Building on Lies

by T. Banny

  “ I just feel like I’m more than you bargained for”, Chan said. “ I want you to be happy, Nellie. That’s all”.

  “ But you do, Chan. You make me so happy”, I said.

  “ I don’t know-”, he began, but I put my hands over his mouth.

  “ Dude, are you going to make me beg you to kiss me?”, I said.

  He laughed, and kissed me. It was like we were two hungry people at a buffet, the way we couldn’t stop kissing each other. I held his face in my hands, to keep him close, near.

  “ We’d better stop, Nellie”, he breathed into my ear. By this time, his body was pressed down hard on mine, and his hand was running up and down my stomach.

  “ Do we have to?”, I said, stroking his hair. It was dark, but I could see the shimmer green of his eyes. He swallowed hard. All was between us was my cheap tee shirt, and his boxer briefs. I put my hand on his bare chest.

  “ Are you sure?”, he asked, nuzzling my neck.

  “ Yeah”, I whispered.

  He surprised me by sliding out of bed. I thought maybe he’d changed his mind, and was going to go cool off on the couch. Instead I heard him fiddling with something like a wrapper, and I felt my face grow hot.

  But I didn’t stop him when he slid into bed, his underwear off.

  “ Why do you have condoms here, Chan?”, I asked, shocked. I couldn’t help myself.

  “ I kinda bought them when I bought the magazines”, he said, sounding embarrassed.

  “ Channing Anthony Sutton! Did you know this was going to happen?”, I asked, incredulously.

  “ No, but I hoped. I really really hoped”, he said, laughing.

  “ You’re such a horn dog!”, I cried, but then his mouth was on mine again, and all I could think about was how great he felt.

  OK, so sex. The first time is awful. So awful you wonder what all the hype is about. You wonder why there are any people at all on this planet, because it’s so awkward and embarrassing and yeah, painful. Not painful like you’re getting your arm chopped off painful, but painful enough that tears stung my eyes. Even Chan, who I knew had done it plenty of times before, didn’t really seem to be enjoying himself. He kept asking me if I was all right, and I had to pretend like I was just hunky dory, when I really just kind of wanted him to finish.

  The second time, which happened just before sunrise, wasn’t painful, but I thought it was going to be painful, so I couldn’t relax.

  It wasn’t until the third time I began to realize why people talked about it, sang about it, even made movies about it. I was kind of disappointed when we couldn’t go for round four because Chan hadn’t bought enough condoms.

  He also had to leave for his workshop…it was almost the afternoon, and as much we both wanted to spend all day together, Chan had to go work on his projects.

  So we squeezed ourselves into the tiny, creepy bathroom to brush our teeth, and take a shower. It was fun trying to scrub each other’s backs in the narrow stall. Chan took up most of the shower, and I complained I couldn’t even wash my neck because I had no room to move.

  “ And Chan, is it just me or is this water kind of tea colored?”, I asked, as he stuck his head under the shower head.

  “ It’s tea colored”, he laughed, blinking the water out of his eyes. “ We’re probably dirtier than when we got in!”.

  “Nice” I said, and squealed as he took his soap sponge and squeezed it over my head.

  We toweled off, and got dressed. Chan went to the fridge to get me something to eat. My stomach growled loudly. I was hungry now, starving in fact, like my body just realized it had been deprived of food for too long.

  Another thing about sleeping with someone you love is you get really comfortable with each other. Maybe a little too comfortable. Before, I would have died of embarrassment to burp in front of Chan. Not anymore. After drinking a whole can of Dr. Pepper, I just let it rip. He laughed so hard he almost fell out of his chair.

  “ Bet you can’t top that!”, I teased, taking a bite out of my sandwich.

  “ Oh, no? I’ll have you know you’re looking at the winner of the Ardsley Park Country Club Belching contest, five years in a row!”, he said, and let out a huge belch would have made Moe from the Simpson’s proud.

  “ I’m kind of amazed there is an Ardsley Park Country Club Belching contest”, I said, shaking my head, as he waved his hand in front of his face proudly.

  “ You can still try and join the soap making workshop if you want”, he said later on, as he got ready to go. “ We can sign you up at the lodge”.

  “ You don’t want me to call Ro to come and pick me up?”, I asked, standing on tiptoe to kiss him.

  He stroked my cheek. “ No. I can’t tell you how happy I am you’re here with me”.

  “ Yeah?”, I asked, smiling.

  “ Yeah”, he said, and then slapped my butt.

  “ Listen, just because you ravished me doesn’t mean you can grab me like some old perv!”, I said, punching him.

  “ And just because you seduced me doesn’t give you the right to beat me up!”, he laughed.

  We walked hand in hand to the lodge, where he signed me up for the soap class. I wasn’t too keen on soap making, but Chan would be gone for most of the day, and I didn’t feel like reading magazines all day long.

  Armed with my ever ready can of Raid, he dropped me off at the soap workshop. It turned out to be hard, but kind of fun. The other people in the class eyed my insect repellent with curiosity, and I had to explain about phobia.

  “ I used to be scared of bugs, especially spiders”, said an older lady named Caroline, as we dropped scented oil into our soap wax.

  “ Really? How’d you get over it”, I asked. “ Therapy? Hypnotism? Xanax?”

  She laughed and shook her head. “ Nope. One day I decided I was tired of being afraid. I decided to take control of my fear. I marched up to this little spider that lived in the corner of my garage. My hubby actually loves spiders so he never let me kill it. I just avoided the garage altogether. But on this day, I went in there, sat down and just stared at the spider, willing it to do something to me. It didn’t, of course. Sometimes, it’s our own fear stops us from taking action. And the sad thing is you can lose out on so much. Spiders are actually really interesting creatures. They spin amazing webs.”

  I nodded, and smiled. It was a nice story, but I didn’t think I’d ever be able to march up to a spider like that.

  The class ended in the late afternoon. The sun was almost setting. I raced back to the cabin, because it was so cold. I was disappointed Chan still wasn’t there. I couldn’t wait to show him all the great soaps I’d made. They didn’t look anything like the Ivory soap you buy in the store. They were more like clear, huge blocks. But they smelled awesome.

  I settled in to read the last of the magazines. I was dozing off when I thought I heard footsteps outside. I thought it was Chan, but it wasn’t. I felt a tingling feeling, like I was being watched. I got up carefully, and peeked out the windows. It wasn’t totally dark out yet, but there wasn’t enough light to see clearly. Everything was dim and shadowy. I couldn’t see anything, so I sat back down at the table, wishing Chan would get back already.

  I decided to shake off my antsiness. There were rangers who patrolled the woods and cabins at regular intervals. Everyone who came to the lodge had to register. It wasn’t like some creepy place in the middle of nowhere.

  Still, I couldn’t help but jump nervously when Chan finally came back, about an hour later.

  “ You okay?” he asked, concerned.

  I told him about the weird sense of being watched.

  “ Ah, probably just some wandering bears and moose”, he joked.

  “ It’s not funny, Chan!”, I said.

  “ You’re just creeped out being up here in the woods”, Chan said. “ You’re used to city life”.

  “ Oh, yeah, like Egg cove is some huge metropolis”, I said, rolling my eyes.

  “ I went into the town
and got us some burgers”, he said, putting a brown bag on the table. “ And more condoms”, he added with a wink.

  I blushed, and sat down to eat a burger. I pointed to the soap I’d made. “ I made those!”, I said, proudly.

  Chan took one of the soaps from the little wooden crate they’d given me to store them in. “ These are cool.” He sniffed them appreciatively. “They smell nice, too”.

  “ You can have one. As a late Christmas present”, I said, shyly.

  “Thanks, babe”, he said. “ I’ve got some presents for you, too.”

  “ Don’t worry about it”, I said, looking away, remembering how I’d given him back his pearls.

  “ I’ll give it to you when we leave”, he said, and I wondered if he was thinking about the pearls, too.

  The next day was the last day of Chan’s workshops. He left early, as soon as the sun was up. He kissed the tip of my nose before he left.

  “ I’m going to try and wrap up what I’m working on early”, he said. “That way we can spend the afternoon together. We can go and explore the town”.

  I spent the day at the main lodge. There was an exhibit of wood sculptures that was pretty interesting. Some of the pieces seemed so alive it was kind of hard to believe they were inanimate objects.

  My mouth dropped open when I saw a sculpture that looked so much like Ty Sutton it was as if someone had trapped him in wood. I got closer to look at the small plaque with details on the piece.

  “Brother, C. Sutton”, it read simply.

  It was so real, I imagined if I touched it, it would feel warm, like skin.

  “ My boyfriend made that!”, I exclaimed to a man who was wandering the gallery with me.

  “ Chan Sutton is your boyfriend? He’s very talented”, said the man, smiling at me and looking at the sculpture of Ty appreciatively.

  I ran to the front desk and asked if they had any more information on the Ty sculpture.

  “ Channing Sutton created it the last time he was here, about a year ago. I remember thinking what an amazingly talented boy he was, but he always seemed so sad. He’s a lot happier now”, said the lady behind the reception desk. “ Anyway, that piece is only going to be on display for about another month. It’s already been sold”.

  “ Sold?”, I asked in disbelief. I knew Chan wanted to be a woodworker, but I never really thought he could make a real living out of it. I just assumed he would become a financier like his Dad wanted, while he worked at his hobby on the side.

  “ Yes. For about ten thousand dollars”, she said. “ The buyer commissioned Channing to do a couple more pieces, but I’m not sure how far along he is in completing them”.

  I thanked her, still stunned. Chan wasn’t just making picture frames and tables. He was creating real works of art, art people wanted to buy. It was so awesome to think about. Too bad his parents couldn’t understand how gifted Chan was.

  As I walked back to the cabin I thought about taking up a hobby. It would be nice to find something I really enjoyed doing. I felt another twinge of pity for Chan. I knew if I took up a hobby I really enjoyed, and possibly wanted to make a living out of, my mother would be one hundred percent supportive. I’d never have to hide, like Chan.

  He was waiting for me when I got to the cabin.

  “ Chan, I saw the sculpture you made of Ty! It’s so beautiful!”, I said, hugging him. “ How come you never told me about it?”

  “ I don’t know. I guess because it’s not really mine anymore”, he said, with a shrug.

  “ Yeah, the lady at the lodge told me how you’d sold it! And you’ve been commissioned to do more! Chan, maybe if you show your parents you can make money out of your art, they’d come around. Especially since your Dad is all about money money money”, I suggested.

  “ Maybe”, he said, thoughtfully. “ I never thought about that. I was just too upset they didn’t even want to hear about my work”.

  “ Anyway” he said, pulling me close, “ how about we have a little fun before we go into town?” He bit me gently on the shoulder.

  I started unbuttoning his flannel shirt. “ Um, it’s definitely not a little fun we’re going to have!”

  It felt like the day just flew by. We went into town in Nate’s car, enjoying the beautiful mountain views. The town was one of those rustic towns built into the side of the mountain you thought only existed in movies. We spent the day exploring the furniture and antique shops. Then we ate at a cool diner made to look like an old log cabin.

  It was dark when we got to Chan’s cabin. We were so tired we just fell into bed. Chan set the alarm so we would be up early. We had to call Ro or Ty and see how we were going to sneak me back home. My mom thought I was in NYC, after all.

  Both of us were reluctant to leave on Monday morning. I looked around the little cabin wistfully. It was still grungy and cold, but now I sort of liked it. I knew I’d never forget my weekend there for the rest of my life.

  “ Nellie”, Chan said to me as I zipped up my overnight bag.

  “ What’s up?”, I said, looking up at him.

  “ Do you forgive me? For what happened at Winter Dance?”, he asked, quietly.

  “ Yeah”, I said, after a moment. “ I was so angry at you that night. It hurt so much you didn’t come after me. It was Ty who drove me home. But I forgive you now. I’m just sorry it was such an awful night”.

  “ I felt like such an asshole when you left. I wanted to go after you, but I was still so scared of Samantha. I’m glad I confronted her later. It was time for me to get past my fear, you know?”

  His words reminded me of what the lady in the soap class had said about facing spiders. Sometimes you just had to face your fears head on, instead of letting them dominate your life. I was glad Chan had come to that understanding.

  “ Anyway, when we get back home, I want to meet your Mom. If that’s OK”, he said, shyly. “If you still want to be my girl, is”.

  “ Of course I still want to be your girl, Chan”, I said, softly. “ I didn’t sleep with you because I want you out of my life”.

  “ Aren’t you worried about how your Mom is going to react? And Joaquim? All your friends?”, he asked, concerned. “ I am an A-boy, after all”.

  “ My mom is cool. I mean, I know she’ll be disappointed I’m not getting together with Joaquim, but she wants me to be happy, too. As for Joaquim, I know it’ll hurt his feelings, but if he really cares about me, then he’ll have to accept my relationship with you. And same goes for all of my friends”, I said, simply.

  I frowned as I got up. “ But I do kind of want to talk to Joaquim alone and tell him myself. I don’t want him to find out any other way”.

  “ Like when we walk to class together?”, Chan asked, his eyebrow raised. It would be weird, me and him in an open relationship. I couldn’t think of one couple in our school that consisted of someone from A-park and someone from Egg Cove. It just didn’t happen. Even Bruna Porto kept her flings with A-guy’s a secret…or so she thought.

  “ Yeah, like when we walk to class together”, I repeated. I was up for the challenge. Chan and I loved each other, and if we had to break rules just to be together, then we’d do that.

  We stopped at the lodge on our way out. I spoke with Ro using the telephone at the reception desk. She had spent the weekend at a motel in New Bedford with Ana and Em.

  “ Oh gosh, you don’t know how hard it was lying to those girls, Nellie”, Ro whispered. She was at the Harbor Restaurant, having breakfast, trying to kill time until I got back. “ They kept asking where you were, why I had your car, why we were all at the motel. I told them you had to leave town for a bit and you’d told your Mom we were all in NYC. Em was all scared her parents would run into your mom. It was a mess!”

  “ Chan says we should be back in like four hours. I’ll call you when we’re in town. And thanks for this Ro. You’re the best”, I said, appreciatively.

  “ So, everything is good?”, she asked.

  “ Everything
is better than good. But I’ll tell you about it when I get there”, I said, smiling over at Chan.

  “ OK. Drive safe”, Ro said, and we hung up.

  Chan had to drive Nate’s car to one of the workshop storage facilities to pick up his some of his projects. I walked with him inside the storage space to see what they were. He’d made a bed frame, a gorgeous armchair that needed to be upholstered, and a wall mirror. It was still kind of amazing to see Chan’s work. He was only seventeen, after all.

  The bigger pieces would have to be delivered to the storage facility Chan rented in Ardsley Park. The only pieces he could bring home were the ones which fit into Nate’s trunk. He had these wrapped in cloth, and I begged him to let me see them before he put them in the trunk.

  “ I’m really not supposed to”, he said, smiling mysteriously. “ One of them is your present, and I kind of haven’t finished it yet”.

  “ Chan!”, I cried. “ Let me see it! I don’t care if it’s not done! I bet it’ll still be fantastic!”

  He grinned, and put one of the pieces in the trunk. He took the cloth off the other piece, which was about the size of a table lamp.

  My eyes widened as he held it out for me to see. It was me. He’d carved a sculpture of my face and shoulders. It was amazing. He’d perfectly captured the size of my eyes, the shape of my nose and lips, even the the wave in my hair. The sculpture had the tiniest smile on its face, as if it were lost in thought, the head turned slightly toward the shoulder.

  “ Chan” I breathed, as I reached out to touch it. It was so smooth, and detailed. It had carved eyelashes, and wrinkles by the eyes.

  “ Do you like it?” he asked, but the smile on his face told me he knew what my response would be.

  “ I’m floored”, I said. “ It looks just like me. Did you use a photograph of me?”

  He shook his head. “ I don’t have any pictures of you, Nellie. I was always scared to take any in case Samantha found one. She’s always snooping through my phone. I carved this by memory”.

  “ Wow”, I breathed, amazed he could see me so perfectly in his mind’s eye.