Black & Ugly

by Styles, Toy

  What will happen when the disease gets worse? Will he come back and beat me each time something goes wrong? It's a fucked-up way to feel about the place you call home.

  "Be careful, girl," Parade says as she helps me up the stairs. "Hold on to the rail." I'm happy to see how pretty Parade looks. The long tracks soften her features and the makeup she's wearing makes her complexion appear even.

  "Thanks, Parade. You don't know how much I appreciate you doing this for me."

  "You would've done the same thing for me. You're T. Styles

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  my sister," she says.

  She hands me the keys to the new lock that the rental office put on after I told them what happened from the hospital. I open the door and remain in the hallway. Parade, sensing I'm scared, goes in before me to check things out. She's smiling but her smile is slowly fading as she walks in and out of each room.

  "What?" I ask her, feeling scared. "What's going on?"

  "Daffany ... uh ... everything is fine. But ... uh ...

  all your things are gone," she stutters.

  "What?" I ask as I walk in after confirming it's safe.

  "What do you mean my things are gone?" I continue then close the door and lock it behind me.

  I walk into my apartment and I see it's almost empty. My couch, my TV, some of my kitchen supplies and a few other things that used to be in my living room are all gone.

  I quickly run to my bedroom to see if anything is missing in there. Parade walks behind me, waiting to console me in case I break down. I enter the room to see my mattress pushed to the side, exposing part of the box spring underneath it. I push the mattress completely away, looking for the papers I had confirming my HIV status. I kept some money there, too, but I knew that was gone the moment I saw the bed.

  The papers are gone, too. There's nothing left except air. I fall to the mattress on the floor and start crying.

  "Daffany," Parade calls as she rushes to my side, 148

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  "it'll be okay. We can replace all this stuff." She holds me and rocks me. "Don't worry about it. We can make your place just like new."

  I lie in Parade's arms, pretending like the tears really are about my stolen things. Truth is, they can have all that shit. But the papers confirming the vicious disease mutating inside my body are my property. It was the one secret I didn't want to share with anyone, but now someone out there besides me knows.

  "Parade," I whisper between wiping my tears, "can you help me get to Miss Wayne's house? I can ... I can't stay here tonight."

  "Sure." She helps me up and we move toward the door.

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  22

  Sky

  "WHERE YOU AT, BITCH?" Jewel yells at me through the phone.

  I allow her to call me a bitch, although I hate it.

  Parade and them don't even talk to me like that, and I've known them all my life. Well, Miss Wayne does sometimes, but that's just how he is.

  "At PG Plaza. I'm picking up a few things for H20

  tonight. We still goin', right?"

  "Yeah, it's on."

  "Why you ask anyway?"

  "'Cuz I'm sittin' at your complex and I see this fine-ass nigga with your fake-ass friend Parade. She just went in the house and he's leaning up against a BMW, girl. Damn, he looks edible . "

  "For real?" I respond, all excited at the possibility of a snatch coming along. "What he look like? I swear I thought Parade was lying about her new man."

  "She definitely ain't lying if she said he's handsome.

  Well, he's about Jay's height, and right now he's wear-150

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  ing his cap pulled all the way down. All you can see is his sexy-ass lips. Sky, I want him for myself, girl." Jewel says that and suddenly I have an idea. I want to see if Parade's boyfriend will take the bait if Jewel tries to hit on him. If I were there, I'd do it myself. I'm pretty sure he'll like Jewel because unlike Parade, Jewel has her own salon, her own car and a lot of other good shit going for herself. Not to mention, Jewel is much easier on the eyes.

  "You should do it, Jewel," I instigate, trying to convince her to walk over to him.

  "Do what?"

  "Try to talk to him."

  "But ... uh ... what if that girl comes back out while I'm still talkin' to him? I ain't tryin' to whip her ass tonight, Sky."

  Whip her ass? Yeah, right. That's her way of telling me she's scared to death. I can't stand a scary bitch.

  Parade has her so shook that she's afraid to say anything to her man.

  "If you hurry up, she won't see you. It ain't like you know who her man is anyway. For all you know, he's some dude hangin' outside. So if she comes out, just step off."

  "I ain't doin' all that, Sky. I mean, he looks fuckable but I'm not pressed either."

  "Please," I beg.

  She's quiet for a minute and I can tell she's definitely considering it. Truthfully, I'm not used to begging somebody to do something I want them to do.

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  That's another thing I miss about Parade. If I give the word, she's on it like a pit bull no matter what.

  "Okay. I'll call you back."

  "Uhn-ahn, bitch. I'm stayin' on the phone. I want to hear everything."

  "Okay. I'll hold the phone in my hand."

  "Good."

  I can hear her footsteps as she walks over to him.

  I'm mad that she got off the phone so quick because I was gonna give her some pointers on what to say. But, I figure she's a fly bitch who's used to dealin' with fly niggas so that might not even be necessary.

  A few seconds go by. "Excuse me. You live around here?"

  "Naw," he says. That's it?

  "Oh. Well ... uh ... I should've known that. I would've remembered seein' somebody who looks like you."

  Somebody who looks like you? What the fuck is Jewel talkin' about?

  "And why is that?" he questions in a voice so sexy it makes my pussy jump.

  "Because somebody that looks like you would've been with somebody that looks like me, that's why." Silence.

  That's a weak-ass line, deserving exactly what it got.

  "Listen, sweetheart. I got my eye on somebody else right now."

  "Somebody who looks better than me?" Jewel asks.

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  Get 'em, girl, 'cuz you know that bitch ain't got nothin' on you.

  "Somebody who's just as fine as you are," he replies.

  "Oh," she says as if she's disappointed.

  "Look, I can't lie, I'm feelin' her. So, unfortunately, I can't go any further with you other than sayin' you're a beautiful woman who at any other time would've been on my arm."

  "Oh. I see."

  "I'm sorry," he continues.

  "Naw, it's cool. I understand. I hope y'all are happy."

  "We are. Trust me." I feel his smile coming through Jewel's phone.

  She gets back to her car, sounding irritated and mad that I put her up to approach him only to get knocked down. Just like me, she isn't used to being rejected. She looks just like Amerie with her real hair falling within the small of her back.

  "Girl, I just got carried," she says real low. "I can't believe you made me do that shit."

  "I know. I heard it."

  "How the fuck he gonna chose Parade instead of me?" Jewel yells. "He must be gay."

  "Well, if he's dealin' with Parade, he's definitely not gay."

  "Whatever that bitch doin', it's workin'."

  "Well, he ain't met me yet."

  "And what is that supposed to mean? You sayin'

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  you look better than me or somethin'?"

  "You know I do, girl. And anyway, I'm on my way to the house so I'll see you in a minute." I hang up the phone.

  Is it possible that Parade really has come up, after all? Naw.

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  23

  Parade

  I'VE NEVER HAD A MAN make love to me like Cannon does. Ever. Kissing my neck gently, he backs me up against the wall until I'm forced to inhale his cologne.

  "What are you wearing, baby?" I whisper.

  "You. I'm wearing you. You like it?" He kisses me softly on the lips.

  Damn, this man says all the right things. He slowly unzips my pants as he runs his warm hand across my stomach. Judging by how big his dick is growing in his jeans, I can tell he likes what he feels. He slides my pants all the way to the floor and one by one I remove my legs until I stand half-naked against the hotel room wall. Cannon backs up, flips the light switch on and observes my body.

  "Do you know how beautiful you are?" he asks as if he wants to eat me up.

  I don't answer. I can't risk saying anything that will ruin this moment. He places his hat on the table, walks up to me and I help him remove his shirt. As I run my T. Styles

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  fingers between the muscle grooves on his chest, my pussy gets wetter and wetter. His shirt is completely off so I unzip his jeans, exposing his Versace boxer briefs.

  His big black dick is waiting to enter my horny body and I want it, too. On my knees, I remove his pul-sating dick from his briefs and wrap my lips around it.

  I suck every inch of him. His sweet pre-cum lines the surface of my throat.

  "This feels so good, baby," he moans. "Damn." I lead him to the bed, remove my shirt and get on all fours. I want this night to be everything he wants it to be.

  "It's like that," he says then gently spreads my ass cheeks to get a good glimpse of my pussy.

  "Yeah. It's just like that," I moan seductively as I pump my hips.

  He licks his middle finger, sticks it gently inside me and I fuck it as if it's his dick. I can tell by the look on his face that he's even more aroused. He glances at me the way Jay does when he's ready to cum inside me.

  "Come on, baby. Fuck this ugly black pussy." He stares at me and uses his body to push me toward the bed. I smile at first, thinking it's another freaky game, until I see the look in his eyes. I wonder what ruined the moment.

  "What? What's wrong?"

  "Baby, why you keep sayin' that every time we have sex?"

  "Sayin' what?"

  "That you're ugly."

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  I grab the sheets on the bed to cover my naked body. I'm embarrassed by his question. I only said what I thought he wanted to hear. When I'm with Jay and the others, they prefer me to say that during sex.

  "I don't know. 'Cuz it's true, I guess."

  "Naw, it's not. I need you to stop sayin' that," he demands as he reaches in and kisses my lips. "You insultin' me. I wouldn't be with you if you weren't fine."

  Cannon's words make me desire him even more. I pull him on top of me and place his dick gently in my pussy. My mouth opens because, for one minute, I forgot how good it felt to have him inside of me.

  Swiftly but smoothly, he moves in and out of my wet, throbbing pussy. I've never heard a man call my name and make it sound so good before. I'm just about to cum when he places his warm mouth on my ear and whispers to me, "I wish things could be different." Before I can ask him what he means, I feel a tingling sensation overtake me as I explode all over his thick, black dick. We hold each other closely and drift off to sleep.

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  24

  Parade

  "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO me, boy?" I ask as I sweep Daffany's kitchen floor while holding my cell phone with my shoulder. "Don't spoil me then leave me by myself, all fucked up in the head, when you go back home."

  "I'm not trying to spoil you, beautiful. I'm just giving you what you deserve. Is something wrong with that?" Cannon asks.

  "No," I respond and smile. "And you've definitely treated me better in the past few weeks than most men have all my life. I'm gonna miss you when you leave.

  Damn! Has it only been a few weeks, for real? It feels like forever," I continue, feeling emotional at the thought of the man, belonging only to me, leaving in the next couple days.

  "Yes, it's only been a few weeks, baby." I've learned little about Cannon over the past few weeks. One thing I did discover is that he doesn't take to me questioning him about his home life or the 158

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  specifics of his business. Normally that might make me a little suspicious, but he's so nice to me that I don't care.

  I mean, we haven't known each other but a couple of weeks and already he's spent money on me as if it's nothing - doing stuff like taking me to dinner at expensive restaurants, telling me to order whatever I want on the menu and letting me pick out outfits at Macy's so I can look presentable when I start my new job at Carol's shop next week.

  The things he does show he cares about me more than anything else, and I'm already starting to trust him with my heart. Don't get me wrong, I've gotten used to having my share of cash lately because of Jay, but Cannon does stuff for me because he cares, not because he's trying to control me. I know Jay does it trying to keep me on his leash.

  "I want to talk to you about something serious, baby," Cannon says with the tone of his voice matching his statement.

  "Okay," I respond, hoping he won't end what we have just yet.

  "I'm falling for you," he continues as his words cause me to walk to the living room to sit down. "And I'm very serious."

  I feel that if I move to another room I will come to my senses and realize I didn't hear what he said correctly. Maybe he said he didn't want me falling for him like Jay had told me a million times.

  "What did you say?" I ask hesitantly to be sure my T. Styles

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  ears hear what my heart feels.

  "I said I'm falling for you and although I'm leaving next week, I want to take things to the next level with us. I'm talking about being exclusive. I've been thinking about relocating out here, or if worse comes to worst, you could kick it back home in LA with me." He is saying what I think he's saying. All my life men have shied away from that type of commitment with me. Now here he's going into it with no pressure from me. I fall up against the wall and slide down to the floor. I need to sit but remember that Daffany doesn't have any furniture, not even a sofa. For one second I feel bad for being so happy as I look around the apartment and see a world that, lately, has been coming to an end for her. But Cannon, waiting on my answer, makes me feel a little better.

  "I'm falling for you, too," I respond, needing him to know the feeling is mutual.

  "Good," he says. I sense he's smiling. "But there's more. It seems like whenever I try to get closer to you and get to know you better, you push me away."

  "That's not true, Cannon," I reply, hoping the pitch in my voice will convince him that I ain't trying to move away, 'cuz I'm definitely trying to get closer to him. "Why you say that?"

  "For one, whenever I ask to meet your friends, you tell me later. You don't like to talk about them or anything and I hate to rush things, Parade, but I'm looking to be your man. And if I'm your man, I need to know about all aspects of your life and for you to trust 160

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  me."

  "My life," I reiterate, loving the idea of me having one before he entered the picture. I must be doing a good job of convincing him I'm someone other than Parade Knight.

  "Yes, baby," he says. "I'm serious. But what's
up with you not letting me all the way in your life? I'm leaving next week, and I want to meet everyone who's important to you." I can hear the frustration in his voice.

  As Cannon's every word continues to make my dreams come true, I feel terrible about keeping him away from that part of me, but I'm scared. I'm petri-fied of him finding out that I'm not the person I've presented to him. I'm worried about him finding out that all the designer things I wear were given to me because one of my best friends in the world cares enough to make sure I'm tight.

  I don't want him to find out that a day before he met me, I was nappy-headed and slept with my best friend's man just to be like her. But, most of all, I don't want him to hear how badly she talks about me.

  "I understand, Cannon, and you're right." I hesitantly submit. "Well ... we have a get-together the last Friday of each month and if you want, you can meet them all then."

  "I'd like that, Parade. This means a lot to me," he responds.

  "It means a lot to me that it means a lot to you." I laugh.

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  Suddenly there is excessive knocking at the door.

  Cannon hears it and asks me if I will be okay since I told him what happened to Daffany. Maybe he doesn't want the same thing happening to me, but something tells me that the incident was related to her lifestyle, so I feel that I don't have anything to worry about.

  "I'm okay, Cannon. I'll call you back later."

  "You sure?" he insists. "I can be in my car in a minute if something's up."

  "I'll be okay. I'll talk to you later." I walk to the door and trip out when I see Jay on the other side. What the fuck? I wonder how he knew I was here, but then I realize it isn't hard to find anything out around the Manor. I fix my hair a little without a mirror and open the door.

  "Jay, what are you -"

  Before I can say anything to him, he pushes his way in and closes the door.

  "What up, Parade? Why the fuck you dodgin' me?" he yells. "First you in my pockets and now whenever I call you, you can't be found."

  "Where have I been? Come on, Jay. Why are you even talking to me like this?" I ask, questioning if I should tell him I have somebody else in my life and that eventually, whatever arrangement we have will come to an end.