It's Not You, It's Me

by Camilla Sacre-Dallerup

  MEDITATION AT YOUR FINGERTIPS

  Clint was one of the first clients at Unplug Meditation to encourage me to record my meditations so my students could listen to them whenever they needed them. I followed his advice and recorded my first meditation, which was called “I am”. Clint told me he has used this meditation daily since. Little did I know back then that years later my meditations would be serving all over the world and that they had over hundreds of thousands of plays through meditation apps like Insight timer and Unplug Meditation. If you’d like to try some out, head to www.zenme.tv.

  A common story

  Clint’s story moved me so much because I know many people have gone through something similar at some point in their lives. That was why I wrote my last book Reinvent ME, because I wanted people who needed support through times like that to know they are not alone and that there are tools there to help them.

  As an athlete for most of my life, before becoming a Life Coach, I wasn’t very good at saying no. I would just power through and, although that has its place in sport and in business at certain times, I headed straight for a burnout aged 35 and learnt my lesson the hard way. So I take self-care very seriously in my own life. It’s what I call non-negotiable because I have seen first hand what can happen and the power of prevention. And that is why I love serving my clients as a Life and Mind Coach because I’m passionate about what I teach, and sharing the importance of self-care before it’s too late. Some call me their personal mind trainer.

  On my last book tour I spoke to many people going through relationship issues and challenging times. I realized, just like Clint, how so many were not looking after themselves. In fact, during stressful and challenging times taking time for self-care was the last thing on their list of priorities when it needed to be the first, mainly because people often considered self-care a kind of extra thing they had to pay for, such as a massage, a spa day or even a holiday. Of course it can be all of those things too, but self-care can just as easily be having a hot bath with no disturbances, a power nap in the afternoon (my absolute fave and how I navigate through my busy schedule most days – well, that and meditation) or an evening to yourself to do exactly what YOU want. It can also be the way you talk to yourself, nurture your thoughts and relationship with yourself and the way you create positive behaviours and habits in your life so that you can show up for yourself in the best possible way.

  YOUR TOOLBOX: MY 7-DAY SELF-CARE PLAN

  So now let’s get started. I’ve put together 7 simple, yet effective, exercises, which are all from my personal self-care regime because they totally rock.

  I’ve written it as a 7-day plan to be done on consecutive days, but please create the plan that works best for you, even if that means repeating the same exercise 7 days straight. You may be drawn to certain exercises and find they fit in with your day better, and that’s fine. The main goal is to get you into the habit of knowing it’s okay to take time for YOU every day! I’d especially like you to get into the habit of using the morning ritual daily, though. It’s such a simple, but powerful, self-care tool.

  DAY 1: MORNING RITUAL

  I believe 100 per cent that how we start the day, and the intention we set for the day, lays the foundation for how the rest of the day will play out. As you read in Clint’s transformational journey (see pages 135–8), a morning ritual was a vital component in him learning to look after his own needs first. If we start the day taking care of ourselves, it’s a way of saying to the universe “I respect and take care of myself first,” which will have a positive ripple effect on your day. Why would you ever want to invite other people’s energy into your energy field before you have checked in with yourself and asked, “How am I feeling today?” Crazy, right?

  My morning ritual has become my favourite thing over the last couple of years and the benefits have been out of this world for me personally. Never in a million years did I think that it would affect my day so much that I would even be able to call myself “a morning person”. I was always a complete night owl and loved my lie-ins. Partly I thank Mel Robbins’ book The 5 Second Rule where she explains how we can talk ourselves in or out of something in 5 seconds and how within that time we have to do an action, like actually get out of bed, because when we physically move the brain starts to build a new habit.

  This has become the first part of my morning ritual. I literally count 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, as she suggests, and then jump out of bed. It has stopped the feeling of wanting to hit the snooze button and procrastinate about whether I should get up now or in 10 minutes. Plus it has inspired me to go to bed earlier – the ripple effect I’m talking about. You make one change and, boom, other things start to change in a positive way too.

  I’m pretty strict now about what “noise” I let into my sacred space in the mornings and I definitely do not pick up my phone and check emails until I have showered and done my positive affirmation meditation. This ensures that I’m centred and ready to interact with others. We can’t control others, but we sure can take responsibility for the attitude and energy we bring to people and situations. I do this in the best way I can each day before venturing out into the world and sitting in LA traffic with an attitude or seeing a client and dumping any shitty energy on them.

  And, by the way, before you say, “I haven’t got time for this ritual,” let me stress that it can take as little or as long as you have. You could start by simply taking 10 deep breaths, put the coffee on whilst reminding yourself of everything you have to be grateful for, and then have a shower before you look at a phone or any emails. And if you have kids it may mean setting the alarm for 10–15 minutes before they usually wake up, but I also have clients who swap things around and do their morning self-care after they’ve dropped the kids at school.

  Now it’s your turn to decide what your morning ritual looks like. Try to think of three things that you will do for yourself each morning as a sign of self-care before you start taking care of others and checking your phone or computer. It can be as simple as sitting up in bed and taking three deep breaths in and connecting with your own breath; having that cup of coffee in silence before everyone wakes up; or repeating some beautiful affirmations to yourself whilst taking your shower, where you use a few drops of essential oils such as eucalyptus or peppermint for a bit of extra pampering.

  Write down your self-care morning ritual.

  DAY 2: FUEL YOUR JOY

  I love this exercise so much and I use it whenever I feel bogged down – it will feel like a spring clean of your life. To look after yourself better what are you going to purge in your life?

  In her marvellous book, Spark Joy, Marie Kondo encourages us all to look at each piece of clothing in our wardrobe and ask, “Does it spark joy?” and if the answer is no, thank it and let it go. She is on to something here – it’s a wonderful mindful way to look at things and I do something similar with my thoughts, habits and relationships. I encourage you to try it.

  Ask yourself these questions:

  • Is this igniting the fire in my belly?

  • Is this an absolute YES?

  • Does this fuel my joy?

  If not, say, “I let it go with gratitude and love.” Because one thing I know for sure is that we cannot add to an overloaded wardrobe, not the one in our homes or the one in our mind. To invite in new relationships we have to make space, throw out that old sweater that no longer feels good, ie the relationship or thoughts that are draining us, and swap the habits that are not serving us from rising. That, beautiful soul, is self-care!

  “If one wishes to know love, one must live love, in action.”

  Leo Buscaglia

  HONESTY FOR GOOD HEALTH

  For self-care, it is vital that we are honest with ourselves. What we want, speak and do needs to be in alignment for the happiness to flow. If there is opposition in any of those areas, they will come out as unhappiness or disharmony in an area of our life. I remember asking a client who struggled with insomnia “What’s
keeping you awake?” She told me how she was no longer happy in her relationship, as she and her partner wanted different things, but she was fearful about breaking up as she enjoyed the lifestyle her partner provided and that would have to change if she left him. I asked her what exactly the relationship provided. She replied “Financial freedom”, to which I asked “At what cost?” She replied “Emotionally I feel in prison.” So all that time she thought she had freedom she felt in prison emotionally. Those two opposite energies were keeping her awake at night because there was a message that she was denying. She knew if she truly stopped and listened to her intuition or guidance, she would have to go through some discomfort and turmoil to align herself and her lifestyle again. What she was putting out there energetically was that she valued the money more than she valued her own happiness and that was never going to align her with attracting more happiness now, was it? She and her partner broke up not long after because she realized that she deserved to be happy as well as having a good lifestyle, and that she didn’t have to settle for one or the other long-term, but just make some adjustments temporarily. Like Phil Stutz and Barry Michels explain in the book The Tools, endless possibilities lie outside of your comfort zone on the other side of the pain you need to go through to get there.

  DAY 3: LET THE LOVE FLOW

  I love this breath-focused meditation, also known as the Heart Breath. It helps you to drop out of your ever-thinking mind for a moment and connect with the heart. When we connect to the heart, everything seems simpler and it reminds us that there is a kinder more compassionate way through even the most difficult times. Breath by breath you will feel your vibration rise. This exercise is extremely helpful if you feel emotionally blocked and are someone who is in your head a lot trying to work everything out when really what you need is to FEEL what guidance is within you instead. You may also find that it clears hurt, frustration or sadness from a past or current relationship.

  Let’s ignite the heart energy.

  1. Sit somewhere comfortable and close your eyes.

  2. Visualize a big bright light surrounding you and beaming through you.

  3. Now focus on your breath getting slower, and how it’s flowing in and out of your heart.

  4. Imagine each breath getting deeper and longer, each breath representing love flowing in and out of the heart.

  5. If it feels comfortable to you, you can place your hands over your heart to feel the connection with the body a little deeper and you can also focus on words like “love” on the in-breath and “let go” on the out-breath. However, simply focusing on the expansion and love flowing in and out of the heart is powerful in itself.

  Notice how raising your vibration brings new energy to the body, how the light you are imagining shining through you is getting brighter and how the breath is getting deeper.

  Go to www.zenme.tv/mindtools for the guided version of this meditation.

  DAY 4: DIVORCE YOUR BAD HABITS

  Ditching old habits is a big part of self-care. For about four years now I have been hosting workshops called “Design Your Ideal Partner“, helping the participants align themselves emotionally and energetically with what they want to manifest. Because what I had come to realize, both through my own manifestation practice and from my clients, is that when we start behaving in a way that is aligned with what we are manifesting, get clear about how we want to behave and what we specifically want, we are ready to receive. What we don’t want is to walk into any relationship with old habits from past relationships lingering. I remember “divorcing” feeling needy in a relationship and creating a habit of feeling comfortable and trusting instead. I also divorced the habit of having my phone on the bedside table and fell in love with leaving it in the kitchen or anywhere out of reach from the bed. It might not only be habits you are divorcing – it could be friendships or even foods you know aren’t good for you.

  Rewrite the habit you want to divorce now that shows that you take the relationship with yourself and therefore other relationships seriously too.

  Say aloud:

  “I’m committed to divorce this [habit] to show myself I am putting self-care at the top of my list of priorities and I’m taking my relationship with myself to the next level.”

  Now write down any other habits/people that have popped into your head that you want to divorce.

  And then write what you are inviting in instead.

  Go ahead and ask yourself:

  To look after me, I’m also divorcing ……………… today.

  Some people have said sugar, coffee and energy-zapping friends. I’m wondering what yours are.

  I’m ready to invite ……………… into my life.

  DAY 5: CHAKRA BALANCING

  A long time ago I came across an audio recording from Deepak Chopra of his Chakra Balancing Meditation and it’s been on my iTunes ever since. I first used it when I was touring in a UK sell-out play called Calendar Girls. I was acting for the first time in my life and in desperate need of some self-care – this exercise became my go to. I fell madly in love with it and still use it weekly.

  The chakras represent the 7 main energy fields in the body and they run from the bottom of the spine up through the middle of the body through the belly, solar plexus, chest, throat, the area between your eyebrows and the top of your head. Think of them as spinning wheels of energy in the body, when they are all rotating at the same rate we feel aligned and energized because the pathway is clear for our breath and energy to flow freely through our body. However, when one of the chakras slows down we feel out of alignment and start saying things like “I feel stuck”, “Things aren’t flowing for me”, “I feel blocked” and so on. There are different ways we can align and balance the chakras – I personally use certain yoga exercises as well as the exercise I am about to share with you.

  When we go through emotional challenges, we can store some of that trauma and those feelings in our bodies and suddenly the body starts to act out with pain, discomfort, skin problems, even as a disease or a cold. In their book The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Chakras, Betsy Rippentrop Ph.D. and Eve Adamson explain how your health, both physically and mentally, and the chakras are interlinked on a spiritual level, which can help give you a deeper understanding of yourself. Do, however, always consult a doctor with any health issues. Each chakra represents different types of emotions and feelings we may be holding onto. I love the analogy in The Essential Guide to Chakras by Swami Saradananda: “If you block a river by throwing waste into it, its flow is reduced. Similarly, if your body is filled with physical toxins, the flow of prana is inhibited.” Prana means universal energy that flows through the body. This makes so much sense and explains why we say we feel stuck or blocked or that things aren’t flowing. It could mean you are holding onto past or current emotions and feelings around a relationship or situation. There is also a colour and element connected to each chakra, as I will guide you through in the meditation, and each chakra represents different areas such as confidence, passion and communication.

  I have seen incredible shifts in people when I have worked with them on releasing held emotions from relationships. I have seen them let go of stagnant emotions and improve stomach discomfort and digestive issues. I have seen clients walk in so tight chested with anxiety that they were completely disconnected from their breath – once they’d released old emotions of hurt and sadness and forgiven people, they often described becoming balanced as a huge weight being lifted off their chest and sometimes shoulders. Another common one is when clients tune into their throat chakra and finally let go of things they have wanted to say to someone for ages, but never communicated – holding onto it has caused stress and tension in their throat and neck and even affected their immune system.

  I have recorded an extended audio version of this meditation for you. Just head to www.zenme.tv/mindtools. If you are ever in LA, check out my events calendar on social media or on my website for any upcoming events, as I regularly guide chakra balancing
classes.

  Before you begin please get comfortable either on a yoga mat on the floor, couch or bed and at a time when you know you won’t get disturbed. Some people like to lie down rather than sitting as you can really become aware of the energy flowing through the body as you balance and cleanse each chakra. You can place your hands over each chakra as we move through them or just relax them down by your side.

  If you like to work with crystals, then you can integrate them into this practice, placing them along your body on the energy fields to enhance the meditation. A quick guide to working with crystals is to match the colour of the crystals to the colour of the chakra, so if you happen to have a green crystal at home it goes with your heart chakra, and so on.

  Like in any meditation (see page 9), know that your thoughts will come and go and pull you away and that’s okay. Let the focus you use to bring you back again and again be the colour of the chakra. You may or may not see the exact colour or any colour at times as everyone visualizes differently and that’s totally okay – just know you will go on the journey that is meant for you as you try to imagine each colour in that moment. When it comes to repeating the sentences, it’s fine to do so silently but, equally, if it feels right for you to say them aloud then that’s great too. You can find what works best for you.

  Start by bringing your focus to the 1st Chakra – the Root Chakra based at the bottom of your spine. Colour: red / Element: earth

  Imagine the colour red as you connect with this chakra. Notice what you notice as you slowly tune into this area of the body. Are you becoming aware of any tightness, stress or tiredness here to be released? Sometimes fear can be present in this chakra – fear of changes and what will be, financial worries and concerns about living arrangements, but as you focus on the red colour, letting go of whatever you need to let go of, imagine it floating away with your out-breath into a big bright light and being dissolved. You are allowing for the connection with the earth energy. Imagine that earth energy flowing up through the feet easily and effortlessly and up through this area of the body. You will start to feel more and more grounded, rooted and stable. Repeat the words, “I am safe”, three times slowly here before you move up along to the next chakra.