It's Not You, It's Me

by Camilla Sacre-Dallerup

  “Camilla is brilliant and intuitive. Her safe and beautiful work allows you to take your journey of living deeper in your truth to new levels. It is always authentic, in tune and always wrapped in her loving intentions that allow you to feel courage, faith and power in new actions you take out into the world”

  Elizabeth Berkley Lauren

  “The lessons I’ve learned from Camilla have touched my life deeply, and I’ve been in awe as I’ve watched her transform from a glittering TV star to shining her light and spreading her message in the world in an altogether more meaningful way. It’s Not You, It’s Me will shift your perception. The only question you need to ask yourself is are you ready?”

  Alison Tay, Editor-in-Chief, Grazia Middle East

  “Camilla is the real deal: someone who has overcome adversity and simply wants to share what she’s learned so others might do the same.”

  Mail on Sunday

  “Camilla first seeks out to resolve the issues within, then and only then focus on the opposite side of the argument through empty, understanding and above all kindness”

  Chris Marques, Creative director and DWTS Judge France

  “It has been a true gift to experience Camilla’s kindness and wisdom over the past several years, and here, in this book, is that same transcendent gift that so many others now have the good fortune to discover.”

  Clint Kisker, Producer

  “While many life coaches dish out advice but don’t always live by their own rules, Camilla has never been afraid to embrace change.”

  S Magazine, Sunday Express

  “Camilla is an inspiring coach with an incredible awareness of what it takes to be the best you can be. Her words simply motivate, encourage and her energy radiates. She is wonderful.”

  Danny Mac, actor

  “I have grown so much in working with Camilla. She is so incredibly supportive and knowledgeable and has been there through many of my tough times, helping me through. What I love about Camilla’s coaching is that just like in this book, she has given me invaluable tools to use in both my career and my personal life. I have such a greater understanding of myself and how to communicate better through working with her. I am very grateful to have her as part of my team.”

  Sharma Burgess, Dancing With the Stars

  “Camilla inspired me to be kinder to myself, built my self-esteem and enabled me to see myself as others do, re-focus my life goals and believe I can do anything I put my mind to. Camilla is, without doubt, a life coach goddess.”

  Caroline Millington, editor and TV producer

  “Camilla has been an absolute saviour for me. With her guidance, I’ve been able to pull through some tough times and put to use the tools she has given me to make sure I don’t regress into old habits. She is my angel, who is always watching over me.”

  Karen Clifton, professional dancer

  This edition first published in the UK and USA in 2019 by

  Watkins, an imprint of Watkins Media Limited

  Unit 11, Shepperton House

  89–93 Shepperton Road

  London

  N1 3DF

  enquiries@watkinspublishing.com

  Design and typography copyright © Watkins Media Limited 2019

  Text copyright © Camilla Sacre-Dallerup 2019

  The author has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior permission in writing from the Publishers.

  1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

  Designed and typeset by JCS Publishing Services Ltd

  Printed and bound in the UK

  A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library

  ISBN: 978-1-786782-72-4

  www.watkinspublishing.com

  CONTENTS

  About the Author

  Foreword

  Introduction

  1 Self-Awareness

  2 Self-Acceptance

  3 Self-Love

  4 Self-Care

  Checklist of Exercises

  Resources

  Acknowledgements

  DISCLAIMER

  Publisher’s note: The information in this book is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice and treatment. If you are pregnant or are suffering from any medical conditions or health problems, it is recommended that you consult a medical professional before following any of the advice or practice suggested in this book. It is also recommended that you do not drive whilst listening to the accompanying meditations. Watkins Media Limited, or any other persons who have been involved in working on this publication, cannot accept responsibility for any injuries or damage incurred as a result of following the information, exercises or therapeutic techniques contained in this book.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Camilla Sacre-Dallerup is a bestselling author, Life and Transformational Coach, NLP Master Practitioner Coach, Certified Hypnotherapist and a popular meditation teacher at Unplug Meditation, LA. She is the founder of the successful life coaching business Zenme.tv, which is based in Los Angeles, and sees clients in person in LA, New Zealand and London, and worldwide, via the web. Camilla has helped many clients, including celebrities, deal with stress, confidence issues, addictions and trauma. She is also a motivational speaker and holds workshops in the UK, US and New Zealand, which include “Design your ideal partner”, “Reinvent me” and “Forgive and set yourself free”. This is Camilla’s third book for Watkins. Her first book, Strictly Inspirational, was published in 2015. Her second book Reinvent Me, an 8-step program, was published in 2017 and has been translated and published in multiple languages.

  Before reinventing her own life, Camilla spent over 25 years as a successful competitive athlete in the world of ballroom dancing. She was part of the original cast of Strictly Come Dancing (the UK’s equivalent to Dancing With the Stars) and after winning the trophy in 2008 she left to focus on her wellness business.

  Camilla is a coach who walks the walk and she is constantly setting herself new goals. Since 2018 she has been the head judge on Dancing With the Stars in New Zealand. Throughout her years of competing and working in the media, one thing became very apparent to her – when the body and mind are in harmony, you are connected and can be the best version of yourself, enabling you to deal with everyday situations from a very comfortable place. Camilla is passionate about sharing what she has learnt, using the tools that have helped her and her clients, to help others to succeed.

  Warning!

  This book will

  make you fall deeply in

  love – with yourself!

  FOREWORD

  by Yung Pueblo

  We live in a special time in human history. A few unprecedented developments in our collective psyche are coming together to shift the world as we know it. Essentially, people are looking for more than they were taught was available to them – more happiness, more inner peace, more fulfilment, more healing and more freedom. They are aware that there are serious limits to the happiness that material things can bring them and are connecting their happiness not with the things outside of them, but with the ongoings of their mind. Mental health has become a global discussion, with serious actions taking place, at a national and interpersonal level, to support the wellbeing of the mind.

  The growing popularity of the conversation around mental health and what constitutes real happiness is opening the door even wider for Eastern introspective practices and Western therapies to be globally accepted, respected and utilized. Meditation is no longer strange or new, seeing a therapist is no longer
taboo, taking time to cultivate and heal our minds is now becoming more common.

  More than ever people are seeing that much of what we have personally felt in the past is still inside of us – an emotional history that very much impacts how we feel, think and act. Achieving self-love is a combination of finding a way to release the things that have been accumulated inside of us, breaking old patterns that do not serve us, building new habits that support our happiness and giving ourselves the rejuvenating rest that is so rare, yet necessary, for our success in this fast-paced modern era.

  Once people notice that they can be happier and that they have much to uncover and release, the logical next step is to seek the tools they need to build a real inner peace. One of the benefits of living in a globalized world is that the best healing tools that different cultures have created and brought forward are now more widely accessible than ever. Since people are in very different places and since we all have our own unique emotional histories, we each need to go out and find the tools that work for us. A practice that is challenging but not overwhelming will certainly help us in our personal transformation.

  In It’s Not You, It’s Me, Camilla uses tools that invite us into ourselves in an accessible yet effective way. What is special about this invaluable book is that it is a gateway into the inner world, something that can profoundly lift our self-awareness so that we can better understand ourselves and thus understand the people in our lives. Though we all have different mental content, the structure of the mind is essentially the same – understanding the similarities between the human experience helps us to improve the success of our relationships. When we work on knowing ourselves, there is a natural expansion in our compassion and our ability to explore multiple perspectives. When we become familiar with our own inner landscape, we can better manage the ups and downs of life and respond to our relationships with greater wisdom.

  Society is created by the relationships amongst individuals. If we can improve our relationship with ourselves and those around us, it can only have a positive impact on the world at large. As people continue expanding their self-awareness and using tools that can help them let go of the old and build the new, this will undoubtedly have a positive impact on our world.

  Yung Pueblo

  INTRODUCTION

  The title of this book couldn’t be any other than It’s Not You, It’s Me – please let me explain why…

  I’ve heard those five little words more times than I can remember – so many of my clients and friends have been on the receiving end of them, as have I, and some have said them too. They have become such clichéd words and their sincerity is often doubted. People assume they’re only said when someone is trying to find an easy way out of a relationship, but let’s just consider that there might be some truth in them…

  When my friend told me that her partner had said, “It’s not you, it’s me” to end their relationship, I said to her “Maybe it really was about him.” She looked at me as if to say “What? Are you serious?” And I was. When I see clients in my coaching and hypnosis practice, it often becomes clear that the problem does lie with them, and that it is only by looking inward that they are able to heal their current relationship or build stronger relationships in the future. The biggest bonus, which I’ve had the joy of witnessing so many times, is seeing how the hurt, disappointment and frustration of relationship difficulties gave my clients the opportunity to go on an inward journey that resulted in them having a better relationship with themselves – finding respect, acceptance and, most importantly, a self-love that they’d never known before. And that’s exactly what we are going to explore here.

  What if I told you a challenging relationship – be it with a partner, friend, relative, colleague, or with your job, your diet, your body – is a challenge sent your way for you to find your way home to YOU. YEP, crazy, right? But hear me out. If you feel pushed to the limit, not good enough, frustrated or angry, then I trust that you are ready to feel differently and rise up. “It’s not you, it’s me” is such a powerful statement because it acts as a reminder that if you want to change something in your outside world, you have to be willing to go on an inward journey too. We are going to take inspiration from the words rather than dismissing them, so that you can take control and get back in the driver’s seat of your life. You will discover how challenging relationships give you the chance to heal and improve the most important relationship of all – the one with yourself!

  “Relationships are assignments.”

  Marianne Williamson

  Facing up to you

  To get the most from this book, I want you to be honest with yourself throughout – to peel back the layers to your truest most authentic self. Only then can true spiritual healing take place. I know that you may feel challenged whilst reading this book and going on this inward journey (taking a long, hard look at yourself rather than blaming a person or situation in your life can be tough), but I want you to know that it is my goal to serve and to hold space for you through my words. You deserve to feel the kind of love I know is possible for all of us, the one that comes from deep within that no one can take away from you and which brings with it an inner peace that no one can disturb. Let me remind you, you were born to shine, and to feel whole and complete within. You may think that what is challenging you right now in life is happening to you but it is, as author and motivational speaker Tony Robbins would say, happening for you.

  Finding yourself

  When you have self-love, you’ll be more able to be true to yourself. I remember having a deep conversation with my husband when we first met and he said, “In life, you are really only truly yourself when you are by yourself.” At all other times you are playing the role of partner, brother, daughter, mother, boss. I agree with this, but I believe the more authentic, honest and open we are with ourselves, the more we have the courage to take our true selves into a relationship. To do so we have to be self-aware, accept ourselves as we are and definitely love ourselves enough – this will give us the courage to say, “This is me, take it or leave it.” Although it may take a lot of work to get to that point of self-belief and self-love, it means that we can be our true selves and not need to keep up a façade that eventually will crack. This is extremely powerful in any relationship. What I have seen in my clients who have successful relationships, and experienced myself, is that they are with people with whom they can be most themselves and people who love and accept them for who they are.

  “You can’t heal what you never reveal.”

  Jay Z

  Breaking the negative cycle

  As you encounter the same negative experiences and feelings in relationships over and over, you may ask yourself, “How have I ended up here again?” It is common for people to find themselves repeatedly in the same situation, for example with a lover, a colleague or boss, or by constantly trying to stick to a diet to feel better about their body. If that’s where you are at, then please let me help you join the dots so that you can become aware of, and then change, the pattern that is blocking your divine flow – so you can start aligning yourself with what you really want to manifest into your life instead.

  You may resist looking inward, perhaps thinking, “It’s not my fault that my boss is rude and arrogant,” but in any negative relationship there is something for you to explore. I believe that in this example a lesson has been sent to you in the form and shape of your boss, and if you want to evolve it’s your job to find out what unhealed part of you that person is reflecting back at you. If looking at relationships in this way is a new concept for you, please don’t worry – it will all become clearer as we work through the book together.

  Let me warn you, though, to become self-aware and self-accepting, and make changes takes commitment to yourself and to doing the exercises daily, but the benefits are incredible. When you take full responsibility for where you focus your energy, life gets interesting. And it all starts with HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOURSELF. Because when we love oursel
ves, we tend to respect and validate ourselves too and lots of other positive stuff that I can’t wait to introduce you to. Sharing these tools that can support you in unlocking your power within is beyond exciting to me.

  The work starts here

  The only way you will truly reap the benefits of this book is by committing to doing the exercises and by starting to observe your thoughts, behaviours and patterns in the relationship areas you want to improve as you work through the chapters. I will help you to realize fully the power of your thoughts and how by disconnecting the energetic charge towards someone or something, you take control of the things you can change and allow healing to be initiated.

  I am going to share from my heart the wisdom and tools that have helped me, and my clients, to navigate through life like a seasoned skipper through rough waters. Everything I explore and teach in this book is based on the magical transformation I witness in my practice every single day. Clients who start out despairing at the state of their relationships and end up repairing them or, if not, parting or making changes from a place of clarity. They do all this by improving their relationship with themselves and how they perceive everything around them.

  There may be some tools you want to disregard as perhaps too spiritual for you, and there may be some you will love forever. I want you to know I appreciate you either way and I know that you will take from this book exactly what is right for you. I have written it with the truest intention of putting what I see working every day in my practice, all in one place, for you to know that you are not alone and there are tools out there for you. No matter how enlightened we are, there is always room to grow some more – we are forever evolving and learning, and that’s the beauty of human life.

  How to get the best from this book

  To help you find your way home to your most fabulous self, I’ve broken the journey down into what I believe to be four vital parts: Self-Awareness, Self-Acceptance, Self-Love and Self-Care. Most people will benefit from reading the book from start to finish as each exercise moves on from the next, gently guiding you through the different stages from acknowledging to solving and healing those issues that are affecting the relationships you want to work on. However, if you want to just dive in and read snippets or try out particular exercises which appeal to you, that’s fine too. Some of the exercises may seem repetitive, but this is intentional – it will help you to narrow down exactly what you need to work on and for the changes to sink into your subconscious mind.