The Forbidden

by Beverly Lewis

  Daed walked to the table and pulled out his chair. He stood there, his hand clenched on the back of the chair.

  “Rebekah’s still among the missin’?”

  Mamm nodded. “Haven’t seen hide nor hair of her since breakfast.”

  Daed looked at the rest of them lining both sides of the table. “What ’bout any of yous? Did ya see her leave the house earlier?”

  Caleb and his siblings shook their heads.

  “Run off, maybe?” Daed’s flippant response surprised Caleb.

  Mamm grimaced and made a point of folding her hands to wait for the silent prayer. The fact that she uncharacteristically revealed her emotions demonstrated how put out she was at Rebekah, who knew better than not to say where she was heading—especially on the Lord’s Day.

  “Oh, I wouldn’t worry,” said Caleb’s older sister Leah.

  “She’s prob’ly over at one cousin’s or ’nother.”

  “No doubt,” offered Emmie, another sister. “Hopefully she’s out of this cold.”

  Caleb didn’t know what to think of Daed’s taut expression and furrowed brow. His father clearly suspected something intolerable, and Caleb hoped for Rebekah’s sake that she could give an acceptable explanation.

  Nellie was more than happy to take her sister and Rebekah Yoder to the barn Singing, two miles away. She delighted in Nan’s obvious excitement, knowing how much it meant for her and Rebekah to spend the day together. But there had been no mention as to how the night would end.

  Would Rebekah simply let a boy from the new church take her out riding and then back to her father’s house? If she was somehow caught with a boy from Preacher Manny’s group, wouldn’t she be met with even further disapproval from her father?

  None of that had been discussed within Nellie’s earshot, but Nellie knew both girls were sensible enough to have a plan. Still, because of Caleb’s father’s tendency toward annoyance, she hoped Rebekah knew what she was getting into. Sure glad it’s not me, she thought.

  Rebekah’s voice broke the stillness as they slowly made their way through the ice and snow. “I have to thank you both for welcoming me so kindly.”

  “Any time,” said Nan. “Ain’t that so, Nellie Mae?”

  She glanced at the two of them sitting to her left on the front seat of Dat’s enclosed buggy. “Awful nice you could visit Nan’s church today.”

  “Well, you oughta try it sometime, too,” Rebekah said. “Honestly, I think you’d like it.”

  “Oh, Nellie’s already been there.” Nan gave a little laugh.

  Nellie had to smile at their constant efforts to convert her. Doesn’t Rebekah know what would happen to Caleb and me if I went back?

  “My father won’t know what to think when he hears I’ve visited ‘that brazen bunch,’ ” Rebekah announced.

  “Brazen?” Nan was aghast.

  “Oh jah—and far worse.”

  Nan covered her ears playfully. “I can’t bear to hear more.”

  Rebekah sighed. “I don’t know how I’ll make it through what’s ahead of me tomorrow mornin’. . . .”

  “You’ll catch it but good,” Nan said sadly.

  “I can only imagine. . . .”

  “Well, if you ever need a place—”

  “If it comes to that,” Nellie broke in, thinking what a big to-do it would be if Rebekah ended up staying with them. One more black mark against the Fishers.

  Nan was the one who sighed now. “Jah, I s’pose. I just wish there wasn’t such tension among the People. It’s terrible.”

  “Can’t be helped, I daresay,” Rebekah said. “I believe I’ve found what I’ve been needin’—what I’ve been looking for.”

  “You too?” asked Nellie. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Rebekah nod her head.

  “I’ve never felt such peace,” Rebekah admitted. “I want to go again next Sunday.”

  “Fine with me,” Nan said. “And I’m sure Dat and Mamma won’t mind one bit, either.”

  “Well, we’ll see if my parents even let me out of the house!” Rebekah sat up straighter. “If I tell them where I’ve been, that is.”

  Sounds like poor Caleb!

  The golden light from Preacher Manny’s farmhouse windows beamed a welcome, and Nellie reined the horse into the driveway, aware of several cars parked along the side.

  “Looks like some of the Beachys are here, too,” Nan said. “We’ll have a good crowd.”

  “Your father wouldn’t hear of you buyin’ a car, now, would he, Nan?” asked Rebekah.

  “Nix kumm raus—nothing doin’.”

  “I thought as much.” Rebekah turned and thanked Nellie for bringing them, asking her yet again if she wouldn’t consider staying. “It’d be fun—something different, for sure.”

  “Denki, but not this time.”

  “Well, another time, maybe?” Nan piped up.

  “Go on, both of you.” Nellie laughed and held the reins steadily as they climbed down from the buggy and waved back at her, heading toward the light of the two-story barn.

  Have yourselves some fun . . . before the axe falls, she thought, hoping Rebekah’s risk would be worth the pain of David Yoder’s displeasure.

  Tugging the reins, Caleb steered the horse into the lane leading to the barn, glancing at the empty spot next to him where Nellie Mae had sat before tonight. He groaned inwardly.

  For a moment, he hoped Susannah Lapp might, indeed, have stayed home on this miserable night. But if that was the case, he would have to wait yet another two weeks to accomplish what his father had demanded.

  Jumping down from the open buggy, he was glad he’d worn boots, since the snow was midcalf where he tied up the horse to the fence post. He glanced at the sky, noting the moon’s brightness.

  To light the way, he thought, wishing he might have borrowed Cousin Aaron’s covered carriage so as not to be readily seen with Susannah. So as not to be found out by dearest Nellie.

  When the time was right, he would explain everything to Nellie. He hoped that she would be understanding.

  Caleb entered the barn, noticing right away that only a few boys had shown up thus far—odd to see far more girls than boys present. Undoubtedly some of the fellows would be taking two or more sisters home instead of pairing up.

  The weather was but one factor in the low attendance.

  Truly, he suspected the Singing at Preacher Manny’s had drawn some of the Old Order teens away, though Susannah wouldn’t be one of them.

  A fleeting thought crossed his mind, and he wondered if his “missing” sister might be over with the New Order youth, looking for new courting options, maybe. Daed would lock her up, and mighty fast, if she were so boldfaced. Besides, he couldn’t imagine Rebekah doing such a thing.

  Moseying over to stand with the other young men, he was filled with sudden trepidation when he spotted Susan-nah Lapp in a cluster of girls, laughing and obviously the center of attention. She wore her blond hair looser in front than he’d ever noticed before, although it was still pulled back into a bun. Even so, the look was suggestive for a deacon’s daughter.

  Nevertheless, he found the style to be quite appealing, although he refused to stare, lest anyone notice and think he was flirting.

  Looking around for Nellie Mae, he already viewed himself as a betrayer. Yet he must follow through with his father’s bidding. As the Lord commanded Judas—what you must do, do quickly.

  Part of him hoped to goodness Nellie might quickly appear in the barn door, arriving with some of her cousins.

  That would surely save him. But the more the boys stood around joking and laughing, passing the time till they were to sit down and begin the actual singing part of the evening, the less likely it seemed Nellie would brave the weather.

  Even if she did come, they could do no more than trade smiles because of their necessary parting. Soon to come to a happy end, after tonight, he thought.

  A band of moonlight shone through the uppermost barn window, high in the rafters. C
aleb managed to make his way to the long table to sit on the boys’ side, not wanting to be situated directly across from Susannah. It was best if she didn’t catch him looking her way more than, say, once or twice during the course of the songs. It would make things easier in the long run.

  During the second hymn a few more girls trickled in, taking their seats among the other young women. Still no sight of Nellie Mae, however.

  Recalling the first time he’d ever driven her home, he could scarcely continue singing. She had been so sweet that night . . . so trusting of him, letting him talk a blue streak while listening like a good wife—er, sweetheart—should. She had taken his heart by surprise in every way.

  Then, suddenly . . . if Susannah wasn’t looking directly at him this minute. He glanced away, nearly embarrassed, before remembering that he should probably look back at her.

  She’s even more forward than I thought. . . .

  The songs carried them through the next hour or so and then the pairing up began. Quite by accident, Caleb literally bumped into Susannah before he was ready, although Susannah, wide-eyed and all smiles, didn’t seem to find it a surprise at all. No, he sensed she’d planned it right down to the second.

  All the same, he walked with her toward the side of the barn, where the couples liked to either sit or stand, talking until it was time to go riding.

  “How’re you doin’, Susannah?”

  “Ever so nice to see ya here tonight, Caleb Yoder.”

  He knew she meant it was nice seeing him here alone, but he forced himself not to recoil at her flirting. She was, after all, right pretty, and it wasn’t a hardship to listen to her talk, her face aglow with his attention.

  “Is your . . . well, is Nellie Mae around?”

  “You mean is she comin’ tonight?”

  She nodded ever so sheepishly at first and then her expression changed. “Might be too cold for her, jah?” She batted her pretty blue eyes. Honestly, the girl was flirting up a storm, and Caleb was seized with a desire to run.

  She planted herself near him, leaning ever closer as she talked about one frivolous thing after another. All the while he could think only of Nellie Mae and how she shaped her words and ideas. The things she enjoyed discussing with him were so much more interesting, and he always felt he was talking with a friend, if not an equal.

  He listened politely to Susannah, forcing an occasional smile.

  Susannah was babbling about the Fishers now—something about Nellie’s bakery shop. “All the fancy folk over there have no doubt put a wedge ’tween the two of you, jah?”

  Well, it sure hadn’t helped matters any, that was certain. His parents were livid about the whole notion of Nellie catering to Englischers. In fact, he wasn’t so keen on it himself.

  “No doubt your father is disturbed ’bout Nellie’s little bakery shop. But really, Caleb, I don’t blame Nellie one bit.

  She wants to help support her family, jah?”

  Caleb’s face grew warm.

  Susannah touched his arm, walking backward slowly, toward the hay bales, as if she wanted him to follow. For the moment, he did. She stood close enough for him to smell her perfume.

  “Of course, I don’t blame your father, either. After all, we need to uphold the traditions of our forefathers, ya know, not follow after the world.”

  He shrugged, ready for this conversation to end. He’d heard enough. Then it struck him hard. Why was Susannah so interested in talking about Nellie’s bakery shop?

  “Aw, Susannah, Nellie’s not responsible for any wrongdoing.” He observed her closely. “Nobody knows who placed the newspaper ad.”

  Her face looked innocent. She was smiling a broad, full smile that stretched clear across her heart-shaped face. But her eyes revealed something else.

  “Susannah?”

  She folded her delicate hands, her eyes brightening as her eyebrows rose. “Jah, Caleb?”

  “Do you know who placed that ad?”

  In the split second before her face fell, Caleb saw it again. Deception.

  “Why . . . Caleb. Why would I?”

  Their eyes locked, and she gave him a knowing wink.

  Caleb grabbed her arm. “You did it, didn’t you, Susan-nah? You took out the ad for Nellie’s Simple Sweets!”

  She opened her mouth to protest but stopped. Glancing down at his grip, she smiled. “You have such strong hands, Caleb. And I do like strong men.”

  Immediately he released her. “So you admit it, then?”

  Her eyelashes fluttered again. “Ask yourself why Nellie Mae didn’t simply close up the shop when all those En–glischers started linin’ up. In her heart, she’s leanin’ toward the fancy, Caleb, and you know it.” She touched his arm lightly. “Might as well face it: Nellie Mae Fisher will never, ever be able to please your father.”

  Caleb was stunned at what lengths this girl was willing to go to stir up trouble for Nellie and her family. “Nellie and me—that’s none of your concern!” With that, he turned away, intending to leave Susannah standing alone.

  Just that quick, he raised his gaze and spied Nellie Mae standing near the door, her brown eyes piercing his.

  His brain was scrambled; his beloved had arrived late.

  What had she observed? How long had she been there? He groaned, wanting to talk to her, to set her mind at ease.

  Oh, Nellie, it’s not what you think. . . .

  Fast as a flicker, she turned her back, as if to shun him.

  Then, making a beeline for the barn door, she hurried into the night.

  Walking toward the other side of the barn, he wanted to run after her but hesitated, his father’s battle cry ringing in his ears. The hay bales seemed to taunt him as young couples blurred alongside them in his vision.

  No!

  With all that was in him, he had to right this wrong with Nellie . . . not caring what the grapevine might trumpet back to his father’s ears. In the whole world, there was only one girl for him, and Nellie had to believe that. Now, lest she trust what her eyes had witnessed and not what was truth.

  Images of what Nellie might have seen raced through his mind—Susannah and himself over in the corner so privately. The brazen girl had touched him more than once, and as if in a dance of sorts, she’d followed each time he’d stepped away.

  Caleb winced.

  Even though it would mean disobeying his father once again, he knew he could not break Nellie’s heart. He must pursue her.

  Not caring what Susannah or anyone else thought, he jogged across the wide-plank boards. He dashed out the barn door into the bitter night, looking to the right and left. But he had waited too long. There went the Fisher carriage, moving rapidly away on the snowy roads.

  Himmel . . . He was disgusted with himself. You are a fool, Caleb Yoder.

  CHAPTER 24

  The white spray of moonlight on newfallen snow could not have been more untimely. Nellie longed for the concealment of darkness as she rushed home with the horse and carriage.

  Caleb’s flirting with Susannah? What on earth?

  She’d deliberated coming to the Singing at all after taking Nan and Rebekah clear to the other side of Lilly Road. But then, not wanting to spend the evening at home, with Rhoda gone to James and Martha’s, she’d decided in favor of the Old Order Singing. Slipping in ever so late, her eyes had searched for Caleb. Oh, the pain in her heart when she had finally seen him over in the corner with Susannah, all privatelike.

  She wanted to cry; she wanted to holler, too. She didn’t know which feeling to express, because she simply could not understand what she’d witnessed. For sure and for certain, Caleb and Susannah had looked like a courting couple!

  She tried to remember precisely what she’d observed— the interplay of flirtatious glances, not just Susannah’s, but Caleb’s, too. She hadn’t known for sure how to interpret the dreadful scene, but Caleb had looked mighty guilty when his eyes had met hers.

  She’d never before had any reason to distrust him. Yet th
ere he’d been with Susannah . . . why? Had he thought this a good night to cozy up to the deacon’s daughter, since it must have appeared that Nellie wasn’t coming? Had he been seeing Susannah all along?

  No, surely not. How could she think such a thing of her darling?

  Then she realized it must have been Susannah’s doing; the girl had always made her interest in Caleb perfectly plain.

  Yet as Nellie fretted and fumed, she didn’t want to think that way about it, either, presuming Caleb to be vulnerable to Susannah’s wiles.

  Like Samson and Delilah . . .

  Nellie tried to shrug off the comparison, only to begin to weep so hard she could hardly see her way home.

  Caleb rode all over creation, alone in his courting buggy, wishing there was a way to smooth things over with Nellie immediately. Even so, he knew he deserved to feel the way he did. Nellie had fled from the barn, surely believing he’d been caught red-handed. She probably thought little of him now . . . and rightly so.

  He drove aimlessly, his mind on Nellie and her sweetness, wondering what it would be like to kiss her soft lips someday . . . if he’d ever have the chance.

  Caleb finally arrived home. He eyed the tobacco shed, his worry-sick mind wandering. Although he’d never mentioned it to his father, he thought it wise to tear down the dilapidated outbuilding and build a new one. Daed’s approach to it—or at least what he’d done in the past—was to buttress the whole thing, basically propping it up so it wouldn’t fall down.

  His father and grandfather before him had always raised tobacco. There had been some talk against growing the crop lately, though. Tongues wagged and word got around mighty fast when it was a preacher who was declaring it a sin to raise tobacco. Surprisingly enough, a good number of farmers were in agreement with the outspoken Preacher Manny.

  He heard some commotion behind him as a courting buggy pulled up to the front of the house, over near the mailbox. He was far enough into the lane to be somewhat disguised, he knew, and a quick glance over his shoulder told him it was his long-lost sister, saying good-bye to a beau. Had she been with him all day?