Sizzling

by Susan Mallory

  Lori shook her head. "What twins?"

  "Bimbos. Former centerfolds. It was awful. They've written some stupid self-help book so us lesser mortals can learn to be as sexy as them. Can you imagine?"

  Lori didn't know what to say. If tall, busty, gorgeous Sandy considered herself a lesser mortal, what did that make Lori? A mutant?

  "They were on CNN talking about their book?"

  "Uh-huh. That part was bad enough, but then the stupid reporter brought up Reid. Of course they had to dump on him and say he was lousy in bed."

  Sandy pressed her lips together. "It's that damn newspaper article. Kristie and I were talking about it a couple of nights ago. The thing is, it's so unfair." She smiled, as if remembering something amazing. "I had absolutely no complaints about my close encounter with Reid and neither did Kristie. It was everything we wanted it to be."

  She sighed. "Of course I was a fan and, I confess, just a little slutty at my interview. I threw myself at him. Not that he said no."

  Lori couldn't think. Her mind went totally blank, which was probably for the best. Otherwise she might have exploded.

  "You slept with him during your interview for this job?"

  Sandy nodded. "Kristie, too. It was fun. That big desk in his office at the sports bar. Yum. I…" She stopped and stared at Lori. "Are you okay?"

  No, she wasn't okay. She was furious. Not with Reid, but with herself. For being stupid enough to think he was a real person. He wasn't. He was just a shallow, disgusting pretend human being.

  "I'm fine," she said from between clenched teeth.

  Sandy grimaced. "Oh, God. I just put my foot in it, didn't I? I thought you'd slept with him, too."

  "No," Lori said grimly. "I didn't."

  Apparently she could form a club of women who hadn't slept with Reid Buchanan. It would have a membership of one.

  CHAPTER SIX

  LORI WORKED HER WAY through Gloria's morning exercises and did her best to disconnect from the usual complaints.

  "That hurts," Gloria said. "Stop immediately."

  "We're not working the side your broken hip is on," Lori reminded her. "We need to keep you flexible."

  "As I'm unlikely to join the Seattle ballet anytime soon, this level of flexibility is not required."

  "Flexibility will help with your stability. When your hip heals, you'll still be worried about falling. That will make you cautious. Knowing you're flexible and can bend in all sorts of directions will help with your confidence."

  Gloria grunted and cooperated with the stretching for a few more seconds, then pushed Lori away.

  "That's enough," she snapped. "I'm not paying you to torture me."

  Lori hadn't slept well the night before. She had no one to blame but herself, which she hated. In truth she'd lain in bed, seething about Sandy's casual confession.

  Lori had been offended on so many levels, but somewhere around four in the morning, she'd finally admitted, if only to herself, that her real pain came from the fact that Reid had never wanted her that way and he never would.

  None of which was Gloria's fault, but it did mean her level of patience was lower than usual.

  "You're paying me to help get you better," Lori said. "That's what I'm doing."

  Gloria frowned at her. "The key is that I'm paying you. I expect professional behavior, not sadistic enjoyment of my pain."

  Lori gasped at the unfairness of the accusation. "Excuse me? What sadistic enjoyment? I go out of my way every single day to make your life more comfortable. Who got you to order the movies you're enjoying? Who ran out in the rain to get you Cookies and Cream ice cream two days ago when you had a craving? Who keeps your room bright, changes the flowers, gets you books and magazines and gives a damn about you getting back on your feet?"

  "I have told you not to swear around me. I won't tolerate it. If you're going to persist in that kind of behavior, I'll fire you."

  "That threat is getting old."

  "So is your incompetence."

  Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Maybe it was the fact that Reid wanted every woman on the planet but her. Maybe it was that she'd reached her threshold. Whatever the reason, she finally snapped.

  "I've had it," she told Gloria, her voice low. "I have busted my ass for you. Yes, I said ass. Live with it. When I took this job, everyone told me you were a total bitch and impossible to deal with. But I didn't believe them. The staff at the rehab facility warned me about you, said you were awful and ungrateful, but I didn't listen. I defended you over and over again. Imagine how I feel now that I find out they were telling the truth. You're all the things they said. It's no wonder your grandchildren avoid you. I sure wouldn't be here if I wasn't getting paid a whole lot of money. So here's the question. What on earth is wrong with you? Why do you act like this?"

  Lori had never spoken that way to a patient before, although if anyone deserved it, Gloria did. Still, she braced herself for the scathing tirade that would end her time in this house.

  But Gloria didn't say anything. Instead the old woman stared at her for several seconds, then stunned Lori by bursting into tears.

  Lori stared at her for a couple of seconds, not sure if she should move closer or run for cover. But there was something broken and sad about Gloria's tears. Something that made her move next to the bed, and then gently, carefully, sit on the mattress.

  She reached for the older woman and slowly put her arms around her. Gloria clung to her, still crying, her body shaking.

  "I d-didn't mean for this to happen," Gloria said between sobs. "I don't know what h-happened. I was always difficult and demanding, but now I'm horrible. I hear the things I say and I can't believe that's me talking. I never meant to become so awful. Something happened. This isn't me and it's not my fault. Nobody loves me. No one has ever loved me. I'm alone and I'm going to die alone."

  Lori sucked in a breath. She felt like slime for having attacked Gloria, yet she sensed this might be an important moment in the old woman's life. She suspected that Gloria didn't allow herself much emotional vulnerability or weakness, so how best to handle the opportunity?

  She considered several possibilities, then decided to go for the truth. She waited until the tears subsided, sat up, handed Gloria a box of tissues, then cleared her throat.

  "You're right," she said clearly, refusing to be sucked in by the still flowing tears. "You are going to die alone."

  Gloria's eyes widened. "It's not true," she whispered.

  "It is true," Lori told her. "Look at how you act. Who would want to care about you? You're dismissive of people's feelings. You don't seem to ever do anything nice. You're mean and self-centered." She lowered her voice and touched the other woman's arm. "But you can change."

  Gloria shook her head. "I can't. I don't know how."

  "You can and you do know how. You don't want to- there's a difference. You're many things, but you're not stupid. You remember what it's like to be human."

  Her patient stared at her. "No, I don't. Besides, what's the point? You're saying I should be nice to people. To care about them. But then they just take advantage of me. Besides, there are so many idiots in the world."

  "There's an attitude designed to make you friends."

  "I don't want friends."

  "Really? Then what was the water works about? Come on, no one wants to be totally isolated. Everyone wants a sense of belonging. You're old- you'll be dead soon. Don't you want to be missed?"

  Gloria opened her mouth, then closed it. "I will not be dead soon."

  "You will if you don't get off your bony ass and focus on getting better."

  Lori braced herself for the screaming, or at the very least another threat of firing. Instead tears filled Gloria's eyes again.

  "I don't want to die alone," she whispered. "I don't want them to hate me. I want them to love me."

  Lori hugged her again. "I know you do. The best way to get love is to act loving."

  Gloria didn't answer. Instead she held on tight f
or a long time before leaning back against her pillows. She wiped her face, then said, "According to you, I shouldn't worry about being taken advantage of. I won't be around long enough to mind."

  "That wasn't exactly what I meant, but if it works for you, go for it."

  "Do you really think I can change?"

  "If you want your life to be different. It's entirely up to you. You have the power to do whatever you want. Does this really matter? Do you want your grandchildren to love you and miss you when you're gone?"

  The old woman nodded slowly. "Yes," she whispered. "I do."

  * * *

  AN HOUR LATER Gloria was sleeping and Lori escaped to the living room to regroup. She felt as if she'd been run over by a train.

  Had she done the right thing, pushing Gloria? Would the emotional upset impact the healing process? But if Gloria did manage to change enough to reconnect with her family, wasn't that a good thing?

  Lori stood in front of the massive window that overlooked the city and Puget Sound beyond. It was a rare clear day, with the sky a color of blue that God grants only after weeks of rain.

  Maybe she'd been talking to herself as well as Gloria, she thought, not sure she wanted to see the truth but unable to avoid it. Maybe she needed to be a little less bitchy with her own family. Not that she was bitchy with Madeline, but there was always that damned ambivalence lurking in the background, not to mention all the issues she had with her mother. Maybe she should-

  "There you are," Reid said as he walked into the room. "I've been looking all over for you. We have to talk."

  She turned slowly and looked at him. He was still one of the most handsome men she'd ever seen. Not perfect, but appealing on so many levels. She wanted to lean into his body and feel his heat. She wanted his arms around her, flesh on flesh, touching, reaching. She wanted to give herself up to him in a version of surrender that left her breathless.

  On the heels of the longing came a fierce anger, both at herself for her weakness and at the man who caused it. He was easy enough to blame- especially considering what she'd so recently learned about him. In the land of Reid, the hits kept on coming.

  "I don't know what to do," he said, moving close and staring into her eyes. "You have to help me. I'm totally screwed. Remember those kids, the ones I was supposed to send to their state finals? The ones who didn't have a return ticket?"

  He didn't bother waiting for her to answer. "I called their coach. I wanted to make it right. Seth had sent a check and I thought things were fine. But the bastard only sent a thousand dollars. Some family got their car repossessed because of me and my manager only sent a thousand dollars?"

  He ran his hand through his hair and stalked to the window. "How did this happen? How did everything get so messed up? You know what the guy said to me? The coach? I offered to send everyone to Disney World, you know, to make up for it. And he blew me off. He said they couldn't afford my brand of charity."

  He turned back to her, looking genuinely confused. "It's me," he said. "Doesn't that matter?"

  Something inside of her snapped. She actually felt it go and heard the popping sound.

  "You are exactly like your grandmother," she began, aware of Gloria sleeping and keeping her voice low. "You are totally self-absorbed and selfish. I had thought, and let me tell you how stupid I feel about that now, that there was a person inside of you. I thought you might actually have some small crumb of decency. But you don't. You're nothing but a sex-starved, useless jerk. You're taking up space that should go to someone who actually matters."

  She curled her hands into fists and fought the need to beat some sense into him. As if she could actually hit hard enough to make him notice.

  "Start taking responsibility," she told him, her voice thick with anger and contempt. "You keep blaming your manager, but ultimately, you're responsible. So take the damn responsibility. Show up, do the right thing. It's really not that hard. Oh, wait, you'd have to stop being the center of the universe. That will be tough."

  He stared at her. "What's got up your butt?"

  "Oh, right. It has to be me, right? I'm a hysterical female. Oooh, maybe I have my period. There's a great excuse. But I'm going to say it anyway. Fire your damn manager. He's making you look like an ass. You do that well enough on your own- you don't need to pay someone to help with the process. You're supposed to be some hotshot baseball player. Well, with that comes responsibility. Stop letting down little kids. Be a grown-up."

  "Why are you so mad at me?"

  "Because you could be so much and you're not. I hate wasted potential."

  He continued to watch her, looking confused, as if even he knew that couldn't possibly generate that much energy. "What's the real problem?"

  "This isn't real enough for you? Look at your life. There are Internet photos of you having sex. Reporters are chasing you down to talk about how lousy you are in bed. You're being mocked on CNN. Do you sense a pattern here? You can't even hire nurses for your sick grandmother without getting laid. You slept with Sandy and Kristie. During their interviews. People don't do that. It's tacky. It's wrong. Honest to God, I'm not surprised to read that you're bad in bed. Being good in bed would mean thinking about someone other than yourself."

  * * *

  "HI," LORI CALLED as she walked into her house after her shift.

  "Hey, you," Madeline said from the living room. "How was your day?"

  "Not one I want to repeat." Lori shrugged out of her coat as she crossed to the kitchen. Once there she dropped her coat on a chair, her purse on the kitchen table and opened the refrigerator. She always kept a bottle of Chardonnay on hand for emergencies and this certainly counted as a time of need.

  "That bad?" Madeline asked as Lori dug in a drawer for a corkscrew.

  "In some ways good. In others, worse."

  The cork popped out. Madeline collected a single glass and held it out. Lori took it and poured. Seconds later she swallowed a mouthful of the tart, fruity wine and sighed.

  "Not better yet, but soon," she breathed. "So how was your day?"

  "Fine. Quiet. I had lunch with Julie. Do you remember her? She was my roommate in college and one of my bridesmaids."

  There had been eight and honestly, Lori hadn't bothered to learn their names.

  "Uh-huh," she lied. "I'm glad you got out. You can't hang out here all the time."

  Madeline tucked her auburn hair behind her ear and smiled. "I like hanging out here."

  Her sister didn't fit the stereotype of the frail soon-to-be dead. She was a little pale and too thin, but that only added to her ethereal beauty. Madeline had been born beautiful and had never gone through anything resembling an awkward stage. It was one of life's sassy attempts at humor.

  Madeline ignored the bottle of wine- with her liver failing, she couldn't drink. Not that she'd ever been very interested. Until recently, her sister hadn't had to deal with very many upsets or disappointments. Lori supposed that getting a death sentence put other irritations in perspective.

  "What happened?" her sister asked. "Gloria making you crazy?"

  "Not so much. I think we had a breakthrough today."

  "Really? How did that happen?"

  Lori explained about snapping and how Gloria had burst into tears and admitted to being lonely.

  "She's fully capable of changing," Lori said. "The question is, will she?"

  Madeline tilted her head. "I know you, Lori. That kind of moment with an elderly patient doesn't send you to the wine bottle. It was something else. Something I'm going to guess is related to a certain ex-baseball player."

  Lori groaned. "Gloria lost it with me and I lost it with him. He was going on and on about how his agent screwed up and how horrible everything is."

  Her sister raised her eyebrows. "I'm going to guess you weren't as supportive as he'd been hoping."

  "Not exactly." She took another drink of the wine. "I didn't mention this before because I didn't want you to think…"

  Lori paused. There w
as no way she could fool her sister. Madeline knew her too well.

  "I was talking to Sandy a couple of days ago. Somehow it came up that Reid had slept with both her and Kristie during their interviews." Her anger erupted again. "Can you believe it? Right there in his office at that stupid sports bar. It's disgusting. He was supposed to be finding appropriate health care, not screwing the staff. Does he actually have a brain, or is that a myth? Are all men like that? Is he what they aspire to? Because I think he's a nightmare on so many levels."

  Madeline's green eyes were steady. "You're upset that he slept with them and not you."

  "I am not. Never! I wouldn't sleep with him if…" She swallowed, then nodded slowly. "More than upset. Humiliated. I'm not like them. I'll never be like them. Guys like Reid don't even see women like me, which is fine. I don't want a man like him."

  "But you do," her sister said softly. "You want exactly him."

  Lori scowled. "I'm working on the problem. I'll get over him."

  "Maybe you shouldn't try to."

  "Oh, please. He would never be interested in me and I can't accept who he is on the inside. He's like cotton candy. Dunk him in water and he dissolves."

  "But you like him."

  "No. I don't like him. I despise him. I just have a powerful chemical reaction to him. It doesn't mean anything."

  "Sure it does. You've never reacted to a guy this way."

  "And I won't ever again." It wouldn't work. He was everything she hated in men and she was invisible to him. Oh, yeah, that was a recipe for happiness and love.

  She drew in a breath. "I told him off. It didn't go well."

  "He'll recover. Besides…" Madeline pushed off the counter and smiled. "Men are inherently stupid about women. You can use that to your advantage."

  Lori stared at her amazingly beautiful sister and knew that dozens of men had been stupid about Madeline, but they'd managed to keep their heads around her.