"You're just flapping your lips. It's easy for you to talk- no one is discussing burning off your cornea."
"Fine. I'll let the glasses thing go. Let's find you some great jeans."
Thirty minutes later Lori had three pairs of jeans that fit perfectly. She buttoned up the first of the blouses Madeline had brought her.
"It's more fitted," her sister said. "See how it follows the curves of your body. That's a good thing. I brought in some sweaters, too. And look- no brown."
"Very funny."
But Lori wasn't about to complain. She liked the dark green shirt her sister had picked out. It brought out the green in her hazel eyes.
Madeline forced her into colors she would never have tried on her own. Teals and dark purples, a fun sweater in a range of colors from dark orange to pale peach. The pile kept growing until Lori was sure she could feel her credit card trembling in fear.
"I don't need all this," she said, although she wasn't sure how she would pick her favorites. Funny, but when she shopped on her own she hated the process. Nothing seemed right.
Her sister walked into the crowded dressing room with a simple black dress.
"I know what you're going to say," Madeline began. "'Where would I wear it? It's too expensive. It's not my thing.' Yada, yada. So you're going to try it on and then we'll talk."
Lori took the dress, put it on a hook, then pulled her sister close.
"I love you," she said as they hugged. "I want to make sure you know that."
"I love you, too," Madeline told her.
They smiled at each other, then Lori reached for the dress. "I really don't have anywhere to wear this."
"No one cares."
They had to make a trip to the car to dump all the packages. Lori thought they were finished, but Madeline dragged her back into the mall and steered her toward a familiar store. Well, familiar from seeing it on the outside. Technically, Lori had never been inside.
"No way," she said, balking at the entrance. "I'm fine."
"You're not fine. You wear ordinary panties and your bras are too plain. You're with a great guy. He deserves a little lace and silk."
With that, Madeline pushed her into Victoria's Secret. "Trust me, he'll love it."
If he wanted to see her in her underwear again, Lori thought, both intrigued by the prospect of something sexy and nervous about Reid's reaction to the new her.
Madeline began collecting scraps of silk and lace, beautiful bras with matching bikini panties. When she paused by a display of thongs, Lori shook her head.
"There is absolutely no way in hell you're getting me into one of those."
Madeline's grin broadened. "Want to bet?"
* * *
REID WALKED INTO Cal's office at the corporate headquarters of The Daily Grind and slumped into the leather chair opposite his brother's desk.
"What's up?" Cal asked. "You look beat."
"I'm good. Still reading all the mail that was sent over. I've sorted it into piles by date."
"Sounds organized."
"It's hell. So many kids write to me. Some of them want something but most of them are just trying to connect with me. They think that if they can see me or talk to me that it's a big deal."
"You're a famous guy."
"Famous for what?" Right now Reid felt about as important as last season's program. "I've wasted the past year of my life. I got injured and it was my own damn fault."
Cal leaned forward. "When you blew out your shoulder? That wasn't your fault. You swerved to avoid some kids on the mountain. It just happened."
"That's what I told you," Reid said, finally ready to admit the truth. "There weren't any kids. I was drunk. That's why I lost control and snowboarded into a tree. That's why I lost my career. I was drunk and stupid. Then I read about these sick kids and I realized I don't have the right to complain about anything. I should spend every day making their lives better."
"That's not your job," Cal told him. "Life doesn't work that way."
"Then how does it work? I can't be useless anymore. I've gotta make some of this right. I just don't know how." He slumped lower in his seat. "The press is still all over me. I get chased a lot when I go out."
"It was a story designed to capture the world's attention."
"You know what? That doesn't even bother me so much anymore." What did he care about some woman he couldn't remember? He knew how good things had been with Lori. Funny how that mattered a whole lot more now.
"I want to leave the sports bar," Reid said. "I'm going to talk to Walker later."
"You just said the press thing didn't bother you anymore."
"It's not about that. I need to do something different. I'm not the right guy for the job. I don't want to sit around and tell stories all day. I want to…" That was the hell of it. He didn't know what he wanted to do.
"You're rich, right?" Cal asked.
"Need a loan?"
"I'm good. I was thinking about you. You've got more money than you can ever spend."
"True."
"So start a foundation. A real one. Endow it with enough money that it functions off the interest, then set it loose on the world."
Reid straightened. He didn't know anything about foundations except that they did good stuff. He remembered how much he'd enjoyed watching those kids get that sports equipment. "I could focus on what I wanted," he said more to himself than to Cal. "Kids and sports."
"More than that," his brother said. "You're the guy everyone is interested in. You can get in places the rest of us can't. You can get people to notice just by showing up."
Reid knew that was true. When he made a call, he got through. "I could give without anyone knowing it's me."
"Is that what you want?"
Reid thought about all those letters and requests and how coldly they'd been answered.
"I don't need credit for doing the right thing," he said quietly. "Not anymore."
* * *
LORI WALKED INTO Gloria's room and braced herself for any number of comments. She was wearing new jeans and a fitted sweater. Despite her inexperience, she'd managed to reproduce Ramon's riot of curls and she'd done the makeup thing without poking herself in the eye with the mascara wand.
But now that she was here, she felt awkward and foolish. Like a goat trying to pass as a gazelle.
"Good morning," Gloria said, looking up from her paper. "Did you enjoy your day off?"
"Yes. How are you feeling?"
"Like an old woman with a broken hip. It aches a little this morning, but I'll survive."
"I was hoping for life on a higher plane. Just surviving isn't fun."
Gloria smiled. "You think you can perky your way out of me noticing the changes, but you're wrong. Now stand in the middle of the room and turn slowly."
"You don't pay me to model."
"I pay you to cater to my whims. Now go on."
Feeling foolish and a little self-conscious, Lori did as instructed. She stood in the center of the room and turned in a slow circle.
Gloria studied her, then nodded slowly. "Better," she said. "Much better. You saw Ramon?"
"Yes. He did the cut and showed me how to use some fairly sticky products on my hair."
"The clothes are nice, as well. You finally look like a woman instead of a blob."
Lori chuckled. "Blob, huh?"
"If I had to see that brown sweater one more time, I was going back to the skilled nursing facility."
"I doubt that."
"Your sister help you with your clothes?"
Lori thought about saying she was more than capable on her own, but they both knew it wasn't true. "Yes. She picked everything out. It's kind of embarrassing that I don't know what looks good on me."
"You do now." Gloria leaned forward. "But we have to do something about those glasses."
"I can't wear contacts and don't start on me about the Lasik surgery. I'm not interested in getting my corneas burned off, okay?"
"It's no
t like they burn off the whole thing, but fine. You look lovely. Reid will be very impressed."
Lori froze. Technically she'd had sex with Reid under Gloria's roof, but it had never occurred to her that her patient knew about it. She couldn't. That would be too humiliating for words. They had to be talking about something else. Reid in general. Or the fact that Lori had a crush on him, which no one was supposed to know either.
"I didn't do this for Reid," Lori mumbled.
"Of course not, dear. I just want you to be careful. I care about you and I don't want to see you get hurt."
Lori appreciated the gesture. She knew Gloria spoke from a place of caring and concern. But what really got her was the assumption that Reid would do the hurting. That there was no way she could ever be the one to leave or wound him.
Yes, it was realistic, but just once she would like to be the one with the power instead of the one left begging.
"I'll get your coffee," Lori said, and walked out of the room.
She entered the kitchen and was startled to find Reid already there. He looked up, started to speak, then stopped and stared at her.
"What?" she demanded. "Is there a problem?"
"No. Hi. I'm glad to see you. I missed you yesterday."
"I get a day off."
She knew she was being a bitch and the real reason had nothing to do with him.
"No one's saying you don't." He moved close and kissed her. "I like your hair."
"I got it cut." She felt stupid and self-conscious.
"You weren't sure you wanted to before. It looks good." He smiled. "In fact, you're gorgeous."
"Now," she said, unable to keep the hurt out of her voice. "You forgot to say now. But, hey, it's great to be out of the ugly camp and in with you beautiful people."
"What's wrong? Why are you mad at me?"
She wasn't. She was mad at herself, but he was easier to yell at.
"I'm pathetic," she announced. "Horribly pathetic and I hate it. Why can't you have a crush on me? Why can't you be worried I won't be interested anymore?"
"What makes you think I'm not?"
She grabbed the coffee pot and poured, then glared at him. "Oh, please. Get real. I had a makeover. I'm actually wearing makeup and a thong. And I've done it all for you. To what end? What's my point? This is crazy and it's all your fault."
"My fault? What? How?"
She heard him sputtering as she left, but didn't turn around. Talk about a mistake, she thought grimly. Who was she fooling? She didn't fit in. She never would. Trying was a mistake. Better to be safe and not risk the pain.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
VALERIE'S GARDEN WAS a restored old Victorian on an acre lot. To the right was the parking lot, but the rest of the house was surrounded by a wild and beautiful garden. Even in winter there were lush plants and hedges, trees and pathways that called to Dani. She wanted to wander the stone walkways and discover all the secrets of the beautiful space.
Instead she walked through the front door and into the open dining area.
She was greeted by a young woman in khaki pants and a white long-sleeved shirt covered by an apron edged in embroidered flowers.
"We're closed for lunch," she said with a smile, "but I can probably persuade the chef to whip up something to go. How does that sound?"
Dani appreciated the effort and made a note of the server's name. "Thanks, Bethany. I'm Dani Buchanan. I have a two-thirty appointment with Valerie."
"Oh, right. She's waiting for you. Her office is right this way."
Bethany took her to the back of the house, then up a narrow flight of stairs. Valerie's office had once been a bedroom. The wallpaper was floral and mostly purple. Valerie herself was a fifty-something woman who had long graying blond hair pulled up on top of her head and wore flowing, romantic clothes.
"Dani Buchanan, Val," Bethany said.
"Wonderful." Valerie stood and stepped around her painted desk. "Dani, I'm so happy to meet you. I've been looking for a manager forever. It's so difficult to find the right blend of philosophy and talent, but based on everything Penny told me about you, I have a wonderful feeling about this interview."
"Me, too," Dani said, shaking the other woman's hand and making a mental note to call her sister-in-law and thank her for the plug.
"Good, good. All right. Let's start with talking, then I'll show you around and we'll finish up with a mini-tasting. I told Martina, our head chef, to dazzle you."
"I look forward to it." Dani sat in a white wicker chair that was surprisingly comfortable.
"She's brilliant. Beyond brilliant. Are you a vegan?"
Dani hesitated, then shook her head. "I'm sorry, I'm not. The job description said that wasn't a problem."
"It isn't," Valerie assured her. "The only issue we'll have is a familiarity with the various dishes. While you'd have that anywhere, it's more important here. Our serious vegans want to know exactly what they're getting, while those who are experimenting often want ideas for home cooking."
"Learning the menu isn't a problem."
"Good. We're fanatical about fresh here. I have seasonal vendors who provide most of our produce. They're amazing."
Dani thought about Penny's insistence that everything be as fresh as possible.
"The right ingredients make all the difference," she said.
Valerie smiled. "I like you already. Come on. I'll show you around."
They toured the supply areas upstairs, then moved downstairs and met the few members of the serving staff who were still hanging around, having a late lunch together and talking. She saw the wine cellar, the two main dining rooms along with three small rooms that could be used for private parties.
The kitchen took up the rear of the house. It was light, bright and filled with delicious smells. Martina was a tiny woman with a big smile.
"I know Penny," she said by way of greeting. "She says good things about you."
She and Dani shook hands, then Martina introduced her staff.
"Most kitchens are difficult, stressful places," Martina said. "I try to be different. We all want to please our guests. I prefer harmony. Of course I'm more than willing to knock a few heads together if necessary."
Dani really liked the restaurant. She liked the staff and Valerie and Martina. She liked the location, the ambience and how no one seemed terrorized.
"Go on and sit," Martina said. "I'll have Gerald bring out the first course. I did up a little tasting menu for the two of you."
"Wonderful," Valerie said. "Thanks, hon."
Valerie led the way to a small table by the window. In winter the view of the garden was impressive. Dani could only imagine what it would be like in summer.
"I hope things work out with you," Valerie said as they took a seat. "But even if they do, I'm tempted to pretend to interview a couple more people just to have Martina keep making her tasting menu. It's delicious. The best of what she does. We're starting with a vegetable quesadilla with a few spicy surprises and a leek soup you'll die for."
Gerald, a good-looking guy in his early twenties, appeared with a tray and a pitcher of iced tea.
"House blend," Valerie said as he poured.
He then served small cups of soup and set a plate of steaming tortilla wedges between them.
Dani sipped the tea, then stared at her glass. She wasn't a huge tea drinker, but she certainly enjoyed a glass of it from time to time. But this one tasted odd. Like it had been steeped in celery juice or cucumber water. It wasn't a great combination.
She then tasted a spoonful of the soup. Leeks were fairly innocuous, so she wasn't expecting much. Certainly not the sharp tang of licorice.
"Anise?" she asked after she'd forced herself to swallow the unpleasant liquid.
"Fennel mostly. A few other herbs that bring out the distinctive flavor. The stock is a cauliflower base we make up fresh every day. Guests beg us for the recipe or to at least sell the stock to them, but Martina keeps it all a secret."
Dani nodde
d and smiled, but on the inside, she felt the first hint of worry. She loved Valerie and her restaurant. It had never occurred to her that she could find the exact place she wanted to work and be unable to eat the food.
Things would get better, she told herself. They had to.
But they didn't. The vegetable quesadilla was more awful than the soup, which turned out to be the highlight of the meal.
Part of working in a restaurant at the manager level was the need to be enthused about everything served. Not only would Dani be eating it herself every day she worked, she would also have to talk about it with guests and make recommendations. How could she do that if she couldn't even choke down one meal?
"Isn't this incredible?" Valerie asked as she scooped up a forkful of a lentil casserole with an unfortunate spice combination that tasted and smelled like bad tuna.
"Martina is innovative," Dani said.
This was so unfair, she thought bitterly. The restaurant was her dream job. Why couldn't Valerie have a passion for steaks or Thai food or anything else? Something she, Dani, could enjoy, or at least tolerate. And how could she tell Valerie the truth?
She was saved from having to come up with a polite version of "yuck" when Valerie got an urgent call from her root vegetable vendor. She promised to be in touch with Dani shortly.
As Dani walked to her car, she glanced back at the beautiful old house. If Valerie called with an offer, she would have to figure out a polite way to tell her no. Then she would have to keep looking.
Her dream job was out there…it had to be. She would keep looking until she found it, no matter how long that took.
* * *
LORI HOVERED by the stairs for most of the afternoon, wanting to see Reid, but in a casual way. The most sensible plan was to simply go up to his rooms, knock on the door and talk to him. It was the mature thing to do. The problem was, she wasn't feeling especially mature these days.
She'd been lurking for so long that she was startled when he finally appeared and she didn't know what to say.
She stood at the foot of the stairs for his whole journey down and still couldn't come up with a way to say what she needed to.
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