everything about sex and I felt like that. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I'd love nothing more than to hump like rabbits, as Cam said. I refuse to put your life in jeopardy though to do so."

  I didn't want to admit that I left out the part about being raped. Instead, I told him a white lie, though I hated lying to him.

  "The doctor said I should abstain for a week or so to heal. She said that the roughness of the attack may have caused tears which could make sex painful. She ran tests and I should get the results in a couple of days."

  He took the news in, nodding his head. I needed things to be light again. "When I'm all better though, we're going to hump like rabbits…for days."

  He chuckled softly. "As long as you're ready for it. I won't push. I'll wait forever for you, Gracie."

  I slid my arms up inside his shirt. "I can take care of you if you'd like."

  He kissed my cheek softly. "Gracie, you don’t have to do that. You don’t need to use sex to hold onto me."

  I pulled away from him, offended. "What does that mean?"

  He grabbed my hand. "I lied to you earlier when I said I was falling in love with you."

  His words cut me and I stepped back.

  He pulled me close again. "I'm already in love with you. I have been since we first met. Sex has never been factored into my feelings. I want you, I do. I want to send you to the heights of ecstasy. I want to explore every inch of this body. I want to show you love like you've never known." I slid my arms around him again.

  "I love you too, Ash. And I want the same things. I've never made love before. It's always been just sex."

  He nodded. "That's what I want to change for you, what I want to experience with you."

  The next question, I wasn’t sure I wanted an answer to. "Have you been in love before, Ash?"

  He nodded. "Just once. A few years ago. Her name was Addison, I called her Addy."

  He paused a moment, so I asked, "What happened between you two?"

  Avoiding my gaze, he said, "She died. She was killed in a convenience store robbery."

  His eyes closed and his face scrunched up in pain. It was evident this was not something he spoke about easily. "We had gone to a casino for a weekend getaway. I was stuck on a machine, refusing to leave. She left to go get us some cigarettes. They cost twice as much in the casino machine and the convenience store was close. I should've gone with her, but I knew the machine was going to hit soon. Everyone in the casino heard the sirens and one of the ushers told the manager there had been a robbery at the shop next door. I dropped what I was doing and ran to check on her. They were bringing her out in a body bag."

  I gasped. "I'm so sorry, Ash."

  "I wasn’t there for her, Gracie. I let my addiction keep me from protecting her. I haven't gambled or smoked since that day. I went through a hell of a depression over losing her. It aged me," he said as he fingered the gray spots in his beard. "I never thought I'd love again, and then you came along. What I feel for you, it may sound dramatic, but if I lost you…I'd never survive it."

  I suddenly let out a scream of emotional pain.

  He grabbed my shoulders, "What's wrong? Are you hurting?"

  I cried, "No, I hate him. I hate Hudson for destroying me this way. I hate that he ruined this for us." He pulled me into his embrace once more. "He hasn’t ruined anything, bug. We won't let him."

  Chapter Eleven

  Ashton drove us to my house. He made sure Angel was home before he left with Mary Jane to go get my car from Hudson's. Angel came into my bedroom as I was changing into pajamas.

  "Hey sweetie," she said, cautiously. I waved her inside. We sat on the bed together.

  "Cameron called me after everything happened. I kept missing you at the hospital and I've been worried sick about you." I leaned up against her as she stroked my hair. "Girl, I want to get my hands on that man and claw his eyes out, cut pieces off…anything to make him suffer."

  I chuckled softly. "I appreciate it. I'm going to be okay though. It'll take time, but I have Ash."

  "So, are you two a thang now?" she asked, adding a little country twang to her question.

  I smiled up at her and she squealed, "Good. He's a great guy. Damn, if I'd known he was straight all this time, I'd have made a play for him!"

  I sat up. "See! It wasn’t just me!" She laughed and I added quickly, "You stay away from him now though, he's taken."

  She smirked. "Yes, ma'am. Seriously, Gracie, there's no way I'd come between you two. You've spent too much time with scumbags. You deserve prince charming on a Harley.”

  "I'm feeling a bit sleepy. I'm going to take a nap. You aren’t leaving the house, right?" I asked, panicked to be alone.

 
; She patted my hand. "No way. I promised Ash I'd be here until he gets back. Relax, take a nap. I'll check in on you periodically." She kissed my forehead, turned the light off, and quietly closed the door. I curled up in the bed, missing Ashton. My body was exhausted from the last few days and I just needed some sleep, if that was possible.

  When I woke up, terror immediately encompassed me. I could hear Hudson singing Far From Home by Five Finger Death Punch. He wasn’t in the room, yet I needed to hide. I searched the room frantically for something sharp, all I had were keys. I put them in between my fingers.

  I slipped into my closet and hid in the back, behind some clothes. I closed my eyes tight and started to pray. Praying wasn't something I did every day, it wasn't something I did, ever. Right now, I would have done anything, to keep that man from finding me.

  My bedroom door creaked open. The bed groaned as he sat on it. I covered my mouth to keep from screaming. I prayed that Angel was safe. Please don't let him hurt her because of me. His voice called out my name when he realized I wasn’t in the bed, and that it was just pillows under the covers.

  Light spilled through the crack under the door as the room was illuminated. The shadow in front of the closet door told me he was standing there waiting to come in. I covered my head and begged that he didn’t open the door.

  The door opened. My arms covered my face as I started screaming over and over. I felt hands grab at me. My eyes remained closed as I screamed for help. Someone had to hear me. He hadn’t hit me yet. So far, I was safe. His hand touched my leg and I closed it tight, curling myself towards the wall.

  Next, I felt his hand on my shirt as he shook me and said my name. He wrapped his arms around me, and I began to cry uncontrollably begging him not to touch me again.

  "Get your hands off of me!" I screamed as I swiped my fist across his face with the keys. I knew they made contact somewhere on his skin. He moved away from me as he shouted out, "Shit, Gracie."

  Ashton's soothing voice was in my ear. "Bug, it's me. You're safe."

  I opened my eyes and wiped away the tears. Ash's face was in front of mine. He wasn’t touching me. I threw my arms around him and he nestled his face into my neck. He smoothed my hair.

  "It's okay, baby. You're safe."

  I needed to know that was true. "Where's Hudson? Did you get him?"

  He pulled away. "He's in jail, baby."

  My body shook with trepidation. "He was just here. He touched me."

  Ashton moved aside to show me the person who was in the closet with us. "Cameron came up to surprise you. He wanted to see if you were okay. It was Cam, sweetie."

  Cameron's face was pale from worry. There were fresh gashes on his neck from where I scratched him. He stared at me with questions in his eyes. "Gracie, what the hell was that?" he asked with concern, not anger.

  Ashton whispered to me, "He needs to know. It isn’t his fault any more than it is yours. Hudson is to blame. Cam loves you."

  I shook my head. "I can't tell him."

  Ashton whispered back, "Do you want me to tell him?"

  I shook my head no, but answered, "Yes."

  His eyebrow rose in confusion.

  I clarified, "Yes. Tell him."

  Cameron asked, with trepidation, "Tell me what?"

  Ashton filled Cameron in on every disgusting detail of what Hudson had done to me. Cameron's face was exactly what I had expected, absolute desolation. His eyes met mine and I watched as he broke inside. I hated myself for letting him find out. Cameron sat against the wall, he pulled his legs up in front of him and he sobbed. My friend needed me, this was no time to hesitate. I moved to him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders pulling his head against my chest.

  He sobbed, "I'm sorry, Gracie. I'm so sorry." His hands moved and then stopped. I knew he was afraid to touch me again.

  I kissed his head and whispered, "You can hug me."

  He pulled me into an embrace.

  "I love you, Cam."

  I was not sure how long we sat there and cried. At one point, I sat against the wall with Cameron's head in my lap.

  He looked up at me and said, "I'm an asshat." He sat up. "I shouldn’t be lying here like a little bitch. I should be taking care of you."

  I laughed. "You always take care of me. It's my turn."

  He stood, helped me up, and pulled me into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry that I didn’t get there in time, Gracie."

  I sighed. "Stop it. I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you'd blame yourself. Ash is right, it's Hudson who's to blame, not you or me."

  He nodded in agreement.

  I touched the scratches on his neck that had dried; luckily, they were superficial. "I'm sorry I scratched you. As if your poor face isn't battered enough."

  He waved it off. "I plan on saying it was a sex injury."

  I chuckled and shook my head.

  We walked downstairs hand in hand.

  Ashton was in the kitchen cooking. Whatever it was, smelled amazing. My stomach growled loudly.

  Cameron looked over and said, "When was the last time you ate?"

  I shrugged, I honestly couldn’t remember. Cameron sighed. "You need to take better care of yourself. Go in there and let that man take care of you. I'm going to rest on your couch for a few minutes, if you don’t mind."

  I kissed him. "Of course, go rest."

  Ashton stood over the stove, stirring a pot of something. I wound my arms around him, from behind, and felt his hand touch mine. "What are you cooking?"

  He replied, "Chicken Alfredo and garlic bread. I also made cherry cobbler for dessert."

  I moved and leaned my back against the counter, so I could see his face. "Is there anything you can't do?"

  His eyes drifted over, he smiled and said, "Nope, not really."

  I set the table for us. "Cameron said he would eat in a bit. He wanted to give us some alone time."

  Ashton fixed a huge plate of pasta and set it in front of me. I looked up and asked, "This is your plate, right?"

  He chuckled. "No. You haven’t eaten in forever. I know you're starving, so eat up."

  I glanced down at the pasta and said, "I'll never eat all of this, besides I don’t want to get fat."

  Ash's eyebrows scrunched up. "Gracie, you don’t strike me as someone who worries about their weight. You've never been one to worry about eating in front of me either."

  The food smelled amazing. All I could think about was Hudson telling me he didn’t want me to get fat. I didn’t want to lose Ashton because of that either.

  "I just want to remain attractive for you. Things are different now that we're dating."

  He set his plate down and sighed heavily. "Why would you gaining weight change how I feel? And I don't want things to be different. I like how we are together."

  I rolled my eyes. "It’s fine Ash. I used to be overweight, I know how guys looked at me."

  He set his fork down and leaned to the side. From his back pocket, he pulled out his wallet. "I'm not like those guys. I don’t know what I have to do to make you see that, but maybe this will help."

  His hand covered something on the table as he slid it forward.

  When he moved his hand, there was a picture underneath. It was Ashton, with his arms around a woman. She had golden blonde hair with tight curls. Her hips were wide, her thighs thick. She had a soft stomach that protruded slightly over the top of her jeans.

  Ashton's hand was on her face, the look he was giving her made my stomach clench with jealousy. He had such love in his eyes. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, you could see that in his gaze.

  Her face was round, her body plump, at least a size twenty because this was the shape my body was a few years ago. Through his eyes I could see how extremely gorgeous she was.

  "Is this Addy?" I asked.

  He nodded. "Yep, that's my Addy. I hope it doesn’t offend you that I carry her picture around."

  I placed my hand on his. "No, of course not. I'd never ask you
to forget about her."

  He relaxed. "As you can see, she was beautiful. I never cared what size she was. When I met her, that's how she looked and that is how she stayed. I'm attracted to women, any size, shape, or color."

  I smiled. "You said you fell in love with me at first sight. Wouldn’t that mean it was my body that attracted you?"

  He smirked. "I fell in love with Addy at first sight, too."

  He placed his hand on mine "Love at first sight isn't really about someone's looks. It's more of a connection you feel to that person, instantly. An attraction doesn't always have to be physical."

  "I didn’t mean to insinuate…Sorry. Will you tell me about meeting her?" I asked.

  He shoved a forkful of pasta in his mouth as he shook his head, no.

  "Please, Ash?"

  He set his fork down again. "Why?" he asked, his voice choking a bit.

  "I'm interested in knowing about her."

  "I haven’t talked about her. Not like that. Not since.." He stopped talking.

  I was so selfish. I wanted to soothe myself by forcing him to talk about his pain and that wasn't fair. "It's ok, you don’t have to."

  Ashton stood up and cleared his plate. He walked to the deck door and went outside, shutting the door behind him.

  I went to the living room. Cameron was on the couch sleeping. The swelling had gone down on his face, his eye was a deep purple color. It hurt seeing him like this and knowing it was my fault. He was always funny about his hair getting messed up; I knew the bandage on his head was making him crazy. The doctor said the skull fracture was small and there shouldn’t be any permanent effects. I still worried something would pop up later or that it would affect his memories.

  I sat beside him and rested my hand on his chest. He jerked awake, rubbing his eyes. "Gracie?" He shifted to lay on his side and patted the couch. I curled up in front of him and he wrapped his arms around me. "What's wrong?"

  I shrugged. "I wanted to check on you, that’s all."

  He squeezed me gently. "I'm good, baby girl. I'll be back to my sexy self in no time, don’t worry."