As Time Goes By

by Annie Groves

  As she feverishly opened drawers and removed their contents, her mind raced ahead of her shaking hands, her body stiffening as she heard someone knocking on the front door. Before she could stop him Tommy got up from the floor where he had been playing and raced into the front room, pressing his face up against the window as he looked to see who it was.

  ‘It’s my doctor,’ he told Sally excitedly. ‘Mummy, let him in.’

  ‘No, Tommy …’ Sally began, but she knew that it was too late for her to pretend that they weren’t in. The doctor had already seen Tommy at the window and if she refused to answer the door no doubt he would decide that she must be neglecting her sons and he’d keep on knocking on until she let him in.

  Wherever they ended up going – and she had no idea yet just where that was going to be, except that it would be a long way from Liverpool and in the country – she intended to make sure that it was somewhere where they didn’t have an nosy parker interfering doctor, who seemed to think that she wasn’t capable of looking after her own sons just because he had seen her singing on stage in a dance hall, she decided angrily as she unlocked and opened the front door.

  ‘I’ve been visiting a patient close by so I thought I’d call and see how—’

  ‘Call and check up on me to make sure that I’m not being a bad mother, don’t you mean?’ Sally finished acidly as he stepped into the hall. Before she closed the door she looked outside quickly, fearing that the debt collector might be hanging around, but to her relief there was no sign of him, not yet. But it wasn’t dark yet, and men like him preferred to slink out under the cover of darkness, using it to cloak what they were doing.

  ‘I thought I’d call and see how both you and the boys are,’ the doctor told her, ignoring her outburst.

  ‘I suppose you’d better come through then,’ Sally offered grudgingly. ‘Only I’m a bit busy. I’m having a bit of a clear-out,’ she added, acutely aware of the untidiness of the parlour with drawers and cupboards open, their contents spilling out. ‘I’d offer you a cup of tea but, as you can see, I’m in a bit of a mess.’

  ‘That’s all right.’ Ignoring her, Dr Ross crouched down so that he was on Tommy’s level, a dimple creasing his chin as he smiled warmly at her son. Sally couldn’t tear her gaze away from the picture the two of them made, their heads close together, Tommy leaning against the doctor, the doctor’s arm around his shoulder, both of them engrossed in some kind of male communication that totally excluded her. A sharp pang of loss and pain struck at her heart. This was how Ronnie should have been with his sons, but they would never share a father and son relationship with him now; her boys would never know what it was to have a father’s love, just as the doctor would never be able to see his own sons growing up. A man who had lost his children and two children who had lost their father – they were in a way united by those losses, her sons and the doctor.

  Looking at them, Sally suddenly felt excluded, and even jealous that Tommy should make it so obvious how much he liked the doctor, running to him instead of clinging to her.

  ‘I can see that both the boys are looking well and have some good healthy colour in their cheeks,’ Dr Ross told her as he stood up.

  ‘We’ve just come back from the shops,’ Sally told him shortly.

  Tommy moved closer to the doctor and told him, ‘There was a nasty man at the shops. I didn’t like him.’

  ‘Tommy,’ Sally tried to stop him, but it was too late.

  ‘Didn’t you, old son?’ the doctor answered, ruffling Tommy’s hair.

  ‘No. He hurt my mummy and made her cry.’

  How could something as simple as silence make her stomach churn as though she was about to be sick, Sally wondered as she struggled for something to say.

  The doctor had moved closer to her son, and Tommy was leaning against him now, within the protection of his arm, both male gazes fixed on her but with very different expressions in them.

  ‘How did he do that then, Tommy?’ the doctor was asking him, bending to his level but without removing his gaze from Sally’s guilt-ridden face.

  ‘He did this to her,’ Tommy told him, demonstrating the debt collector’s grip of her throat with the small span of his own hand against the doctor’s throat.

  Another silence. Sally swallowed uncomfortably.

  ‘Why don’t you go and play with Harry for a minute, Tommy, whilst I have a word with your mummy?’

  ‘No!’ Sally protested, but it was too late, Tommy was already going over to the playpen she had put Harry in whilst she started to sort through their things.

  ‘I’d better take a look at your neck. Come over here into the light.’

  ‘No … no … it was nothing. I’m fine. Tommy got it wrong. It was just a bit of fooling around …’

  The long cool fingers touched her skin with clinical detachment, whilst the sick anxiety in the pit of her stomach doubled and then trebled.

  ‘A bit of love play from an overardent admirer, you mean?’

  ‘No!’ She jerked back from him, her eyes blazing with anger. ‘Nothing like that! I’ve only just lost my husband and that sort of thing is the last thought on my mind. I’ve got my boys to consider.’

  ‘So he attacked you then?’

  ‘No! That is …’

  ‘Well, he’s certainly left his mark on you. You’ve got a bruise coming up already.’

  A key rattled in the back door, causing Sally to jump nervously but it was only Doris, beaming at them both as she let herself in.

  ‘I saw the doctor’s car outside on my way back from Molly and Frank’s so I thought I’d better call and see if everything is all right.’

  ‘Everything’s fine.’

  ‘Tommy has just been telling me that his mother was attacked in the street.’

  ‘What?’ Doris sat down heavily, looking shocked. ‘After your purse, I expect. You’ll have to tell the police.’

  ‘Although Mrs Walker claims the man in question was merely being—’

  ‘He was just someone who used to hang around the singers at the Grafton. You always get them – men who can’t take a hint that you aren’t interested in them,’ Sally rushed in to stop him from saying any more. ‘He’d heard about Ronnie and …’ she gave a small shrug, ‘it was nothing really.’

  ‘It was enough to worry and upset Tommy,’ the doctor pointed out.

  Doris shook her head. ‘Well, it’s typical of you not wanting to cause a fuss, Sally love, but you’ll have to watch out, you know. Sally, that sort don’t know how to take no for an answer. What you need is a chap around the place to send him about his business. I don’t like to think what could happen if he takes it into his head to come round here pestering you.’

  ‘He won’t, and even if he does …’ she took a deep breath. This wasn’t how she’d planned to break her news to Doris but now she felt she didn’t have any choice. ‘It won’t matter. I’ve made up me mind. We’re leaving here. I’m taking the boys away … to the country.’

  Now Doris looked even more shocked, but it was Dr Ross who looked at her sharply and demanded coolly, ‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’

  ‘You were the one as said the boys would be safer evacuated,’ she reminded him. ‘Now that my Ronnie’s gone, me and them may as well have a fresh start. The country’s safer than living here.’

  ‘I can understand that you might feel vulnerable living here on your own, but have you thought this through properly? Have you got a job to go to, for instance, and somewhere to live?’

  Sally knew that her expression was giving her away. ‘Jobs are easy to find now there’s a war on, and I reckon I’ll easily get a billet.’

  ‘You might, but I doubt you’d find anyone willing to take on a family. I’ve got a better idea. It just so happens that I’ve been looking for a live-in housekeeper to … to take charge of the house and act as my receptionist. You’d have your own rooms on the top floor of the house and there’s a fair-sized garden at the back for the boys to play in.
’

  ‘Me, come and work for you?’

  Sally shook her head in vehement denial, but before she could refuse him properly, Doris stepped in, insisting firmly, ‘Don’t be daft, Sally love. Dr Ross is right; you’d be much better going working for him than taking yourself off to the country, and if this man does come looking for you then the doctor will be able to tell him where to go. She’ll do it, Dr Ross, and a very good job she’ll do for you as well, even though I say it meself,’ Doris accepted, before Sally could stop her. ‘A good housewife, is Sally, and a good mother as well.’

  Sally still tried to protest, though, shaking her head again and saying, ‘No,’ but she knew she was wasting her breath. The doctor and Doris had both made up their minds and Sally could see that they weren’t going to change them.

  ‘Right, now that’s decided,’ the doctor told her firmly. ‘If you want to pack what you and the boys will need for tonight, I’ll drive you home with me and then we can sort everything else out in the morning. I dare say Mrs Brookes won’t mind asking her son to keep an eye on the house for you until you’ve had time to speak to your landlord.’

  Things were moving far too fast and in a direction Sally would never have chosen but at the same time she was forced to admit that living under the doctor’s roof would certainly protect her from Sid’s unwanted sexual attentions. He would never dare to try to force himself on her there in the way that he would have done if she had been an unprotected widow living on her own with two small children.

  She would still have her debt to repay, though, she reminded herself tiredly. It seemed that fate wasn’t going to allow her to walk away from it in the way she had heard Peg describing, and deep down she knew it would be wrong for her to do so. Her stubborn pride wanted her to be able to repay the money and hold her head up high.

  ‘Sam, are you listening to me?’

  Guiltily Sam tried to drag her thoughts away from the pleasure of thinking about Johnny to focus on what Hazel was saying to her.

  ‘You’ve been lost in such a daydream these last few days that anyone would think you’d fallen in love,’ Hazel joked, her expression changing when Sam went bright red and ducked her head, admitting, ‘Well, they’d be right because I have.’

  ‘What? Who with? Sam, what’s going on? I don’t want to throw cold water on anything but, well, Russell has asked me to watch out for you, and I do know that you haven’t been seeing anyone.’

  ‘I have, it’s just that no one knew. Not even me. I’ve been seeing him nearly every day, but … well, not in the way that you mean. And he’s only just said now that he …’ Sam stopped and laughed self-consciously. ‘The thing is, Hazel, he didn’t want to fall for me and he’s a bit worried that he’s out of my league experiencewise. But that doesn’t matter to me … well,’ Sam’s colour deepened. ‘Personally I’d rather have a man who knows what’s what, especially with me not knowing much at all.’

  ‘Sam!’ Hazel sounded faintly scandalised.

  ‘It’s the truth, that is how I feel.’ Now Sam could see that Hazel was looking more concerned than convinced.

  ‘It sounds to me very much as though he’s giving you a bit of a line, Sam. My ex was pretty keen to let me know when we first met that he knew a thing or two he was more than willing to teach me. Men like that know how to turn a girl’s head and how to steal her heart. Take it from me.’

  ‘Johnny isn’t like that,’ Sam defended her newfound love indignantly.

  Hazel shook her head. ‘Sam, I do understand how you feel, and I know too that war changes things, because none of us knows quite what tomorrow will bring or even if we’ll have a tomorrow, but that doesn’t mean that a girl should necessarily trust every young man she meets. Even pretty decent sorts can be tempted if they think they can sweet-talk a girl into doing something she shouldn’t.’

  Sam could understand that Hazel’s own experience would make her cautious, and even a bit cynical, but she was determined to make sure that Hazel understood just how special and wonderful Johnny was.

  ‘Johnny isn’t trying to sweet-talk me into anything,’ she assured her. ‘In fact, he told me that he didn’t want to fall for me and that he’d rather he hadn’t done.’

  Hazel was looking even more concerned. ‘Oh, Sam, please do be careful,’ she urged her. ‘I’d hate to see you get hurt.’

  ‘I’m not going to be hurt,’ Sam insisted stoutly. ‘Johnny would never hurt me.’

  Hazel gave a small sigh. ‘Why don’t you tell me a bit more about him?’

  Sam could tell that Hazel was not going to be put off.

  ‘I wasn’t going to say anything yet,’ she answered her, ‘but I can see that I’m going to have to come clean. When Johnny was just Sergeant Everton, I never imagined that he and I—’

  ‘Sergeant Everton?’ Hazel was looking at her as though she couldn’t believe her own ears. ‘You mean that good-looking bomb disposal chap that Lynsey’s crazy about?’

  ‘Yes,’ Sam admitted. ‘But it isn’t like you think, Hazel. I’m not stealing him from her. Johnny says there’s never been anything between them and that he isn’t interested in her,’ she insisted defensively.

  He might have told you that,’ Hazel said doubtfully, ‘but it certainly isn’t what Lynsey thinks.’

  ‘It’s true,’ Sam insisted fiercely. ‘I know it is. He wouldn’t lie to me. He isn’t like that.’

  ‘Well, I can see how you feel about him, and of course you’re bound to want to believe him, but I can’t help wishing that you’d fallen in love with someone else. He’s obviously convinced you that there was nothing going on between him and Lynsey, and maybe there wasn’t, but Lynsey’s made it plain enough to all of us that she’s got her eye on him and she won’t take kindly to this.’

  ‘Johnny didn’t even recognise her name when I mentioned her to him, for all that she’s been running after him and telling everyone that they’re an item.’

  ‘Oh, Sam,’ Hazel repeated helplessly, ‘do be careful, please. This sergeant of yours is a handsome chap. Don’t let him sweet-talk you into doing something you might regret because he’s telling you there’s a war on.’

  ‘I know what you’re saying, and Johnny’s behaving like a perfect gentleman,’ Sam defended him.

  ‘Mm, whilst kissing you breathless and making you wish that he wasn’t quite so gentlemanly, I’ll be bound,’ Hazel guessed shrewdly. ‘Don’t go rushing into something you might regret, Sam.’

  Sam couldn’t help but feel a bit put out and hurt. ‘I thought you’d understand. After all, you and Russell have only just met.’

  ‘Russell isn’t Sergeant Everton.’

  ‘You’re beginning to sound as though you’re trying to say that you don’t believe that Johnny could love me. I know that I’m not as pretty or curvy as Lynsey …’

  Hazel looked horrified. ‘Sam, no … I never meant to imply that you aren’t every bit as lovable as Lynsey – of course you are. In fact you are a far nicer person than she is. It’s just that men like him … well, I just don’t want to see you get hurt, that’s all. I’m sure he genuinely is attracted to you but men like him are very good at getting girls to fall in love with them. It’s part of what they do best. Just … just don’t …’ Hazel shook her head. ‘What am I saying? I can see that you’re head over heels about him, and I’m sure he’s everything I know you’re burning to tell me that he is, but I still can’t help worrying about you and feeling that you’re going to end up being hurt.’

  ‘Well, you needn’t worry because I know I won’t be hurt,’ Sam told her lightly, not wanting Hazel to see how much her well-meant words had upset her, and how close she felt to tears. Hazel’s comments had punctured the bright shiny bubble of joy in which she had been living since she and Johnny had declared their love for one another. Now she wished that she had kept her news to herself. She felt as though that she had been backed into a corner from which she had had to defend not only their love but Johnny himself as well.

/>   First Johnny and now Hazel. Why couldn’t they both see that she was perfectly capable of knowing her own mind and her own heart, even if what she was living through now was all new for her?

  Her experience of men and falling in love, as both Johnny and Hazel had hinted, was less than that of other girls her age. But now that she knew he felt the same way about her, her whole world had become sky blue with golden sunshine.

  Of course there would have been other girls; she was not so silly as to think any different. Johnny was well into his twenties and, as Hazel herself had already said, a very handsome and sexually attractive man.

  A handsome and sexually attractive man who had once thought he loved someone else, she reminded herself. But that had been then, and it had been over and done with before he had met her, and anyway he would never have told her about it if she, whoever she was, had been really important to him, Sam reassured herself. Johnny was hers now.

  Tiredly Sally sat back on her knees and surveyed the freshly scrubbed kitchen floor of what had become their new home.

  She certainly had nothing to complain about in the spacious rooms on the third floor of the house, one for each of the boys, although she had kept them sharing a room as company for one another and because it was what they were used to, and a bedroom for her, their own bathroom and even a sitting room, although the doctor has insisted that they were to think of the kitchen and the morning room next to it, both with access to the large enclosed back garden, as theirs as well.

  His surgery occupied one large bay-windowed room on either side of the front door on the ground floor of the large and elegant doubled-fronted house. As his receptionist and housekeeper Sally was to answer the door and the telephone for his patients, and to maintain a diary of their visits and appointments. Doris seemed to think she should feel overjoyed, but then of course Doris did not know the true situation.

  But Sally realised that virtually everyone who knew her would share Doris’s view, and consider her to be very fortunate indeed. She even had her own furniture in the top-floor rooms now, Doris having chivvied Frank and a couple of his friends to ‘borrow’ an army lorry and move it for her.